My Words - Blog Posts
"I think I have cancer, no really I think I have cancer" she said as she shook his shoulders trying to get his attention
"babe last week you had the avian flu and the week before that you had ringworm and the week before that you thought you had meningitis"
"seriously though look I have a growth on my neck just below my ear" she pulled his hand around to feel what she was talking about, he felt the spot and yes there was something there
"okay, I'll call the doctor tomorrow and we will get it looked at" they went to bed peacefully and awoke with all the trappings of the next day forgetting about the previous nights conversation, she mentioned it a few more times and each time he promised he'd go with her to her doctors appointments, or remind her to call the doctor so they could go get it looked at
-but they never did, just like he didn't believe her when she was convinced her cough meant avian flu and her spot on her arm meant ringworm and her headache meant meningitis but this time... they should've
The Red Backpack
I want to love that deeply and that fully and experience every aspect of life but I hurt so bad!
Why do I hurt so bad? Writing helps a lot but what happens when the words stop helping
what?
Could I make it as an author
The Red Backpack
Time slipped away
We knew, had known, will know
She had years, then months then days, then none.
She went first
Skipped into death like she had been waiting for it all her life and I suppose in some ways she had,
I couldn’t handle it
I sold the business, the house, the car, I lived out of my backpack She loved books so I hitchhiked from library to library always picking up ones we loved. Then we’d sit down at one of the tables, two old coots living out of a beat-up red backpack and read and talk about everything
We got some odd glances often funny stares. I didn’t care I had my beloved back then I’d come back to myself and realize that I was once again just a lonely old man talking to an empty chair
Then I’d pick up that old red backpack once more and search for her in the next dusty corner of the next dusty library in the next dusty town
The Red Backpack
What do you do when it hurts this much?
I don’t even know where the pain comes from. It’s a combination of loneliness and longing I think. But why? I thought I was perfectly happy, I have nothing to be this upset over!
I am blessed, so why do I feel cursed?
Why do I feel like every person on the planet is mocking me? Why do I feel so alone? What’s wrong with me? am I really lying to myself that badly? will I end up like the man at the library talking to someone no longer there I imagine his story
"Sit down" she said
"Stop fidgeting" he reminded
"I swear if you don't stop MOVING" they threatened
until one day one didn't
The teacher didn't say "Sit down" or "Stop moving" she said "here, when you get bored or finish an assignment I want you to describe to me what you are going to do on the playground"
This simple kindness to a small hyperactive child turned into teams of paper preoccupation detailing the grand adventures of various heroes, heroines, dragons and ponies as they battled vicious creatures discovered new locales and made friends along the way fostering forever in me a childlike wonder for the magic of the written word.
Where I'm From
I am from packed out bleachers and cheering teammates, momma's delicate hands covered in popcorn butter as she cheers me on from the concession stand but before the spikes and serves ....
I am from a quiet gym occupied solely with paternal affection, a father teaching his most precious treasure the game he loved all through life, small hands being held by callused ones showing how to dribble and shoot when attentive intention turns to giggles and those calluses seek to tickle forsaking the familiarity of the sport
I am from weary shoulders a woman running for her life from a madman, taking her gypsy brood from the bloodbath that her home became, her clutching hands desperately grasping those of her daughter and sons an sons running as far and as fast as she can away from all she knows
all she knew
to a new life,
to save her life
and mine
we invented and perfected the idiosyncrasies of the odd art, we are odd and we are not
but are the vibrant dread, a constant antithesis of all we should be, we are alive truly yet floaters in a world we did not design and we deign to love
the universe of our creation we are forced out of by the necessities of those who have and always will persecute that which they know not of and all are naught to understand
Ours is a life of certain uncertainty and frustrating simplicity
- J.M. Bodenschatz
“i realize now, that loving him was neither beautiful nor poetic; it was knowingly walking through hell every day and losing myself there.”
- a.m. {trying to love someone who is too broken to be fixed}
i tore myself apart, trying to give you the whole world. and when i returned - bloodied, exhausted and proud - somehow, for you it still wasn't enough.
-a.m. {will i ever be?}
sometimes, i wonder if i'd pushed myself just a little harder in the past, i would have held onto something meaningful by now.
- a.m. {they never last}
why do i have to feel if all i've felt is hurt.
- i'm stuck in a mess that i made for myself
“i'm growing real tired of pretending i'm not in love with you.”
A.M. {can you see me?}
“i have a tendency to fall in love with people i already know will end up breaking my heart,
yet i still hope one of them will prove me wrong.”
