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⠀⠀⠀ il tuo viso angelico ೀ

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☒ 🍼　 ∿　 ⁺

𓇼 ˙ ₊ ─ 𝟷𝟷:𝟷𝟷 ─ ₊˙ 𓇼

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@wo-nai

˃˂﹒🩹 ✢ sweet lullaby.

- ̗̀ ˖ 𖥔 🐑 🧁 ୨ ﹋₊ ˚.

୨୧ porcelain doll, like or reblog if use/save

✶ ׅ ࣪ . ✶ ׅ ࣪ .

ꕤ ៸៸៸ 🕰️ ˖ ⌒ ᵔᴗᵔ

ꕤ ៸៸៸ 🕯️ ˖ ⌒ ᵔᴗᵔ

Wonyoung ˖ ࣪⟡ — pink moodboard ⋆｡˚ ⤾

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR ─ expect the unexpected.

❛ you're so lovely, when you cry, it hurts me ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Sunjae rang the doorbell and stood nervously before Eunyoung's front door, anticipating someone to open the door. All day, only thoughts of Eunyoung occupied his mind. Worry clouded his thoughts as he kept wondering how she was doing, would she be okay, would she miss him? A few moments later, just as he was about to leave because he thought no one must be there to open the door, Eunyoung's mother opened the door, glaring down at him spitefully.

"You must be Sunjae," she said unblinkingly, "I've heard a lot about you."

"I'm here to see Eunyoung," he blurted out, swallowing his fear, "Yumi said she was sick."

"Wait here."

And she disappeared into the house. Sunjae took off his shoes and stepped into their living room. He was met with a sense of familiarity, recalling the day he found out he could never swim again, and Eunyoung was there for him as a pillar of support, offering priceless comfort and kindness, as she always had; And they had been moments away from kissing. The moment had been fleeting, almost as if they imagined it all. Now, they were together at last, nothing holding them back. Eunyoung had brought happiness back into his life after he was forced to give up on his dream. Thinking back, Eunyoung was his only reason to keep going...

"She's inside," Eunyoung's mother told him, her previous cold demeanor had thawed, seeing his worried frown and nervous behavior, "You can go and see her."

"Thank you," he gave a quick bow and entered the room Eunyoung's mother had pointed to. It must have been Eunyoung's room, and he paused for a brief second taking it all in. A couple of picture frames of her with her family and a couple of bookshelves lined with various books. A subtle sterile scent of medicine had settled in the room, along with the aroma of some kind of soothing balm. He finally laid his eyes on Eunyoung, sitting on her bed with a white blanket draped over her body. A bowl of water with a napkin was placed at her bedside table with care- presumably by her mother.

Eunyoung's face melted into a warm, welcoming smile as her eyes met Sunjae's. He smiled back, and it was like honey dripping from his crescent-moon-eyes. He quickly took a seat on the chair beside the bed, "I was so worried," he said, taking her hands, caressing them softly as he spoke, "Yumi said you got a hundred degree fever."

"Oh please!" Eunyoung exclaimed, trying her hardest to ignore the heat on her face when he held her hands, "She must have said that to make you feel guilty. My temperature has gone down now. I'll be fine by tomorrow. It's nothing to worry about."

"How could I not worry about you?"

Eunyoung's face turned a bright red, her eyes widening.

"Your face looks flushed, what's wrong?" he asked, concerned, placing the back of his hand on her cheek, "You're so warm! I can leave if you need to rest-"

"Don't go!" Eunyoung called out as he stood up, grabbing a hold of his hand. It was now Sunjae's turn to blush like a fool. His heart swelled with the warmth of Eunyoung's touch. He slowly turned back and sat once again, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Eunyoung answered with no hesitation, "I want you here."

💿

"YOU DID WHAT?" Yumi bellowed at Taesung. Taesung shrunk back, his ears left in pain from the unexpected power in her voice.

"Shhh!" he hissed at her. They were currently at the bus stop, and people turned to look at them.

"Oh, look they're having a lovers' quarrel!"

"Young love, oh!"

Taesung felt his face flush as he leaned closer to her. "People are looking," he muttered under his breath, trying to deflect the growing attention.

"I can see that," she snapped back, her arms crossed in frustration, "But how the hell did you in your right mind enroll me to act in a Shakespeare play? Did I seem like that kind of girl to you? Because I'm not!"

Taesung stayed silent for a few seconds. He couldn't find the words to tell her that he wanted to spend more time with her. They had been separated after that horrible accident, and he finally had an excuse to see her. It made him feel at peace again. Like a part of him that had been forcefully taken away had returned to him. Now he had no choice but to hold on to her for dear life, praying that she wouldn't leave again.

"I'm sorry," was all he could mutter.

Yumi's heart sank watching his posture droop and his eyes focus on the ground. She hadn't meant to be that harsh, she was just shocked at his sudden decision, "No... I'm not mad. Just surprised... It's okay. I can do it. We get some kind of participation reward too right? I'll do it."

A flicker of life returned to Taesung's eyes at her reluctant acceptance. "You don't have to if you don't want to-" he began, his voice lifting slightly with hope.

"No, it's fine," she assured, waving her hand in front of her face. She didn't want to hurt him. Not again. Not after everything they had been through, "I'll have a bad image if I back down, anyways. And it could be fun, right?!"

"Yeah, Sunjae, Eunyoung, Inhyuk are all there," he replied, his face lighting up with an enthusiastic smile that always had the power to melt her defenses. Watching him, Yumi felt a warmth spread through her chest, the tension easing as memories of their past together flickered in her mind. Despite the rough start, she couldn't help but feel a spark of hope rekindling between them.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: sunjae and eunyoung are literally so precious i cannot even-

delphi's notes: yumi's soft spot for taesung is reviving my will to live

list of chapters here! next chapter: friday

xlii. rain, romance and revelations

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO ─ rain, romance and revelations.

❛ but i can't help myself, when you get close to me ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Sunjae and I sat side by side on his living room couch, dripping with rainwater that soaked into the sofa fabric. The couch was large enough to seat at least four people, and yet we sat close together, soaking up each others' warmth, afraid to let go. One of Sunjae's jackets was now draped over my shoulders. My brain could hardy comprehend anything that was happening. He had found me in the rain and kissed me. I couldn't believe it. It was like a scene straight out of a rom-com movie. My heart pounded against my chest, and the rain and chilly breeze couldn't put out the fire inside me.

Sunjae reached for a towel, his movements unhurried and gentle, as if he were handling something precious. He stepped closer, the warmth of his presence cutting through the chill that clung to my skin. Without a word, he began drying my hair, his touch soft and deliberate. The fabric brushed against my scalp, and I could feel the care behind every motion.

My body froze for a moment, caught off guard by the intimacy of it all. My heart stumbled over its rhythm as I became fixated on him—on the way his eyes held a quiet tenderness, the kind that made it impossible to look away. His damp hair clung to his forehead, and I could see the faint shiver in his frame, but he didn't seem to care. His only focus was on me.

The butterflies in my stomach took flight, their wings fluttering wildly at the realization of how selfless he was. He didn't even think twice about his own discomfort, his own cold. His hands moved with a kind of attentiveness that made my chest tighten, like I'd stumbled into a dream I never wanted to wake up from.

Then he paused. His hands stilled, the towel resting lightly against my head. Slowly, he looked at me, his gaze shifting, as if he'd just realized how close we were—how my eyes hadn't left him for even a second. His expression softened, yet there was a flicker of uncertainty, of awareness that hadn't been there a moment ago.

I felt the heat rising in my cheeks, spreading like wildfire. My breath hitched, and I wondered if he could feel the way my pulse quickened, even though I wasn't sure I could speak. The air between us felt charged, delicate, as if a single word might break whatever spell we'd found ourselves under.

"What's the matter?" he asked softly. His voice rung like the melody of a love song.

"You're so sweet," I breathed out after a few seconds.

His face melted into a smile, showing his adorable dimple and his eyes becoming like crescent moons. My own lips stretched into a smile. All I wanted was to see him happy; No matter who he was with. But now here he was, wrapping his arms around my waist, smiling sweetly at me.

"I cant believe you avoided me for so many days."

"I do feel a bit silly now, thinking back," I giggled out, "But you really gave me a scare. I thought you were going away for good."

"I would have," he confessed, "If it weren't for someone making it impossible for me to go anywhere."

"I didn't realize you were so cheesy."

"So what, you don't like me anymore?" he asked, bringing his face closer to mine.

"I still like you," I answered with a laugh, giving him a short kiss. I watched his face and ears turn red in an instant and I couldn't help but chuckle. He's so cute...

Suddenly, the sound of the front door opening startled the both of us. Before we had any time to process what was happening, Sunjae's dad appeared with a blue cloth bag and an umbrella in his hand. He stood before us, paralyzed in a state of shock. I moved a bit further from Sunjae, trying to increase the distance between us.

"Oh! Eunyoung!" he exclaimed finally, "I see... you both got drenched in the rain! Oh, dear, you must be very cold..." He rattled on.

"I'll get going then!" I got up suddenly, waving an awkward goodbye to both of them.

"Sunjae, I'll- uh, return your jacket! Later..."

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

I watched as Eunyoung practically bolted out of my house after muttering out an excuse for my dad. Dammit, now I have to explain myself to my dad. Looking at my father's smug smile, I realized he must have put two and two together already.

"I wasn't born yesterday, son," he said, still smiling.

"I know," I gulped.

"I can't say I'm surprised."

"Oh, you're not?"

"Not a bit," he said rather confidently, "You finally got your act together!"

"So," I began, "You're okay with this? With Eunyoung and I-"

"Okay?! Oh, I'm more than okay!" he let out a hearty laugh, "You have my blessing!"

I felt my heart relax and I let out a sigh of relief. I had my father's permission. He was a stubborn man, and it was a huge deal. I just hope Eunyoung's mother is as supportive.

Narrator's Perspective

Eunyoung, her mother and Yumi sat in the living room for dinner while the rain pitter-pattered against the windows. Everyone was eating in silence- as they often did, but tonight, Eunyoung kept smiling to herself every few seconds while still looking down at her plate. Her mom glanced at Yumi, hoping that she would know why Eunyoung was so happy. 

"We gotta get used to this," she said loudly.

Eunyoung looked up at Yumi in confusion, "What?"

"Why is that?" Their mother asked tentatively. 

"You wanna tell her or should I?" Yumi asked Eunyoung.

"Tell her about what?"

"About your boyfriend."

Her mother's eyebrows shot up, "Boyfriend?"

"Oh," Eunyoung realized, "Right. I was going to tell you after things were official... but I guess since Yumi's already spilled the beans... I'll just tell you. I'm dating this guy..."

"Who?"

