Smallishbeans - Blog Posts

Welcome, all, Stratos' most humble of Gods

Behold

Inktober Day 26: Ego

I have broken my cardinal rule. I made angst of The Boys ™️

My poor dear cursed duo.

Inktober Day 18: Scrape

Incorrect quotes the beloved

Jimmy, obviously disheveled from falling 20 feet: oh am I being flirted at right now?

Inktober Day 7: Trip

Edit: I decided to make it a series

Part 1 [Here]

Part 2

Guys it finally worked ohmygod

The qualities botched, but I looks better when you click it, I promise

Think of it as a housewarming gift! Or a Welcome Back gift? Whichever works haha

Ya dudes been catching up with series let's go

Immense Empires brainrot, they're gonna be memed.

The peak of my comedic career right here

Just a little goblin dude makin friends with his sky neighbor god, nothing to see here

Behold!!! My nutcase-ary and being too obsessed with Song Association Games

THE BAD BOYS ARE HERE 😎✨✨

I have new hyperfixation and I'm gonna make it everyone's problem

I think it’s pretty telling that jimmy dying marked the disbanding of the bad boys. He was the connecting thread of the group. In limited life grian and Joel didn’t have much of a dynamic outside of their shared love of bullying jimmy. So When he died the remaining two bad boys had zero cohesion and started acting on their own.

Joel wanted revenge and grian wanted survival 

I really think that it would have been different if Joel or grian had been the one to die instead of jimmy.

If grian had died then jimmy probably would’ve joined joel on his revenge quest.

And If Joel died Jimmy would have stuck with grian so he could annoy him.

This is empires season 1 king Joel’s weapon of choice

Empires smp god au

Pearl Goddess of the harvest and farming her title was literally the farmer pearl and in the past people kept track of harvest by looking at the phases of the moon and positioning of the constellations

Lizzie the trickster goddess of the ocean and government ocean because in season one she was a fish goddess and government because in season two she was a mayor and in both she is a scam artist trying to make a profit through morality ambiguous means

Joel god of thunder and art in canon he is the god of thunder and if anyone in empires was a art god it would be the guy that sculpted clones of himself and built stratos/mezalia

Katherine goddess order and balance and duality she fights evil by transforming from the pretty pink princess to the axe wielding warrior and as lady Katherine of the overgrown she is the one that is neutral the one that Try’s to keep order

Jimmy is The god of death for obvious reasons

Joey is the god of wealth and desire because he is a pirate and pirates like gold also he steals from false and really wants to get in xornoth s pants he also Katherine’s (understandable)

Shubble is the goddess of nature and the wild because her whole wolf thing she had going on in the first season of empires and the infected outlaw thing she had in season 2

Scott god of the passage of time and the four seasons (and rainbows) because he has connections to flowers (spring) in life series and stars in origin smp and winter in empires smp

Pix god of messengers and prophecies( he is in charge of the recaps that gives people information they might have missed also he is a prophet)

Fwhip god of fire and revenge because in both seasons of empires he has had a stubborn heated rivalry with jimmy and did not take the break up well also in art his hair is fire truck red

Gem goddess knowledge and magic because she as the wizard gem she is a powerful magician and because as the princess of dawn she teaches others about the sun god also the wizard gems empire is literally a school

Sausage love and family and lust because he is known for his platonic love (Hermes and Eddie and pearl) and let’s say his passionate spicy love( pole dancing and flirting)

Oli god of music and insanity he is a bard and who’s words make zero sense to everyone and watching him you get sensory overload ( he is the oldest but nobody believes him)

false goddess of mystery and adventure and new beginnings because she is lost her memory and is a very adventurous person also do to the lost memories she basically started from square one when she came to empires

Empires smp god au joel

Joel is the youngest of the gods and was once a human but his wife lizzie cashed in a favor from Katherine to ask shubble to give him some of her domain

You see gods are born with one domain but usually (with one exception) gain more or completely change their domains as they grow so

because he was a human he needed more then the others to jumpstart his immortal life so not only did lizzie give her storm and vapor aspects to him but she used the favor to get stubble to give him her god of animals aspect 

