Marlene Mckinnon - Blog Posts

sirius and regulus are eavesdropping on their parents while they’re discussing politics, and are texting each other whatever they hear.

sirius: did she just say that voldy’s going to enforce a marshmallow?

regulus: a martial law, you gormless git.

sirius black had way too much fun with his name.

making an entrance: “sirius black is sirius back!”

confused: “sirius black is siriusly blank…”

hungry: “sirius black wants a sirius snack.”

bout to throw hands: “sirius black will siriusly attack.”

under pressure: “sirius black will sirius crack.”

back from a dentist appointment gone well: “sirius black has no sirius plaque.”

bought a new bag: “sirius black has a new sirius sack.”

the list goes on…and it only gets weirder.

barty: your ex is waiting by the common room entrance, they’re begging to talk to you.

regulus: *applying nail polish*

regulus: too bad, i only do second coats not second chances.

regulus: james, if you didn’t sleep last night then i’m very sorry, i was thinking about you.

james, distracted by a triangle shaped grape: …the illuminati have taken over the grape industry.

james: *is laying on the floor with a clear quartz stone on his head*

james: i do not chase, i attract, what belongs to me will simply find me.

sirius: *peeks his head into the dorm room*

sirius: james, come say hi to regulus in the common room.

james: HI — IM JAMES BUT YOU PROBABLY ALREADY KNOW THAT — IM THE BEST CHASER HOGWARTS HAD EVER SEEN — I LIVE TO CHASE.

james: if you all were to write a book, what would the title be?

james: ‘reasons i’m the greatest best friend in history.’

sirius: ‘the daily struggle of being sexy.’

remus: ‘the daily struggle of living with ‘sexy’.’

regulus: ‘why adult floaties are much more of a necessity than children’s ones.’

marlene: ‘how to keep ‘em wrapped around your finger, the marlene method.’

lily: ‘how to snag the richest guy in school, co-written by: remus lupin.’

mary: ‘a guide on how to outlive all your friends.’

dorcas: ‘bagging the hottest girl alive: a fool proof 6 month plan.’

peter: ‘why i demand monetary compensation for all the nights i’ve spent in detention because of ‘sexy’.’

james: what’s the shadiest thing you’ve ever seen someone do?

remus: turn a bunch of kids into werewolves, just to start an army.

lily: being prejudiced against half-bloods and muggle borns whilst being a half-blood themselves.

sirius: try to conceive for years, then become abusive to the very kids they were dying to have.

james: o-oh, i was just gonna say nick my sweaters right after they said that their fashion sense is nothing like mine…

regulus: i never said, nor did such a thing.

james walks in on wolfstar.

james: bro, are you fucking serious?

sirius: i can confirm that i am, indeed, fucking sirius.

remus: *peeks his head out from under the covers*

remus: and i can also confirm that i am, indeed, fucking sirius.

headcanon 1 about the potter brothers:

sirius finding out he was fruity, and immediately panicking, thinking of the worst case scenario of how james would react and how he might lose his brother.

————————————————

james finding out he was fruity, and immediately pulling out a checklist labeled “things sirius and i have in common.” and checking the “sexuality” box. then rushing over to tell sirius because he’s so excited to have something new to bond with his brother over.

snape is serenading lily, and it’s quite distasteful.

snape: so come run your hands through my hair, ‘cause that’s why it’s there.

sirius (to remus and james): “come run your hands through my hair”? i can make some bloody fried chicken using all that grease in it.

james is texting a sleepy regulus at 3am.

james: reg, would you still love me if i had no ears?

regulus: no, goodnight.

james is bringing sirius back home after a blood test.

sirius: *walks in happily with a lollipop in his mouth*

remus: i take it that the blood test went well?

james: he was in and out of that chair in exactly one minute!

sirius: yeah! and no biting this time, not even attempted biting!

sirius and remus are texting.

sirius: can we break up for 1 hour, 6 minutes and 11 seconds?

remus: no, but what for?

sirius: i wanna listen to adele’s new album from another perspective.

remus: as tempting as your offer sounds, it’s still not a valid excuse for me to dump you, sirius.

james: wow, you look like shit.

sirius: i stayed up till 5 am with marlene. do i regret it? yes.

sirius: but was it worth it ‘cause i got to help out a friend who needed comfort? absolutely not.

james found out about peter being the traitor, and he’s discussing it with the rest of the marauders.

james: i cant fucking believe it, petey? betraying us? after everything we’ve been through together? after all this time?

sirius: *standing up and reciting poetically* do not mourn the treachery of time, brother, for dogs have always danced on the corpses of lions. however, do not believe that their dance makes them above their masters, lions will always be lions and dogs will always be dogs.

remus: sirius, you’re a- you’re a dog.

headcanon:

sirius black LOVES $uicideboy$ and listens to them religiously.

sirius also keeps a shrine for ruby and $crim right next to the shrine he made for himself.

plot: sirius got dumped.

james: do you feel like you weren’t enough? is that why you feel so choked by your emotions?

sirius: i know i’m not enough, otherwise he wouldn’t have left me.

marlene: did you get the weird breathing trouble yet?

sirius: what, asthma? i’ve had that for ages.

james and marlene: *burst out laughing*

sirius: *gives in and starts laughing through his tears*

people who were killed after dying:

1- dumblewhore: by all the marauders collectively, but lead by james.