"Oh, you know," Eunyoung avoided her gaze, looking at the walls behind where her mother was seated, a red tinge appearing on her face, "It's umm... Sunjae. Ryu Sunjae- you know he lives-"

"Oh," her mother exclaimed, pleasantly surprised, "The guy next door? He seemed nice..."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: cute chapter after all the hell i put them thru :P last chapter before my hiatus :( see u in april!

delphi's notes: somebody check my blood sugar this is too sweet-

next chapter: april 1st list of chapters here!

li. thunderstorm

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE ─ thunderstorm.

❛ meet me in the pouring rain, kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain ❜

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

My footsteps sounded on the concrete pavement as I ran with all my might towards Eunyoung's house. All the strength in my body was being utilized just to bring me to her and fix all the misunderstandings once and for all. I felt the chilly wind through my hair, and the breeze picking up dust and sending it flying everywhere, as if transporting me to my first meeting with Eunyoung. The skies had begun to grow darker, grey clouds casting their shadow over the Earth. I felt a sharp pain in my left leg, but I kept going, desperation flowing through my veins, pulling me closer to Eunyoung.

How clearly I remembered the very first day I encountered her. It was a day so magical and surreal, unlike any other; And I doubt any day could be compared with it. We had only known each other for a brief few minutes when she took my hand as we ran through the rain without a care in the world. Her actions were so elegant, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and for the first time, I found myself unable to hate the rain. It left me breathless and awestruck at her sheer beauty- and that smile that I could never erase from my mind.

Memories with little stolen moments with her flashed before my eyes. My mind wandered back to the night of the field trip; Her delicate fingers tracing the contours on my body, her warm touch and seemingly careless drunken words that meant the world to me. At first, I had been quick to believe that it was all a mistake. But there was an undeniable sincerity in her voice, something too real to be ignored.

Realizing that she was upset and in tears because she thought I had left for America blossomed hope inside me. Though it was hard to believe that someone as dazzling as Eunyoung could ever like me back, a feeling in my gut told me that it was meant to be. And all the moments we spent together had come to this. For a split second, I had considered going to America and giving it another shot. But then the thought of being separated from Eunyoung made me feel dizzy and sick.

As I turned a corner, my pace slowed down as I saw her at last, walking in her rain with no umbrella. Eunyoung.

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Rainwater trickled down from my hair, onto my face and even my clothes. I felt it slowly dripping down, soaking my jacket as the downpour grew heavier by the minute. The storm was just like the day I met Sunjae, and we ran through the rain without a care in the world. There was a different kind of storm brewing inside of me. The memory came back to me, but rather than feeling happy reminiscing on it, it felt more like a needle pricking me, piercing through my skin.

I dragged my feet along the street. I couldn't even find the strength to lift my feet. No matter how I tried to explain to myself that Sunjae going away was a good thing, and that he would be happier, my stubborn heart continued to ache with longing. The thought of not being able to see him again was unbearable and the thought of which brought tears to my eyes.

My tears, mixing with the rainwater, cascaded down my face like a mighty waterfall. I had never felt more pathetic. Not only had I embarrassed myself in front of the boy I loved, but I had also lost the chance to say a proper goodbye. It was completely heartbreaking and I could feel the pain in my chest as I started to sob loudly. The rain drowned the sound, and it was as if the skies cried with me, engulfed in sorrow.

Just then, I felt someone's grip on my wrist. The touch startled me, and I turned to see who it was with hesitation. My eyes, red and sore, still streaming tears, went wide. It was Sunjae, wet hair dripping down his face and he was breathing heavily. His furrowed eyebrows softened on seeing me, and my heart skipped a beat. Even in this situation... he looked as beautiful as ever.

"Sunjae," I breathed out, "What- what-"

Before I had the chance to finish my sentence, both his hands grabbed my face and I felt his lips crash onto mine. My heart pounded in my head, and I felt my body getting warmer despite the cold rainwater sticking to me. The kiss was aggressive at first, as if desperate to prove a point. I was taken aback. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought something like this would happen. I found myself melting into his kiss without another thought, my body yielding to his touch in the most natural way possible. 

My hands reached for his waist, and in that moment, the world fell away. The sound of the rain pounding against the pavement was muffled, as if we were lost in our own little universe, a place untouched by time or reality. All thoughts, all worries evaporated like mist, leaving just the feel of him—us.

His lips moved against mine with a kind of tenderness that made my heart stutter, like he'd been waiting for this as long as I had. It was as though each kiss carried a silent promise. The raindrops slid down our faces, mixing with the heat of our skin, and it felt right—like the storm itself was rooting for us, draping us in its cold embrace while we burned in the middle of it.

His hands cradled my face so delicately, fitting there perfectly—naturally—as though we'd been sculpted to match each other. The warmth of his palms grounded me, even as my knees felt ready to give way under the weight of everything he made me feel.

And his lips... God, his lips. They were soft, impossibly soft, as though I'd finally found the place I was meant to be. Like they were spun from clouds, stitched together with every unspoken desire I'd ever had. Every gentle brush sent sparks along my skin, igniting a fire that I didn't want to put out.

The rain poured harder, soaking through our clothes, tangling in our hair, but I didn't care. I could have stayed there forever—wrapped in his arms, our bodies close, and our hearts speaking louder than any words ever could. For the first time in forever, it felt like nothing else mattered but him and me. Just us, against the world.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: at long last!!!

delphi's notes: everyone clap for eunjae 👏🥳

previous chapter next chapter: friday list of chapters here!

a/n: sorry for the mess up in the chapter order and late chapter i was travelling :(

l. all because i liked a boy

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FIFTY ─ all because i liked a boy.

❛ i still know you as that kind-hearted guy, but i know the way we're talking can't be fine ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

"Especially since Sunjae is going away today-"

"What?" I interrupted Yumi, feeling a pang in my chest the moment those words left her mouth, "What did you just say?"

Yumi's eyebrows furrowed. She had been spending a lot of time with the Taesung since they had started "dating"- which wasn't the best idea in my humble opinion, but I had more pressing matters on my mind now that college had started. As a result she would often hear things about Sunjae from him.

"Don't you know?" she asked, confused, "That Sunjae's going away?"

"What do you mean by going away?" I asked, feeling pathetic on hearing the panic in my voice, "Where is he going?"

"To America," she said slowly, "For rehab."

I felt my heart sink. I dug my fingernails into the palm of my hand, looking down, trying to blink away the tears forming in my eyes. It was incredibly foolish of me. I was tearing up thinking of the possibility of a guy going abroad. A guy who I had been hopelessly in love with for two years. I had never felt more pathetic.

"But, I'm not sure he's actually going because he-" Yumi tried consoling me, seemingly feeling guilty for speaking so carelessly.

"He should go," I said with a shaky voice, "That way, he'll never run into my dad. He'll be able to swim again. He'll be happier there. It all works out perfectly. America is safer for Sunjae than Seoul."

There was a long period of silence between us after I said that. The campus cafeteria was buzzing with gleeful chatter and the sound of steel utensils clanking against each other. I couldn't cry there. Not where so many people were watching.

"But he'll come back!" Yumi exclaimed, putting on a fake smile, but her furrowed brows gave her away, "He's not going forever. You'll see him again-"

"Oh, gosh, Yumi don't be so naive!" I said, my voice unbelievably high-pitched and defensive, "People who go abroad don't come back. You know that."

"But he-"

I stood up, picking up my plate before she could speak any further, "I'm not hungry," I muttered softly, not being able to speak normally, feeling a lump in my throat, "I'll see you at home."

I began walking back, my eyes fixed on the marble tiles. My vision blurred with tears and my heart felt as if it was being pricked by a million needles. Yet I kept walking, quickening my pace in desperation to go somewhere I could be alone. I kept my plate with half-eaten food near the counter and continued on my way out of the cafeteria, tears cascading down my cheeks I was almost out when I stopped in my tracks on seeing a pair of white shoes in front of me.

I looked up sharply, only to find none other than Sunjae staring down at me. His eyes went wide, probably confused on seeing my tear-stained face. Our eyes locked for a split second and I didn't dare open my mouth for fear of saying something impulsive again. In that fleeting moment, the world around melted away, muffling all other sounds except the sound of our breathing. I observed his eyes, how they focused on mine. I scanned his features, as if trying to memorize them for one last time. The perfect slope of his nose; I could still feel his pillowy lips when I decided to look away, and walk past him without a word.

Goodbye, Sunjae.

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

On my way to the cafeteria, I found myself running into Eunyoung. Her demeanor confused me to no end. Her head was hung low, with her eyes fixed on the ground and her hasty pace coming to a sudden halt on seeing me. And then when she looked up, the tears in her eyes that spilled down to her cheeks seemed to twist my heart in pain. Why did she look so heartbroken? Every part of me wanted to pull her in my embrace, but I held back. Her gaze met mine for a split second. Her eyes seemed to scan my face while I frowned in confusion. Then she looked in my eyes once again, as if for the last time, and then she proceeded to walk away all without uttering a single word.

All my hunger I felt previously seemed to melt away like snow on a sunny day and I went after her, breaking into a sprint. While I had stood there hesitating, she had disappeared into the crowd of college students. But my determination to find her and talk to her remained undeterred.

Stumbling out onto the pavement near the bus stop, I found her dragging her feet along the path, walking slowly, her steps short and slow. I ran to her and took a hold of her wrist, "Eunyoung!" She turned with hesitation, cautious and wary. Her eyes and nose had gone red and my heart ached to see her tear-stained face. Her lower lip trembled and her brows furrowed when she looked at me. When the bus made a great hissing sound she turned her attention to watch it drive away.

"I'm busy," she said with a eerie chill in her voice. Turning away, she walked off once more while I was left powerless, watching her disappear into the sea of people. Unwillingly, I began walking back to the school campus while a heartbreaking realization dawned upon me. I had lost Eunyoung, perhaps forever.

While this depressing monologue went on in my head, I heard someone call out my name. 

"Sunjae! God, I'm so-" Yumi exclaimed through shaky breath, and it seemed like she had been running, "I'm so glad I found you! Have you seen- have you seen Eunyoung?"

"Yeah, she was right here-" I pointed to the bus stop. But it was too late. Eunyoung was already getting onto the bus.

"You have to go after her!" Yumi urged, "I accidently told her that you were going-"

"Going where?" I asked impatiently, my voice laced with fear.

"America," she stated plainly, "Aren't you going today?"

"What?! No!"

"Shit," she cursed, "Anyways, you have to go! I don't know what crap it is that's stopping you from cutting the bullshit and being together, but I've had it! I'm not going to stand here and watch her cry like that for the rest of her life, so you better go and find her before I-"

I was already running towards home before she could finish what she was saying.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: they're getting their shit together in the next chapter i promise

delphi's notes: yumi has had enough lmfao

previous chapter next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xlviii. hopeless

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT ─ hopeless.

