Self Talk - Blog Posts

Divine Love (love of self)

You know at times we do overlook the simplicity of a word, and that further leads you to letting it hold the weight of the life on your shoulders. Mistake, not disappointment, failure, agony, disgrace- you know the rest you’ve said it to yourself time and time again without a doubt. Yes you have. Now think about it again, mis-take. You. Missed. A. Take. No more, no less.

I made a mistake a year and a half back, it wasn’t the kind of lie where you hide a bag of chips behind somebody’s back. It was the kind of lie that broke somebody’s trust in you. Eventually it starts to grow on you etching all the way through the small of your back, upto your spine and jamming into your skull, ultimately making you believe that you MUST NOT ever live this down.

You see a reminder is a receipt of your actions and consequences in an event, but what you might not see is that the ink on that paper dries with time, it will go away, there will be a time where you’ll pick it up and you’ll see absolutely nothing,no trace.

You are going to have endless opportunities to beat yourself up over something, but allow yourself to keep it to the short stuff, maybe a brain freeze, or when you miss your bus, a paper cut, biting your tongue when you’re too excited to speak even, so technically it’s all word v0m1t.Now I’m not here to snatch that away from you, you do that all you want, but what about that one time, that split second where you know the night is colder than usual, that split second where you’re more restless than ever, that split second where you’re twisting and turning and the air around you seems to be holding a grip on your breath, and you so desperately wish the night were warmer, if only a little, where you KNOW you’ve got nothing but yourself to hold onto?

Why would you abandon yourself? We know we’ve spoken to ourselves before, we know we’ve sat with ourselves before, but did you make an effort to reach out to that echo inside of you and hold it tight to keep it safe and sound from all the intrusive thoughts peeking through? To keep yourself warm?

Surely you’ve heard “You know what you did back there, and don’t you forget it. This time won’t be any different. I just KNOW you’re going to make the same mistake again, and if you’re too stubborn to risk it again? Who am I to stop you” but what about “you did what you did under the heat of your impulse, neither of us could’ve controlled it. It has been a while and you allowed yourself to let the event sink in with time, you were afraid, and I’m not saying what you did was right or wrong, it was understandable because you were afraid. Give yourself that validation to forgive yourself” you are LEARNING and LEARNING and you LEARN and you LEARN

And maybe that will be your taking your from it, no trophy, no award, no nothing, but your accountability, and your taking, now that’s some fancy stuff right there. I did not deserve to be beat up over an event that happened years back, but I was allowed to be afraid and to let myself feel the pressure, I was allowed to find a way, to BUILD a way out. You are allowed to channel your faith on a belief that pats you on the back and kisses your forehead because that was a very hard time, but you DO get to push through, you do not need permission. You have a RIGHT to.

You get to have just as much liberty as anybody out there who decides to put themselves forth and move forward, always

Taking accountability for your mistake is different from holding yourself responsible for somebody else’s wrong doing, you can sympathise and see what you’d do in their situation to help them out, but you can’t dig yourself a grave for something that doesn’t involve you at all. One shouldn't play the blame game, but know who needs to rightfully own up to face the repercussions, to realise and be honest :)

The animalistic urge to cut certain people off all socials and emotional connections as a new year’s resolution, y’all have had enough of this wine, party’s over.

Look at that cute bald spot! *gently plants a sapling, tender pats every now and then* there there, all glammed up and posh you may proceed with your day <3 𓏲˖ 𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃

Sometimes I seriously wake up, I wake up and I smile, I chuckle to no one in particular

I made it to another day, holy shit I did, I did it all by myself, I’m here with myself, I’m here for myself, I STILL HAVE ME, I have me and I need to take advantage of that, I need to selfishly adore myself, I need to put on that dress I’ve been eyeing for weeks because I CAN! It’s ridiculous of me to think there’s a rule book for it, This is boundless, it’s my body, the dress will fit ME Not the other way around, I’ll name that flower I sit across in my balcony every time I’m brewing coffee because it’s adorable, I want to take care of it, I’m holding responsibility as I bloom more and more every day, I want to reassure it that I’ll be here to water it again tomorrow, I’m here and that’s never going to change

~ ghosts of tulips past :: 💌

You ever get the feeling of holding back your affection because you don’t want to overwhelm someone with your love ,the fact that you have so much to give to them but you think there’s so little they’d accept , you don’t want to scare them off if anything you want to embrace them and tell them just how amazing they are , how beautiful a mind they have , how their thoughts are aligned in such a pretty manner ,how the sight of them warms your heart, how your body craves to be around them, they make you feel domestic, they make you feel content, and youd do anything to protect them, even if it means from your own love for them, you want to let them know that they’re stuck with you, how you have to resist the urge to spoil them unconditionally with your passionate feelings for them, you want to make them feel reassured, safe, like they belong and matter

~ghosts of tulips past :: 💌

~ ghosts of tulips past :: 💌

Normalise not being ready to face a day, not every day is supposed to be your best , and not every day is supposed to be the most productive , at times you’re just ready to wake up and not be up for facing the rest of your tasks and thats ok , sometimes all you can do is survive and that’s more than enough :)

~ ghosts of tulips past :: 💌