Sh Mention - Blog Posts
All I do is bleed
I bleed for you
I bleed for them
I bleed for her
I bleed for him
I bleed for me
All I am is a bleeding bloody mess
Another vent
Tw sh, sa, child neglect
If any of this triggers you please dont read any further
I have this friend ill call m for this that is really making me want to sh. Basically when I was younger I was sa as a child by my birth mom (who im no longer with or in contact with) and now I'm adopted by my aunt.however my 3 sister all younger than me are living in foster care with my grandpa now m knows all of this and more that I won't get into but she thinks she can tell me about my situation. I try to explain to her that I think of them as my half siblings since we all have different dads but my friend says that's not how it works and I get it might not but that term feels right to me but today she crossed the line.We were In class talking about families and we got to siblings and we had to raise are hands I wasn't going to since she was going to ask questions I knew I couldn't answer them(I saw them for the first time in 7 years a month ago and know their names only)but my friend made me put my hand up and got mad at me when I said I felt like I shouldn't and she kept persisting so I snapped at her and said that it's my life not yours and you don't and I feel like a shit friend for getting mad at her.but it makes me mad at m since she knows I was sa and neglected but she still says stuff like that and makes me feel like shit for even trying to to tell.i feel like a horrible friend and don't know how to fix this
If read all of this thank you for listening
If you have any advice or want to share a story feel free to say anything
sh made my skin so sensative i can barelly brush my fingers over it withough gasping from pain
I feel so empty. I don’t know if I can pretend to be positive or anything anymore. I’m so tired of this cycle and I can’t keep going. I don’t want to keep going.
Everything is failing. I’m pushing everyone away. Nobody fucking cares about me or loves me anymore. I don’t even know the last time I’ve actually felt loved by someone else, not even my own partner.
I don’t even deserve that love anyways, and I don’t say that in the self pity type of way, but I sincerely believe im just an awful person. I don’t deserve the support or the love that I have.
I feel like a shell of a person. I feel like Everytime it almost gets better it just crashes down and it fucking sucks. It sucks so bad. Nobody fucking understands and nobody cares about me enough to even willingly try to understand. I’m so hurt about everything.
I’ve been distancing myself away from everyone besides one friend of mine, and that’s only because he’s readily available and is okay with me staying the night all the time. And now I have a weird dependency problem, now I feel weird when im not at his house or not around him because I can’t be by myself anymore.
I was by myself yesterday and I cut myself. I cut so deep in my skin that I almost reached the third layer of it. I broke my glasses and now they don’t even fit me anymore, they’re crooked. I broke my guitar stand so now I have to lean my guitar against my wall. I threw so many things, I slammed so many things, I cried until my throat was raw from screaming about how much I want to die in my pillow.
I want to die. I haven’t felt so suicidal in so long. I’m so tired of living. One of these days I’ll make my final posts on here because I can’t keep doing this anymore. I don’t know if anyone is reading these or even following me, honestly, but I’m not doing it for them. I’m just venting because I have never felt so fucking alone in my life. I’m not going to be here much longer
I have never cried About how fucking hideous I was until today. I bawled my eyes out and got so aggressive I cut open my knuckles from punching my headboard too Hard. I tried aggressively cutting but that didn’t work so I beat the fuck out of myself and now my legs are swollen internally. I dont know what’s wrong with me but I am very scared and upset and I just wish that I was Loved
My hands got soaked in blood from punching my legs so hard it re-opened my self harm from a couple of hours ago
I feel so fucking destructive right now it’s taking everything in me not to fucking brutally stab my stomach over I’ve already sliced my damn legs up but that’s not enough anymore I need to be unrecognizable
It felt like I was back in that relationship all over again finding out she lied to me I feel like death I’m going to fucking relapse I hate this I hate my body I hate my everything I just wish I was cis I hate my self