❛ i just woke up from a dream where you and i had to say goodbye ❜

Narrator's Perspective

"Sunjae," Inhyuk said to him while they were packing up, ready to leave.

(note- in this fic, both inhyuk and taesung attend yeonseo university with yumi and eunyoung -n.)

Sunjae, jumped a little and turned to look at him. He was still thinking of the kiss from the previous night, and his heart still fluttered as he remembered each and every detail...

"What?"

"I need to tell you something important," he began, looking suspicious.

Sunjae raised an eyebrow at him, "What is it?"

"Remember last night? I was helping you look for your shirt that got lost?" 

"And then I found you snoozing in your bed later?" reminded Sunjae with a spiteful yet playful scowl, "Yeah, I remember that."

"Sorry about that," Inhyuk said briefly, "But I have a reason."

"Is that so?"

"Yes," he replied, "When we got separated, I...  went looking for you, and well... I saw you. I saw you and Eunyoung near the stage."

Sunjae's eyes went wide, "How much did you see?"

"Enough."

There was an awkward silence between the boys that lasted for a few seconds. A blush of embarrassment rose up Sunjae's cheeks. "So... you know?"

"Yeah," Inhyuk replied, "I swear, when I saw the two of you I was so in shock that at first I couldn't move. Then I decided it would be best to get out of there."

Sunjae looked down and mumbled, "Yeah, that was probably wise."

Inhyuk couldn't help but laugh at his friend acting like a completely different person from the Sunjae he had always known. He elbowed him in the ribs and teased, "So~ things are going to start heating up for you now, huh?"

"Stop it," Sunjae said, turning away to hide his face that was a smiling, blushing mess.

As they made their way out of the tent, dragging their luggage along, they ran right into Eunyoung and Yumi, who were going to where the crowd of students gathered. Everyone let out expressions of surprise and murmured their greetings. Eunyoung's expression was unnaturally grave and serious when she looked at Sunjae and said, "Can we talk for a minute?"

Sunjae tried his hardest to suppress his smile when he answered, "Sure."

Following Eunyoung's rather hurried pace, Sunjae followed her to a clearing where no one was there to eavesdrop. She suddenly came to a halt and turned to look at him. Sunjae couldn't decipher her expression. It was a mix of irritation and shame and it made no sense to him.

"What's wrong?" he questioned with furrowed brows.

"I wanted to say sorry about last night," she started off. Sunjae's eyes widened. The truth was that it hurt every part of her being to tell him this, because she wanted to believe so badly that the events of the previous day meant something. But Eunyoung felt far too guilty about Sunjae's death to let herself think that. "I was really drunk last night and I did something so impulsive. It must have been uncomfortable for you, so I wanted to apologize. I'm really sorry, Sunjae. I hope you can pretend that it never happened."

With every word that Eunyoung spoke, he felt his heart twist and break into a million pieces before his eyes. His throat felt choked and the chilly mountain air started to slowly suffocate him. His entire body felt the shock on hearing her tell him it was all a mistake. His brain cursed at him for thinking someone as beautiful and perfect as Eunyoung could ever see him in that way. His feet felt rooted in the ground as he stood before Eunyoung, not daring to utter a single word.

After she had finished speaking, he stared at her face for a few moments quietly. Her hair framed her face, cascading down her shoulders in such a casual and effortless manner that took Sunjae's breath away. He gave himself a moment to think about how unfair it was that she looked like a fallen angel despite being hungover.

"If that's what you want," he murmured out, looking down at the ground to hide his teary eyes. He heard her footsteps as she walked away, the sound fading away into the distance as the tears cascaded down his face, not making a sound.

💿

"You're not sitting with your boyfriend?" Eunyoung asked Yumi who took the seat next to her on the train, "Or fake boyfriend, I should say."

"Keep your voice down," Yumi hissed, checking to see if anyone had heard her, "I haven't spoken to him since last night. I don't have the energy to deal with this right now."

Eunyoung let out a deep sigh, "Why have our love lives suddenly become so complicated?"

"It's all so overwhelming," Yumi nodded in agreement, "But you're acting so stupid. Why did you tell him to forget about it? Don't you like him?"

"I do, but-"

"Then, there! You have it!" Yumi exclaimed, "You like him, so what's the problem?"

"He never said he liked me back!" Eunyoung emphasized.

"Does he have to?" Yumi asked, feeling irritated at her ignorance, "Have you seriously never noticed how he looks at you? Like you're his whole world?"

"I can't let myself believe that," Eunyoung lowered her gaze, fixing her eyes at the blue carpeting below her feet, "The truck driver in Sunjae's accident was my dad."

"Oh," Yumi shrunk back. She reached for Eunyoung's hand, "Eunyoung..."

"It's my fault," she said, feeling her eyes well up with tears, "I was given the chance to protect him and I couldn't do it. I don't deserve him. I'd rather die in his place."

"You can still save him."

"What if I can't?"

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: depressing chapter ._.

delphi's notes: just eunyoung proving that love is deaf, dumb and blind

previous chapter next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xlvi. intoxicating

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX ─ intoxicating.

❛ the taste of your lips is my idea of luxury ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Night had fallen on that obscure hillside hidden away in the middle of a forest. A chilling, cold stillness hung in the air, threatening to bite anyone who dared to step out. Even the never-ending buzz of the Yeonseo University students had died down, enveloping the place in complete silence. Everything went on within the tents- late night talks and hushed conversations. Outside, just the crickets chirped endlessly, singing their symphonies throughout the night. There were soft, warm, yellow fairy lights that gave a tender illumination to the campsite, just bright enough to make out vague shapes in the night.

Eunyoung sat on the makeshift stage, giggling to herself. Being really bad at drinking games, she had taken one too many shots and had gotten extremely drunk to the point where she didn't have any control over what she was doing or saying. Her mind fogged with confusion and uncertainty, yet she didn't move from her seat. Sunjae's jacket was now draped on her legs that shivered with the biting cold. She let out another soft giggle.

The sound of leaves crunching under someone's feet fell upon her ears and she became suddenly alert. The sound grew louder, as if someone was advancing towards her. Louder and louder, till a tall figure emerged through the darkness. It took a few moments for Eunyoung, in her drunken state, to figure out who it was. The dim glow of the fairy light helped her understand that she was looking at none other than Ryu Sunjae.

The sight of him seemed to sober her up momentarily. He was roaming about with no shirt or any clothing covering his upper body. She could only see him wearing black trousers in the barren cold of the night. Her gaze traced the contours of his upper body, lingering on every sharp definition and smooth curve carved by years of discipline. The play of light accentuated the ridges of his toned muscles, the strength in his broad shoulders, and the graceful taper of his torso. His arms were masterpieces that hung by the pockets of his trousers. Each line and shadow seemed sculpted, as if his body were a masterpiece crafted by the gods themselves. Her eyes followed the subtle shift of his muscles with every movement, captivated by him like never before.

Their eyes met, and there was a silent agreement between them. Sunjae's face flushed with warmth, feeling slightly embarrassed that she had seen him like that. Despite his embarrassment, he couldn't help but notice her shivering in the cold. Putting aside his own pain in the frosty air, he made his way to where she was sitting.

Eunyoung watched as he walked towards her, his figure becoming increasingly clear in the yellow light. She felt a kind of warmth creeping up her cheeks, which she wasn't in a state to decide whether it was because of all the soju in her system or because of the majestic man standing before her. She turned her head up to look into his beautiful, glass-like eyes. Her lips stretched into a smile, "Sunjae," she called out longingly.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, frowning, his voice full of concern and worry, "It's freezing, why are you still here? Are you... drunk?" He cupped her face without thinking much of it and examined her flushed face and dazed eyes, "You are, oh god."

She pushed his hands away, confusing him even more. She pushed herself off the stage, standing to face him. He picked up the jacket that slipped onto the ground- his jacket. He noticed how she almost came up to his ears. She's so tall... He tied it around her waist as carefully as he could.

Eunyoung's unreadable expression perplexed him to no end. She gazed into his eyes for a long time, eventually smiling at his confusion. Her hand reached up to caress his face, feeling warmer than her hands that shivered in the cold. There was a new kind of bravery burning inside her. Her hand traced the definition on his shoulders, feeling his arms sculpted by endless hard work. Trailing down to his chest, and then his waist, her fingers lingering on his toned abs as she watched in wonder. Finally, in a delicate motion, her arms rested on the sides of his waist.

Every touch sent sparks flying across Sunjae's skin. His heart pounded in his ears. He'd never felt this way and he couldn't possibly put the feeling into words. Her chilly hands feeling up his body and fingers tracing every sharp edge and curve seemed to burst fireworks inside him. Their eyes locked in a split second, never looking away. This felt so right. His body fit perfectly in her hands- as if they were made only for each other.

"How could you be roaming around like that? What if someone else except me had seen you?" she asked, stepping closer to him. Her hands moved back up to his shoulders, one hand cupping his face. It took him a few seconds to realize that she was no longer looking into his eyes. Her gaze lingered on his pillowy lips.

"I can't believe you're so oblivious. You're beautiful. I like you, silly. More than anyone or anything else. You're all I want. Stay here with me, won't you?"

Those words were all he ever wished to hear from Eunyoung.

His eyes examined her features in the illumination of the dim fairy light. The slope of her nose that was unbelievably perfect, and her intoxicating gaze that stared right at his lips. And her glossy lips that seemed to shine even on that dark night and her radiant skin that seemed to have a soft glow through her flushed cheeks.

Before Sunjae had a chance to comprehend the situation, Eunyoung reached up and pressed her lips onto his. The kiss was like fireworks on new years day. He overcame the initial shock, giving in to her touch. His hands reached for her waist, pulling her closer. She pulled away for a few seconds to admire his face. The cold didn't seem to matter anymore while they held each other.

There was no need for words in that moment while he looked at her with a kind of hunger and longing in his eyes. Those two years of accidental touches and thoughtful actions dismissed as friendship had led up to this moment. She likes me. And I like her. Nothing else mattered to Sunjae. This was all he ever needed. All his self-doubt and negativity melted away into something insignificant.

He pulled her towards himself by her waist, kissing her lips harder than before. He could now feel the slight taste of her sweet lip gloss mixing with the intoxicating taste of alcohol as their lips moved against each others' without a care in the world. Eunyoung's hands roamed his back absent-mindedly, feeling the warmth of his body against her chilly hands that seemed to thaw at his touch. Feeling a tiny bit of his hand against an exposed part of her waist pulled her in deeper. The kiss seemed to make her sober for a moment, butterflies taking flight in her stomach just like the first time she laid her eyes on him.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: it took them forty six chapters but they finally did it

delphi's notes: who's gonna match eunyoung's freak?

previous chapter next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xlii. piercing through my soul

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO ─ piercing through my soul.

