Ramblings - Blog Posts

Airports

There’s something romantic about airports

I don't mean romantic in the way of falling in love but in the way of how its an in between hub

airports are a stop from dream to reality

from sadness to joy

from missing to hugging

from chance to certainty

And as I sit in this airport, the day after the longest night I can’t help but wish I could sit in this moment forever 

This moment of chance, this moment of opportunity

I COULD get on the flight that I booked ahead of time and go to my planned destination

I COULD continue on with my life completely unchanged waltzing from plan to plan as some fall apart and some fall into place

Or I could not

I could follow my feet where they want to go

Pick a random gate, buy a ticket at the desk and board a plane to destinations unknown

See what I can make of life in this new place

If I wanted, the option is there for me to start completely over in a new place with a new name and a new purpose

Who would I be if I chose that? Would I still be me? Would a new name and a new place and a new job change me so completely that even those closest to this current version of the person I am wouldn’t recognize me?

Or would I surface the same? Would I have the same insecurities and personality? Would my music taste change or my the way I liked to dress? Or would I be even more me? Like a less watered down version of the me that I am currently?

I will admit that I never fully understood the “let’s ship the three parts of the narrative-enforced love triangle together” thing until I watched Wicked on Broadway (and subsequently the movie).

I’m not saying it’s a bad trope, honestly I think it’s pretty fun, and goodness knows that polyamory needs more representation. But when I view love triangles, there’s some kind of tension in there that makes it feel weird when they’re all together. It’s hard to go from vitriolic infighting over a person (who kind of gets treated as a prize to be won rather than a person in the worst case scenarios) to a healthy relationship in my mind.

But in Wicked’s case, I genuinely believe all three of these characters (Elphaba, Glinda, and Fiyero, ofc) would have good romantic chemistry together. They all bring out the best in each other in vastly different ways and if I was told that they all have romantic chemistry together I would not be surprised. And good for them honestly

Potential Commissions

I have a couple more week of class before I’m out for the summer and I was thinking about potentially opening up some commissions when I am done to help me get back into the rhythm of drawing more often and such. Not a definite yes yet, just a possibility.

I know I received a few asks about them in the past, but would there still be any interest in me doing them now? Even after I’ve been like dead like the entire school year

PLEASE

HUSKER IS TWEAKING OVER VAGGIE THROWING ANGEL IM ACTUALLY SOBBING

Huskerdust🔛🔝

small ramble because I'm too big a nerd for marble hornets NOT to :

no, Tim doesn't have DID! or black out episodes! he's actually not a proxy at all.

the whole concept that when he has the mask on, he's in a different persona? it's actually untrue. he's fully sentient and himself when he has the mask on - he knows what he's doing, who he's talking to, and it's the same person.

the only reason he forgets things in the series is because the operator wipes his memory. he forgets things after the operator gets his hands on him, or through Alex. Tim doesn't remember getting his leg broken, because Alex was there with the operator when it happened. other than that, he's sentient.

why? he was confused. he didn't understand, so when Brian came along (also fully himself), showing Tim how Alex was "the problem", Tim was enraged and teamed up as "Masky" and "Hoody" to work against Alex and the operator. theyre not proxies, they never served the operator, and they're fully sentient.

I recommend watching NightMind's video on it! NightMind my goat. gave me a completely new understanding on the series.

feel free to ask away if needed. :)

I’ve been having a shit couple weeks.. and Where I live I haven’t seen stars in the night sky since I was in 8th grade. But tonight as I cried looking out at the night sky I saw multiple stars..each shining brighter than the last… and despite the government drama and me worrying about my junior year of college… I think things will be okay from here….

I kind of want to have Drs from 1920s - 2000s, idk why but I feel as though it would be so interesting to see how many things have changed like the fashion, what was popular, how the quality of things have changed. But I'm mostly excited to get myself a 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom house for just 2,000 dollars

Just had a dream that I married Megan thee stallion, I can die peacefully now.

Ahhh i think i just found the most beautifullllll woman!! I kind of want to add her to my Dr now but idkkk

After spending more time on shiftblr, I can say the community is certainly more kind than the shifting community on reddit. Also, I'm starting to believe reddit has lead me in so many wrong directions lol

yes.

i have a PLETHORA of inappropriate things to say!

where’s it’s friday like it fucking matters

don't ever put me in a room with this man. he's coming out PREGNANT

fr

Watched LoC for the first time recently and I have to say LoC's biggest crime was Øystein cutting his hair short for no damn reason

Genesis is not an incel.