- A.M. {just one}
i want to feel the tingles of electricity shoot up my arm when you touch my hand; a simple act, that holds so much meaning. i want to feel the flutter my heart makes in its cage, as my name rolls off your tongue; the way you make it sound as if it’s the most beautiful word. i want my head to spin as the world around us begins to fade away, the moment your lips gently press onto mine; each passionate kiss carved into my memory. i want the love that causes a shiver throughout my body at the mere thought of you; the one that will soon make me fall apart without you. but, here i am, sitting alone in a crowded room, wondering if i’ll ever experience a type of love as ultimately consuming as that.
A.R. {the type you read about in novels}
any trace of you is burned into the back of my mind with the pen i used to write our love story
A.R. {all six hundred and thirty pages}
in too deep
your blue eyes always resembled a stormy sea;
the kind with strong waves crashing against the jagged rocks below,
the kind of waters that people put up warning signs for
the kind that dares for only the bravest of the brave to jump into
and by the time they found me, i was already addicted to drowning
- no one could save me from you
a.r.
our little secret
let’s hide under the covers of stolen glances and goofy faces,
the uncontrollable laughter and obvious admiration,
while we endlessly argue the fact that we are not in love
- to my ‘almost’
a.r.
free
there are days where i can dream,
where your ghost doesn’t come back to haunt me,
days where i can find my own type of love and peace within myself,
and almost every sharp, broken piece of you has faded away with time.
those are the days i live for.
those are the days i can finally breathe.
- to all the toxic people i’ve endured
a.r.
unrequited
little did he know he had captured the heart of a girl who fell for the words he was writing to someone else
- oh heart, why this one
a.r.
ballad
my heart clenches every time i read a poem he dedicates to the beautiful rose girl
whilst i sit here with broken, ink stained fingers, continuously writing about a boy who will never write a sentence for the plain daisy girl
- is it love or envy
a.r.
fate
do you ever wonder that your soulmate could be in the same room as you
and you wouldn’t even know until the universe finally decides to intertwine your paths
- just a thought
a.r.
haunted
your ghost
still leaves kisses
on my cheek to
make sure
i never
forget you
a.r.
We need to reach our goal to collect money so that we can get my father out of Gaza to perform the operation. 💔🍉
Your donation will save my father from death. Don't hesitate to help us. Don't be the reason for my father's death my friend
My father suffers from cancer and needs an urgent operation to remove the cancerous tumor from his body. He needs to have this operation outside Gaza in Egypt. My father's situation is very difficult, my friends. My father needs strong painkillers every three days to relieve the pain. It costs $100 and he needs checkups every week. Donate what you can to save my father, my friend. My father's life is in your hands. 💔🍉
We need your help to reach our goal quickly so that we can provide the money to get my father out of Gaza and have the operation Cancer removal process
If I can't get the money soon, I can't imagine what will happen to my father.
Don't be the reason for my dad's death or anything bad to happen. Please donate to us and share my campaign with your friends and family to donate too so we can raise the required funds quickly my friend and save my dad 🙏🏻🙏🏻
$30 is able to save my father, do not hesitate to save my father I hope you will help us
Thank you❤🍉
today has felt so surreal. i’m endlessly grateful a ceasefire deal was reached but please remember that the fight is far from over and gazans are still in dire need of assistance. one way to do your part is to donate to @rabahmonis1 so his father, who needs urgent medical care, can be medically evacuated. he's verified here. thank you
MD - project
Mini spoiler for my project MD. l hope you enjoy my creation and the new way of drawing. Font translation calm: «Good catch»
go, and reach for the sky. hold the stars carefully in your grasp. fight for what you believe in. for you are young, and the world belongs to you.
i blink and it is october and i have been alone for years
there is this rage that runs deep under my skin and it is entirely mine.
the weekends are for an all-consuming yearning
spin the wheel and get a number
i've paired each number with a stagnating fundraiser. please try to donate $5 to the one you got. if you can't donate, tell someone who can or make a post. thank you
1: @amalashuor gfm, vet
2: @rawan-soso chuffed, vet
3: @samah-2 gfm, vet
4: @hashembadr gfm, vet
5: @mahrahpalestine chuffed, vet
6: @shareeffamily gfm, vet
7: @hassanxsworld gfm, vet
8: @abedmajeed chuffed, vet
9: @dr-anas96 gfm, vet
10: @shahdhatem gfm, vet
11: @amjadshiltawu gfm, vet
12: @gazage1 gfm, vet