Personalthoughts - Blog Posts
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"I wish I could make my friends this happy forever."
That scene hurt me.
When I first watched that scene. Read that text. Seeing how Iggy only wanted his friends to be happy, putting their wants and needs above his own, seeing how he only thinks about them...It made my heart ached. I didn't even notice that I was crying myself until I saw my keyboard getting wet lol.
After watching that scene, that aching in my heart and the confusion on why I cried didn't fade away. I think it took me about a week or two to know why. Maybe because I felt that familiarity and similarity of wanting to put others happiness before my own.
Before 2025, before finally breaking the walls I've created, I've always felt the need to put others happiness before my own. My family's and friends'needs and wants over my own that I forgot what I had wanted. Until I went to High School and reality punched me in the head. When my old friends drifted away, the connection I felt broke from my grasp. I was lost.
Lost, confused, scared and isolated for one and a half years. Pretending to be someone that they wanted me to be, hiding away the person with their own dreams. I've always been so fucking anxious on what my future will be, on what others think of me, and scared on what my friends think of me. It's hard to explain how I finally escaped on the cage I've built but I think the realisation that what I was doing isn't what I wanted but what others wanted me to be, finally broken the shell.
Now, I'm happy. Grateful for my life, grateful to be around people who understand and care about me for just being me, for understanding my own needs and wants, for putting up my weird ass humour.
I think the reason why that scene, that sentence, stabbed my heart was because I was just like Iggy. Wanting to please others, wanting his friends to be happy despite himself. I never thought that I would have a connection to Iggy. And I never read/played a visual novel that kissed a brick and bash into my heart repeatedly. Which, I meant was, I never played a visual novel that touched my heart...
I'm happy that Iggy got to find his own happiness and make his own choices.
I'm happy that I found my own happiness and made my own choices.
Life is precious. Cherish every single moment of it. Make your own choices. Find your own happiness. ♥️
Gosh. Our Wonderland really is an emotional rollercoaster. 🌹