He's a vowho.

A voluntary whore.

I rest my case.

Genesis walks into a meeting bright and early wearing a red tee shirt with "VOWHO" on it. Zack asks what it means. He misunderstands and thinks Genesis is supporting sex workers. Cue Zack with a matching tee that reads "SUPPORT SEX WORKERS"

TW!! Vent

y'know what? I'm so tired of myself. Why can't I be normal and girly like my mom wants me to be? Why do I have to have weird interest? Why am I so mentally unstable!? Why can't I get my grades up? Why can't I change myself? Why can't I see the toxicity!? Why do I have to me so sensitive? Why can't they stop fighting!? Why won't the yelling stop? Why am i jealous? Why aren't I happy? Why can't I take care of myself!? IM SUPPOSED TO GO TO HIGH SCHOOL AFTER THIS FUCKING SCHOOL YEAR!!!! I'm never going to make it as a fucking animator if I can't pull my shit together. Sometimes I really wonder why I try with myself? My mom she's a good mom she takes care of us and is changing jobs to be with us more but still I feel unloved and unwanted. It doesn't help that my brothers constantly bully me. It's so weird all of this. It's so easy to get ride of by just ending it all. But I've tried so many times and I've never been able to. I am afraid death but that's not what I think about when I try. I think of my friends. What would they think? Would they blame themselves? Would they miss me? Would they cry? Why would they cry? I feel so bad all the time and it all really hurts. I know I shouldn't be rambling on about this on here. I should seek therapy but I can never reach out for help. They'd contact my mom and then things would get even worse for me. I really miss my friends thier the only good thing I have right now.

Thank you for reading if you did. Have a good day! :]

• Mourning (Alt! Timeline) •

Haven't updated my blog in over a year, huh? Well, arcane season 2 emotionally destroyed me, and even though I have my fair share of issues, I can not stop thinking about episode seven and the alternative timeline. I am not much of a fan that Vi had to die in said AU to bring true unity between Zaun and Piltover (Heimerdinger helped in that too obviously!) due to the fact the writers themselves have said they grew... tired of Vi in season 2, which led to her being so shafted. I can't help but having that statement leave kind of a bad taste in my mouth but anyways, it is a sad reality but we all know Vi would be more than glad to sacrifice her own life if it meant her family and the people of Zaun could truly live as one. Anyways, sorry about my rambling everyone, here's some family comforting one another because I will now ramble about them in this AU!!!

• I think the general sentiment regarding the family is that Vi was the oldest, Claggor one year younger than Vi, Mylo was 2 years younger than Vi, and obviously Powder was the youngest. Which meant after Vi's death, Claggor would most likely be the next one in charge of being the oldest sibling figure and we know that was NOT fun for him at all.

• Claggor definitely felt immense pressure to be like Vi, as in a caretaker and a leader, but we know he's always preferred to be one to support those he loves quietly from the side. Him and Mylo were forced to mature to take care of Powder and Claggor absolutely was the.. better sibling of the two. Doesn't mean the guy didn't feel any less stress and fear that he could lose another one of his loved ones.

• Again, episode 7 kind of established Powder as the new caretaker since Vander said "what would they do without you" but frankly I think it was a few years after Vi's passing that she decided she wanted to help Claggor take care of things and get some weight off his back, allowing him to focus on his own passion project of cultivating the hybrids as he spoke of in the episode.

• Anyways guys I'm super ill about Claggor and the rest of the family if you guys have like any angsty headcanons make sure to let me know because honestly, the drought was so bad for 3 years, now that he's back I feel myself slowly getting consumed!!!

• Extra! (Oc x Canon) •

Mandatory Xalas and Claggor content because of course I need to add Xalss into things, cue "And Bumblebee!" audio LMFAO. Still not too secure about talking about my OC fully in detail bc OCs aren't that popular in fandom spaces and face a lot of harrassment so.. I'll hold off until now. I just want Claggor to have a certain someone he can go let his worries ease, someone to comfort him while he's busy comforting everyone else.

