Memories - Blog Posts
I remember eating moldy strawberries on the porch with you. You picked the fuzzy ones up between your yellow fingers and you ate them for me. Why did you smoke so much? You taught me how to play chess, with those hands. Did it mean anything to you? My young hand in your leathered palm. It didn't to me. I remember you telling me it was good for me; the mold.
“I look to you from the passenger seat, the wind from the wide open window blowing my hair back. You smile and sing along to your favorite song as it blares on the car radio. You throw up your hand to move with the beat, looking over at me as your smile gets bigger. I turn up the music even more. I don’t want this moment to end.”
Love is in all of the unexpected places, treasure it
Maybe forever wasn’t for us,
perhaps what we have right now
is all we’re meant to have...
is that so bad?
Let’s live forever right now,
love like there will be no tomorrow.
All we really need is right now.
MSI
<Right Now>
This is all that's left of my #childhood #home after someone #broke in and started a #fire #sadface #housefire #family #memories #heartbroken #hashtagwhore
🇺🇸 My little brother and my dog scuffle in a hammock. Moments to be remembered. 🇧🇷 Meu irmão caçula e meu cachorro se alvoroçam numa rede. Momentos a guardar na memória.
Let me drown in the cold wind of solitude A shiver of pleasant memory, I feel The heat of anger subsides Although the path is destructive and forlorn A breath is what I need Relief from the crushing helplessness Wind was numbing and parasitic
For a bright second sun shines But then the betrayal resurfaces I plummet into the seemingly never ending tunnel of despair Tumbling and falling but I try to hold on But the shadow is all I can see and I can’t outrun it Because it is attached to me
These cuts and wounds of joy are treasured souvenirs They remind me of my loss,my downfall Their presence pains me But I couldn’t afford parting I love it I hate it The bittersweet memory
I JUST saw that and i need to tell a history for everyone. Idk whos gonna see this, maybe even he will see this..
Begin
So, my history starts in 2022, i was still studying and a lot of weird and shitty stuff happened in 2021, so 2022 was the year of hope, the year that everything would change and i was sooo hopeful!
I was finally getting along with my colleagues and - again - everything was getting better...after my "dad"s death all i wanted was to fill the whole he left. And then he came, the new English teacher.
My English teacher H, was very young, like 22y at the time and you can judge me but at the start I really had a crush on him yk just teenager shit, it's the tendency. He was very sweet with me and everyone n he NEVER exceeded anything with me. H was mysterious, the only teacher who was still wearing a mask and this made EVERYONE wonder "hmm how'd he looks like?"
The Life change decision
I need to aware you guys, at the time i just lost my dad I was in deep grief, my teacher reminded so much of my dad, he was vivid. Alive. And again, i wanted to fill the whole of his absence.
When I asked myself, "how'd he look like.." I made a plan. He was (is) an artist and my friend used to draw a lot too (me too but I was toooo shy), so my friend and i decided: What if my friend created an account to post his draws, and give it to my teacher, he'd follow and we'd know how he looked like. WORST DECISION. but we did it. And IT WORKED!
Me being a good curious person, faked being sociable... *Yeah yeah ik it's ridiculously weird*. I started talking to him and we got close *but no too much* and then...my very first panic attack of the year } Making it clear at this point I didn't follow him on Instagram, i just knew his @. Back to the panic attack: it happened in his class, and he noticed and came to help me, Oh god what a bad decision.
He was very caring and did everything he could to help getting out of this, i allowed him to see my soul, and how it was broken and i didn't want to but my own decisions slipped through my fingers. And then happened what I thought it would happen. I got attached to him with all my little young heart.
Well he gave his Instagram to me (which I already had...) And we started talking for hours n hours, but I made this stupid to:
Ask myself
Well at some point we need stop and ask yourselfs: WE are talking or it's just ME? And yes it was just me talking.
I didn't know anything about his life, only he didn't have a father, he had a cat, and that he was still studying and liked Pixel Art.
So I stopped talking to him. The fun thing is that in school he never greeted me. Never. But all the other students he did. } In this time our last conversation was about his crush, that he started dating.
