Shakespeare - Blog Posts
Shakespeare Incorrect Quotes: Much Ado About Nothing 4
Benedick : Am I right, Beatrice?
Beatrice: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.
Hero: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars.
Hero, gesturing to Beatrice and Benedick fighting: And yet these idiots do it daily, and for free!
Friar Francis: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand?
Imogen: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list.
Benedick: I have been tricked, I have been backstabbed, and I have quite possibly been bamboozled.
Benedick: Why are you burning our marriage certificate!?
Beatrice: Good luck trying to return me without a receipt.
Hero: While I'm gone, you're in charge Claudio.
Claudio: Yes!
Hero, whispering to Beatrice: You're secretly in charge, but I don't want them to feel bad.
Beatrice: Obviously.
Beatrice: What do I get?
Benedick: A night of fashion, mischief, mayhem, and possible death.
Beatrice: Ooh, check, check, and check; not sure about that last one.
Benedick: It won't be you.
Beatrice: I'll get my coat.
Hero, pointing a camera at Beatrice: There they are, our sweet baby.
Beatrice, holding a cigarette and a beer: What-?
Beatrice: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think.
Claudio: I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don't want a lot of judgment and criticism.
Beatrice: And you came to me?
Claudio: Hero, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?
Hero: I don’t know, I love you, talk to you later.
Claudio: Alright, I love you too, I'll ask Benedick.
Hero: Wait- Claudio, no-
*At the police station*
Beatrice: Hi, I’m here for Benedick.
Police officer: Who’s Benedick?
Beatrice: Ah, you must be new.
Beatrice: All in all, a 100% successful trip.
Hero: But we lost Claudio.
Beatrice: All in all, a 100% successful trip!
Beatrice, to Claudio: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.
Hero: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.
Claudio: Mine just says "Claudio no."
Hero: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.
Beatrice: I didn't drink that much last night.
Hero: You were flirting with Benedick.
Beatrice: So what? They're my partner.
Hero: You asked if they were single.
Hero: And then you cried when they said they weren't.
Claudio: I only have 6 weeks left to live.
Don Pedro: Oh my god, really?!
Claudio: It's just a guesstimate based on the choices I've made.
Leonato: I just found out from Hero today that when Claudio died and the service did the 21-gun salute at their funeral, Beatrice said, “They should aim at the coffin to be sure.”
Beatrice: Benedick and I got married!!
Hero: Don't share your personal problems with everyone.
Beatrice: Claudio, this morning, I called you abhorrent and reprehensible, and I’d like to withdraw that statement-
Claudio: Aww, thanks-
Beatrice: But I can't. Those are the 2 words that best describe you.
Beatrice: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?
Claudio: Benedick, why are you standing in front of the fan?
Benedick: I’m waiting for Beatrice to look into our window when they come home. When the fan is blowing on me, I look like a fancy supermodel.
Claudio: You want Beatrice to think you’re a supermodel?
Benedick: Giving them eye candy is the least I can do. It’ll probably be the best part of their walk!
Claudio, sarcastically: You’re selfless.
Benedick: Thank you for noticing.
Hero: *trying to get five seconds of sleep*
Beatrice, poking Hero’s arm: Hero Hero. Hero. Hero.
Hero: WHAT?
Beatrice: …We’re out of Capri Suns—
Claudio: *working in a flower shop and minding their own business*
Benedick, storming into the store and slapping $20 on the counter: HOW DO I PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY SAY “FUCK YOU” IN FLOWER???
Claudio: Hey, Benedick? Can I get some dating advice?
Benedick: Just because I'm with Beatrice doesn't mean I know how I did it.
Beatrice: I hate you.
Benedick: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.
Benedick: Beatrice and I are no longer dating.
Beatrice: Benedick, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.
Claudio: How is the most beautiful person in the world?
Hero: *blushing* I—
Benedick, butting into the conversation: Beatrice is perfect, thanks for asking.
Incorrect Shakespeare Quotes: Much Ado About Nothing 3
Beatrice : I have very high standards, you know.
Benedick : I can make spaghetti...
Beatrice : Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!
Benedick : *on the phone* Hey Beatrice , do you know my blood type?
Beatrice : Of course, it's B negative.