2- peter pettigrowsomeballsplease: by sirius black and strangely regulus black too.

3- snivellus snape: by lily evans because “how dare you sacrifice my husband and son but ask for me to be spared?”

4- remus lupin and mary macdonald: they were suffocated by a hug from all the marauders.

sirius: i feel like i absorb the positive energy from the people around me.

remus: so you’re kind of like a dementor?

sirius: no, i don’t suck the joy out of people.

remus: debatable.

sirius: WHATDOYOUMEAN?!

modern au: the marauders all live and study together at a muggle university, but they’re going through ‘two weeks’ of online classes.

marlene: *bursts into the living room, laptop in hand where james, sirius and dorcas are sitting*

marlene: WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE THE MEETING?

sirius: THE TA TRIED TO PUT ME IN A BREAK OUT ROOM WITH STRANGERS AND IM NOT HAVING ANY OF THAT.

marlene: COME BACK TO CLASS, YOU PUSSY.

sirius: IF YOU’RE GONNA CALL ME A PUSSY, YOU BETTER PUT ‘EATER’ AFTER IT. MY WAY- MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!

remus: *unmuting himself and speaking*

remus: sirius, you’re gay and marlene, learn how to mute yourself.

headcanon:

sirius black’s nervous tick is chewing on the tip of his middle finger, but his rbf makes him look like he’s purposely flipping everyone off.

-1975-

james: snape will never have a love life.

remus: someone’s bound to find him…tolerable.

james: how about we place a bet?

remus: 5 galleons.

-1993-

remus: *takes one look at snape, and immediately runs out, looking up at the sky*

remus: COME BACK YOU ARSE, I OWE YOU 5 GALLEONS!

sirius: *places a newly rolled blunt on the street*

sirius: it’s a highway…get it? highway? cause blunt and road…y’know?

james: *throws his shoe at sirius*

lily: *hexes him bald*

remus: *takes off his wedding ring and places it in sirius’ hand*

regulus: *updates his insta bio to ‘only child’*

plot: severus is confronting sirius after getting drenched with charmed water balloons.

severus: there’s a special place in hell just for you.

sirius: *placing his hand on his chest dramatically and wiping away a fake tear* f-for me? a special place in hell JUST for ME? that’s so sweet, so kind, and so welcoming.

james: hey…what if mike was actually short for micycle?

lily: it’s 3 in the morning, and i swear to merlin if you don’t shut up, you will wake up without a tongue.

james: *mumbling* sirius would’ve found it funny…

lily: then by all means, go sleep with him instead.

plot: mother james is nagging sirius to get his transfiguration essay done.

james: it’s due TOMORROW MORNING, and it’s 9:15 pm, get a move on already!

sirius: well you said it yourself, it’s 9:15…which is basically 9:30 which means that it’s almost 10:00 and i really have to be in bed by 11:00. so…i haven’t the time to do anything, really.

plot: sirius is texting remus and james while he’s at a family gathering.

sirius: fuck me i hate it here.

remus: isn’t that lovely.

sirius: feeling h i g h k e y judged by some boomers for my band-tee.

james: well, you would’ve been judged whether you wore it or not.

sirius: BAHAHA FUCK-

remus: there’s this thing, idk if u know it, but it’s called the subtle art of not giving a fuck.

sirius: yeah no, i prefer to not give any fucks loudly and boldly.

remus, replying to himself: it’s very low key, i have it, and it saves me.

james: forget them, they’re probably reptiles anyways.

sirius: yeah, no, they’re too unsuccessful to be reptiles, but their dry skin is really backing up your point there prongsie.

sirius: OKAYGTGTHEYRESUMMONINGME.

this MIGHT be me and my friend group

My marauders era height headcanons (don't attack me if you don't agree with my hcs)

Evan "fell first" Rosier and Barty "fell harder" Crouch Jr.

Regulus "fell first" Black and James "fell harder" Potter

Remus "fell first" Lupin and Sirius "fell harder" Black

Dorcas "fell first" Meadows and Marlene "fell harder" McKinnon

Mary "fell first" McDonald and Lily "fell harder" Evans