❛ i wanna hold you just for a while

and die with a smile ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

The chatter and buzz in the interview room rekindled after the cameraman's "Cut!" People switching off all the extra studio lights, packing up their things and chatting with each other. The tense atmosphere that previously hung over the room while the filming was ongoing was replaced with a new friendliness and lightheartedness. Words of encouragement and several people saying "Good job!" seemed to raise everyone's spirits. 

I heaved a quiet sigh the moment the cameras were out. During the interview, I felt as if I had been holding my breath the whole time. Never in my career of doing interviews for famous, influential personalities had I ever felt so nervous. At the same time, I knew I was obviously holding myself back. Every cell in my body wanted to drop all formalities and throw my arms around him and tell him how glad I was to see him. 

His experience writing 'Sonaki' was something that pricked me from inside. His words constantly echoed inside my mind. He met her on a rainy day. It was dangerously similar to how I met Sunjae. A part of me- the hopeful part, wanted to believe desperately that it was me. Despite wanting to hold onto the hope, an anxious and worried voice inside me told me not to get excited over it. It was too good to be true. Him writing a poetic masterpiece about his first love who was none other than me? It sounded impossible. I was also afraid. Afraid of being wrong after thinking it was about me. At the end of the day, I'm nothing more than his fan. And to him, all he's going to remember me is as a distant memory from his teenage years.

I gave in to all my temptations as I stole a glance at Sunjae, sitting across from me rummaging through his bag and talking about something or the other with his manager. I nearly smiled seeing his relaxed posture and radiant glow. Something about him had changed in the best way possible. He looked happy, and that was enough for my heart to be content. For a split second, our eyes met and I tore away forcefully and unnaturally, probably making a fool out of myself. It was too much. Seeing him again uprooted so many repressed feelings.

Soon, he was telling his manager to go on without him and saying that he would be out soon. Watching his manager leave the room, I found myself thinking- Am I really going to be here alone with him? It hadn't even been that long since I'd last seen him, yet my heart pounded in my ears like a thousand drums.

"Hey," he began once he was sure everyone was gone. I nearly jumped out of my skin hearing his voice, "It's been a while, huh? How've you been?"

"Hi," I answered with a small smile. So he remembers me... "Yeah, it's been ages. I've been good. How 'bout you? How's everything?"

"Good, you know. Life's full of surprises," he answered, smiling.

"That's nice to know; You...look... good- like you've been well," I stuttered like an idiot, "This is awkward, isn't it?"

"Yeah," he agreed, sounding disappointed, "It's been too long, I guess."

"Yeah."

An uncomfortable silence filled the air as we both looked here and there, thinking hard about what to say next. It seemed like both of us had a hundred thoughts racing through our minds, but no words nor courage to express them.

"You don't have any like... illness or anything lately, do you?" I asked slowly, afraid of the answer.

"No, not at all," he answered, sounding confused.

"I read some of the articles you wrote," he said after a few more moments of silence.

"About Eclipse?" I asked, sounding a bit too eager.

"Yeah," he replied, fidgeting with his clothes, "And other things. Your writing's as good as ever."

"Thanks," I cracked a real smile, "Should we go? Your manager must be waiting."

"Yeah."

We made our way through the door and into the elevator. I had never realized that our building elevator had no mirror. Or music. I stared at the ground, soaking in all the silence between us. The awkwardness sent a chill down my spine. I wanted to do something. I wanted to tell him that I missed him. But that would make things even more awkward and I would die of embarrassment.

Gosh, were elevator rides here always so insufferable?

The elevator finally stopped at the ground floor after what felt like a million years, and we exited the building, still completely quiet. Standing on the pavement looking onto the highway, I looked up at Sunjae, who was already looking. My face felt hot as I forgot what I was about to say.

"So this is it?" he said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"We should keep in touch this time," I blurted out too quickly. Why was I so jittery? "You can get my number from your manager."

"Yeah, let's do that," he said with a smile, finally showing his beautiful dimples. I returned his smile, feeling my heart swell up at the very sight of a happy Sunjae.

"My manager's car is over there across the street," he said, looking at the black car parked on the other side of the road, "I'll see you?"

"You will," I said with conviction, the smile never leaving my face.

I watched as the made his way across the zebra crossing, going further away, but in that moment, he felt the closest that evening. The soft glow of the streetlamp and the dim starlight seemed to give me a glimmer of hope. That this was the beginning of something new. Something special. Then, as if to throw water over all my happiness, I loud crashing sounded, like a huge truck suddenly stopping. My eyes went wide as my body seemed to freeze from shock. I felt my blood go cold.

Time seemed to splinter into fragments, each one more agonizing than the last, as I watched the massive, green truck barrel forward, unstoppable. There was a horrid screeching of brakes, but it was too late—the impact was thunderous, like the world cracking open right before my eyes. Sunjae's body collided with the force of the vehicle, a sickening blur of motion as he was thrown to the ground, his form limp and unmoving.

A piercing cry escaped my throat, one I barely recognized as my own. My chest constricted, an unbearable ache tearing through me as if the impact had shattered not only him but every part of me, too. For a brief, surreal moment, I couldn't move; I was paralyzed, bound by the horror of what I'd just witnessed, by the helplessness sinking like iron into my bones.

I stumbled forward, heart hammering wildly, tears blurring my vision as I rushed toward him. "Sunjae!" I cried, my voice trembling, desperate. My knees hit the ground beside him, the unforgiving pavement scraping through the fabric of my jeans, but I barely registered the sting. All I could see was his stillness, his face pale and serene in a way that frightened me more than any amount of pain ever could.

A sob broke free, raw and guttural, as I reached for his hand, cold and heavy in mine. Memories flooded my mind—his laughter, his warmth, the look in his eyes when he talked about the future, a future I suddenly couldn't see. It was slipping from me, unraveling like sand through my fingers, and I was powerless to stop it. The sight of him lying there, broken, filled me with a heartbreak so deep I felt hollowed out from within. I could feel my heart shattering, piece by piece, each shard lodging painfully within me.

"Please...please, Sunjae," I whispered, voice breaking as I clutched his hand, unable to stop my tears. The world had collapsed around us, reduced to this one horrible moment, to the unbearable thought of losing him.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: sunjae's death breaks me in every timeline.

delphi's notes: here we go again.

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxxvii. home is where the heart is

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN ─ home is where the heart is.

❛ i know it's always about me, i love you, i'm sorry ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Every cell in my body seemed to be screaming at me to run. To go back home. But, somehow I felt like my feet were rooted to the ground as I stood in the deserted playground. A tall streetlight peered over the area, which was the only source of illumination on that moonless night. The stars had disappeared from the sky, as if to express their disapproval at my irrational decision. I wasn't able to control myself. I had let my curiosity get the better of me, and I had showed up at the spot my father decided would be our meeting spot.

I wanted to believe so badly that he had changed. That he was trying to set things right. There was a part of me that wanted to meet him and tell him that I missed him. And that if he wanted to come back, I would let him. I wanted to believe that I was worthy, and maybe I could finally have a proper family in the stereotypical way. I had spent my entire life watching kids get treated with love and care by their fathers, and not once had I experienced such a bond.

Then, I spotted him. His face had weathered and become worn due to time, but it was undoubtedly him. Chiseled, sharp features with curly, messy hair that hung around his eyes. His previously clean shaven face had now grown a beard. He flashed a smile, approaching me and siting down on the bench next where I was standing.

"You've grown up so well," he whispered.

The pride in his voice made my heart swell with a strange kind of warmth. "Mom did a good job, huh?"

"That, she did," he agreed, the weary smile on his face never ceasing. It was then that I noticed the bags under his eyes.

"You seem tired," I observed, worried.

"It's nothing," he said rather abruptly. The smile suddenly fell from his face and his blinking gaze wandered, pretending to scan their surroundings. I found his sudden shift in behavior quite strange, and a confused frown formed on my face. He turned to me again, but didn't look in my eyes.

"Eunyoung, actually," He began, rubbing his hands against each other, thinking of what to say.

"What is it?"

"I have a favor to ask you," he mumbled out, but Eunyoung heard his voice sound loud and clear, ringing in her ears, "I'm actually in a lot of debt right now. I can barely afford my rent, and everything is falling apart. If you could just talk to your mother and convince her-"

"Stop!" I cried out, my voice shaking with rage and disappointment. My eyes burned with tears and I had to gather all my strength to speak, "Just- just, shut up. I should have known. Why else would you come back? Have you ever stopped to think how much damage you caused? You can't just waltz back into our life and expect that we'll welcome you with open arms. I was the idiot to believe anything you said. Just, get lost, I swear!"

"But Eunyoung, we're family?"

"Family?" I repeated, my voice trembling, as tears began spilling out of my eyes, "You don't get to call me or mom your family. You lost that privilege the moment you packed your bags and left home."

He opened his mouth to spit out another pathetic excuse, but I had finally had enough. I bolted out of there, mustering all the willingness inside me to get away from him. The tears spilled out uncontrollably, blurring my vision as my legs propelled me forward in the direction of home.

 💿

Even as I reached Sunjae's dad's restaurant, I couldn't stop crying. All my hopes had been shattered by my father's careless words and demeanor. I heaved another heavy sob, that choked up my throat and made my heart ache with uncontrollable sorrow. 

Instead of going home, I went the opposite way, stopping near a wall where I was sure no one I know could find me. My knees feeling suddenly weak and wobbly, I sat down right on the pavement and buried my head in my knees. I felt my tears soak my pants but none of that mattered then. My weeping sounded too loud in the deserted alleyway as I started to feel physical pain too. I couldn't believe I had been naive enough to fall into such a trap. Even after my mother warned me...

"Eunyoung?" the oh-so-familiar voice sent a jolt through my body as I raised my head slowly, trying to make sure I heard correctly. I was right. There I was, face to face with a concerned Sunjae looking at me with furrowed brows and glassy eyes full of worry and confusion. I suddenly felt embarrassed; Ashamed that he had to see me like this- falling apart. I stood up hastily, trying to hide my face and blink away my tears.

"Sunjae..." Another sob choked me as the words refused to roll off my tongue. He seemed to understand in that moment. Slowly, he moved towards me and reached out his hand to pull me by the waist into his warm embrace. My tears nearly evaporated as heat crept up my face. My head rested gently on his shoulder as I soaked up all the comfort he gave me. His grip around my waist tightened as I felt his hand caress my head.