Benedick : Oh, I guessed wrong. Excuse me, nurse-!
*Benedick and Beatrice are in Paris.*
Benedick : I'm...moved. I...I don't know what it is I'm feeling right now. I feel...destiny?
Beatrice : But...
Benedick : I don't know what it is. I feel like... I just never thought I'd see it with my own two eyes. And here it is. It's just there. It's right in front of me, and...
Beatrice : This is what you wanted to see? The bridge from Inception?
Benedick : Yeah.
Beatrice : But the Eiffel Tower is behind us, babe.
Benedick : Yeah, but this is the bridge FROM INCEPTION.
Beatrice : Okay, alright.
Benedick : Wait you like me? For my personality?
Beatrice : I know, I was surprised too.
Benedick , looking over Beatrice ’s shoulder: You can draw?
Beatrice , stopping what they were doing: You can speak?
Beatrice : BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!
Benedick : Can I ask a dumb question?
Beatrice : Better than anyone I know.
Benedick : What are you eating?
Beatrice : You wouldn't like it, it's really salty.
Benedick : I like you, don't I?
Beatrice : I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they’re all just posers.
Benedick : Beatrice, for the last time, we’re at a funeral.
Beatrice, to Benedick: Are you peanuts? Because I want to boil you alive.
Benedick : Guess what I'm about to get!
Beatrice : On my nerves.
Beatrice : What are you doing here?
Benedick : I could ask you the same question.
Beatrice : I live here. This is my house.
Benedick : I should probably ask you a different question.
Benedick : I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—
Beatrice : Hi.
Benedick : *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*
Benedick : Beatrice is playing hard to get.
Benedick : Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.
Hairdresser: How would you like your hair cut?
Beatrice : Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be badass.
Benedick : I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back.
Beatrice : Why are you telling me this, I don't care.
Beatrice , right after Benedick leaves the room: I miss them already.
Benedick : Beatrice , I sense hostility.
Beatrice : Good, because I hate you.
Benedick : Are you busy?
Beatrice : Yes.
Benedick : Cool, listen to this...
Beatrice : Can I ask you for a favor?
Benedick : I would literally die for you, but continue.
Beatrice : We need to talk about you starting sentences that way.
Beatrice : You are an absolute fucking dork.
Benedick , singing: Yeah, but I'm your dork!
Beatrice : *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.
Benedick , admiring a sleeping Beatrice : You’re so cute.
Beatrice , sleepily: I could beat your ass.
Benedick , lovingly: I know.
Benedick : Met a dumbass today. Awful.
Beatrice : You looked in a mirror?
Benedick : someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful.
Benedick: They don’t make them like me no more. I’m the last of my kind.
Beatrice: Thank god.
Benedick: Are we fighting or flirting?
Beatrice: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Benedick: Your point?
Beatrice: I can’t believe we have to be stuck in this room together!
Benedick, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate.
Benedick: We all have our demons.
Benedick, grabbing Beatrice: This one’s mine.
Benedick: Could you be anymore annoying?
Beatrice: Yes.
Benedick: This date is boring!
Beatrice: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.
Benedick: Then why did you invite me?
Beatrice: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Beatrice I'll do whatever I want!
Benedick: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm?
Beatrice: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.
Incorrect Shakespeare Quotes: Much Ado About Nothing 2
Benedick: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?
Benedick: Hey Beatrice, can you give me the opposite of these words?
Benedick: Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.
Beatrice: Never, Going, To, Give, You-
Beatrice: The fucking satisfaction.
Benedick, very tired: Can I sleep in your bed?
Beatrice: *half asleep* Benedick, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to themself* the Queen.
Benedick: *venting endlessly to Beatrice about their week*
Beatrice, every once in a while: *in a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.
Benedick: Beatrice, can I ask you a question?
Beatrice: You just did.
Benedick: Okay, can I ask you two questions?
Beatrice: You just did.
Benedick, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!
Beatrice: You just did.
Benedick: When?!
Beatrice: Just now.
Beatrice, to Benedick: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate!
Benedick: Valentines Day? I'm ready. *Sprays an entire can of AXE body spray on themselves*
Benedick: Tommorrow's garbage day.
Beatrice: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.
Beatrice: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.
Benedick: We have a problem.
Beatrice: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.