Jimmy hated Joel at first because he is the death god and he thought it was unjust that a human was exempt from death 

Joel dresses like a Roman but he is an artist and has some wild in him so he has punk inspiration sprinkled into his outfit 

Rachel Bloom - Rock You Like A Hurricane

CG5 - I'm A Natural

Tova - Natural Disaster

Bonus for human joel and Lizzie before he ascended 

Panic! At The Disco: New Perspective

I like to think that the gods are living in modern day but they dress in clothes from their favorite time periods

they have all lived for a very long time and they have seen many fashion trends come and go but even as the time passes and fashion evolves they keep the bits they like while adding details that hint at their domains

Jimmy is a cowboy attending a funeral

oli is a medieval bard that has crazy neon colors the bards of the past didn’t have access to in there time

Joel is a Roman toga but a little modernized and artistic

the most up to date with clothes is probably scott he represents the passing of time so he changes his clothes more frequently but not to keep up with

False changes often as well but not to keep up with the trend but instead as the goddess of adventure she loves to try new things and takes inspiration from many different periods she never dresses the same twice but even then she is very practical and casual only choosing to wear clothes she can move around in

Most of them choose a style and stick to it for decades until something new catches their interest

Scott who’s is intertwined within the passing of time changes so his clothes more frequently but not as much as false

pix has the oldest style that doesn’t require him to show a lot of skin probably from Babylon or something really old

so they are very mismatched and look as if they were plucked out wildly different time periods

@weird-king-eli

Empires smp god au

Pearl Goddess of the harvest and farming her title was literally the farmer pearl and in the past people kept track of harvest by looking at the phases of the moon and positioning of the constellations

Lizzie the trickster goddess of the ocean and government ocean because in season one she was a fish goddess and government because in season two she was a mayor and in both she is a scam artist trying to make a profit through morality ambiguous means

Joel god of thunder and art in canon he is the god of thunder and if anyone in empires was a art god it would be the guy that sculpted clones of himself and built stratos/mezalia

Katherine goddess order and balance and duality she fights evil by transforming from the pretty pink princess to the axe wielding warrior and as lady Katherine of the overgrown she is the one that is neutral the one that Try’s to keep order

Jimmy is The god of death for obvious reasons

Joey is the god of wealth and desire because he is a pirate and pirates like gold also he steals from false and really wants to get in xornoth s pants he also Katherine’s (understandable)

Shubble is the goddess of nature and the wild because her whole wolf thing she had going on in the first season of empires and the infected outlaw thing she had in season 2

Scott god of the passage of time and the four seasons (and rainbows) because he has connections to flowers (spring) in life series and stars in origin smp and winter in empires smp

Pix god of messengers and prophecies( he is in charge of the recaps that gives people information they might have missed also he is a prophet)

Fwhip god of fire and revenge because in both seasons of empires he has had a stubborn heated rivalry with jimmy and did not take the break up well also in art his hair is fire truck red

Gem goddess knowledge and magic because she as the wizard gem she is a powerful magician and because as the princess of dawn she teaches others about the sun god also the wizard gems empire is literally a school

Sausage love and family and lust because he is know for his platonic love (Hermes and Eddie and pearl) and let’s say his passionate spicy love( pole dancing and flirting)

Oli god of music and insanity he is a bard and who’s words make zero sense to everyone and watching him you get sensory overload ( he is the oldest but nobody believes him)

false goddess of mystery and adventure and new beginnings because she is lost her memory and is a very adventurous person also do to the lost memories she basically started from square one when she came to empires

Empires smp god au

Pearl Goddess of the harvest and farming her title was literally the farmer pearl and in the past people kept track of harvest by looking at the phases of the moon and positioning of the constellations

Lizzie the trickster goddess of the ocean and government ocean because in season one she was a fish goddess and government because in season two she was a mayor and in both she is a scam artist trying to make a profit through morality ambiguous means

Joel god of thunder and art in canon he is the god of thunder and if anyone in empires was a art god it would be the guy that sculpted clones of himself and built stratos/mezalia

Katherine goddess order and balance and duality she fights evil by transforming from the pretty pink princess to the axe wielding warrior and as lady Katherine of the overgrown she is the one that is neutral the one that Try’s to keep order

