My Mind - Blog Posts
Had this dream where I was at a waterpark and one of the "slides" was a vertical tube with spikes along the side. You just dropped down and stayed still until you hit water.
I just went back to Tumblr to see what's going on and I saw that I have a fourth follower since today. >o<
I'm really happy because it means so much to me! Because I personally don't think I post really special things, such as really good artists who post beautiful paintings and drawings. I just randomly share what I feel like doing and what comes to my mind and having people follow me for this is something I really appreciate. Thank you! Thank you for every single follow and for every single like from no matter who.<3
Have a wonderful day you out there
Ellie ;3
I found a picture that someone apparently was secretly taking of my desk ...
My desk looks a lot like this one. But outside is much more snow, on the windows are frost pattern and I don't have any donuts and coffee mugs on the table ':) And my cat is actually black, but that’s fine ;) I think this picture is awesome and very very beautiful, so I had to share it!
I just love it to dream<3
I love Lofi music so much. It helps me a lot to come down, relax and think positively. Above all, it always makes me dream wonderful.
Gifts, gifts and more gifts - ’cause we’re just before Christmas ☃
The time to search for gifts begins. I really want to give all my friends and a little gift for Christmas. I love giving gifts. I just like the excitement of choosing something nice or funny and someone and giving it to them as a present. I'm always so excited whether the person likes it or not and you just try to give them a feeling of appreciation with the gift and make them smile. When you give gifts you always show the appreciation you have for this person and that you have thought of them - for example that you have thought about what this person might like and then made the effort to find something convenient. Even if it's just a very, very small gift. It always means a lot to me when someone makes the effort to give me a little present and thinks about what I might like. For example, my pen friend recently gave me a small pendant with the pearls in the colors of the Hogwarts houses as a small pre-Christmas present. She wrote to me in the letter that I could attach it to my cell phone. I was so happy about it. My pen pal is a real artist and we're both really love the Harry Potter stories. We're both in the same Hogwarts house, too. We're two ambitious and cunning Slytherins.I could tell for hours why I feel so comfortable there, but I would probably never come to an end ;D Anyway, I think it's great that my pen pal has made something so beautiful for me with such fine craftsmanship. Above all, it also has this emotional value - that we both love these Harry Potter stories so much. We love to talk about it. I will definitely make something nice for her too. Something very special. I want you to be at least as happy as I was happy about your gift. Just like with my friends here. At the beginning of the weekend I will go to the Christmas market in town and look for little winter delicacies and christmassy things that I could buy. But I'm sure I also make something or paint. I already have so many ideas! Besides I would like to give my family something very special! Because they always try so hard to give me a nice present - and that's exactly what I want to do too for them. I will definitely do something nice for them. I like to do handicrafts. I am looking forward to christmas. The more I write about it, the more I get Christmas mood! However, the thoughts of my grandma still cloud me. I miss her so much. She would actually have been with me at Christmas. Because of this, I'll probably not get into the Christmas mood like i was in the last years. My thoughts are with her so often. How I would love to hug her. Ugh ......;<
Anyway, I hope you have a beautiful Christmas time. Ellie:>
a lovely one a magical one a quiet one a soothing one
..i like it..
..i really like it.
Season of Advent♥
I'm already in such a cozy winter mood! Where inside at dusk you sit in the warm light of the lamp in the old armchair and comfortably cuddled up in a cozy blanket, drink a hot tea or punch and read a thick book. Sometimes you look out of the window next to your Armchair into the thick snow that is outside on the windowsill and in the garden and watch how the dark blue sky gets darker and darker. Then a small blackbird or blue tit run across the snow and leave small tracks in it. And you cuddle up in your warm cozy blanket, sip your delicious tea and bury your nose again in the many letters of the book and immerse back into the story. The only sounds you hear are the soft crackling of the fire in the little carmine and the purring of your cat, who has curled up comfortably on your lap and is enjoying the pre-Christmas mood and silence as much as you do. I love to do this every evening <3 What about you? Have a magical season of Advent; 3 Ellie
Hello there
Hey you! Im Ellie. And that’s my first entry!
Yay! Im very motivated! ...probably too motivated. But I'm just so excited right now to share all the thingies of my mind. Yeah... I don't even know what to say. I have so many ideas and things in my head, but I have no words to describe them. -That... makes no sense. Anyway, as I said, I have so many thingies on my list and if I have no idea what i could tell you, then just do what I want spontaneously. I mean - yolo! You onyl live ones, don't you? ; 3 So I'm happy to pour you the chaos of my head out and tell you what's going on in it when I don't say anything. And I can tell you - there is a lot going on! So if you feel like stopping by, you are welcome to do so. I would be happy. Oh! And one last thing - im really sorry for my bad english, so if you'll find some mistakes, please forgive me for them.