Benedick: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Beatrice: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Benedick: Yes.
Beatrice: I'd sleep.
Benedick: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.
Beatrice: Mine just says "Beatrice no."
Benedick: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.
Beatrice: I want to kiss you.
Benedick, not paying attention: What?
Beatrice: I said if you die, I wont miss you.
Beatrice: A fistfight CAN be romantic.
Beatrice: I've met a lot of pricks in my time, but you, Benedick, are a fucking cactus.
Benedick: You know, when I first met you I thought you were a real bitch.
Beatrice: What changed your mind?
Benedick: Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.
Benedick: I’m in love with you.
Beatrice: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.
Benedick: I know.
Beatrice: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-
Benedick: Even Beatrice and I have been getting closer. The other day, they gave me half of their sandwich.
Beatrice: I mistook them for a garbage can.
Leonato/Don Pedro: Woah dude, premarital handholding? That’s just not cool or groovy.
Beatrice : Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!
Beatrice/ Benedick: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.
Beatrice : If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.
Don John: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.
Beatrice : I love sarcasm! It’s like punching people in the face, but with words!
Benedick : My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie.
Beatrice : I'm not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.
Benedick , at Hero’s funeral: I need a moment with them.
Everyone: Of course. *They leave*
Benedick , leaning over Hero′s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.
Hero : Yeah, no shit.
Beatrice , to Benedick : How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?
Beatrice : If I may interject...
Benedick : Oh, awesome, Beatrice was eavesdropping.
Benedick: Can I bother you for a second?
Beatrice: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.
Beatrice: Hey, Benedick? I need advice.
Benedick: I’m pretty useless at giving advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment instead?
Beatrice: My hands are cold.
Benedick: Here, let me hold them.
Beatrice: My lips are cold too.
Benedick: *covers Beatrice's mouth with their hand*
Incorrect Shakespeare Quotes: Much Ado About Nothing 1
Benedick: Beatrice, I screwed up, big time.
Beatrice: Benedick, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.
*
Benedick: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Beatrice: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?
Benedick: I don't know, surprise me!
*
Beatrice: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.
Benedick: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?
Beatrice, already taking off their clothes: God, Benedick, you’re so fucking stupid.
*
Beatrice: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Benedick: I wrote you a poem.
Beatrice, already crying: You did?
*
Benedick: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?
Beatrice: Peonies, why?
Benedick:
Beatrice: Were you going to get me flowers?
Benedick:
Beatrice:
Benedick: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ
*
Benedick: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.
Beatrice: Go the fuck to sleep Benedick.
*
Beatrice: You’re overthinking this.
Benedick: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Beatrice. What if I’m underthinking?
*
Benedick: I have a problem.
Beatrice: Kill it.
Benedick: Can you chill for like, two seconds?
*
Benedick: Anyone down to take couples counseling and see at what point the therapist realizes we barely know each other?
Beatrice: Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.
*
Beatrice, laying in bed: Get out of my room.
Benedick, standing just outside of the door frame: I’m not in your room.
*
Beatrice, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend?
Benedick, who’s running the drive thru: …
Benedick: Tequila.
*
Beatrice: I don't know how to tell you this, but... I love you.
Benedick: That's great, Beatrice. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.
*
Beatrice: *standing on a balcony and sneezes*
Benedick: *standing on the roof* Bless you.
Beatrice: God?!
*
Benedick: Do we have any orange juice left?
Beatrice: *pours the remaining juice into their cup*
Beatrice: Sorry, we’re all out.
*
Benedick: Am I right, Beatrice?
Beatrice: I’m almost certain you’re not, but to be fair, I wasn’t listening.
*
Benedick: Hey, Beatrice. What kind of flowers do you prefer?
Beatrice: I like sunflowers.
Benedick, pulling out a bouquet of Venus Flytraps: Well, shit-
*
Benedick: Go fuck yourself.
Beatrice: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!
*
Beatrice: Don’t weep for the stupid. You’ll be crying all day.
*
Benedick: Capitalizing every word in a sentence is vomit inducing.
Beatrice: Enjoy Your Trip To Puke Land, Boy!
*
Beatrice: Benedick, can I ask you a question?
Benedick: Sure, anything.
Beatrice: Why don't you go back to your own house and leave us alone?