Jimmy is The god of death for obvious reasons

Joey is the god of wealth and desire because he is a pirate and pirates like gold also he steals from false and really wants to get in xornoth s pants he also Katherine’s (understandable)

Shubble is the goddess of nature and the wild because her whole wolf thing she had going on in the first season of empires and the infected outlaw thing she had in season 2

Scott god of the passage of time and the four seasons (and rainbows) because he has connections to flowers (spring) in life series and stars in origin smp and winter in empires smp

Pix god of messengers and prophecies( he is in charge of the recaps that gives people information they might have missed also he is a prophet)

Fwhip god of fire and revenge because in both seasons of empires he has had a stubborn heated rivalry with jimmy and did not take the break up well also in art his hair is fire truck red

Gem goddess knowledge and magic because she as the wizard gem she is a powerful magician and because as the princess of dawn she teaches others about the sun god also the wizard gems empire is literally a school

Sausage love and family and lust because he is known for his platonic love (Hermes and Eddie and pearl) and let’s say his passionate spicy love( pole dancing and flirting)

Oli god of music and insanity he is a bard and who’s words make zero sense to everyone and watching him you get sensory overload ( he is the oldest but nobody believes him)

false goddess of mystery and adventure and new beginnings because she is lost her memory and is a very adventurous person also do to the lost memories she basically started from square one when she came to empires

I was think that if there was a Steven stand in for the Gemcyt au it would be someone that has ties to both hermit craft and empires 

The candidates are Scott false gem and pix

but I guess since the au is mainly life smp it would be some that was in all three

If we’re only looking at people that are in all three smps then Scott or gem would be the best options because they are in all

but I think pix being the most diplomatic is the best choice if you’re looking for the most fitting personality out of the four

But it doesn’t have to be someone that is in all three @scrimblescromble made a post suggesting Hermes as the Steven figure and I think that is a good idea or at least having Hermes in the au is a good idea 

In my past post I wrote that sausage took some time to grow attached to the earth and I think that when sausage was with the crystal gems leading up to him contacting the diamonds he befriended a human kid that along with bubbles was the main reason for him finally decided to defect 

After he defected sausage moved back into the cave with gem and fwhip (the cave is were the reformed homeworld gems live like how lapis and peridot live on the farm) 

He would visit Hermes still and Hermes was unofficially adopted by crystal gems specifically sausage and joel and Lizzie 

Pix was a wreck making sure the three gems knew how to properly keep a human child alive also he was the one that ended up home schooling Hermes and teaching morals and being responsible

pix is the Greg of the au but he is more involved in gem problems and in Hermes education

In beginning jimmy was really jealous of Hermes because he’s used to being the youngest 

Like amethyst after Steven came along 

He acted like a jealous only child that got a new baby sibling only here he is a brother to the parents and not Hermes so an he’s an uncle figure 

so his situation is similar to yuri from spy x family only without the incesty vibes and he has nothing against the husband 

Lizzie was his diamond and big sister figure for the longest Time and still is but now that things are changing he has a hard time adjusting 

But just like amethyst he learns

inspired by @playername-player-of-games and @scrimblescromble

Gemcyt Jimmy and joel fusion

a joel and Jimmy fusion would look something referencing toy sheriff from season 2 and statue joel from season 1 

So they have very pale green skin like porcelain and they have arms that look kinda stitched together like frankensteins monster or patches of there skin are dark blue which is noticeable next to the pale green 

I head canon that Joel like pearl from Steven universe can shoot lasers from his sword but his looks like electricity 

There hair looks like a dolls and it is constantly floating like they have just been shocked with static electricity 

oh and their go to move would be to make water clones

inspired by @marblegroves and @playername-player-of-games

Gemcyt weapon headcanons

Lizzie has a whip that she wears around her waist and it looks like a cat tail 

Joel has Roman Gladius sword that shoots lightning like how in canon pearl can shoot a laser out of her spear and of course he can make clones of him self that can also wield a sword once he gives one to them

