we’re talking again. although i no longer have feelings for you, i don’t know what i should do. the friendship we once had is still one i remember well—our good conversations, the way you made me laugh, i didn’t forget it all. i don’t try to remember it but it was good while it lasted, and i’m okay with the way we are now. talking to you again just leaves me torned between keeping you for the sake of our friendship and cutting you off for the relationship i used to hope we would someday have and now no longer want.
— is it finally time to let you go? i know i’ll see you again someday, but it won’t be on our own accord. that’s not the kind of relationship we have. not talking to you or the opposite doesn’t really matter much. i don’t want anything more for us but it doesn’t change the nature of our relationship… we’re still friends after all.
if you don’t care, just don’t say anything. i don’t need your polite excuse or your fake sympathy. i don’t need your waning attention. i don’t need you to ask me how i’m doing if you can’t even pretend to attentively listen to me. don’t pretend to be my friend. don’t try to be my lover. your insincerity is showing, and i’d hate to see that as your true colours.
— don’t make me despise you even more than i do now, you’ve already tainted what’s left of all our good memories.
marina grace
i find it so ironic that after a year, you contacted me first. it was something so insignificant, just a video from our past. and yet here i was antagonising having to be the first one to reach out between us. and no, we’re not fighting, we never were—but in my head, when i decided to ghost you last year, i knew i was better off than to keep hoping for something i wasn’t even sure i want. i did it for me and i never regretted it even though sometimes i’d wonder if you wish you did more than this, try more than me.
— anyways it doesn’t matter now that a year has gone by. without you, i let myself grow into someone better. i’ve found many people who are better, and i’m more sure now than ever that i deserve someone better. thank you for reaching out to me first, even if it was over something so insignificant, i guess it won’t hurt to send you a message in reply after all.
marina grace
i told you i wouldn’t care, i said it in my head and i meant it. too many chances i have given you only to be left disappointed in the end. it doesn’t matter if i didn’t tell you what was wrong then, because i don’t need you to change to become the person i’m looking for. no, i need more that that. i don’t need a pretender. i deserve a partner who naturally suits me. love shouldn’t be hard. and if you’d cared a little more, pay a little more attention to me, to what i care about, i wouldn’t have to tell you when something’s wrong. even if you didn’t know, you would’ve asked, you would’ve noticed. and to me, that makes a world of difference.
— do you know why i left you behind? if you don’t have the courage to ask me why, i’m better off with someone else.
marina grace
one day i’m missing you, the next i don’t even care if you’d call or text my phone. even if i don’t want to, i’d often find myself thinking about you, wondering why you didn’t text, why you don’t ever call, wondering if you miss me, wondering if you’d ever man up and say what’s on your mind. these thoughts are incessant at first, fresh after our last meeting—and then it slowly wane as i forget why i was ever hung up on you—i forget why i wanted to call you mine.
— the pull was strong when we were together but just like you, i’m better off forgetting this feeling than to keep on hoping you’ll become someone i could call my own.
marina grace
the words we couldn’t say— it bleeds into our silence. don’t say another word, if it’s all going to be meaningless in the end…
— if we dare to speak, i wonder if our love would hold meaning again.
marina grace
you were a puzzle, an endless maze i entangled myself with. i thought i didn’t understand you because you were so unpredictable, that i have to keep figuring you out to truly know you. but the more i tangled with you, the more you slowly let me in. that was when i realised that all along, i was wrong. you weren’t a puzzle at all. i just needed you to be you with me.
— to me, you were a maze but when i’m with you, i felt like i’ve known you for a million years.
marina grace
i’m sorry we haven’t been in touch for years. i’m sorry that i didn’t text you back when you asked me if i wanted to meet up that one time. i guess i am a coward, but it’s not like i don’t want to reconcile when it’s all that i have ever dreamed of since the day we parted. i didn’t mean to give up on us — but somehow, the thought of reconciling is like damaging all the fond memories i ever have of you, and i’d rather live in the past then be disappointed by the present.
— to me, old memories of you are better kept that way.
marina grace