Ok now a jump of time, months like that, months and months, and he refuse to talk to me, and i was so so hurt because I like him, I looked at him as a friend. And i meant nothing to him at all. I felt betrayed.
I finally decided to send a message to him asking what happened, we talked, and he said it was a big misunderstanding of both of us (lie) and we started to talk again. It lasted a week. Till I joked about his friend being hot in a very SARCASTIC WAY. and he got a little angry.
After that I told him I wanted try to be a good friend and help him too, and he said straight up to me, "no, I won't tell anything about how I feel or anything like that" and i asked him why and he simply replayed "because no"
Idk I think I was just so full of rage and i snapped and said to myself "ok, I'm over with this" and never talked to him again.
End
So now I tell you guys: it wasn't worth it. Trying to save a relationship (in any kind) that it's over - sometimes - it's not the best you can do, sometimes it's better letting go, even if the person means a lot to you.
He never talked to me again and we probably won't ever again, but I learned with him that it is ok to let go and it is ok to have temporary people in your life.
Sometimes people we don't expect come so we can learn something.
If you came all the way down here and read everything here's his draws account, it's beautiful. H.
Satellite Sky
Добре ?
Увечері болгарський пляж все ще трохи пихтить людьми. Ми сидимо сп'янені гірким яблуком дешевого сидру, що більше нагадує вино, на одному з купи засипаних піском пластикових ліжаків в оточенні кількох вже порожній пляшок.
Їм весело, я дивлюсь на них — мокрі і щасливі по коліна у воді в білих пляжних сорочкáх вони весело кричать і обіймаються, брискають один одного водою солоних хвиль і радо бігають в квача.
Їм добре. А ми сидимо дивимось на них. Нам не те що самотьно, нам не гірко від скорої розлуки чи від майбутніх ностальгійних спогадів про цей вечір та й узбережжя в цілому. Ну, може трохи...
Вони вибігають з води і розкидуючись на усі боки піском біжать до нас. Хтось плаче від загубленого браслету, хтось допиває залишки солодкого напою із несвоєї пляшки, хтось просто стоїть відхекується.
І їм добре. Та й нам теж ?
Я дивлюсь на них радісних сам щасливий, що хоча би при непам'яті вони звуть мене моїм ім'ям. Ми й далі мовчки сидимо під вже стемнівшим небом над вже майже безлюдним пляжем. Вони тихо збираються і вдягають на мокрі тіла сухі м'яті речі. В різний час голови повертаються в бік далекого моря.
А ми все ще один в одному.
Нам добре.
So I might put this story on Reddit too idk yet.
When I was a kid I had a stuffed giraffe, I got him at the age of 4 or 5 for Easter. I loved him, I played with him, I loved him like a dear friend because for 10-12 years he was my only friend that stayed through rough and through soft. I had him as a favorite toy for years. This toy was my rock, I took him everywhere and did everything with him. We called him Hunny, a name after my great grandfather,
At the age is 14/15 I lost him. I didn't notice because we moved around and at this age I had stopped taking him everywhere. A year later when everything was settled I noticed I was missing Hunny, we dug everywhere for him. Iost all hope in finding my greatest friend on Earth ever again.
6 years later, a week ago, I was talking to my friends and partner about my lost toy. Our friend found it with a press of a single button on their phone, after I had tried the same thing for years, different phones and their different abilities, anyways. My partner didn't hesitate and bought him for me, he came in yesterday and I really looked at him today, this doll, is quite literally the same exact doll I had when I was a child. Hunny and I at last reunited.
And yes there was a part of me that didn't believe it was actually him until I noticed the mouth and hand string was loose, just like my dear Hunny had, the white strings shown from years of playing with him like I remembered too. So yes if I want to believe this is my doll I'm beiling this is my doll.
One shot.