Anywho, sorry for the long analysis and headcanons, I'm probably going to try getting more comfortable speaking about my own thoughts about this dumb found family that has forever rotted my brain for life. Hope you all enjoy some Claggor content, 10 Claggor fans!!!!

driving my friend around and they asked if I listen to any artists that aren’t female or gay and that was the biggest compliment I’ve ever received 💋

Shit

So I was rambling about Mdzs x Batfam crossover but but I fucking deleted the thing because it wasn’t saved……..

By the way

It has been a while since I consumed MDZS content and my Batfam is mainly from fanon

So if I get it wrong I’m sorry!!

Okay where and what was I say

Got it

Bruce he’ll may or may not like Jiangcheng they would emotionally understand each other but that won’t mean they’d get along. Jiangcheng is something that needs to unpacked. Actually same as Bruce.

Wait crack ship Bruce x Jiangcheng

Two old men taking care of traumatised children. The single mother ship.

I’m not sure how’d he handle the bat kids to be honest. They may treat him like how they treat Bruce idk.

So next up is

Weiwuxian

First of there is a high chance that’ll he’ll take Batkids under his wing no question asked. Is he the best guardian figure no but is he fun.

YES

He’s already a trouble maker plus the batkids that cause more mayhem more on the crazy side but Lanzhan his dear husband more or less you bring him down from his high.

He’ll also become a mentor of sorts for them

and

Definitely make dead jokes

Lanzhan or Lanwanji

He … is the very calm one he wouldn’t stop the antic but just watches over Weiying just in case of injury or something. He definitely would have tea with Alfred.

Wait I can see him using the silencing spell agains some villains dunno who but just a feeling.

I don’t have a lot for him because he’s the calmer guy. He only freaky with his husband and clingy

Wait I thing they’ll just annoy there villains /thugs to death with how mushy and clingy Weiying and Lanzhan are together

Oh and now for the quartet Juniors

Ouyang Zizhen

Jinling

Lan Sizhui

Lan Jingyi

They’ll mainly hanging out with the bat kids

Jinling and Damian both would be called bratty by everyone those two would get into cat fights

Zizhen he is see him chilling a lot with Duke like and Cass he's a good kid and usually stays out of trouble or the one recording the trouble.

Tim ,Stephanie and Jingyi those to be roasting the hell out the bat fam. Definatly get into some pety drama. I think the girls would love to play with MDZS kids hair like braiding.

I think Dick and Jason would love Sizhui he's a sweet kid who knows when to be passive agressive. Plus he is the second chillest kid in the group.

Tim and Jinling together they will band together to annoy and spite Damian.

Damian would probably just sit next to Sizhui as he’s the tamest one.

I think my words became scrambled at the end

But thanks for reading

Alright, so... Rennala.

By the grace, Rennala...

(Gushing, rambling, and kind of a mini fanfic below the cut.)

Gods, I love her so much. I'm so glad we don't kill her in-game. Long live the Queen of the Full Moon! (Yes, I'm going to be gushing about Rennala for quite a bit.)

I love her. Don't give me Ranni, give me her mother. If I could, I would have played a playthrough solely dedicated to wifeing up Rennala and giving her the happiness she deserves. Rennala deserved so much better, man. I would give her the world if I could.

Not to mention she's stunning??? Look at her, look at my wife–

Look at her absolutely ethereal features! She is mesmerizing! A true queen! My lady, I think you dropped this. 👑

I might have cheesed her my fourth try, but she looked damn good beating my ass with a whole fucking dragon summon the first three times.

Now, look at her again. Hair. Down.

Perfection. Stunning. Lovely. Majestic. Beautiful. A round of applause for our queen! 👏

I can not remember where, but I saw some art somewhere where they drew Rennala with silver/white hair and, oh my God, ya'll... That image lives rent free in my brain. Rennala with white hair is just—👌

Can you imagine it?

She let's her long locks of white hair down from her hat, letting it cascade down her back as she gazes up at the moon.

The pale moonlight dances across her fair skin, practically making her glow, as her hair shines a bright silver.

It as if there is liquid silver falling down her back like a soft waterfall in the argent glow of the majestic moon above, as if she was blessed by the dazzling lunar display itself.

—I need to catch myself, I was starting a fanfic there for a second.

Anyway, I've been rambling for far too long. Bye ya'll!

