P: Safiye1 - Blog Posts
safiyeece:
It was always a relief to Safiye to feel known by Harper, even if not fully. She spent so much of her time reflecting back what people expected of her, fighting to live up to high expectations, none higher than her own. So much of her life was a high wire act, it was nice to sit with Harper and just be, and know that Harper saw her, even if she didn’t understand it all.
“I’ll make room whenever you want me, just let me know.” It was not a promise Safiye made lightly. On any given day she had to contend with her mother’s plans for her, any commitments she might have to the Order, and carving out some quiet time for herself, and this rarely left room for impromptu plans.But you made sacrifices for your closest friends, and Safiye was well used to sacrificing for far less.
Safiye hummed in agreement with what Harper was saying, She herself was never able to escape the nagging feeling of lack. Like there was something more out there, something that was waiting for her. It was part of what had driven her to join the Order, and what kept her there, despite being generally unwelcome. Still, even her nighttime vigilante work wasn’t enough. She still felt, as Harper put it, stalled.
She chuckled at Harper’s question. Knowing it was all in good fun she still considered it seriously. “Well, five years after a horrible tragedy is probably around when you would meet him. He’d be utterly inappropriate at first. Either too poor, or too rich, and probably rude, but there would be an unspoken attraction neither of you could deny.” Safiye broke off her faux serious monologue to giggle, then picked back up. “You are the perfect romantic heroine, though. Serious and dedicated, but secretly longing for more.”
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“I appreciate that Saf” Harper said, knowing that her friend having an open day was a rarity (and not just because she preferred to have most things scheduled).
But when Safiye starting putting thought into answering the question Harper asked— mostly jokingly— she was intrigued. Her chin rested in her hands and her drink sat unsipped as she listened intently. But she gave a scowl with no malice behind it at ‘probably rude, but there would be an unspoken attraction neither of you could deny’
“I cannot for the life of me decide whether I love that or hate that idea. Undeniable chemistry? Sign me up. But having to deal with someone rude first…. Well,” she considered, tilting her head, “I suppose it would depend on what type of rude they are.” Harper’s giggles joined Saf’s. She couldn’t imagine talking to anyone else like this, being able to know without explaining exactly what she meant by different types of rudeness (and there were plenty).
But when Safiye continued her monologue, she yet again had Harper’s rapt attention. Harper couldn’t help but feel touched and seen, but the logical part of her brain scolded her and kept her skeptical. “Me? The perfect romantic heroine? With my bizarre hours, contradictory personality and… affection for alcohol.” She took a big sip as if to punctuate the sentiment. “But you? Growing up full of glamor and beauty; invitations to balls and charity events; getting a taste of freedom and losing it; and the most important requirement— being a hopeless romantic,” Harper over-emphasized those last words before dissolving back into giggles.
“Seriously though, I know I tease you about it, but I think it’s amazing that you’re in touch with that side of yourself and what you want. It’s a good thing… Even if it does give me some of my favorite fodder against you” Harper said, sticking out her tongue.
safiyeece:
Safiye smiled when Harper swiped her drink. The faux innocent look on her face was unnecessary, they always did this. It was a little way of sharing their lives with each other. Even though they both had their secrets, they always sampled each other’s drinks.
Safiye swirled her drink around its glass as she listened to Harper. She was glad Harper had decided to celebrate her birthday, even in a small way. After all of her losses and hard work, Harper deserved to celebrate herself however she saw fit. “I’m happy for you. I know it’s a hard time of year, but I’m glad that’s not stopping you from doing a little something. Let me know if you want any company.”
It was the sort of thing Safiye said often, but usually it was done out of courtesy, because it was the proper thing to say. She rarely meant it, but this time she did. Safiye valued her solitude, treasured the rare moments by herself that she was able to steal from her two competing lives, but she was willing to sacrifice for Harper’s sake. Particularly on a historically hard day, Safiye wanted to be there for her friend, if she was wanted.
When Harper talked about keeping her expectations low, Safiye took a long sip of her drink. “That’s true,” she finally admitted. There wasn’t much else she could say on the subject. It was the most fundamental difference between the two young women. Harper was an expert at managing her expectations, Safiye was not. She wasn’t sure if it was because she couldn’t or because she refused to, but either way Safiye never kept her expectations low. It meant she lived in a constant well of disappointment, true, but for Safiye there was no alternative. She wanted more from her life, she expected more from her life, even though it was not reasonable to do so.