Have a great day! Ellie
Imagina
Imagina que todo ha cambiado, imagina que tu vida es diferente, imagina que tienes lo que deseas, imagina que este TÚ actual es diferente. Simplemente imagimatelo. Me gustaría plantearte 2 ideas que puede ser que te hallan pasado por la cabeza en algún momento de tu vida, la primera de estas es que es lo que intentarias cambiar de TÚ vida actual(diferente a un cambio personal) que es lo que te gustaría relammente cambiar de lo que vives, y la segunda pregunta es realmente eres feliz ?. Son cuestionantes bastante grandes en sentido emocional y personal , pero finalmente todo tiene un porque no ? Creer en un destino que talvez exista o que una divinidad nos tenga preparado un "camino" pero creo que lo único de lo que podemos de estar en cierta manera consientes es de lo que pensamos , y lo que creemos y buscamos, ese sueño que tanto deseas ,ese cambio que tanto anhelas o simplemente el reacomodar tu cuarto o hacer un postre que tenías demasiadas ganas por hacer , eso hace la diferencia en tu vida .
Creamos pues en un mundo donde nuestras ideas y aspiraciones y sobre todo nuestra imaginación pueda cobrar vida para ser quienes somos y tener la convicción y ambición de alcanzar todo esto.
Maybe we are all crazy, that’s why we search for love in places it can never be found.
4 a.m. thoughts
Like Phases of the Moon
To my parents I am waxing and To my sister I am waning To many I am new, unseen and mysterious. Never do I fully show myself to those around me…only to those I deem worthy, If I present to you in my full glory you must know you are special, you have been chosen to seem me as I am. I am a complex web of something quite simple, built to forever stand out in space amongst the many planets who demand majority’s attention Overlook but not underestimated, I am like the moon. -For the Outcasts
Me after an minor inconvenience: so there’s this character-
How beautiful my girl is tied,bound and absolutely used how I desire and know she craves it
In the backdrop of dark inner thoughts, wounded with slivers of hope, I take solace in your aura.
The beating of your heart, drowning out the inner doubt that screams inside me, if they get through I push against your chest harder, for tonight I cling to you.
I don't come to you for redemption. I don't grip you tight out of desire to hold you down.
In this world of darkness and cold, I come to you because it feels right in my soul.
I yearn to take you to the beach, where you can be truly free, let you be lost in the ryrhmic sounds of the water lapping onto the smooth sand.
The wind lifting up the scents of salt and seaweed, fine particles of dry sand cling faintly on your skin.
To let you rest under the sun.
To see you swim in the water.
To watch you fall asleep with book on the shore.
To have night, overtake the day, to need to layer up on clothes, to watch the beautiful moonlight, caress the surface of the waves.
To have a small fire near by, it's tendrils of smoke weaving into the darkness.
To cling to you, to bury myself deep inside you, to make love to you, under the stars, our sounds going unheard, except to Mother nature, to get lost into each other in the moment.
“I find the sea to be both a natural expression of our human world, and a healing balm for it.” By pastel artist Jeanne Rosier Smith.
Mine....
You are mine, no matter if the delicate, warm, golden rays of the sun kiss your skin or the cool, crisp moon accents your body.
You are mine, whether I'm deep inside you, stretching and claiming you as you carve crimson, wet scars in my back, or so far away all I have is your memory in my I mind, feeding the physical ache in my erection as I yearn to devour you once more. P
You are mine when stand on top of the world, filled with joy, beaming with laughter and still mine when you feel broken, beaten, so mentally dark, you feel you have no one by your side.
You are mine because I unconditionally accept all of you. Even the crazy you try to hide.
You are mine because I value and love, every unique surface of your diamond.
For as long as you are mine.... I vow to love you, protect you, strive to make you laugh, hold you when you cry. I will nourish your body and your mind, I care for you with a level of importance.
I will always listen to my good girl, every thought, Idea, way to look at a situation.
I will not dismiss your fears or placate you.
I will strive to leave you feeling loved, desired, safe, needed, wanted and hopefully whole.
You are mine to lose and mine to show I will fight enough to keep it that way.
The deep painful introspective looks in the mirror at myself, have the same weight as someone's judgmental take on me, as they pass by with their first impressions as they judge either how I look, or how they chose to see me.
Either way it's as soothing to my soul as standing in one spot, barefoot on hot blacktop as the sun beats down upon it.