Tw: Failed Suicide attempt, Suicidal thoughts, Self harm (hinted), Abuse of Power, Psych Wards, Implied other forms of Abuse, Severe Mental Illness, Forceful Medication (Mentioned)

My time in the mental hospital wasnt fun. Of course no ones reallly is but regardeless. It wasn‘t necessarily the worst, but i have some horror stories. Like when an adult patient came into the childrens ward becuase he was „still in highschool“ and was loudly argued with and then had to be dragged out by the police. Or when i got put in the bad corner for tapping on the wals during quit time and then when i asked for a pen and paper to write down my feelings ,a coping mechanism we had just talked about in group, i was denied and then was left becuase someone else started having a breakdown and asked to be moved to the other mental illness timeout corner so i was less likely to hurt myself ,literally taking initiative and attempting to do the best for my own mental health, and was then called attention seeking for bothering someone when my fellow patient was having a breakdown (the guy who i was asking permission from was just sitting at a desk). What i hated the most was the fact that i wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to anyone because they took me away during quiet time and when i started arguing they threatened to keep me for another week. Sure i have more stories, there was a nine year old who was both suicidal and homicidal, but guess What? She was nice. She had to be put on paper only gowns, lived in the white room, had to be forcefully fed meds, and had been to that specific hospital 5 times alone, and she treated me with more compassion then any of the nurses did. We were friends, i helped her draw, and she confided in me terrible things she had not told anyone about her home-life because i treated her like a human. I never saw her again. The point to this, above all else, is that this system doesn’t work. I felt just as suicidal as I had before but now I was more scared to tell the truth about that because I didn’t want to go back. The people in power have no one to check that they are actually helping and the patients become inmates more often then not. And I know that ill try and commit again, and i hope to god that i‘ll succeed, because i can not go back there again.

JUST HAD THE WAIRDST F'ING DREAM!

(for some context, I have a dog named Storm, she is a Siberian Husky. Recently found out from the breeder that she was the runt. Originally, I never wanted her due to when we had to re-home our last dog, my parents swore to me and my siblings that we would never get another dog, and being more or so a cat person. So I was the only one that was against getting her, but guess who ended up caring for her the most?! Me. Her care and training basically became part of my rent. I was fine with it, besides the training part, she is a butthead sometimes. Fast-forward, I now consider her as solely MY dog, like 90% my dog. And I love her with my whole heart.)

(for even MORE context, the reason why this dream was weird to me is because it started very far from what they normally are. The average dream for me is like a fever dream, whilst this one was more like a reality check dream from God.)

The dream went along like this;

I'm on vacation at Seabrook (beautiful place, highly recommend) with my family, and we brought Storm with us. Me and Storm are walking a trail when I loose my grip of the leash and she goes mad dashing into the woods. After chasing her for a bit, I finally get hold of her leash again when I realize that we're lost, and I have no cell service. After trying to discern the direction back to the trail, a F'ING GRIZZLY BEAR APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE! It's a mother with two cubs. Storm tries to interact with one of the cubs, resulting in the mother grizzly to attack.

At this point, it gets a bit blurry from what I am trying to remember. But I am able to recall; A. Taking a slash to my face B. Grabbing Storm and doing a roll doge C. Smacking the bear with a branch as a distraction D. Jumping on it's back and smashing a rock on its eyes and snout.

After what is the "fight scene" it's easier to remember what happens next. I'm shielding my dog, who cowers behind me, from the mother grizzly. Neither of us move as we stare at each other, till the grizzly huffs and walks away, her cubs following. I proceed to wander the woods lost, injured and bleeding for 2-3 days. Holding Storm close at night and fighting to stay awake in fear of what may be lurking nearby. Finally when we come across a paved road, I remember breaking down and hugging Storm (I'm very weak and my injuries are most likely infected). As we walk along the road, it feels like forever before I see a car. When they stop and call 911, I black out. When the paramedics get there and load me up, Storm gets defensive and lays on top of me on the stretcher.

The dream had two different endings, a good end, and the bad end. The Bad end was a long the lines of waking up, finding out that my dog had been detained and euthanized due to an injury. Discovering that my parents ok'd it, losing all respect for them, moving out and proceeding to distance myself from society by living in the wilderness of Washington.