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That was one of the things Harper admired about Saf. Unlike her own pessimistic— or realistic, as she insisted to herself—outlook, Safiye always had dreams and expectations in high places. Harper knew all too well that this sometimes led to dashed hopes and disappointments for her friend, but it never had and never would deter her being there to support her. While never to the same extent as Safiye, in the past Harper had once allowed herself more optimism. But that felt not only like it was ages ago, but like it was a version of herself that was no longer.
“Some company would probably be nice, whether it’s for brunch, shopping, or back at one of my places at night. Whatever works with your schedule and however the day goes, I’m sure we’ll figure it out.” Harper, in turn, sipped her drink, eyeing the nearby plate of biscuits.
“I can’t believe it’s really been five years,” she started, “Since graduation, since… everything” she gestured at the hotel room around her, knowing Safiye would catch her drift. “Sometimes I feel like this is just stalling… waiting for something to happen and for real life to begin,” she reflected, “I just don’t know what” She looked at the other woman and chuckled a bit. “Maybe it’s like one of your romance novels. I just need to meet the one” Harper teased, over-emphasizing the last two words, “and it will all fall into place.” She was joking, but couldn’t help but wonder if maybe there was some yearning behind it.
“Well, what would happen next in one of those books?” she asked, taking another sip of her drink, before finally giving in and reaching over to the plate. “After all, you’re the expert” Harper finished, nibbling on the biscuit she’d grabbed.
safiyeece:
Safiye and Harper sat in companionable silence as they waited for their drinks to arrive. Once the tray popped into the room, Safiye picked up Harper’s elderflower cocktail and took a sip. “Oh, it’s sweet, you’ll like this one.” Saf smiled and passed the glass to Harper. She didn’t quite have the same sweet tooth as her friend, but she knew Harper’s taste nonetheless. She accepted her own glass in return and inhaled deeply before taking a sip. The scent was almost as good as the flavor, but of course the two senses were tied together.
Safiye enjoyed her drink for a moment, considering. There was a fine line she and Harper walked in their friendship between caring for each other and not prying too deeply into their secrets. Safiye knew that early Summer was a difficult time of year for Harper, both through observation and through common sense. She wanted to ask how Harper was handling the season, without crossing one of their unspoken lines. She balanced the different stressors in Harper’s life in her mind, and decided that her birthday would be the least invasive topic to inquire about.
“So, how are you feeling about turning 23 soon?” Safiye asked the question obliquely, as if the prospect of being 23 was the source of concern, not the birthday itself. It got close enough to the heart of the matter to give Harper an opening if she wanted to talk, but at the same time gave her a convenient out if she didn’t. It was the kind of circular conversation that Safiye wasn’t the biggest fan of, but she didn’t resent the use of it for Harper’s sake.
Harper grinned as Safiye helped herself to the elderflower cocktail before passing it over. She bemusedly indulged her friend’s wafting of the plum drink, taking advantage of the hesitation to snag the drink and sample it, herself. Seconds later she placed it back into Saf’s hand, as if it had never left in the first place, and shot her wide, innocent eyes while struggling to keep a straight face.
Taking a sip of her own cocktail, Harper savored the taste, indulging her secret sweet tooth. “Damn, I did well with these drinks” she mused aloud.
She heard Safiye’s question, understood what she was asking, and very much appreciated the tact that her friend used by giving her an out if she wanted one. But truth be told, Harper wasn’t feeling much about it, at least not much that she’d been able to express. There was so much to feel and process that instead she just kind of shut it all down. She paused in thought, grasping for words to verbalize her complex mix of feelings. With almost anyone else, she would shrug it off, play it cool, calm, confident, and collected; but here with Saf, Harper was sure that the struggle was playing out on her face.
“I mean, it is what it is, I guess. Can’t exactly change my birthday or the other stuff… I think this year I might try to strike a middle balance” Harper started tentatively. “Not plan a big thing, but recognize the day, try to enjoy it— whatever that means or wherever that takes me— brunch, shopping, maybe going out,” She was creating the idea as she spoke it, selling herself on it as she went.
In a more hushed tone she added, “If I don’t expect anything I can’t really be disappointed,” It was a concept Harper was quite familiar with, but saying it to another person suddenly made it feel very jarring. Her words hung in the hair for a moment, though not with tension; she and Safiye could say these things to each other and be met with compassion and the knowledge that there was someone who saw them.
safiyeece:
-
“Yes, it simply must be!” Safiye simpered along with Harper, then rolled her eyes again. “Nevermind that exponential growth is fundamentally unsustainable.” It was always like this with Safiye, swift shifting between shallow swimming and deeper waters. She was by necessity comfortable with surface interactions, but she craved greater stimulation. Usually, she ignored the urge, pushing it down until it was little more than a vague irritation, but she didn’t go to the same trouble to appear Proper when it was just her and Harper.