Sunjae seemed to have this superpower whenever he was around. All my worries would warp and dissolve into nothingness and my heart would instantly lighten. Every little touch sent sparks flying across my skin, making me feel giddy but at the same time compelling me to give in. Around him, I wasn't afraid to be vulnerable. My trust for him was like an instinct I couldn't fight no matter how much I tried. That was probably why, before I could comprehend what was happening, the moment his caring voice asked, "What's wrong?" I poured my heart out, never letting go of him.

The whole time I spilled my greatest worries out to him, he never let go of my heart. His firm yet gentle grip offered solace I didn't believe anyone could give. 

"Seeing someone as optimistic and cheerful as you cry is heartbreaking, Eunyoung. He doesn't deserve your tears. Focus your energy on those you love. And on those who love you."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: the way sunjae basically said i love you-

delphi's notes: everyone deserves a sunjae in their lives

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxxvi. those eyes

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX ─ those eyes.

❛ we got nothing else to do, and nothing else to lose ❜

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

Time seemed to be rolling by as I tried my best to help Sunjae with algebra. His dread had considerably reduced, and I thought it was good enough. I had given him a few problems to solve on his own, and I was sitting with my back turned to him. I couldn't help but stare at the pictures on the shelf of Sunjae at his swimming tournaments. So many of them decked the walls. It made me realize just how huge his swimming career must have been. I could almost feel his hurt when he was forced to quit. It filled me with a strange determination and protectiveness. I wanted to save him so desperately.

Then there were other, rather trivial and silly thoughts racing through my mind. Even with wet hair sticking to his face, he looked as handsome as ever. The teenager inside me seemed to be staring at his astonishing figure. I had never realized how incredible his proportions were. Wide shoulders with a torso that tapered towards the waist. I quickly looked away, hot-faced.

I shifted my gaze to my bedroom window which I could see from Sunjae's window. They were so close by. My mind couldn't fathom how all these years, I had been so close to Sunjae; If I had just opened my eyes and sought him out...

Fate had brought us together by some miracle that even I couldn't explain. It was magic. Like some kind of supernatural forces were working to bring us closer. My heart yearned to hold onto the hope that destiny would do it's part and Sunjae would get the happy ending he deserved. Every night was me shutting down the self-doubt that I didn't have the power to change anything.

My eyes fell on the clock, and that was when I realized we had been studying for more than two hours. I quickly shifted back to where Sunjae was sitting, and found him sleeping silently with his head resting on his hands. A smile surfaced on my face. You've worked hard, Sunjae. I placed my two hands on the space next to him and rested my head in a way that I could look at him. My eyes examined his features, as if I was trying to memorize every little detail on his face. His eyes were shut softly, his face showing no signs of discomfort or pain. This is how I wished him to be forever. At peace. The moment my gaze landed on his lips, it was as if a magnetic force prevented me from looking away. Perfect, pillowy... they looked so soft. My mind wandered back to the time we had almost kissed- maybe that was my imagination? I had no idea.

Then, his eyes opened slowly, blinkingly. I was taken aback, but I remained motionless, unable to divert my gaze. At first, I witnessed a confusion in his eyes and then we seemed to melt into each other's gaze. In that moment, our eyes seemed to be delivering professions of love our mouths could never have the courage to voice.

To shatter the moment, the turn of the doorknob sounded in the room, and we weren't nearly quick enough to pull away when Sunjae's dad entered the room. We were suddenly jerked awake, back to reality in an instant. I sat up completely straight, blinking rapidly. 

"Oh, dear, I'm sorry, I-" Sunjae's dad trailed off, a smirk appearing on his face. He backed away, closing the door, leaving me and Sunjae in a state of awkwardness.

"Talk about bad timing," Sunjae muttered, in response to which Eunyoung forced out a chuckle. Did he really have to walk in at that moment? 

"I should get going then," I said, rubbing the back of my neck and gathering my books, "It's been, what, two hours? Let's continue next time?"

"Yeah," he said. Neither of us seemed to know what to say or how to act, "What about the practice problems?"

"Homework?"

He laughed, and it almost sounded genuine. I smiled at him.

"Thanks," he called out just as I was leaving, following me down the staircase, "Thanks for doing this for me."

"Anytime."

When we came down to the living room, it was almost as if his dad had been waiting, smirking this whole time. I didn't have it in me to say anything to him, so I gave him a quick bow as I made my way to the front door, Sunjae close behind me. Just before I went home, our eyes met once again. Our lips stretched into a smile, as if it was instinct. And then I was off. 

Despite my evident embarrassment, the moment in Sunjae's room had made one thing astonishingly clear. I was in love with Ryu Sunjae, and there was no going back.

💿

On reaching home, I was met with a full on interrogation by my mother. Her flushed face and eyes wide with rage made me realize that she must have fought with Yumi. A sense of guilt washed over me because I couldn't help Yumi as much as I hoped to.

"Where were you?" she asked me, her voice irritable.

"I was at Sunjae's house," I explained calmly, "I'm helping him study."

She went quiet, and sat down on the couch. I took the seat beside her and grabbed her hand, "It's not Taesung's fault, you know," I said gently.

"I know..." she whispered.

💿

I sat in my room, deep in thought as my mind replayed todays events over and over. I had the most trivial anxieties racing through my brain. I sat staring at Sunjae's window, trying to make sense of the mess in me. I could practically see Sunjae's eyes staring into mine. I didn't want to get my hopes up by thinking that Sunjae replicated my feelings. At the same time, the fear of losing him crept in my mind, gnawing on my self- doubt.

I scribbled another note on a piece of paper- "If you ask for flowers, don't be surprised if it starts to rain. The hardships you're facing are only temporary. Happier days are coming."

The moment after the paper airplane landed on Sunjae's window, my phone buzzed, interrupting my train of thoughts. It was a text message from my father.

Eunyoung, I want to meet you, I've missed you.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: this chapter was a whole rollercoaster ride tbh

delphi's notes: someone check on yumi pls

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxxv. tunnel vision

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE ─ tunnel vision.

❛ we got nothing else to do, and nothing else to lose ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Eunyoung stood at Sunjae's doorstep, her backpack hanging from one shoulder as her legs shook nervously. The truth was that she was so insanely anxious. It was a foreign feeling to Eunyoung who tends to look at the positive aspect of every situation. But her stupid little crush on Sunjae had her considering all the horrible possibilities by which she could screw up. What if she stuttered and stammered like an idiot? What if she was too distracted and couldn't help Sunjae at all? All these trivial matters occupied her mind as she fidgeted with her clothes.

She then remembered the previous night...

Eunyoung paced around her room biting her lip in frustration. After all the lengths she went to to prevent Sunjae's death, nothing had changed in the future. He was still dead. And time was running out. Depression. Suicide. These words rang in her mind in an endless loop. They made her heart twist and ache unbearably. What could he possibly have been going through for him to make such a decision? 

Fear crept in her mind. The future seemed to be advancing like a hungry beast, ready to take Sunjae away from her once again. Then, all of a sudden, like a light had been turned on in her brain, she had an idea. Her eyes shifted to her window, which was facing Sunjae's. His window was open, and no one seemed to be there inside. 

She scrambled through her drawers and pulled out a blank, blue sheet.

"I know life's tough sometimes. It feels like everything is falling apart and the world has turned it's back. But you need to hold on to hope. Lean on your loved ones. Because they're the ones who are always rooting for you."

She poured her heart out onto the paper and made a bunch of  folds. Eunyoung herself was amazed at her memory and at how her mind suddenly pulled out everything she learnt from some random origami workshop she attended. Everything had gone through one ear and come out through another. But, somehow she seemed to remember just one thing. Paper airplanes. Destiny had been working in strange ways, leading her to Sunjae.

Then, she did one of the most irrational things in her life. She leaned on her window sill and threw the paper airplane as she watched it land inside his house.

Taking in a deep breath, Eunyoung reached out and rang the doorbell. She waited before the blue gate till Sunjae's father emerged from the main entrance of their house and approached her with a wide, toothy grin. Eunyoung returned his smile. It had been a while since she had seen his father and she was glad to see his warm greeting.

"Oh, come in, dear," he said, unlatching the front door.

As they stepped into the house, her father motioned her to sit down. Sitting down on the little sofa in the center of their living room. It was a cozy little dwelling, with warm lamps and light bulbs and a brown carpet lying across the floor.

"So, Eunyoung," his father began, "What brings you here?"

"I'm here to help Sunjae with math," the moment those words fell out of Eunyoung's mouth, Sunjae's father's expression suddenly turned grave. She chuckled at the worry on his face.

"Ah, yes," he said, sounding embarrassed, "It is quite a... ehh... shameful thing. He got an earful from me already."

"Nothing to worry about, really," she said with a small laugh, "He'll catch up soon."

"Well, if there's anyone who can help him, it's you!"

While Eunyoung's ears turned red at Sunjae's blind faith in her abilities, she heard a thudding as Sunjae's tall figure emerged from a flight of stairs. He was dressed in simple, black track pants and a navy blue tshirt, and yet Eunyoung's eyes turned wide. The mere sight of him made her feel like her heart would jump out of her chest.

"Sorry I kept you waiting," he said sheepishly, shooting her a dimpled smile that she hadn't seen in far too long. His smile never failed to fill her heart with a comfortable warmth that she could easily get used to. A blush crept up her cheeks that she tried her best to hide.

"Nonsense," she waved her hand in front of her face, "Your father is a great conversationalist."

"Pfft!" his dad laughed heartily, "You flatter me."

"Should we get started?" Sunjae interrupted rather impatiently. His dad smiled knowingly, aware of his eagerness to spend time with Eunyoung.

"Oh, yes let's do that."

They made their way up the stairs, then entered Sunjae's bedroom. The door shut with a thud behind them, and they were alone at last. Eunyoung scanned his room briefly, a smile surfacing on her lips. There were trophies, certificates, medals on display and her eyes lingered on the photos of Sunjae. 

"There's a lot of blue in here," she observed. Suddenly, her smile grew wider as she spotted the blue paper from the paper airplane she had sent the previous day.

"My favorite color," Sunjae said, the words basically fumbled out of his mouth. His heart was pounding in his chest, daring to jump out any second. His gaze lingered on Eunyoung. She wore a pair of dark blue, comfortable-looking jeans with a dusty pink top. She looked as pretty as ever, with her long, flowing hair and sparkling eyes. He quickly looked away, feeling the warmth on his face.

They sat down at his desk, and Sunjae's lethargic and sloth-like movement indicated his unwillingness to study. The truth was that if he could, he could sit and stare at Eunyoung in admiration for the rest of his life. Snapping out of his trance, he blinked his eyes rapidly and took out his math textbooks .

"What are your grades like in other subjects?" she inquired, turning to look at him.

"A B is probably the most I've ever gotten," he answered, his ears turning red in shame. This wasn't exactly the side of himself he wanted Eunyoung to know.

