Sorry This Ended Up Being LONG - Blog Posts
safiyeece:
Safiye and Harper sat in companionable silence as they waited for their drinks to arrive. Once the tray popped into the room, Safiye picked up Harper’s elderflower cocktail and took a sip. “Oh, it’s sweet, you’ll like this one.” Saf smiled and passed the glass to Harper. She didn’t quite have the same sweet tooth as her friend, but she knew Harper’s taste nonetheless. She accepted her own glass in return and inhaled deeply before taking a sip. The scent was almost as good as the flavor, but of course the two senses were tied together.
Safiye enjoyed her drink for a moment, considering. There was a fine line she and Harper walked in their friendship between caring for each other and not prying too deeply into their secrets. Safiye knew that early Summer was a difficult time of year for Harper, both through observation and through common sense. She wanted to ask how Harper was handling the season, without crossing one of their unspoken lines. She balanced the different stressors in Harper’s life in her mind, and decided that her birthday would be the least invasive topic to inquire about.
“So, how are you feeling about turning 23 soon?” Safiye asked the question obliquely, as if the prospect of being 23 was the source of concern, not the birthday itself. It got close enough to the heart of the matter to give Harper an opening if she wanted to talk, but at the same time gave her a convenient out if she didn’t. It was the kind of circular conversation that Safiye wasn’t the biggest fan of, but she didn’t resent the use of it for Harper’s sake.
Harper grinned as Safiye helped herself to the elderflower cocktail before passing it over. She bemusedly indulged her friend’s wafting of the plum drink, taking advantage of the hesitation to snag the drink and sample it, herself. Seconds later she placed it back into Saf’s hand, as if it had never left in the first place, and shot her wide, innocent eyes while struggling to keep a straight face.
Taking a sip of her own cocktail, Harper savored the taste, indulging her secret sweet tooth. “Damn, I did well with these drinks” she mused aloud.
She heard Safiye’s question, understood what she was asking, and very much appreciated the tact that her friend used by giving her an out if she wanted one. But truth be told, Harper wasn’t feeling much about it, at least not much that she’d been able to express. There was so much to feel and process that instead she just kind of shut it all down. She paused in thought, grasping for words to verbalize her complex mix of feelings. With almost anyone else, she would shrug it off, play it cool, calm, confident, and collected; but here with Saf, Harper was sure that the struggle was playing out on her face.
“I mean, it is what it is, I guess. Can’t exactly change my birthday or the other stuff… I think this year I might try to strike a middle balance” Harper started tentatively. “Not plan a big thing, but recognize the day, try to enjoy it— whatever that means or wherever that takes me— brunch, shopping, maybe going out,” She was creating the idea as she spoke it, selling herself on it as she went.
In a more hushed tone she added, “If I don’t expect anything I can’t really be disappointed,” It was a concept Harper was quite familiar with, but saying it to another person suddenly made it feel very jarring. Her words hung in the hair for a moment, though not with tension; she and Safiye could say these things to each other and be met with compassion and the knowledge that there was someone who saw them.