Jimmy has a giant shield like captain America but it’s shaped like an uno card he has a hard time lugging it around so he usually resorts to water manipulation which he is also very bad at 

Scott has a rapier that can freeze stuff with a gem stone that can change shades of blue 

Grian can make little bombs and big bombs 

Etho has ninja stars

Ren has claws

Pearl has an edgy scythe 

And Scar has a gun 

One of my favorite things in Steven Universe is fusion and my favorite part of fusion is the contrasting unique dance styles of the characters

so here is what I think the gemcyt characters individual styles are

Jimmy I don’t know the style but he has a lot of leg movements and kicks as a reference to his irl love of football 

Grian his style is disco because he had a hippie theme that one time and disco was around during that Time period also he uses that finger to the sky move to poke his partner because he is a little gremlin 

Joel does ballet like the pearls in cannon but even though he is not the shortest in this au he still over compensates by puffing out his chest like a peacock and he is on his tippy toes as much as possible and jumps into the air very often 

Lizzie Hula dancing because her design is based heavily on empires season one lizzie the ocean queen she takes inspiration from island dancing 

Cleo has very stiff movement because she is zombie Cleo and she dances like Michael Jackson in the thriller music video and she dances walk like an Egyptian because mummy’s are Kinda like zombies

Scott does not use his feet because as a sapphire floats and he does not use his legs he spins a lot and he has a very old Scottish style because he is Scottish 

Skizz dances like the prince from Cinderella because he is a prince amongst men 

My headcanon for the fusion between Jimmy and grian is that they are only able to fuse when they are flying together because it is the only time where they are in sink enough to fuse 

at any other time their fusion dance would result in a being to unstable to function but their shared love of flight is something they have in common and it is what unites them 

I love the idea of them doing a fusion dance in the sky because they are two of the only three in the cast that can fly and thus are the few that can fuse like that 

Also Because of this Whenever the bad boys all fuse grian and jimmy have to go up and fuse first then their fusion goes back down to fuse with Joel who can’t fly

this is inspired by @chrisrin and @cherrifire

Remember when Joel dressed up as ken for the Halloween party in tumble town and now Jimmy is also dressed as ken in new life 

they really do match but this time they probably didn’t plan it ahead of time 

My headcanons fallowing jimmy’s last episode

The entire time jimmy has been 15 and hit puberty very late just at the end that is why he jumped at the chance to have a mentor

also explains his rivalry with Joel in Greek myths gods are rather immature something about having enough power to do what ever you want with no consequences makes gods act like hormonal teens 

I think this jimmy is evo Jimmy

Jimmy was a 14 year old freshman and grian was 19 a senior that was held back a year 

It has been a year since evo ended so grian is 20 and Jimmy is 15 which makes his later bullying of Jimmy hilarious because he’s a young adult picking on a teenager 

He is the old sheriffs son I know the time is off because the old sheriffs said he was down there for thirty years but the only reason he knew that that was because he added 10 years for each chicken that died but chickens live 5-10 years so what if all the three chickens only lived 5 years each that would put him in there for 15 years

Just after his youngest son was born 

I think the sheriff might have suspected it due to his repeated statements that Jimmy is tiny and has wings like a fairy because jimmy’s mom is a fae 

The sheriff and jimmy’s mom met in the town because that area was always a hotspot for fae activity

The reason the sheriff didn’t leave his wife even though he didn’t want to be married is because she was a fae and was scared he would be cursed if he angered her and that is also why he started drinking 

When Hermes told sausage and joel that they were bad parents I found it hilarious but I have made it my goal to turn it into angst here’s what I came up with 

So Hermes became a teenager in a split second and was immediately overwhelmed with new strong hormone fueled emotions 

He yells at his father’s and tells them that they are terrible parents 

after he’s finished blowing up at them he fly’s off to cool down but when he finally returns his parents are gone and then don’t ever return 

the last thing Hermes ever told his parents is that they were horrible and he hated them 

And unlike us he has no clue why

Badboys soul eater au

Joel is a small short range hunting knife. a brutal close quarters weapon that always results in The users hands getting bloodied but etho wields him like a ninja would a throwing knife because he looks like kakashi who is a ninja. somehow this actually works out for them 