For a moment, Safiye allowed herself to imagine it. Her hand went to the watch in her pocket and she traced its outline as she pictured seeing the world with Harper at her side, showing her friend around Istanbul, even reconnecting with Dilara. But the memory of her fallen cousin pushed Safiye out of her reverie and she shook her head. They could, technically, but at what cost?
“Oh, but think of all of the Society we would miss.” The joke came out thin and dry. Safiye knew all too well that neither she nor Harper would truly miss the society they’d grown up in. Sometimes she craved a lack of it, and though they danced around the subject, never openly addressing it, she had a feeling Harper did as well. The truth of it was like the sun, easier to look at through the corner of an eye rather than directly.
Safiye took the offered menu and perused it eagerly, happy to follow Harper’s plan away from the ‘sad wine-tipsy road.’ Her eyes went immediately to the cocktail Harper mentioned, gin mixed with black tea and a ginger simple syrup poured over muddled plum. It combined several of Safiye’s favorite flavors and was something she’d mentioned to Harper on more than one occasion. It was touching that Harper had remembered to include it this season, and the kind of silent gift that their friendship was built on. “Well, if you have that, then I don’t need to look at the menu.” Safiye smiled as she handed the menu back to Harper.
-
Harper internally felt a surge of pride in herself as she took in Safiye’s response to the drink. She thrived on positive feedback as it was, but coming from Safiye it hit a different chord. It felt so genuine and natural; she knew Safiye wasn’t looking to gain something from her, she had just made her friend happy. And in a world where Harper knew that was a struggle for both of them, she was honored.
They didn’t often discuss it, their feelings about their respective situations. It was clear that there was more beneath the surface that neither friend could or would discuss, but part of what made their friendship so special was their understanding and respect of those boundaries; their shared ability to catch each other’s drifts in spite of things left out. It was this same understanding that guided Harper to drop the joke. If it were anyone else, she probably would have continued in order to keep her guard up and her edge intact. Truth be told, she also had the feeling that if she tried, her voice would crack or some other tell would show itself.
Unsure of what more she actually wanted to drink, herself, Harper pondered the menu. She let out a soft laugh. “You know, considering the role I had in shaping this menu, you’d think I’d have an easier time picking something,” she mused aloud. Truth be told, beyond Safiye’s drink, she could barely remember what they’d actually selected for this menu.
The summer was difficult for Harper. Between the memories of graduation, and then her parents, plus her birthday thrown in there too, the early part of summer especially tended to be blurry and hard to focus on. For one or two years after her parents passing, Harper attempted to actively deal with both, which just resulted in whiplash and guilt. She’d considered trying again this year, but ultimately hadn’t decided for sure.
Settling on an elderflower cocktail for herself, Harper sent word down to the kitchen and bar to deliver a couple of their chosen drinks along with some sweet biscuits up to her suite.
safiyeece:
As the closest friend Safiye had, Harper saw more of her than anyone else, more of her humor and more of her frustration. It was always a relief when she could sip wine with Harper and mock the more farcical aspects of her life. Somehow it was never depressing to think about the more frustrating parts of her life with Safiye was with Harper like it was when she was alone. The other woman’s presence, and her understanding was everything to Safiye.
She listened to Harper’s story with increasingly wide eyes, enjoying the show as Harper reenacted the whole episode from her day. Safiye shook her head at a few key moments in the story, just enough to keep Harper going, and when they finally reached the story’s conclusion Safiye threw her head back and laughed. It was the perfect vignette to make Safiye feel better about her own life. The absurdity of the whole situation belonged in the most elite pureblood parlor, shared by the women who truly did believe that the whole world, right down to the flowers, should bow to their whims and tastes.
When Harper asked about the meeting she’d attended, Safiye rolled her eyes and took a fortifying drink of wine. Then, she sat up straight in her most perfect Pureblood Princess posture. “Oh yes, we were very productive. First, we spent a good hour congratulating ourselves on just how simply wonderful our last event was, and yet after all that time I’m still not sure what exactly the event was, other than exquisite. We wrapped up the meeting by bemoaning the upcoming auction for the Society for the Upkeep of Wizarding Historical Artifacts and how we cannot possibly hope to outdo Marya Warrington at our next event.” Safiye settled back against the sofa and sighed. “So it was precisely the usual.”
-
“Oh how lovely!” Harper enthused, honeyed voice and widened eyes. “Every event simply must be more exquisite than the last!” she let out an un-ladylike snicker, interrupting her impression. She was glad that she could make Safiye laugh; she hated to see her friend so tense and frustrated. Besides, when they exchanged their ridiculous stories and encounters, it allowed Harper to forget about the tension that typically filled the cracks of her everyday life.