The small, rather elegant chuckle that escaped her mouth filled his ears, "You don't have to look so embarrassed, Sunjae, I'm here to help you, not judge you."

There it was again. She had such a way with words, the way she weaved them just the right way. Her words never failed to be a source of strength for him. This newfound vulnerability filled him with a sense of comfortability instead of the usual unease and fear that came with opening up to someone.

"So, what do you hate most about math?"

"Algebra," he said, sounding quite petrified.

"Then let's start with that."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: sunjae's dad being the best wingman ever.

delphi's notes: FEAR OF ALGEBRA IS SO REALL. eunyoung you demon.

next chapter: saturday (out now) list of chapters here!

｡˚ ִ⋆｡ i've got a lot to pine about ;

.˳⁺ i've got a lot to live without . . .

like the moodboard? it's for my lovely runner oc: choi eunyoung! click here to read @the-one-and-only-delphi and my lovely runner fanfic. make sure u follow me and stay tuned! thank you, bye!! <3

xxxiv. the rose that grew thorns

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR ─ the rose that grew thorns.

❛ my heart only wants you the moment you say no ❜

Narrator's Perspective

To Yumi, it seemed like all she did was stand and wait since she time travelled for the second time. But what other choice did she have? If she was completely honest with herself, she envied Sunjae and Eunyoung's instant connection. Things just seemed to fall into place for them. Not that they were completely carefree, though.

So, once again, she stood among the sea of students dispersing from school. The sun shone it's piercing rays over the campus, and the cheery chatter that filled the air along with the insane humidity was already giving Yumi a migraine. Her eyes searched the crowd for a messy-haired, cat-faced boy in a blinding biker jacket. 

The moment she spotted him, her eyes lit up, and her lethargic posture on the bench suddenly became erect as she practically sprinted across the street. "Taesung!"

He turned sharply to look at her, his expression as grim as ever.

"Look, I'm sorry for-"

"What the hell's the matter with you?!" he snapped at her, his face twisting with rage, "I don't know what sick prank you're playing with me. What exactly are you sorry for? That your mother comes and yells at me at seven in the morning?"

"Taesung, what?" Yumi tried to ask, her mind in utter confusion.

"She comes up to me before school, threatens me not to come near you or she would file a restraining order. And you come up to me not once, but twice, to apologize?" He said the last part like a question, as if it was just that shocking, "You're the one who asked me to piss off, so here I am, minding my own business and then you appear out of nowhere saying shit that barely makes sense. Look all I wanted to say is that it would be really great if you and your family stopped attacking me in the streets, thanks."

Heads were turning, and Yumi felt a lump in her throat and tears forming in her eyes. She lowered her head, and began walking away as her tears threatened to spill at any second.

Somewhere in the crowd, Eunyoung and Sunjae stood silently, watching the scene unfold before them. Eunyoung's heart twisted in pain. The story seemed to click in her mind as she came to a hurtful realization. Their mother must have overheard their conversation from the previous day.

"Sunjae I'm sorry, can we reschedule-" she began, but he cut her off.

"Go, go, I'll be fine, I swear," he urged. She said a quick thank you, running after Yumi.

 💿

Eunyoung unlocked the door to her house as fast as she could, rushing inside. When she stepped into the living room, her heart sank. Yumi was curled up on the couch, her knees drawn to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. Without hesitation, Eunyoung hurried to her side, pulling her into a tight, comforting embrace. Yumi continued to weep into her shoulder, her tears soaking through Eunyoung's shirt.

Eunyoung had only seen her like this once before—when Yumi's mother had passed away. The sight of her closest friend in such deep pain tore at her heart. After what felt like forever, Yumi slowly pulled back, her voice trembling as she said, "It hurts, Eunyoung... it hurts so much. My chest feels like it's been stabbed, like there's a weight crushing it. I've... I've lost him, Eunyoung."

Tears filled Eunyoung's own eyes as she gently took Yumi's shaking hands in hers. "Oh, Yumi," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion.

"I've hurt him so much... He hates me now- hell, I hate myself!" Yumi cried, her words broken by sobs. Her face was drenched in tears, her eyes swollen and red, the tip of her nose glowing. The raw pain in her voice and the way she trembled made Eunyoung's heart ache even more as Yumi's sorrow spilled out through her shaking sobs.

"It's not your fault, Yumi," Eunyoung assured her. Her own voice shook, but even that couldn't hide her genuine belief in those words, "None of it is your fault, Yumi. You have believe that. For me. And for mom. You know how much she cares about you and never wants to see you hurt or grieving. She's trying her best to protect you, Yumi. The accident was a horrible tragedy and it was nobody's fault that it happened."

"I ruined his life," Yumi continued to weep, her throat beginning to ache, "I should have never been here in the first place!"

Eunyoung had never felt as helpless as she had in that moment, watching Yumi cry achingly. She tried as hard as she could to wipe her own tears that blurred her vision. 

"At the hospital," Eunyoung began, trying to gather herself, "He checked with me a million times if you were going to be okay. He made sure you would be alright before shifting rooms. He really cares about you, Yumi, I mean it. He does care. You need to remember that. You need to cling to that hope."

 Eunyoung could practically hear Taesung's earnest voice in her ears.

"Eunyoung, hear me out for a minute. I know you, your mom and everyone hates me and I'm like number one on your hitlist, but I just need to know one thing and I swear I'll get lost. Is Yumi going to be alright? Just tell me that much, cause I NEED to know. You just need to tell me that much and then I'm going to shift rooms. I promise I won't interfere with her life EVER again."

Yumi's sobbing reduced a little bit, and Eunyoung saw it as a small victory as she saw a little light returning to Yumi's swollen eyes.

"I really want to believe that," Yumi whispered.

"You should," Eunyoung affirmed, "Because it's true."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: sunjae being the considerate king that he is <3

delphi's notes: TAESUNG NOOOOOOO

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxxiii. the ticking clock

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE ─ the ticking clock.

❛ watch your breeze take over me just like we used to be ❜

Narrator's Perspective

Sunjae waited outside the swimming pool, fidgeting with his hands rather impatiently. The events that had taken place just a few moments prior played in his head over and over again. His entire body was soaking wet, and his shirt stuck to his body. Normally, he would have been freezing, dying to get home and change. He felt a breeze, but the thought of Eunyoung seemed to keep him warm. 

He remembered how much he once hated the rain. How his clothes stuck to his body like a really annoying magnet. How the rain irritated him after a long day at the pool. But one fine day, all of that changed. A beautiful girl with smiling lips and intoxicating laughter had run through the moonlit alleyways with him, holding his hand and dragging him along.

She completely mesmerized him. Not only was she the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on, but he never felt a connection with anyone like he did with Eunyoung. He might have been overreacting, but it almost felt as if he had found his other half. They fit together like pieces of a puzzle. It was just right. She always seemed to know the right words to speak at the right time. How could such a perfect person be real?

Just then, Eunyoung emerged through the swimming pool door wearing his blazer, and even then, she looked as pretty as ever. The oversized piece of clothing hid her hands in the sleeves and the jacket looked evidently too big for her. She still looked cute in it, though. 

"Thanks for letting me borrow this," she thanked him with a sweet smile, "Are you sure you're alright? The wind is going crazy today."

"No, it's alright," he assured her, returning a smile, "You can keep it."

They began walking to the bus stop. Eunyoung's eyes kept wandering everywhere, scanning the road she had taken every day of her teenage life. If she was completely honest with herself, she was freaking out inside. She was wearing Ryu Sunjae's clothes. The fact seemed so surreal to her and in that moment, for a while, she felt like a stereotypical teenage girl with a crush on a popular guy.

As they reached the bus stop, all she could think of was Sunjae sitting near the pool and sobbing his heart out. The pictures of news articles flashed in front of her eyes. "Ryu Sunjae's cause of death: Suicide?" "Ryu Sunjae proved to be taking anti-depressants prior to his death" She looked up at Sunjae. He had no idea what fate had in store for him, and she wanted to protect him more than anything.

💿

As they sat on the bus, side by side, Eunyoung found herself reaching for Sunjae's ice cold hand. The action startled Sunjae as he jumped a bit, a bright red blush appearing on his face. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked, her voice laced with worry and her eyebrows furrowed.

"I'm fine, really," he said, turning away to hide his flushed face, "I don't feel that cold, really."

"Your hands are literally freezing," countered Eunyoung, "But that's not what I was asking about. Earlier, at the pool... what happened?"

"Oh," he muttered, "I- it's stupid."

"No, it's not. Tell me, Sunjae."

The way she said his name just made him melt, "I got a bad grade... and I realized that without swimming, I don't even know what I'm doing with my life, and it really stressed me out."

"It's alright," she whispered, squeezing his hand gently, "It's okay to feel lost. One bad grade isn't the end of the world, trust me. It doesn't matter nearly as much as you think it does."

"It was a really bad grade, Eunyoung."

"Really?" she challenged. The determination in her eyes, and her grip on his hand both seemed to be hypnotizing him. She asked him, "How much did you get?"

"Ten out of forty. In math."

Her grip loosened for a moment as she stared at him, trying to process the information.

"See, it is bad," he slowly pulled away his hand because if he stayed that way any longer, he might have exploded right there.

"No," she tried to comfort him, but the insincerity was evident in her tone, "Look you need practice, that's all."

"It's no use, I'm stupid," he insisted, "I don't understand anything, and I'm always dozing off in class."

"I'll teach you," warmth crept up Eunyoung's face as she realized what she just said. There was no going back now. The thought of spending so much time with him made her feel giddy. Sunjae's eyes widened as he tried to process what she just said.

"You want to tutor me?" he confirmed, to which she nodded, "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Sunjae, listen," she turned in her seat to face him, "You had to give up your dream. It's going to be hard to get on track with something else. You're really brave, you know. Not everyone can do what you're doing right now. I want to help you."

"Okay," he breathed.

Then they exchanged smiles, and their eyes communicated feelings that words could have never described.

💿

"Oh dear, look at you," Yumi gasped as she watched Eunyoung, drenched from head to toe, enter their house, with a grin plastered on her face and Sunjae's jacket draped over her shoulders, "Was there a thunderstorm I didn't hear of?"

"It's a long story."

"I have time," countered Yumi with determination, "And that idiotic smile on your face tells me it has something to do with a certain someone."

"You're right," Eunyoung said, still smiling, her face glowing pink, "So I was going to visit Sunjae-"

"Of course you were."

"Let me speak, for god's sake," Eunyoung insisted, the smile never leaving her face, "And I met Inhyuk, who told me he went to the swimming pool 'cause he forgot something. So, I went there, and he was sitting by the pool and sobbing. I tried to comfort him, and it worked- I think. Then, we heard a really loud crashing sound outside and we fell into the pool. It was the scariest thing ever, honestly."