There are things in life that you get one chance at. Whether you miss that shot, mess it up, remember it differently with time, or look back and smile, some things.... only offer themselves... ONCE. That first kiss, a first impression, a final we love you, or a visit to let someone know in person that the moment matters. Sometimes, that once in a lifetime moment is especially impactful because of the challenges that come with it. Thing is, when you look back at those moments, and have to face that you missed them, because it was ... difficult... will you be okay with the changes that came with that choice? If you take the chance and it doesn't go quite as hoped, will you at least find comfort in knowing you tried? Whatever your thoughts, just remember, not all once in a lifetime shots, come with a full color brochure. Sometimes, those moments head your way with a subtle smile, a twisted conversation, and even silent heartache. Pay attention, and notice the little things because well... they might be the only sign you get before one of those life changing "one shot" moments.
"something slight" like Sammy Jo's 25th Birthday.
Le Jour Où
Voici mon film de fin d'étude réalisé au DMA de Marie Curie
Il faut monter un petit peu le son, ce n'est pas très fort.
Can we rest now?... {Memories.}
-Dean había salido a dar una vuelta; una de esas caminatas solitarias de las que nadie se daba cuenta. Pero es que a veces necesitaba alejarse de todo.
Y sí, Dean era el que optaba por estar siempre junto a su familia, y sí, era el que más miedo tenía de perder a alguno de ellos. Pero a veces podía con él toda aquella presión; alguna que él mismo se echaba sobre los hombros.
Los pasos del ojiverde eran lentos, el paseo parecía tenerle distraído, pero en realidad, caminaba casi sin darse cuenta, mientras en su cabeza paseaban mil pensamientos a los que trataba de no darles mucha atención; o volvería a sentirse mal.
Vio a lo lejos un bosque de frondosos árboles. Sonrió, le recordó al que había visto en el motel. Pero esta vez quería entrar.
Quería perderse.
Empezó a adentrarse entre el verde intenso de las hojas, que amenazaban con arropar al cazador como si fuera una criatura más de aquel paisaje tan asombroso.
En un momento el Winchester parecía estar en cualquier otra parte.
El verde inundaba aquel lugar, los troncos de los árboles anunciaban que no hacía demasiado había llovido sobre ellos, y que quizás, si alzaba la vista y veía el cielo gris; como estaba, podía llevarse un pequeño baño del cielo.
El cazador no se asustó por aquello. De hecho, si consiguiera la lluvia purificar su mente en esos momentos, lo agradecería más que aquellos árboles.
Caminó; no supo cuánto. Se perdió, como tanto quería. Cuando quiso darse cuenta, alzó la vista a su alrededor y el silencio inundó sus sentidos.
El silencio, la paz, la naturaleza…
Cerró los ojos solo por unos segundos, dejando escapar en aquel suspiro los pequeños pensamientos que pudieran quedar aún en él. No quería seguir con aquello. Quería huir, por una vez…Quería desentenderse por unos minutos…
Avanzó un poco más, apartando las ramas que impedían el camino que estaba creando a su paso.
Encontró un pequeño lago y el Winchester se acercó a este, agachándose en la orilla al sentir un pequeño movimiento en este.
Efectivamente, ahí había unos pequeños pececillos nadando libres por aquel lago, que para Dean, no era para nada suficiente para ellos.
Y sin embargo parecían felices…
La mirada verdosa del cazador se había camuflado entre aquel paisaje; había adoptado aquel ambiente y se había perdido en la fantasía que podía encontrar en los pequeños detalles de aquel pequeño bosque.
Todo aquello le tenía distraído hasta que sintió una pequeña gota sobre su nariz.
Alzó la vista. Contrastó el verde con el cielo gris, y notó más gotas, cayendo a su rostro, al lago, a las hojas de los árboles.
Se estremeció un poco, miró alrededor; estaba completamente solo, y aún así, la lluvia había conseguido traer un sonido placentero allí.
Sacó del bolsillo de aquella desgastada chaqueta de cuero una pequeña foto de una cámara vieja. Una que ya no conservaba.
Vio la foto y se sentó en el suelo que empezaba a tener una capa húmeda por las gotas que seguían cayendo pero Dean ignoraba.
Acarició sobre el suave tacto de aquella fotografía. Una que ya mostraba claros síntomas de desgasto.