Hello and welcome to my tumblr! I post about the following fandoms:
- Star Wars
- Good Omens
- The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
- Doctor Who (I am most familiar with series 1-4)
- How to Train Your Dragon
- Shakespeare
- The Last of Us
- More to be added
I love talking about media critically, so feel free to comment on my posts, send me a meta question or fic prompt for any of the above fandoms and I’ll try my best to respond!
Here's THE masterpost of free and full adaptations, by which I mean that it's a post made by the master.
Anthony and Cleopatra: here's the BBC version, here's a 2017 version.
As you like it: you'll find here an outdoor stage adaptation and here the BBC version. Here's Kenneth Brannagh's 2006 one.
Coriolanus: Here's a college play, here's the 1984 telefilm, here's the 2014 one with tom hiddleston. Here's the Ralph Fiennes 2011 one.
Cymbelline: Here's the 2014 one.
Hamlet: the 1948 Laurence Olivier one is here. The 1964 russian version is here and the 1964 american version is here. The 1964 Broadway production is here, the 1969 Williamson-Parfitt-Hopkins one is there, and the 1980 version is here. Here are part 1 and 2 of the 1990 BBC adaptation, the Kenneth Branagh 1996 Hamlet is here, the 2000 Ethan Hawke one is here. 2009 Tennant's here. And have the 2018 Almeida version here. On a sidenote, here's A Midwinter's Tale, about a man trying to make Hamlet. Andrew Scott's Hamlet is here.
Henry IV: part 1 and part 2 of the BBC 1989 version. And here's part 1 of a corwall school version.
Henry V: Laurence Olivier (who would have guessed) 1944 version. The 1989 Branagh version here. The BBC version is here.
Julius Caesar: here's the 1979 BBC adaptation, here the 1970 John Gielgud one. A theater Live from the late 2010's here.
King Lear: Laurence Olivier once again plays in here. And Gregory Kozintsev, who was I think in charge of the russian hamlet, has a king lear here. The 1975 BBC version is here. The Royal Shakespeare Compagny's 2008 version is here. The 1974 version with James Earl Jones is here. The 1953 Orson Wells one is here.
Macbeth: Here's the 1948 one, there the 1955 Joe McBeth. Here's the 1961 one with Sean Connery, and the 1966 BBC version is here. The 1969 radio one with Ian McKellen and Judi Dench is here, here's the 1971 by Roman Polanski, with spanish subtitles. The 1988 BBC one with portugese subtitles, and here the 2001 one). Here's Scotland, PA, the 2001 modern retelling. Rave Macbeth for anyone interested is here. And 2017 brings you this.
Measure for Measure: BBC version here. Hugo Weaving here.
The Merchant of Venice: here's a stage version, here's the 1980 movie, here the 1973 Lawrence Olivier movie, here's the 2004 movie with Al Pacino. The 2001 movie is here.
The Merry Wives of Windsor: the Royal Shakespeare Compagny gives you this movie.
A Midsummer Night's Dream: have this sponsored by the City of Columbia, and here the BBC version. Have the 1986 Duncan-Jennings version here. 2019 Live Theater version? Have it here!
Much Ado About Nothing: Here is the kenneth branagh version and here the Tennant and Tate 2011 version. Here's the 1984 version.
Othello: A Massachussets Performance here, the 2001 movie her is the Orson Wells movie with portuguese subtitles theree, and a fifteen minutes long lego adaptation here. THen if you want more good ole reliable you've got the BBC version here and there.
Richard II: here is the BBC version. If you want a more meta approach, here's the commentary for the Tennant version. 1997 one here.
Richard III: here's the 1955 one with Laurence Olivier. The 1995 one with Ian McKellen is no longer available at the previous link but I found it HERE.
Romeo and Juliet: here's the 1988 BBC version. Here's a stage production. 1954 brings you this. The french musical with english subtitles is here!
The Taming of the Shrew: the 1980 BBC version here and the 1988 one is here, sorry for the prior confusion. The 1929 version here, some Ontario stuff here, and here is the 1967 one with Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. This one is the Shakespeare Retold modern retelling.
The Tempest: the 1979 one is here, the 2010 is here. Here is the 1988 one. Theater Live did a show of it in the late 2010's too.
