For The Record, I Don't Bruise Very Easily

need more women in my inbox and dms

MOMMY? MA’AM? MISTRESS? MISS? WHERE ARE YOU ?!???

shhh just go back to sleep, it's okay. i just couldn't help myself, you looked so pretty with your eyes closed.

but we wouldn't want you to stay like that, would we?

does anyone have 55 quettatons of tnt for me to use

i'm going to do something REALLY funny (blow up the sun)

i wish i could scream at the top of my lungs but i live in a suburban neighborhood in a house full of 5 other people and multiple pets.

when i can drive again, i'm going to just drive out to the middle of nowhere and scream to relieve some of this nagging ache from my chest.

i don't care if my throat BLEEDS, i need to scream.

hey ;)

also sometimes i forget that all of the thoughts i put here are literally public and then i start tweaking out like "oh god what if i make friends on here and then they find out i'm a freak"

like i mean obviously i'm a freak by being on this side of tumblr but i'm still embarrassed by the level of it D:

silly scenario that i'm writing late at night in like 15 minutes. prob won't make sense.

family friend who stops by the house every couple of weeks to hang out with my parents

i've always thought she looked so cool, ever since i was a little kid... so pretty, she has cool hair, cool piercings, listens to cool music... everything about her is just so... cool! i want to be just like her.

she's always had a soft spot for me, always gave me praise when i was working hard on my schoolwork, gave me hugs and care like she was my real aunt or something.

she's always a bit handsy, grabbing my shoulders, holding my hand, ruffling my hair... but i'm too oblivious to notice. she slowly ramps up her touches, day by day, giving me so much praise to make me feel good and special... and then one day, she walks into my room after breaking away from my parents for a single moment and asks if i want her to make me feel even better.

the thought of feeling good, of spending even more time with her, fills me with joy. i eagerly agree, of course.

she asks me all sorts of weird questions like "do you find girls pretty?", "have you kissed any of them?", "do you think i'm pretty?" and the answers are all simple. yes, no, yes. she smirks when she hears the latter two.

she leans in a little bit closer, her eyes boring into my own with a sense of pride before they flicker down to my lips. before i can even say any more words, she closes the gap between our mouths, giving me my first kiss with the person i've always had a secret crush on. i hear about how this kind of thing is wrong, but it feels really good! after all, she's always so nice to me.

as the kiss deepens, my inexperienced lips struggle to keep up. i feel her tongue brushing up against the seam of my lips but she appears to think better of it and gently breaks the kiss with a gasp, our mouths still connected by a string of saliva. she smiles softly and whispers in my ear, asking me if it felt good. i nod eagerly, my cheeks flushed a deep shade of pink, as she stands back up fully as if nothing weird happened.

she tells me that if i want to do more of that, it'll have to wait for a while because she spends so much time with my parents. and she reminds me that i'm not allowed to tell anyone about this, that it'll be our little secret.

i nod in agreement, so excited to be doing grown-up stuff with someone as pretty as her. i tell her that my parents are going out on a date tomorrow night so we can continue it then. the thought of being truly alone with me seems to strike a chord within her, but she quickly buries it with a caring smile and agrees.

and as quickly as the moment came, she leaves my room with a soft click, leaving me wondering if that really happened. but i guess that i can only look forward to tomorrow night, hoping i really get to see her again with a ch1ldlik3 wonder and anticipation in my chest.

81

Depends on who's saying it

It's gotta be the right tone of voice and it needs to be a time when I'm bottoming y'know?

addendum addendum:

long story short, i guess i'm just so obsessive over little things. i suppose i need to live by the motto "it's easier to beg for forgiveness than permission," but it's much harder than it sounds. the thought of someone not forgiving me (even if i barely know them) is unbearable.

ugh and i'm SO worried about either talking too much or too little. it freaks me out when i type a lot and someone responds with a few words or vice versa.

anyways weird depressive rant over, back to the freaky and the weird... probably. might come back later if i don't get over this.

sometimes i wonder if i'm too nice for my own good

as much as i love the IDEA of doing it, i'm really awful at degrading people because i want everyone to feel good :D

it mostly comes from a place of anxiety, i guess. like a voice in the back of my head that tells me that everything i'm doing is wrong.

oh what a dilemma i have found myself in... i'd appreciate any tips if people have them, mostly about swallowing that anxiety (even though i don't think anyone would really read this)

and i also want to BE this person ugh

i want to show someone how much i love them in every single facet of the word. i want to manipulate them like a puppet on a string and turn them into my perfect, ideal person.

i'm smart enough to know how to do it, too :)

ughhh crazy and obsessive people my beloved

tell me you're not going to let anyone else even talk to me, condition me to believe that it's okay and that you're all i need

follow me home to "make sure i get home alright" and then look through my windows just to "double check"

send me texts and voicemails about nothing in particular because you just want to talk to me

threaten to hurt me or yourself if you even start to suspect that i'm going to leave you

tell other people that they can't talk to me, spread rumors saying stuff about me so that i'm all yours

hurt them when you see that they're still trying

and if i finally start to realize what you're doing, maybe you just need to take more drastic measures :3