Eran Sam, John y él, apoyados en el Impala.
Se acordaba de ese día.
Bobby había tomado la foto, habían quedado en irse los cuatro de acampada. Iba a ser una aventura para los pequeños cazadores, que empezaban a leer el diario de John a escondidas. Sobretodo Dean, Sam se escondía detrás suya; no quería separarse de su hermano, pero temía que John se enfadase.
Recordó aquel par de días en el bosque; uno tan parecido al que estaba ahora mismo, pero mucho más grande.
Como Sam y Dean se escaparon de las tiendas de campaña la primera noche para explorar entre los árboles, jugando al escondite.
Recordó cuando cayó sobre el suelo húmedo y la sangre salir de su rodilla derecha.
Recordó a Sam yendo a por él y abrazándole fuerte, como si le fuera la vida en ello. Recordó los gritos de John y Bobby buscándolos al darse cuenta que se habían escapado. Recordó cada minuto que duró la charla de su padre, las palabras duras que les dijo a ambos. Sobretodo a Dean; después de todo era el que tenía que cuidar de Sam.
Bobby se llevó a Sam consigo, y el de ojos verdes se fue a dar un paseo cuando John se marchó por su cuenta. Recordó entonces aquella sensación; una parecida a la que había experimentado hacía unos minutos. Perderse entre los árboles, el verde que fundía al Winchester entre los árboles.
Cerró los ojos, dejando escapar el aire, esta vez más tembloroso cuando recordó que en un momento de
la caminata del pequeño y pasado Dean escuchó unas ramas romperse. El pequeño se tensó, asustado, y no quiso girarse hasta que sintió la máxima oscuridad apoderarse de él. Tembló, tembló hasta que escuchó la voz de John.
“No tengas miedo, yo estoy aquí…”
Eran las manos de su padre tapando sus ojos. Dean entonces volvió a sentir el aire en sus pulmones. Pudo sentir que su padre le cogía en brazos, le dedicaba una sonrisa y le decía que no iba a dejarlo caminar solo. “Nunca, Dean…”
El cazador abrió los ojos, mirando a ambos lados.
Hizo una pequeña mueca, sintiendo el nudo en su pecho y su garganta.
Esta vez no estaba ahí… Esta vez estaba caminando solo…
Bajó la vista, en silencio, guardando la foto.-
And I Let Go.
And today, I’ve decided.
That I will let go.
Let go of the past. Of all those fond memories.
No use reminiscing the past if it’s only bringing up sad feelings.
Look at what you just lost.
Guitare et balançoire : des souvenirs d'été
Guitar and swing: summer memories☺️
ESOTERIC DUMPSTER VOL. 1 ISSUE # 2: SECOND SNOW
This week, I am going on a school trip to New York City. It will be my second time on a plane in my life and my second time seeing snow since West Virginia. It will also be the longest time I have spent away from home, and the farthest, save for the hot and hellish California trip of sophomore year.
My half-sister was getting married then, and already I have four nephews between her and my other two half-siblings. I remember being in line for the bathroom at the warmly lit and wine-fueled reception, standing with the groom while my sister was in the bathroom. I asked what was in his vape and he said "Tobacco." and offered me a hit. I had never taken anything before, mild or hard. In that moment, I grew up.
I was one of the big kids, a peer, and it felt good. The dry heat felt good. Leaning against a table, talking about the closet with a new cousin who emerged from the woodwork felt good. For a few minutes, everything felt good. My sister turned The Smiths on for me and made me dance. I was awkward, but it felt good.
I am constantly hit hard in the face by the fact that I will never be like them, my half-siblings. Never as old, never as straight. Eyes not dark enough. Haven't been hurt enough. They had it harder than I did growing up, and I am grateful that they tamed my father before I had to be alive under his roof.
They lived first so I didn't have to wonder whether I would flounder and drown in my adulthood because everyone does. I remember, when I observe their lives that success is simply happiness. They are very successful now.
