Maybe Autistic - Blog Posts
i think i need to get diagnosed with something
idk what but something i dont think im normal
maybe im neurodivergent
Info-dump about your special Interest or Hyperfixation
I wanna hear all about it.
When somebody tells you to stop stimming/fidgeting because it’s “giving them anxiety”:
I actually hate how my aunts talk about autism not because I think they are wrong in any way but just because it makes me feel useless.
My aunt always talks about the “quirky” part of autism (I know that isn’t the right word but I can’t think of anything else)
Like once my aunt was saying her wanting her wedding day on one of a couple days she had in mind was because of autism but in reality she just likes numbers that sound good
Or they are talking about crochet and knitting and how executive dysfunction makes it hard but executive dysfunction means I can’t get out of bed in the morning and can’t eat food at all some days.
It’s so hard knowing that my mom doesn’t believe me and she sees me everyday and I actively don’t mask but she believes that my aunt has autism and only sees her at most once a week and my aunt shows a lot less “signs” then I do at home
I don’t know if this is a shitty thing to post so if it is please tell me
I hate:
How often I need to go to therapy
How my mom treats my mental health
How my mom reacts to my choice to set boundaries
How my mom reacts to my plan in the future
The fact that my mom doesn’t like me having in person friends because she needs to drive me
The fact that even my best friends mom sees my moms flaws
The fact that I can’t do what I’m supposed to for my age but my mom refuses to get me diagnosed with ASD so I don’t have any conformation
The fact that the only person who treats me like I’m enough is my best friend
My English teacher
That one bitch in all my classes
All the stupid things my mom yells at me for
The fact that my mom said “I worry about you but I worry about how much you’re missing school for this” in response to me explain that my therapist wants me to go back next week
In conclusion: I am burnt out and can’t distinguish emotions except being angry and missing my best friend. Everything else feels muted and hopeless
When a change goes from making you anxious to just making you pissed at the person who caused it