The Signs - Blog Posts
What we forget about the elements
Fire - Aries, Leo, Sagittarius: Fire is not just limitless energy that gives and gives, these Signs are not the joyous, endlessly outgoing people they are portrayed to be. Fire is also the Element of destruction, hunger and pain. Fire Signs are not just happy go lucky kids, they're hungry for power, they're determined, they're not to be reckoned with.
Earth - Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn: Earth is the Element of support and cold strength but without the proper care and attention Earth becomes lifeless, unable to create and maintain the way these Signs are meant to. Earth Signs need interaction, attention, and care the same as all other Elements to stay as strong as they are.
Air - Gemini, Libra, Aquarius: Air is known for its focus on the mental and avoidance of emotion but these are not the mechanical people they are often portrayed as. Air Signs need to interact with others, to speak and communicate about all things, including emotion. Connecting with others is always key to this Element. They are warm and open, not cold or inhuman.
Water - Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces: "Emotional" is the word that comes to mind when most think of Water Signs but we often misinterpret "emotional" for "sad" or "weak". Water Signs feel their every emotion: rage, desire, joy - every single one - as if it were a tidal wave. They are in touch with their true selves and there is nothing more powerful than that.
*Remember to check your dominant element*
Normal Horoscope:
Aries: You’ve got some frog skeletons AND a matchbook. You are fuckin set aries. You’re good, nothing can stop you.
Taurus: Today for tauruses, switching to spanish for uno momento will cause you to burst into flames so dont do that.
Gemini: Strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet, and friends are archenemies that havent tried to kill you yet.
Cancer: Today your illicit plans will cross the border into a full on fiendish plot. Congratulations cancer!
Leo: Instinct will kick in when you realize you havent dug up any old grave, you dug up the grave of famous Belgian painter James Ensor.
Virgo: Turbo Botany.
Libra: All is done Libra. Let the past wash over you like a bathtub full of orange soda.
Scorpio: Never attribute to bad luck that which can be attributed to a CIA counterintelligence operation.
Ophiuchus: No way of telling until you try. Wear insulated clothing, and the stars say not heat insulated, electrical insulation.
Sagittarius: The heavenly bodies align to protect you today Sagittarius. If you get into trouble, the planet Jupiter will show up with a switchblade.
Capricorn: No rest for the wicked, and that includes you.
Aquarius: Communication. Write your affections on your significant other in permanent marker while they are asleep. Apologize profusely afterwards.
Pisces: When I asked the stars for your fortune they showed me a bunch of leaves they had glued to the wall so it spelled out “God is Dead”.