Jumping forward in my Time-Traveling Dumpster to the present day, I am nervous for the trip. Anxious that my friends will see me tear up in front of Caravaggio's "Musicians" or when I see my dad in Central Park for a moment, and he asks me what he did wrong, and tells me that he loves me, even though my art teacher knows more of my life than he ever did.
A friend told me recently that getting over people is forgiveness. His mother left his family and died two years later in a car crash on a stretched Nevada highway. He seemed genuine, but he could have just been high.
I don't have much else to say, so here are some recent photos of the town, with more from New York en route to my digital camera come Thursday.
Until then!
SONGS: “Girl” by the queen of lyricism Tori Amos
and “Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar)” covered by creep geniuses The Doors
Pies - Amazing Blueberry Rhubarb Pie This amazing blueberry rhubarb pie recipe has been handed down through several generations.
It's been years.
It was yesterday and a century ago,
Your steps still echo in the rooms,
Your words still ring in my head.
You have been gone a long time,
And yet you live
You exist now in my dreams,
In the good ones, I recall your leaving.
It is in the nightmares where I forget.
They trick me,
put me in a trance and
make me believe again.
I wake up from the nightmares only to realize,
That they weren't real.
They itch and hurt,
After everything I have tried to bury them,
they keep coming back up,
Crawling, scraping against my mind
they find a way to torment me every single time
Let them die, just like the one I shared them with.
Hay veces en las que no comprendemos el por que pasan las cosas, ¿Fué nuestra culpa? Y la verdad es que no es así. Hoy es un post especial, ya pasó una semana desde lo sucedidio. No saben lo que me costó hacer este dibujo y el cómic, pero siento que fué algo necesario para crecer. Hay veces en las que me gustaría escuchar su voz desafinada que siempre entonaba mi corazón, pero las cosas ya no son así. La gente nunca sabe que decir cuando se habla de muerte, siempre nos dan escalofrios cuando escuchamos esa palabra, pero no es mala. Cada quién tiene una definición diferente de la muerte, pero para mi no es negro, oscuridad, frío y tinieblas, la muerte es un nuevo inicio. La verdad es que no se escribir muy bien, la verdad me cuesta demasiado decir o hacer lo que siento, por eso dibujo, por eso toco instrumentos, porque me siento libre. Será complicado no agarrar 5 cubiertos para la comida, será raro no verlo trabajando, de verdad será muy raro y mientras más pase el tiempo más notaré su ausencia. Hice este dibujo para ver a mi familia junta otra vez, se que suena un poco triste pero es cierto. Pero mi papá diría "No te preocupes, ocupate" Creo que empezaré a hacerle caso. - Siempre estarán en mi corazón. . #familia #familiaunida #familytime #family #heaven #heavenlight #cielo #cielos #cieloblu #alwayshere #alwayshereforyou #myfamily #drawing #drawart #dibujodeldia #dibujodigital #memoriesmade #memories❤ #happyfamilytime #drawingdigital #comic #comicartist #comicpage #funcomics #comicart #comicsofinstagram #dibujosart #dibujodiario #igdraw #igdrawing (en In Heaven) https://www.instagram.com/p/CNkeSS0pUhs/?igshid=1gjpqlx6lc1ih
Sans favorite memorie.
It was family day in the lab and gaster has brought his sons sans and papyrus with him.
While gaster is working on one of his projects sans is holding his baby Brother busy he even transformed in his dragon form so that paps can climb on him while he lays still on the grond soundly asleep.
All of a sudden paps decided to climb on sans his face effectivly waking him up 'hu what is going on' sans tought as he woke up when he looks up he sees the face of his little brother who had transformed in his dragon form to have a better hold on him.
"Heh... Hey paps what are You doing on my nose" he said out loud getting the attention of his farther while sitting up, paps hold his grip strong on his nose protesting all the way while his big brother sat up.
"Uh dad a little help please.... paps is hanging on my nose and he won't let go of me!!!" Sans said to his father who had turned his head and was trying to hold his laughter "what do you mean sans..." He said innocently "pffft oo is that what you mean son" he snikkerd.
