Adding on to the vent.
Tw/cw: suicide mention, suicidal thoughts, and shit like that
What do you do when in past lives you were disabled but still did stuff that you can't in this life?
What do you do when you realize that you should be more able to do stuff in this life but you are less able?
What do you do when you can't even talk about most of this to most people you know in person cause they wouldn't understand and would hate you?
What do you do when you want to make yourself more disabled than you already are?
What do you do when you are so close to trying to end it all because you can't see why you should keep living?
What do you do when you don't even think you could end it all cause you're scared and just not really wanting to end it all?
What do you do when you can't mention this to people cause you don't want to be sent away even when the place you're currently at sucks?
What do you do when you want to live but you want to die?
- Shay 🐾
Little vent from us. We are kinda going through some shit rn.
We don't think there are any tw/cw but if there are let us know.
What do you do when you realize that you might not be able to work a "normal" job or maybe any job at all ever?
What do you do when you realize that your disabilities affect what you are able to do in ways that are so against what you wanted to do and what you wish you could do?
What do you do when disabilities are actually disabling?
What do you do when other people don't understand even when they are disabled themselves?
What do you do in any situations where disabilities affect what happens?
What do you do when you need to tell people and make them understand that you are disabled and that means you can't do the same things as others?
- Shay 🐾
What do you do when you are disabled?
Time for more bad memories from my life as Zuki. I have debated about posting this a few times but I think I need to, to get it off my chest or whatever you wanna say.
Tw/cw: (failed) suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, self harm, death of a family member, grief, and abuse. Let me know if I missed any tw/cw.
There were times right after I turned 14 years old as Zuki (my aunt, who I looked up to so much, died on my 14th birthday so yeah) that I ended up going to the top of my middle school building [I couldn't fly at the time] and was debating jumping from it, I never did.
But a few days after my 14th birthday, all the grief and anger and shit I felt from my aunt's death (she was a hero, and she died fighting some villains) had gotten to be too much for me to deal with and I went to a part of the middle school that pretty much no one went to and pretty much everyone wouldn't have cared about me anyways.
Anyway, I went to the secluded place of the school and I had a knife in my backpack, I always carried it with me, not only because of self-harm tendencies but also because it was a gift from my aunt who died. I thought I was alone, cause who in their right mind would be in this part of that school? (Neither of us there were in our right mind, so I guess that answers that, lol).
Anyway, I took the knife and cut pretty deep on my arms and legs. I had put down something, I think it was my jacket, to try and make less of a mess with the blood cause I didn't wanna cause too much more trouble, lol. But someone who I didn't really know well (I kinda wish it stayed that way, but whatever) came and helped me to the nurse's room. If that nurse could have let me just die, she would've, but she didn't wanna get in trouble with my older sibling, lol.
Anyways, that nurse just did the bare minium, so I wouldn't die. I talked a bit with the girl who saved me. She seemed nice (seemed is the key word there). After the school day ended, it was like only an hour or so cause I did this during my free period, which was my last 'class' of the day. After the bell rang, I walked to a little medical building that [mainly] was for those with no quirks, hated quirks, etc. So because of this, it didn't have a mandatory reporting thing, which was good for me, cause I didn't want anyone else to know that I tried to kill myself and failed. But yeah, the lady who helped me then was very nice and I would continue to go there when I needed medical stuff.
The girl who saved me, about a week or so later, came up to me and said she liked me romantically. While I am (was?) cupioromantic, I didn't know that at the time, so I thought I liked her romantically as well, so I told her that and we started dating.
It was great at first, but after about 2 weeks or so of dating, she started to hurt me, while I did technically know this wasn't good, I had believed it had to be different here and that she was still good and everything (she wasn't, the abusive asshole).
Eventually, when I was like 15 and ½ years old or something like that, I realized I didn't feel romantic attraction at all and told my 'girlfriend' and broke up with her. It didn't go well.
She ended up stabbing me a few times, shit happened. Afterwards, I went to that same medical building I mentioned before and they helped me not die.
Eventually, I realized that my ex was probably only with me cause she wanted someone easy to hurt and shit. Idk just probably wasn't love from her end.
- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it) | I could go more into detail about probably all of this but I'm not gonna right now