Jimmy is a chain whip with a lantern that has a flame in it that loudly explodes everything it touches as a result every person that has ever partnered with him has run for the hills the moment they realized how dangerous it is to control and others that already know dread having to work with such a destructive weapon. even his friends don’t want the potential catastrophe that could result except for tango who loves explosions and thinks the chains give him a fabulous aesthetic 

Grian is a bow and arrow not just the bow but also the arrows if scar shoots an arrow as far as he can then grian will be able to tell him where it landed and what is happening in the area. The bow materializes a new arrow when ever an arrow has been shot so scar can shoot multiple arrows that land in many different locations but Grian can’t be everywhere at once so he can only choose to be present at one location so when ever he transfers his consciousness to a single arrow he has to leave scar unattended as you can imagine he doesn’t like doing this 

On one of the many misadventure the bad boys had while they were traveling jimmy was taken by a cyclops. Joel wanted to run in and send the cyclops back to Tartarus on the spot but grian didn’t feel like dying that day and thought that it would be a better idea for him to distract the cyclops. so it was decided when the cyclops was busy with grian joel could sneak past and grab jimmy so they could all leave without being maimed.

And So it began grian put on a dress and for the rest of the rescue mission told Joel to only refer to him as Ariana Griande (he didn’t need to do this)

The two separated joel snuck towards jimmy while Ariana Griande taunted the cyclops into following him somewhere else but unfortunately Ariana Griande ran into a wall literally 

Fortunately there happened to be a hunter of Artemis nearby named Pearl. She helped the demigod by killing the cyclops that had cornered him. after the bad boys regrouped and things calmed down they got to talking she was a bit behind the times and didn’t get the reference so she tried to recruit Ariana Griande but when she found out the truth she backed off 

they left on good terms and it was during this enlightening conversation that the bad boys found out why they were being hunted by monsters nobody else could see and that they were demigods

please tell me more of your bad boys demigod au ???? its so good :D

maybe how they first met or smth???

I have not worked out how they met but I have thought of the ages they were when it happened

Jimmy and joel met first like in cannon they were the first bad boys 

Irl Jimmy is 26 Joel is 29 and grian is also 29 in the au they are aged down but have the same age gap 

Jimmy was 7 and joel was 10 and both of them had recently ran away when they ran into each other and decided to stick together 

Grian joined them a year later when he and joel were 11 and jimmy was 8

Grian actually ran away at 9 years old and didn’t start traveling with them until he was 11 which means he was on his own for 2 years before joining the bad boys and as a result knows what he’s doing more than the other two 

Bad boys pjo au

Jimmy is a child of poseidon and Lizzie is a child of Neptune because seablings. they have the same mortal mother like Jason and Thalia. they were separated at a young age similar to s1 empires canon but lizzie still remembers Jimmy while jimmy does not remember Lizzie because he was so young when they were split. There mom was good she loved them but they never new her because she got sick and died not long after jimmy was born. Lizzie felt responsible for her brother and when she got older she became aware of the monsters. She pieced together a theory she thought that the monsters were targeting her and while that was true she didn’t realize that they were after jimmy as well and she left to protect him 

Grian is a very mischievous child of Hermes. when his dad left his mom she broke down and became depressed these feelings led her to join a sketchy cult. grian was raised in this very restrictive environment but at a young age he knew he wanted get out and travel. as a child of Hermes he couldn’t stand to be stuck in one place for so long. like many Hermes kids he was a prankster and he got into a whole lot of trouble when ever he’d put his devious plans in place. He doesn’t hate his mom or dad but he tries not too think of them and tries to pretend they don’t exist. He ran away when he was super young and has never looked back 

Joel is a son of Demeter his father was a farmer until he happened across a whole lot of money and he moved them to the city. his father spoiled him with their new found wealth making it so joel grew to have a very expensive taste but Joel still missed the plants and nature so he started painting beautiful landscapes. like his father joel has a tendency to let power go to his head. Eventually the money ran out and they became homeless. Joel’s father kept spending money they didn’t have sending them into debt and joel grew to resent his dad. Like his mother joel has very extreme emotional reactions and when he or someone he likes is wronged he takes revenge. weather it’s pranks or competitions joel doesn’t do things in half’s 

like Thalia Luke and Annabeth they ran away young and found each other before making it to camp