Sans looks at his farther from the side with his Brother still hanging from his nose "dad that is not funny... paps please let go of my nose" papyrus looked at his big Brother and then to his farther who shook his head no at paps he looked back at his Brother "NYEH" he said as loud as he could hurting his brothers ears.
"Paps please this is not tickeling my funnybone." He only got an angry look back from his baby brother.
Gaster couldn't hold his laugh any longer "hahahaha oh sans just let your Brother climb on your nose." Sans looked angrily at his father he screamed "DAD HELP ME."
With a shock sans woke up from his memory and looked around his room "hehehe... I miss You dad welp time to start another day." He said while he stood up and streched his wings and put on his clothes.
End
Dragontale belongs to me.
Please do not repost my art reblog and like is okay.
Under 'memories I sometimes think I imagined': one time I was being babysat at a family friend's house, I think I was about 10.
My aunty (not actually a relation) puts on Shrek, on a burned DVD. I mention that it's burned because it's relevant to this story. I think it was just a plain disc, silver probably, with 'Shrek' written on it in marker. (Not relevant: I also saw 'Meet the Fockers' next to it in the CD album and felt vaguely scandalised for some reason?? Just by the name... I mean, to this day I would avoid saying it out loud.)
This is not my first time watching Shrek. I have enjoyed it many times before this particular day. I would notice if anything was amiss (foreshadowing!).
Some time passes. I am sitting on the sofa enjoying what is a standard viewing of Shrek, except for one thing. She comes back into the room to check on me. Is everything fine? Yes, I answer. Except I think there's a scene missing from the DVD.
By now, we're well past the point where it should have played (it's the Merry Men scene). I don't think I even get to finish my sentence before I realise she is glowering at me. This is surreal (to me). I was a very meek child and almost never got in trouble for anything, outside of my own family. She's frowning like I am saying something wrong, so I just backtrack and say it's a good movie and I'm enjoying it, no missing scenes at all, everything's Very Normal Actually.
She walks away and in my head I am left wondering what I did wrong. Perhaps she owns a defective copy of Shrek and this is a sore point for her. I don't know much about DVDs at this point in life-- maybe scenes can randomly cut out, she has never experienced the scene-skip I am describing, and I sound crazy to her. Maybe she just expected nothing to be wrong when she came to check on me, and the presentation of an obstacle upset her.
In the intervening years, I have managed to come up with the following semblance of an explanation: (1) she's very devoutly Christian*, (2) she purposefully had a cut of Shrek made without the blasphemy that was the Merry Men scene, thus enabling guilt-free viewings of Shrek, and (3) she wasn't counting on my existing memory of Shrek to be strong enough to detect any difference in this version, and was displeased when I called it out. Actually, on (2), it's not necessarily a religious thing now that I think about it, but there's precedent of religious nutjobs holding a very surface-level 'won't they think of the children!' attitude, the kind that might drive you to commission a 'clean' version of what is already a kid-appropriate movie. To omit exactly one dirty joke, because there are many others that cannot be censored without just... completely destroying the flow of the movie. (And I do think it's a great movie, a rare movie that grownups and kids can enjoy on different levels! It's a really special movie, beyond all the memeing it's so prone to.)
Anyway, I don't think I've ever typed this out in full before. I don't really expect anybody to read it. What's one more weird story on the internet?
I found this mildly unsettling at the time, like having tripped into an alternate reality. Now it's just bizarre. You're really going to stare down a child because they remember Shrek too well?? You're gonna cut out a whole choreographed musical number and then gaslight me into agreeing it was never there?? Wild. Formative experience for sure.
*she gifted me a 'My First Bible' when I was 5, and my immediate family isn't Christian. The imagery of the crucifixion scared me a little. But I think culturally, it kicked off a kind of outsider fascination with biblical stories and creation myths for me, so I guess that's cool?
It's true, isn't it? Like on one side these memories are there, which we want to forget because of the pain they cause while remembering them. But on the other side they were created with the people who meant the whole world to us.
Even if they give us immense grief and refresh the old and untreated wounds, just because of that little bit of satisfaction of being able to have lived them, makes us hold on to them forever.
In the end, SATISFACTION succeeds PAIN.