The Good ending went more along the lines of waking up to Storm laying beside me, my family nearby. I am left with permanent facial deformities and half blind. After mostly recovering, Storm is put through the training to become my service dog. I wear a mask as to not scare children, even my own siblings.

When I wake up I'm like, really confused and still think that it was all real. And I remember thinking word for word, "I would do it all again, for their sake.". Then I quickly realize that it was all just a dream.

Some days are so beautiful and melancholy that you feel your heart bleeding out as the light inevitably fades from them, stopping as night falls and waiting to be reawakened by the arrival of another day some incalculable amount of time away in the unknowable future that will bring back this nameless feeling that is now crystallized in your memories.

I’m now realizing how out of the blue posting SPN fanart was, when up to this point this art blog has pretty much been Martin and Lewis or bust

Fun side story: When I got into M+L I told my best friend about it and she said “what is it with you and guys named Dean” because I was l coming off of a big Supernatural hyperfixation- and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that

It wasn't until high school that I began seeing the world as a story to be written. It was a survival tactic, I think, for covid. That and a general habit created by my near-constant writing.

To that extent, it wasn't until post-lockdown that I realized how fucking cool fog is. And since it's foggy today, I'm going to talk about it.

I think that fog is only cool as a visual medium. Book descriptions don't do it justice. "A bank of fog rolls in" "tendrils of fog reach through the trees" yeah but what does that LOOK like?

It looks like a digital artist was drawing clouds behind a mountain and misplaced a layer. It looks like a cloud bisecting the landscape. The tops of the trees look like an island rising out of a flat calm, gray sea while the bottom half of it, the bushes and the houses and the roads, looks like an unfinished painting. If two people were to stand down the road and hold a flashlight, it would be a damn good impression of a car.

And I think a lot of authors forget to describe how fucking damp everything is. There's always this impending sense of rain. Nothing is dry except maybe your clothes, and odds are they're not gonna stay dry for long. Your socks and shoes are toast the moment you stray from a paved road. Hope you like wet socks.

Fog doesn't work like the poison mist in the hunger games. You don't walk into a wall of fog unless some outside force has confined the fog to a specific area. It's a gradual claustrophobia, a slow loss of sight.

It's also usually still when the fog is thick. Otherwise, the wind would blow it away, right? But unless a monsoon is following the fog, there's not quite that eerie "calm before the storm" stillness. It has a different vibe to it.

But you can't say all that without interrupting the flow of the story, so people tend to stick to the simpler descriptions.

You really CAN just advertise anything here huh…

Ok so… The wildest thing happened to me today… I don’t know how it happened… or why… but it did…

If you are a fan of the Game PVZ heroes like I am… and have played it long enough… you are likely aware of the INFAMOUS level 75… I have been throwing myself at this level over and over and over again for weeks…

I had recently crafted some “sour grapes” cards at the recommendation of a Reddit post, but I wasn’t expecting any miracles… I was down to 6 HP and I knew in a single instant that it would all be over once my opponent placed down a 6dmg attack helicopter… but suddenly and without warning… she skipped her turn! AI aren’t supposed to skip turns!!! I place down a moss to do more damage next, and she skips her turn AGAIN! Her block meter proceeds to fill up but the game acts like nothing happened!!! Before I knew it… I won???????

I’m at a loss for words… but I am SO glad i don’t have to play this level anymore!

Behold a screenshot of Me playing PVZ heroes

I think this was the last time I felt like I was “good” at this game. But then you know how it is…

You hit a sour streak and try online matches, earning card packs and doing missions but still you keep losing over and over and it’s probably because you don’t have enough cards to make legitimate strategy decks but you’re not gonna shell out $20 bucks for a mobile game. So you just throw yourself at it over and over again. Burning yourself into it because it would be a waste to quit so far in…

They should make this a physical board game, it’s good.

Been thinking a bit about Megaman 8

To be fully honest, I thought it was pretty good! Although I did play the game from the collection on the switch so maybe that improved it or something… If you wanna talk about a not so great Megaman game you gotta talk about 5…

8 is loads better than 5! 5 has one good weapon and it’s Gyroman’s. Not to mention 8 has crazy cool ideas like the side scrolling shooter bits. The only arguably bad weapon is the soccer ball but it’s not as bad as Stone Man’s shield in 5…

Why am I talking about this at 2 am? Idk it just popped into my head and I felt like stating my opinion…