Timon of Athens: here is the 1981 movie with Jonathan Pryce,
Troilus and Cressida can be found here
Titus Andronicus: the 1999 movie with Anthony Hopkins here
Twelfth night: here for the BBC, here for the 1970 version with Alec Guinness, Joan Plowright and Ralph Richardson.
Two Gentlemen of Verona: have the 2018 one here. The BBC version is here.
The Winter's Tale: the BBC version is here
Please do contribute if you find more. This is far from exhaustive.
(also look up the original post from time to time for more plays)
a doodle a day 2025- March!
This was an INCREDIBLE month- so making this was a tone of fun to look back on
I'm also late posting again... so you can peak at April's doodles 🤭
A doodle a day 2025- February
already 2 months in and haven't missed a day yet! Athough the post is a day late as I forgot It was already March (so catch a sneak peak of that doodle!)
Oh to be a heroine in a Jane Austen novel
me after drawing Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet in JoJo poses
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are balling.
nevertheless, we ball
Midsummer Nights Dream ending monologue
By Shakespeare
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends
If you’re still taking responses for the Stupid Innocuous Bleach Faves, I love that Ichigo reads Shakespeare. Like, he doesn’t just have a casual interest. He went to college to study English Literature and became a translator. The man really likes Shakespeare. And that makes me wonder, what’s Ichigo’s favorite comedy? Favorite tragedy? Historical play? Sonnet? Do he and Orihime look for theaters putting on Shakespeare productions for date nights? (Yes, and they have a great time.) Who does he talk to about Shakespeare? I’d like to think at first he only talks to Chad about it because Chad is a great listener. Then he meets Rukia and gets her into it because she loves drama. After he gets closer with Orihime he starts recommending plays to read: Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, Midsummer to start. It makes me wonder what other authors he enjoys. Agatha Christie? Jane Austen? Mark Twain? Who knows? Anyway, I just love that Ichigo is a book nerd. Specifically a Shakespeare nerd.
Stupid Innocuous Best Fave
MAN I wish I knew more about Shakespeare so I could pick out all the plays and sonnets that would be Ichigo's faves! But I've only read the few plays you get through the US public school system (mine were Romeo and Juliet, A Midsummer's Night Dream, The Merchant of Venice, one of the King Henry plays, and a truly terrible high school production of Julius Caesar, which was also somehow both a sci-fi AU and a musical) and one quarter of Jacobean Shakespeare in undergrad. BUT I agree with everything you've listed here and all of these headcanons, and want to add one more.
Ichigo's favorite filmic adaptation of Shakespeare is The Merchant of Venice (2004), because Al Pacino, ICHIGO'S FAVORITE ACTOR, plays Shylock, and imho does it absolutely splendidly. He is just so good at speaking Shakespearean English and making it sound fluid and natural:
Granted, I haven't seen this movie in like 15 years, so ymmv, but I would 100% watch it again--both for Al Pacino and for Ichigo!
whilst studying Hamlet for school you could tell who were studying psychology and/or had a Greek mythology phase and who hadnt by the groans when the teacher brought up the slide tired 'Oedipus complex'
Misquotation: “Lead on, Macduff”
In the final scene of Shakespeare’s Macbeth, Macbeth, brought to bay by the wronged Macduff, challenges his enemy and nemesis to fight in the last words he speaks in the play:
Lay on, Macduff; And damned be him that first cries, ‘Hold, enough!’
The first three words have given rise to humorous alteration, as in Rider Haggard’s King Solomon’s Mines (1885):
‘Are ye prepared to enter the Place of Death?’ asked Gagool, evidently with a view to making us feel uncomfortable. ‘Lead on, Macduff,’ said Good solemnly, trying to look as though he was not at all alarmed.
From Oxford Dictionary of Quotations.
In class a couple days ago, we were talking about sonnets and & other forms of poetry. We were talking about Petrarch and I jokingly mentioned that he was a simp.
My teacher seriously just laughed and replied:
The Virgin Shakespeare VS The Chad Petrarch
Fanart of my schools version of Macbeth.
tchaikowsky donating his skull to the royal shakespeare company in the hopes of becoming yorick is the most dramatic ass dark academia shit ever and you can’t convince me otherwise