Maybe I never get to put away the knife, or better yet forget where I laid it. I'd settle for wiping it off on my sleeve and putting it in its sheath.
The untrusting darkness in me, combined with the auras that decide to pass by instead create the need to clench it so hard in my hand my knuckles turn white.
Fractured thoughts converge, tinting my field of vision around me.
It's not fear, but weariness.
I rather would choose the darkness or at least the shadows than to be laid bare in the unforgiving sun.
To bathe in the moonlight is to heal, to weather my skin to handle the torment of my waiting demons.
I see the silence in their touch, I hear the cold embrace against my skin.
At least their companionship is steady, the cuts, bruises, the crimson trail of thoughts they plant is expected.
I don't embrace them, but I've learned to depend on them for at least a normalicy in my life.
Without my anxiety, my demons that remind me in my sleep not to ware dream of a fairy tale life, I'd be tempted to trust those around me.
Instead I live looking for patterns... What do they want?what do they seek from me? What can I do for them?
Once they take a look at my face, or my intense soul the majority show themselves as weak, selective, callus in how they change, turn, ignore, block, or disappear.
Trust....
What the fuck is that anyway?
Unconditional acceptance... Yeah ok.. Now that's a beautiful fantasy.
I would rather be labeled too intense, or untrusting, I would rather always hold my knife and count on one hand those that may actually give a fuck about me, then to live like the lemmings that think popularity in numbers is love, or that kind words aren't laced with dark intentions.
The taste of your skin.. The salt and șweat.. The lingering perfume..... The warmth of you on my lips... An forgettable unique concoction that will always linger in my mind.
Love....
Love isn't just holding hands, soft caresses or love letters.
Sometimes you have to cut, bruise the ones you love to see their self worth.
Love is painful.
Love can hurt, if it doesn't maybe you don't really love.
A constant ache, a thought that slides through all other thoughts.
Love can be irrational, love can be dark, love can taste like tears.
I love you my moon.
Solar eclipse by Gallery 360
Fragmented I strain to hold myself together.
I try to reach and parts of me fall to the floor. No matter how I try to hold it in, the only way to keep myself together is to hold myself tight.
It hurts to reach, to watch the vulnerable pieces of yourself, the ones you've picked up, dusted off, cut your fingers to hold, slip away, fall to the dark for another.
I reach for your glow.
Not worthy.
Not entitled.
Not out of despair.
I reach because I must, because the first time seeing you was all it took, to invade my head, to spin my thoughts, kicking up parts of me long since dormant.
I reach out of sheer need.
I don't care what happens to me.
She can give and I'll be so blessed. She can choose not to shine upon me and I'll stand, waiting for you.
I know I'm not the best. I know I'm not the kindest. I know I'm not much of anything in this life, but for long as I breathe, keeping my beating heart going in this temporary husk I'm in...... I'll be all I can be for her.
Even in doubt, even when I feel like I'm farther away. Even scared..... I will not give up reaching... I will reach until my arms start to spasm, until my body aches from wait, long since weary...... I will reach.
I'm too far down the rabbit hole......
I hate that I'm afraid to sleep, not because of the demons that try to get at me as my dreams turn into nightmares.
It's because I survived today, everyone I care about in this fragile world I live in survived the day. Tomorrow..... Is inevitable and could be so much worse than any bad day I've ever had to live through.
While I go to sleep, against my will, but out of necessity. I know I have the comfort of my moon to glow upon me.
I don't take her for granted.
I'm thinking about you
When I say...... 'I'm thinking about you'..... It sometimes isn't so simple.
I'm thinking about you....... Means my mind is flying, so many thoughts slamming around, too many paths it's taking, that I don't know what to do.
It means that i can't stop thinking about your eyes, your face, the glow of your skin, the sound of your laugh, the beautiful way you cum, the shape of your legs, the way I feel safe with you, the way you calm me, the way you slip into my head, the one thought I didn't think..... And it disarms many.
I'm thinking about you..... Means I know you've had a rough day, I know you are down because I can feel it in your aura, in the invisible energy your words carry.
I'm thinking about you..... Means I'm hurting and you are all I want. Life has me scared and I want to lay at your breast and close my eyes. It means that you've been quiet and my mind won't stop itself thinking that you have been filling your moments with someone else... Someone better.
I'm thinking about you...... Is a very powerful statement.
I seek you out.... You are all I hunger for tonight.
You never know how much you will feel, until you come across that which stops you in your tracks, not from fear but from sheer mental overload.
You never know how much you love, until you find yourself losing the very thing that kept you grounded.
Don't be afraid to live, don't go through this alone..... That which is painful is often more rewarding.