And as much as she did enjoy her alone time, she was getting quite lonely. That just made her value the time spent with Safiye even more.
“Technically we could do it, you know,” Harper started, knowing full well that neither of them could actually do what she was about to say.
“We could just pick up for a while and get away from here; galavanting around beautiful and exciting places, meeting new people, doing daring things. You could write your poetry and fall in love; I could…” she trailed off, not sure how she even intended to end her statement. She turned to look at Safiye and shrugged. They sat in a comfortable, if not slightly wistful, silence for a few moments. Harper looked down at her hands, fiddling with the rings on her fingers.
She finished the last of the wine, and, determined to keep the night going and spirits up, looked back to Safiye, her lips curling into a mischievous smirk. “I’m not getting stuck down the sad wine-tipsy road. Not tonight. We need some more fun” With a renewed determination, Harper summoned the drink and dessert menus over to them. “Take your pick,” she told Safiye as she passed one to her. “And you should know that I made sure we put that plum drink you like so much back on this season’s menu”
safiyeece:
closed starter for harper baddock
There were not many people in the world that Safiye trusted, even conditionally. It was a rare occasion to see her let her guard down, if not completely, but when it did happen, it was almost always in the company of Harper Baddock. Harper and safiye had orbited the same sun of High Society all their lives. When they both made it to Hogwarts, and Safiye was a little more removed from her parents’ influence, they’d given into the gravity of their worlds and become friends. It was an odd sort of friendship, where neither woman trusted the other implicitly yet both trusted the other more than anyone else, but it suited Safiye just fine.
So tonight found her in one of the many lavish suites in one of Harper’s many lavish hotels, one or two glasses of wine further in than she might have been in different company. It had been a near unbearable day where Safiye had entertained not one but two potential suitors, truly ambitious on her mother’s part, followed by a very long charity board meeting Rohesia had insisted Safiye attend in her stead. Following such a day Safiye found herself even more fascinated by the idea of Harper’s job than usual. “Tell me about work, what did you do today?”
@the-harperbaddock
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Harper, like Safiye, wasn’t one to trust others. Maybe that’s one of the reasons they got along so well-- this was just one of the ways they understood each other. Despite the fact that they both kept their secrets and played their cards close to their chests, they were each other’s biggest confidant. Maybe, Harper had once mused to herself, it’s not despite the fact, but because of it. Because we both know we have secrets, and we care about and respect each other enough not to pry.
The two girls had danced around each other in their circles of higher society until their worlds finally collided at Hogwarts. They met early on, after getting a rare poor grade on a herbology assignment. Both girls ended up in the bathroom attempting to regain their composure. They commiserated over a shared dislike for getting their hands dirty with plants, over the absurdity of receiving a low mark in herbology— of all classes— and made plans to study together going forward. Soon after, they discovered a host of other commonalities they had to bond over.
Over seven years of friendship led them to their current position; lounging around one of the luxury suites at one of Harper’s hotels, almost through their second bottle of wine. Safiye told Harper of the two potential suitors she met today, and the young women all but staged a dramatic reenactment; roasting the men with mocking voices and over-exaggerated hand gestures while dissolving into fits of laughter.
When Safiye asked Harper about her day, Harper quirked her mouth in thought, before curling her lips into a smirk and describing the encounter she had at the front desk of this very hotel a few hours earlier.
She was in the back, when an attendant came and informed her that there was a woman insisting that she “must talk to whoever is in charge right this minute, about a very pressing matter,” The pressing matter, it turned out, was said woman’s commentary on the lobby’s current floral arrangements. “I am not a fan of these spring-toned hues,” Harper recounted, imitating the woman’s grating, high-pitched, and nasally voice, “Winter colors are far better suited to my complexion” To Safiye’s amusement, Harper continued on with her voices, giving the (abbreviated) version of the half an hour long back and forth that went on between herself and the woman, where the former attempted to reason with and explain to the latter that it was June— not traditionally a time for winter hues. “But here’s the kicker” she said to Safiye, pausing for effect, “I asked for her room number to send a complementary high tea tray, AND SHE TELLS ME SHE ISN’T EVEN STAYING HERE, JUST WALKING THROUGH.” With this conclusion, Harper dramatically collapsed onto the bed, throwing her head into her hands.
“So,” Harper continued, as she poured both girls more wine, “was the charity meeting you were-” she cleared her throat knowingly, “so kind to grace with your presence any type of productive, or was it the usual shit?”