"That's so cute, it's like you guys are in a rom-com," Yumi said with a slight bitterness in her voice.

"Then why does your face look like someone squeezed a lemon in your mouth?" questioned Eunyoung, "Did something happen?"

"I went to the music club today-"

"Of course you did."

Yumi sighed, "Let me finish? So I went, and I waited outside for about a thousand years. I swear it felt like I was growing old standing there. By the time I had lost all sensation in my legs, I saw Taesung petting that kitten- you know which one, and I don't know... the moment I saw him, my mind went blank, and I couldn't speak properly. He looked so miserable... and I wanted to apologize but the words just wouldn't come out."

"I would hug you but then you would be drenched too," said Eunyoung, her smile turning into one of sympathy, "It means you like him. Things will be okay, Yumi. Maybe not now, but eventually."

I don't want to wait, Yumi silently thought to herself.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: i really love the headers where the characters are looking at each other <3

delphi's notes: patience? who's she? yumi doesn't know her...

next chapter: saturday (out now) list of chapters here!

xxxii. your embrace

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO ─ your embrace.

❛ now i need someone to hold be my fire in the cold ❜

Choi Yumi's Perspective

"The kitten's grown."

The moment those words left my mouth, I wanted to slap myself really hard. I had been waiting outside the Jagam High Music Club for what felt like an eternity. Each passing minute felt endless, but I endured through my impatience because I wanted to see Kim Taesung. I wanted to sincerely apologize for every thoughtless word I said to him. And when I finally spotted him feeding the kitten on the sidewalk, looking just as gorgeous as ever, all I could say was "The kitten's grown?" I had never acted more stupid in my life

He turned to look at me, and his eyebrows raised in curiosity seemed to fall and his expression changed. His eyes look blank and lifeless, reminding my of the future that I had recently witnessed. He focused his gaze on the ground, as if he was trying to distract himself.

"Oh, it's you."

His words seemed to break my heart in a split second. My mind recalled all the moments I had spent with him in the past. His witty remarks, his humor that was slightly rude, were all vivid in front of my eyes. But now, all that was gone, replaced by a grim, cold boy that I barely recognized. That side of him that only I seemed to know had disappeared, and it was all my fault.

He stood up, facing me now, and my stupid heart began hammering against my chest.

"I- I wanted to say... that I'm sorry," I mumbled out. Another internal slap. That sounded completely insincere. Like someone had forced me to apologize. What was wrong with me? Where had all my communication skills gone off to?

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

I pushed the door as I entered the swimming pool area as quietly as I possibly could. Immediately, the smell of chlorine hit my nose and the still, cool air that hung over the entire room sent a shiver down my spine. I closed the door behind me, making barely a sound as my eyes scanned my surroundings. There was a wall on my right, and a door on my left leading to a locker room. All the windows had been closed and the only source of illumination was from some dim lights put up on the walls.

I had run into Inhyuk while I was about to meet Sunjae at his house, who told me that Sunjae had gone to the swimming pool because he apparently "left something there." The statement brought an inexplicable anxious feeling that tightened my chest and I came to the school swimming pool as quickly as I could.

A soft sobbing sound fell upon my ears that grew louder as I moved towards the source of the sound. Then I saw him. Sunjae. He was sitting right at the edge of the swimming pool. legs crossed and his head in his hands, crying softly. My raised eyebrows and curious eyes morphed into a face of unwelcome realization. My heart seemed to crack and shatter the longer I watched him. Swimming was everything to him. And all of a sudden, he had to quit. When I thought about the amount of pain he must have been in, it made me want to scream and curse at his fate. I felt that same tightening feeling in my chest as I approached him slowly, mindful of the wet floor.

Ryu Sunjae's Perspective

I felt a pair of arms gently wrap around my shoulders. The action was sudden, unexpected; Especially because no one was around when I checked; But strangely, instead of resisting, I found myself melting into the embrace. A part of me knew. That it was her. With hesitation, I lifted my head, my face wet with tears as I heaved another sob and looked at Eunyoung's face that seemed to reflect the pain I felt inside.

"Eunyoung," I breathed out, my sobbing stopping momentarily, "I was-"

"You don't have to explain," she assured me, her own voice sounding choked, as if she was holding back tears. She was kneeling on the wet floor behind me, her arms clinging onto me, as if she was afraid to let go. All my pain seemed to suddenly disappear in that moment as my face began feeling warmer and butterflies seemed to take flight in my stomach. Her touch sent chills down my spine every single time.

She closed her eyes tightly, as tears spilled out of her eyes. With each drop that cascaded down her cheeks, I felt my heart break. She pulled away and sat facing me while trying to blink away the tears in her eyes. "Sunjae, I," her voice faded away as she tried to compose herself before speaking again. As her hand reached up to caress my face, I felt my heart skip a beat. Choi Eunyoung what are you doing to me?

"I never want you to be in pain. It hurts to see you like this, Sunjae. You never have to feel like you need to bottle up your feelings. Because I'm here for you. And I always will be."

The moment she said those words, I couldn't help but pull her into another embrace and burst into tears. My arms wrapped tightly around her waist as I sobbed into the nape of her neck. I felt the surprise in her body, but instead of pushing me away, her hands rested lightly on my head, caressing my hair with a kind of care I had never felt before. I didn't know how much I needed to hear those words, because they seemed to reassure me in ways that I had never felt before.

Then, at the perfect time to ruin the moment, there was a crashing sound outside. Both of us jumped severely as we slipped because of the wet floor and plunged into the pool that was barely inches away from us. The second that the cold water hit my body, soaking all my clothes, I felt my hands reaching for Eunyoung, who was struggling. I held her shoulders tightly as she steadied herself. My eyes scanned her as I asked frantically, "Are you alright? You aren't hurt or anything are you?"

Her widened eyes seemed to stare at me for a few moments before answering, "No... I'm just a little shaken," her nose crinkled up, "And I think some water went up my nose."

I chuckled at her adorable expression. She's just too cute, I found myself thinking.

"Let's get out of here?"

"You don't have to ask me twice."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: i came up with this cute idea during a lecture btw my brain never take s a break <3 also someone needs to check on yumi, like is she okay??

delphi's notes: aw they fell in the pool. *ERROR* yumi's communications not found ⚠️

next chapter: friday (out now) list of chapters here!

xxx. the memory of you

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER THIRTY ─ the memory of you.

❛ i miss the old ways, you didn't have to change, but i guess i don't have a say now that we don't talk ❜

Kim Taesung's Perspective

I felt my heart drop the moment the woman who was supposedly waiting for me turned around. I barely recognized her at first; But my memories of her must have been etched into my brain permanently, because a part of me knew. That it was her. Her long and flowing hair was no more, and the only part of it left hung over her shoulders. As I stood there in front of her, staring, I found myself entranced by her face, just like I had all those years ago. I had seen her for the very first time at the music club, and the incident replayed in front of my eyes as if it took place only yesterday. Our eyes met- ever so briefly, and it was as if fireworks had gone off. Her features still held the same harmony- soft, with a air of gentility, yet they had an inexplicable charisma that captivated me.

I could practically feel my heart pounding in my head. My hand had begun trembling. I continued gazing into her eyes, trying way too hard to avoid the scar on the right side of her face. I practically had to tear my eyes away because my heart and soul ached as if they were being pierced by a thousand needles. There was that same emptiness in her eyes that always perplexed me. It made me so curious. What could she have possibly gone through for her eyes to look so lifeless and miserable. I wanted to know so badly. I wanted to know her better, and I failed to do it every time.

Our eyes met again after some stupid formal dialogue, the sound of which was drowned out by the deafening sound of the frantic beating of my heart. I felt like I was back in my teenage body, staring at her from afar and overthinking the gift she gave me- that I bought over and over again for years. The flush on my face must have been so obvious and for a second I almost felt sorry for my colleague who stood and watched us in confusion. My gaze shifted to her scar again, and I had to look away from her entirely because of the pain I felt in my chest. It was as if someone had ripped my heart out of my body and broken it in a million parts like it was made of glass. 

The truth was that I blamed myself to this day. There was nothing that I regretted more than failing to protect her. In hindsight, I wondered how things would have turned out if I just followed basic safety protocol. What was I thinking? Riding a bike with no helmet? That too with someone I cared about. I would give up anything to go back in time and fix it. Would that have fixed everything?

On my way home, the only thought that occupied me was that despite everything that had happened- the time that had passed, and the very obvious scar on Yumi's face, she was still just as pretty as fifteen years ago. That's the thing that made me feel ridiculous; In front of Choi Yumi, I was just a nineteen year old boy with a stupid crush.

Choi Yumi's Perspective

I sat in my room, staring at the floor, lost in thought. It was insane. I had endless questions that could never be silenced. How had I run into Taesung in this timeline? Why and how did he end up become a police officer...

Then, something inside me clicked

A familiar face flashed in front of me- Gahyun, the crazy bitch obsessed with Taesung. Her screaming voice and her shaking hands pointing to me in accusation appeared in front of me.

"You!" she shrieked. Her hollering voice echoed and rippled through the previously quiet, still hospital halls. The other patients shrunk back, closed their curtains to avoid looking at the scene she was causing and others went to call for help.

"What do you want?" I sighed, "And for god's sake lower your volume."

"You're the reason my Taesung is injured!" she continued yelling, "If it weren't for you, he would be perfectly healthy at home! Now- all thanks to you, he's going to have that hideous scar on his shoulder! Ugh, it's all your fault! How could you be so selfish?!"

A fire began burning inside me that started as a spark then exploded in an instant as I cried out with tears of agony forming in my eyes, "Don't you dare pretend like you know shit! He CHOSE to drop me. In case you haven't noticed, this damn thing on my face is going to be permanent. God, just stay out of it! You don't deserve to come here and yell at ME and cause a scene! Get out!"

My breathing became erratic, and it was as if steam was coming out through my ears. I was furious. Not because she was crushing on the same stupid teenage boy as me. Because of how right she was. If it wasn't for me, Taesung would be okay.

"Yumi, is everything alright?" asked a concerned Eunyoung who had just returned home, looking even more miserable than me.

"I remember everything now," I said, feeling dazed and confused, but at the same time things seemed to make more sense, "Did we really yell in the hospital like that?"

"Oh, yeah," she tried to tell me gently, "Everyone heard."

"God."

I ran a hand down my face, sighing for what must have been the millionth time that day, "What's up with you?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Don't even ask," she responded, sighing, "Sunjae's death was suicide."

