Tw Mentions Of Sa - Blog Posts

Sharing Alastor Headcanons

@lonely-lost-insanity (you should go check out her blog) and I were sharing headcanons about our mutual favorite babygirl piece of shit and I decided to post mine here

we borrowed @head---ache 's character ask game for inspiration on this one, so bare with me here. (also if you like Sonic, you should check them out too)

🏳️‍🌈 A sexuality headcanon: Asexual and completely sex repulsed, mostly because both the fluids involved, and other people's genitals completely repulse him. He also deals with feelings of severe shame any time he gets aroused, but that's more of a gender identity crisis than anything

🏳️‍⚧️ A gender headcanon: Though he's primarily masculine presenting, Alastor is actually genderfluid, though he only learned about it recently. Angel is the one who caught on and talked to him about it, and currently the only one who knows since Alastor isn't confident enough about it to tell anyone else

😇 A headcanon about their religion/lack thereof: His maternal grandmother was a slave who was originally from Haiti, so he grew up following the practices of Hatian Vodou. He was actually training to become a Oungan (similar to a priest for those unfamiliar) before his mother died and he got shipped off for the Great War

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood: He used to have a little hand-sewn frog plush that he cared for for years until his dad burned it in a fit of rage. Alastor never forgave him for that because it was a gift from his grandmother

👻 A headcanon about what scares them: He has a phobia of dogs from his death, but he's also scared of heights and confined spaces, and thunder gives him flashbacks to mortar fire

🎶 A headcanon about music: He has listened to and enjoys a lot of modern music, but only plays it when he thinks he's alone - Vaggie was Shook to find him rocking out to Insane Clown Posse while making breakfast one morning

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of there: Alastor is actually weirdly good with guns after his time in the military - they're one of the things he makes sure he's always up to date on just in case of an emergency. He can take one apart and put it back together while telling you the caliber it shoots and the brand it is. He also owns a surprising number of them, and usually keeps at least one on his person at all times

💤 A headcanon about their sleep: He has the worst insomnia, but likes to pretend that he just doesn't need sleep to seem mysterious. When it gets really bad, he'll just drink until he either blacks out or temporarily dies of alcohol poisoning. He says it's the same thing as sleeping. It's not

🦾 A disability headcanon: He had a serious hip injury when he was a kid that never healed right, and while he was in combat, the knee on the same side was severely injured. It doesn't bother him too often now, but the cane he always has isn't for show - he keeps it on him to store part of his power, and to have on-hand in case his injuries flare up (which, rather inconveniently, starts happening more after his fight with Adam - when he no longer has a cane)

💝 A headcanon about their love language: His love language is primarily touch which both makes his touch aversion easier and harder to navigate. If he likes you, he can usually get comfortable enough to express his love language, but on his bad days, he just has to go without his primary form of comfort because it would make everything worse

🫂 A friendship headcanon: Alastor and Vaggie can actually get along quite well when they put their minds to it - they're both down to earth and naturally pessimistic (though Alastor hides it better), both love spicy food, and lived surprisingly similar lives (not super similar, but moreso than they'd thought). Alastor becomes okay with Vaggie's touch faster than he did with Husk when they'd first become friends

💔 An angsty headcanon: Despite her best efforts, Alastor's mother didn't actually love him. Alastor was the result of a rape, and after he was born, she repeatedly debated smothering him - all the way until she died. Alastor knew deep down, but she still cared about him and showed him affection on her good days which is more than his father ever did, so Alastor always figured that he could just love enough for the both of them

🪢 A headcanon about their family: Alastor;s grandmother was actually the one to begin teaching Alastor about Vodou since she was a Mambo (female priest for those unfamiliar), but she died when he was 6 so he started learning from his mom and an older woman a few blocks away

📓 A headcanon about their hobbies: He actually really enjoys drawing and has countless sketchbooks with everything from ideas for furbies (straight up furby ocs lol) to landscapes to random doodles, to portraits. If anyone ever picked up one of his sketchbooks and looked through it, he would immediately die of pure embarrassment. The only things he wants people seeing are the things he shows them

👗 A headcanon about their clothes: He much prefers dresses and skirts (if wearing shorts or boxers underneath) to pants because he likes the way they move, look, and feel, but since he isn't confident in his gender identity yet, he refuses to wear them

🔪 A headcanon relating to fighting/violence: He's actually really good at hand-to-hand combat because of his time in the military, and he only improved once he went to Hell and fought all the overlords at the time. If he and Vaggie were to spar, it would be pretty close, but he could most likely beat her

🌟 A headcanon about their desires/wishes: Sometimes, Alastor wishes that he didn't have such a hard time with being touched - he can still remember the times his mother would go to touch him lovingly and he'd shy away from her, and he knows he can never go back and change it

🥇 A headcanon about what they’re best at: Overall, his greatest skill is his ability to read people. It stems from his traumatic ass life when reading people's mood had the potential to save him from getting a beating. Now it's saved his skin on multiple occasions - from interactions with his owner to spats with Vox or other beings more powerful than himself, he knows how to talk people into revealing their plans without them ever realizing they'd done so. It's also a skill that's gotten him in plenty of trouble, but for the most part it's saved his ass

🍫 A headcanon about food: He does like some sweets, but he can only have them in moderation - except for any coffee-based dessert. He would KILL for a whole tray of tiramisu

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about: His relationship with his father. He always claims that he's always hated his father, but deep down there's a part of him that wishes he'd gotten his approval/love, and missed the father he'd have once in a blue moon when the man was in a pleasant enough mood to deal with his son