Bad boys playlist

All 

Cruisin for a bruisin from teen beach movie 

Bang bang by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj

Bad boy by cascada 

Daughters of darkness by halestorm 

Candy store from heathers

Jimmy 

Break the rules by charli xcx 

Joel 

 I Can’t be tamed by Miley Cyrus 

Grian 

I’m the bad guy from wander over yonder

I love the bad boys and how they tell everyone that they’re bad boys but end up coming across as trying to hard and i already have ideas to start I’m imagining them as going over the top with the bad boy image they what so they dress in over the top edgy bad boy clothes 

Joel street punk/rocker wearing a leather jacket with a lot of spikes and pockets also cool sunglasses “given” to him by bdubs which bdubs got from gems sun cult also baggy pants that are just jimmys that he unnecessarily knifed in front of him for fun saying it was for style 

Inspiration Danny from grease and Sam from Danny phantom 

Jimmy pastel goth/scene kid he dyed his hair neon blue because I saw a picture of him with blue hair and he asked Scott for the teal dye he wears fingerless gloves that he cut himself he’s very proud of that and skinny jeans which are just Joel’s but they don’t fit and on his fist are truly a absurd number of bracelets 

Inspiration Neighthan Rot from monster high and avril lavigne

Grian he chose Victorian goth/steam punk but he didn’t feel like going out of his way so he got some suspenders and a ruffled shirt also stole scars top hat and some inventor goggles he swiped from a hermit because there is no shortage of mad scientist types on hermit craft and he called it a day 

Inspiration Entrapta from she ra Ciel Phantomhive from black butler 

I propose a new curse idea in empires called the curse of the mesa any empire that is located in that biome will have an emperor that is doomed to go insane and is associated with themes of delusions and denial there death will be the same as the ones before them they will die of heart break

tiny Tom headcannon

First things first tiny tom is a girl and a little bit bratty 

she is one of those kids that is obsessed with the idea of a fairy tale happily ever after and when she was abandoned she latched on to that idea and like Jimmy she has a depressing tally board to count the days her goal has not been reached but instead of it being for a train to be build it’s for the days of her not getting her idealized Prince Charming

She admires gem because she is a princess and just like her dads she has delusions about having authority and power so she’s very bossy to the annoyance of everyone plus her father is a god so it’s really bad

she inherited jimmy’s rigid morals and dislike of disrespect and ability to pick her self up

she inherited Joel’s expensive taste and god like strength and patience she doesn’t do things in halves

She loves her brother Hermes but is such a textbook annoying little sister that she manages to be the only that has ever driven the sweet Hermes to loose his patience

They had a very bad first meeting when she found she had a brother she got together a “contract’ and wanted Hermes to agree to unreasonable demands like letting her use his stuff or something like that

Don’t be mistaken Hermes loves her to but there relationship is not the best because he’s obviously the favorite of Joel and he inherited more god powers still she got super strength and is very much capable of picking up both her dads

When she’s older like in her tweens she started to look for parents and it was then she was told who they where

So She went to meet them and when she met Joel it wasn’t good he told her to go back to where she was and when she got pissed he pointed her towards Jimmy so she would take her complains to him instead

Jimmy agreed to let her stay and is very strict but she is the stereotypical bratty daughter so as you can imagine they bicker o lot she also has super strength which makes disciplining her very difficult 

she hates living in tumble town because it’s dirty and she has to do dirty chores she longs to live in stratos but She doesn’t have a roof over her head there and because she still wants to connect to her dads she stays in tumble town

whenever Joel comes he gives her random gifts to piss off jimmy and she worships the ground joel walks on because she is desperate for his approval but she doesn’t respect her other dad who hops from underestimating and babying her to showing disapproval whenever she does something childish

Jimmy try’s to be a dad but the last time he saw her she was a kid and he missed a lot 

over time they do get close but jimmys has a lot to learn and toms got a lot of maturing to do before she gets the picture