I suddenly sat up straight, my ears perking up. The word seemed to crash right on my head as my chest began feeling tight. I never spoke about it, but my mother's death haunted me to this day. She couldn't endure the abuse from my father and ended her own life. I was too young to understand it when it happened, but it dawned on me now. The thought that I was not very different, that I would turn out the same made me cower in fear every time I thought about it.

I pulled Eunyoung into an embrace, and I could feel her surprise to my impulsive action. "I'm sorry," I whispered. The room was then filled with the sound of our breathing and the soft banging of the snow against the window.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: wonyoung's face card in the header tho-

delphi's notes: taesung having a whole melancholic monologue is everything.

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxv. between notes and secrets

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE ─ between notes and secrets.

❛ and i feel so high school

every time i look at you ❜

Choi Yumi's Perspective

The sunlight peered into my room through the translucent curtains hanging over my window. The light cast itself on every surface- my desk, the wooden floor littered with various teenage junk and my spinning chair. Even my bed, which was in an obscure corner of my room couldn't avoid the stingy hot rays of the sun. I lay on my bed like a dead starfish abandoned on the sea shore, staring blankly at the ceiling above, deep in thought.

It's been a couple of weeks since I started learning guitar from Taesung. No matter how hard I tried to be nonchalant about it- I couldn't help myself. He was on my mind, all right, consuming my thoughts day and night. Here I was, rotting in my bedroom on a perfectly pleasant summer Sunday afternoon, thinking about a boy who probably never had a comprehensible thought in his life. Scenes played in my mind like flashbacks in a movie. His gentle tone explained things to me; How our hands would brush ever so often and my stupid heart would start racing like a mad horse.

I wanted to believe so desperately that I was the only one in the world who knew this side of him. Sensitive, kind, gentle- vulnerable. His tough-guy act was all just a pretence. I could see a new part of him now that I had spent so much time with him. His eyes showed a glint as he spoke about music- passion. There was something else about him that he wasn't ready to tell me. The melancholy in his voice whenever the subject of family came up- neglect.

I felt pathetic thinking this to myself, but I wanted to know. Curiosity pierced through my heart, a desire to know him better. What kept him up at night? What makes him smile? Or cry? I wanted to know it all.

I lazily moved to my desk, slouching in my chair as I propelled myself towards the table with my legs. I gazed at the music sheet lying on the table. This music sheet wasn't an ordinary one. It was for the song Taesung was teaching me on the guitar. My fingers played with the corners of the paper, mindlessly folding it. My other hand reached for my pencil as I began to scribble on a different scrap of paper.

The long-hidden time, calls us back again.

💿

Choi Eunyoung's Perspective

"Have you ever felt like someone is keeping something from you?" I asked Sunjae as we walked back home from the bus stop through the warm Monday afternoon.

"The feeling of being lied to?" he asked.

"No," I replied, "Like they're withholding information on purpose."

"I don't know," he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck that glistened with sweat, "Is something on your mind?"

"It's probably nothing," I shrugged, looking up at him to smile reassuringly, "Yumi had been coming home late these days. She said there are extra lessons at the music club, but I have a feeling that isn't the whole story."

He smiled back at me, flashing his dimples. My face must have turned the colour of a fresh tomato because I could feel the heat rising. I tried to play it cool, but it was no use. 

I knew it was silly. But there was something about him that just drew me in. Maybe it was his kind eyes that sparkled in the sunlight, or his laugh that not once failed to bring a smile to my face, or it was just the way he made me feel. Whatever it was, I couldn't deny it. I had a stupid, hopeless crush on him.

"It feels amazing to take off my shoulder brace," he sighed as we turned a corner.

"Does it still hurt?"

He shook his head, "The doctor said that it won't get triggered unless I engage in strenuous physical exercise."

"I'm glad you're better now."

A comfortable silence filled the air, our smiles never leaving our faces as we journeyed home. I don't know when I'll be going back to my time, or how much time I had left. In that moment, none of it mattered. All that was important was the soft melody of "Sonaki" in my mind and Sunjae's company which was as warm as the summer breeze flowing through my hair.

💿

I stared blankly at my flip-phone screen displaying a message from an unknown sender.

Hello Eunyoung. 

It's your dad.

My heart raced, threatening to burst out of my chest. I felt my breath become shaky and my hand reached up to my heart in attempt to calm myself. There were a million thoughts and questions running through my mind since the moment I saw the message. What did he want? How did he find my number? But one question brought my spirits crashing down to rock bottom. Where had he been my whole life?

Everything seemed to come back to me. Memories of me as a baby, tiny and vulnerable, desperate to be loved. Now I remember everything I did to try and get my dad to look at me longer than a fraction of a second. I once even tore his favourite pair of shoes to catch his attention. That seemed to make things worse. I thought he hated me. I never once thought he was capable of love. The way he screamed at my mom...

I covered my ears in agony- I could hear the scene replay in my head.

Another message flashed on the screen.

Let me make things right. Can we meet up somewhere?

"Eunyoung?" My mother's voice fell upon my ears. In shock, I spinned in my chair to look at her beady eyes staring down at me.

"M-mom..." My voice stuttered and stammered as I felt a lump in my throat, "D-did you..."

I want to cry.

"Listen, Eunyoung," she began, her voice cold and stiff, "I know this isn't your fault, but under no circumstances will you agree to this. Do you understand? I hope I've made myself clear."

"Yes, mummy," I said, faking a smile, trying to blink away my tears. A warm smile appeared on her face as she pulled me in for a hug, "You're all the family I need." I said to her, biting my lip, trying desperately to hold back the urge to cry my eyes out.

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: i'm so proud of that header 🥹 also eunyoung is so real for that last line.

delphi's notes: the way she calls her mom mummy ;(

next chapter: saturday (out now!) list of chapters here!

xxiv. the start of something new

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CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR ─ the start of something new.

❛ you know i want you bad,  show me mercy ❜

Narrator's Perspective

"Where were you last night?" Eunyoung asked Yumi as they got on the bus. She couldn't shake off the feeling that she had been kept in the dark about something. Yumi choked out a mock cough to cover up her gasp. She was really hoping to avoid any confrontation- because she hadn't decided how she would deal with it.

Yumi remained silent till they took their usual seat at the back of the bus. Her eyes blinked rapidly, darting from one side to another, frantically trying to come up with an alibi.

"I had plans, so I ate out," she said vaguely; but she knew it wasn't a satisfactory answer.

"Plans with who?" Eunyoung chuckled mockingly, "Since when did you have friends?"

"How nice of you to say that," Yumi snapped sarcastically, "I do have friends now; times change."

"Sure they do," Eunyoung mumbled. It was just a playful comment, but Yumi's words stung more than they should have. After all, there had never been secrets between them. Curiosity grew in her mind as she pondered what could possibly be the secret that Yumi was so determined to keep from her.

💿

"Hey, Eunyoung!"a familiar voice called out to her as she was heading to the newspaper room. She stopped, then turned to find Kim Harin running towards her. It was like a reminder that she had travelled back in time, and hadn't seen these people in ages. It made her reminisce of all the people she once knew, but didn't keep in touch with; and she couldn't help but feel sorry that there was a point where they weren't a part of her life anymore.

Harin had been Eunyoung's closest friend, apart from Yumi, who worked at the newspaper just like her.

"God! I haven't seen you in ages!" she chirped, walking alongside Eunyoung towards the newspaper room, "But it made me realize that I have a popular friend."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you know?" she asked inquisitively, "People gossip about you all the time. I heard about how you rejected Jihoon sunbae. Someone sitting behind me was going on about how she wondered where you got the audacity from. Honestly, I'm glad you did it. Someone had to put him in his place."

"I didn't know people made such a fuss," said Eunyoung, gazing blankly at the empty corridor before them, "But then, again, nothing ever happens around here."

"I know right?! They're just desperate for entertainment," she agreed enthusiastically, "Enough with the gossip, now. I read your article on the swim team and it was fabulous! I can't imagine anyone who could have done it better."

"Thanks," said Eunyoung with a wide grin, "I'm so glad you liked it. I'm also grateful that someone appreciates my writing. You know it means a lot, right?"

"Of course! But I was only stating the facts; There's no one better than you on our team," she beamed.

I couldn't hide my smile as I entered the newspaper room. God knows for how long I was grinning; But one thing I know for sure, is that my childhood was a magical time.

💿

Choi Yumi's Perspective

My feet felt rooted to the ground as I stood before Kim Taesung's front door. It was as if I was paralysed. A million questions swirled through my mind; Was this really a good idea? What would Eunyoung say if she knew what I was up to? Why was I here? Every cell in my body was screaming at me to run away- go home! But I just couldn't; I couldn't take a step forward either.

Suddenly, my hand reached up to slap my face lightly. I realized that what I needed to do was start acting sane. This wasn't a big deal. I was just learning something new, and a friend of mine was helping me out. I heaved a sigh at my odd behaviour and pressed the doorbell.

I cracked my knuckles nervously as I heard footsteps nearing the door. I nearly fell backwards when the door swung open to reveal Taesung's face that stretched into a dimpled grin on seeing me, "You're here, piano girl?"

"I sure am," I said, trying to hide the awkwardness in my voice. It was at moments like this that I realised that among Eunyoung and I, god gave all the social skills to her; even though we weren't related.

He stepped aside, "Come in. And unclench your fists while you're at it. It makes me feel unsafe."

💿

"Put your index finger here."

"Here?"

"Yup. And then your middle finger here- yeah."

"Now?"

"Your ring finger has to be here."

"Is this right?" I asked Taesung. I had lost track of time as minutes slipped through my fingers while I sat in his living room. The silence that was once deafening at the start of our guitar lesson had now turned comfortable. The room would go silent every time we stopped talking and the room would be filled with the soft sound of our breathing. 

Just as I was getting less jittery, I looked up at Taesung who was already looking at me with his beady eyes. We were sitting so close. His arm held the guitar in my hand, brushing against my back ever so slightly. In my determination and focus, I never batted an eye at our proximity and I suddenly became conscious of it.  I felt my breath hitch as a warmth crept up my face. Once again, an unnatural stillness settled in the room. The both of us seemed to be holding our breaths, waiting. 

I tore away first, fixing my gaze on the coffee table in front of the couch, letting go of the guitar. He lunged to prevent it from crashing to the floor, "It's only your first lesson. I think it's a bit early to break the guitar so soon, don't you?"

Any reply I may have come up with me disappeared on the tip of my tongue.

"It's six-thirty already, should we call it a day?" he asked, looking at the clock.

"Yeah..." I replied, wide-eyed, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Unless you run away," he said, "And considering that look on your face, I would say it's very likely."

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩⋆｡° ✮

nana's notes: eunyoung having her nostalgia moment and then yumi's having a quarter-life crisis.

delphi's notes: a cookie to the person who guesses where the lyrics are from.

next chapter: friday (out now!) list of chapters here!