❤️‍🔥 A romantic headcanon: While he personally has no wish to have a romantic relationship, he's a sucker for reading about the sweet ones who will always go back for each other

💄 An appearance headcanon: He has fawn spots all over his back and shoulders, and it's symbolic of the fact that a large part of him died the day his mother did - when he was just a child

🖕 A headcanon relating to anger: Alastor doesn't like lashing out at people when he's angry because it makes him feel like his father. The problem is that he has a pretty short fuse naturally, so he usually just buries his claws into his palm until he bleeds to try and calm down. If he can feel an explosion coming on, he'll go to his room, lock the door and put up a sound muffling ward before destroying his furniture in a fit of rage. when he calms down, he fixes everything with magic and apologizes to the picture of his mother he keeps on his mantle before going back to what he was doing before

😺 An animal related headcanon: Surprisingly enough, dogs actually really like him which is unfortunate because of his hatred (read: phobia) of them. They'll go up to him begging for affection and he immediately starts having trauma flashbacks to his death

😬 A headcanon about the worst thing they’ve done: If you asked him, he would say that it was the fact he helped his father bury his mother's body after he murdered her, but Alastor had no choice in the matter since he was so little and the only other option would have been to die with her

😭 A headcanon about the worst thing that happened to them: He faced different types of torture for the entire 7 years he was gone. Sexual, physical, mental, emotional, you name it, Alastor probably experienced it. Then he was just shoved back into the world and told to get to work, so he still hasn't dealt with anything

😶 A random headcanon: He's a surprisingly great runner. Like yk those videos of track relay races where one person is easily catching up to everyone else after their team was falling behind? Yeah, that's basically Alastor. And he only got better at it after going to Hell and getting deer legs - which are made for running. He's got really good form too, to the point where you'd think he did track or something but nope - entirely self taught

Alastor's contractor wants to see him. It turns out She isn't happy about his recent slip ups...

This is part 4 in the Therapy Pig Fat Nuggets series, and be warned there is rape in this one. It's only a couple paragraphs, and it's marked in the notes, but if you want to avoid this part, there will be a brief summary of the important details in the next part of the series

Also, I'm going to tag everything relating to this series with 'TPFN Series' so it's easier to keep track of

Me

Please DNI if you get triggered by mentions of SA/CSA.

Read at your own discretion.

This is a true story, unfortunately. I hope no one will have to experience this.

Hasn’t been checked for misspellings/grammar/punctuation.

Queue a petite, blonde haired girl, 6 years old and just trying to live through being bullied. She’s only in prep, the grade before grade 1, but she’s already more mature than all of her classmates and more. 

She’s only 6, but really, she’s 16. 

She should not know what sex is, yet.

She should not have felt what sex is like, yet.

But she has, and she doesn’t realise that what she was taught is ‘sex’, wasn’t truly sex at all.

Her brother, only a few years older than her, already in grade 5 and way too knowledgeable about porn, wanted to ‘see what it feels like’.

He asked her to try it out with him.

She didn’t know any better.

He’s her brother, right? She trusts him.

It happens once.

Then again the next week

He’s ‘just practicing’ he says.

She’s confused; finally asks her parents how babies are made.

They choke on their spit and eventually give her a brief ‘birds and the bees’ explanation.

It wasn’t enough to teach her.

It happens again

And again

And again.

It goes on for a long time.

Still she doesn’t understand it fully. But by this time, she’s craving it. She still trusts her brother, and he always has fun when they do it. Why wouldn’t she like it? 

It’s a new routine.

She still doesn’t understand.

One day, her brother makes a sex joke. He’s 12 now, so it’s expected. She know’s better, about what sex is. She realises maybe what they were doing was sex, so she laughs along with the joke and eventually tells her mom that they had sex.

She’s shocked. 

She doesn’t believe her.

But she moves her out of their shared room, and now she has a room to herself. 

Eventually, the events are forgotten completely.

Until she grows up.

And she remembers.

By now, she’s been taught the difference between sex and rape. 

She’s distraught. Her brother knew what he was doing, he should have known better.

Why didn’t he stop?

Now she realises why she is so hypersexual. 

She hates it; she hates her mind and body for constantly being sexual - why can’t she just be ‘normal’, she’d think to herself.

She doesn’t realise it’s a trauma response.

Now, whenever her chronic depression plays up (effects of being bullied every year of primary school), she has severe breakdowns because she remembers it all.

It plays through her mind like a vhs tape and she can’t seem to shake it.

She wants to get help.

She never does.

How does one learn to accept and move on from the fact that her own brother took advantage of her? 

She can’t tell her family about it, especially not when her family is already very fucked up.

These days, she is close with her brother, after all, he’s the only one who can relate to her with their family problems.

But how is she supposed to act around him now that she realises that what he did to her was severely fucked up?

She’s messed up, but she can’t show weakness.

Not now that she is a leader at school, in her graduating year. 

Not now that she will be leaving for uni soon, not now that she has all eyes on her.

She doesn’t cry, but she wants to.

Her body aches; in pain from the memory of it all.

He doesn’t remember, or at least he chooses not to remember.

Her friends don’t really care, when she told them.

To them, it’s some far away experience that most of them will never experience or relate to, which is a good thing for them. But for her? Not so much.

How is she supposed to move on, when her friends don’t fully grasp or care about it? 

She certainly doesn’t know.

And so the memory keeps playing; and she keeps feeling disgusted about herself, about the way she liked it when she was younger. She knows she didn’t know any better, but how does she move on?

She hates herself because of the actions of others, 

And so she contemplates on whether to end it all or not.