Bringing Your Shadow Out Of The Dark

Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark

Deep shadow-work does not leave us intact; it is not some neat and tidy process but rather an inherently messy one, as vital and unpredictably alive as birth. The pain it brings up is the pain we’ve been fleeing or suppressing most of our life; the psychoemotional breakdowns it catalyzes are the precursors to hugely relevant breakthroughs; the doors it opens are portals that have shown up year after year in our dreams, awaiting our entry. Such shadow-work not only breaks us down but also breaks us open, turning frozen yesterday into fluid now.

The terms “shadow” and “shadow work” have become increasingly common in psychological, spiritual, and personal growth circles. A significant number of us talk about our particular shadow and its constituent elements, in many cases acknowledging the need to do more about it than just admit that it’s there — hence the notion of “shadow-work.”

What I mean by our “shadow” is whatever in us we’re disconnected from or out of touch with, whatever we’ve denied or disowned in ourselves, whatever we’ve not illuminated or will not illuminate in ourselves, whatever in us we’re keeping out of sight.

So our shadow is that zone of us that’s occupied by what we have not faced or can’t/won’t face about ourselves.

To the extent that our conditioning (especially that originating in our early years) is allowed to run or operate us, it is our shadow. Or put another way, to the extent that our conditioning is kept in the dark, it is our shadow.

When we are both aware of our conditioning and are not letting it drive us or dictate our direction, it cannot at such times be categorized as our shadow. However much we may still have to change our relationship to our conditioning, it’s now out in the open, lit up and held in a grounded awareness.

When we are acting out our shadow material — looking through its eyes and embodying its viewpoint — we usually don’t know we are doing so at the time. For example, we may be righteously condemning another for not listening to us (even though they actually are, but are not agreeing with what we’re saying), not realizing that we have not been listening to them — nor that we generally are a poor listener. In this, we are projecting our own shortcoming onto another with such conviction that we block ourselves from really seeing that we doin fact have such a shortcoming.

(Note: It’s important to remember that just because we are projecting a certain quality onto another — like inconsiderateness — that this doesn’t necessarily mean that they are not being inconsiderate! What matters is that we don’t solely focus on what they are doing, but also focus on what we are doing.)

To know our shadow is to bring it out where we can clearly see it and recognize its detailing, its constituent parts, its modes of operation. And, eventually, its origins.

To get more familiar with our shadow, we can begin with doing our best to answer questions such as the following (however partial our answers might be):

What do I least want others to know about me?

What do I tend to have a disproportionate reaction to?

What qualities of mine do I often feel aversion toward?

What do I most easily project onto others?

Which emotions do I consider to be negative?

Which emotions am I the least comfortable expressing?

Who or what specifically was I trying to get away from in those dreams of mine in which I was trapped or being pursued?

What am I most scared to openly express or share in a relationship?

Don’t worry if you don’t have clear answers for all of these questions. To even attempt to answer them brings you into the domain of your shadow, however slightly. The lighting may be dim and your steps tentative, but at least you are approaching your shadow. The very act of turning toward it is a major step in our evolution, no matter how slight such movement initially may be.

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