Eggmccmuffin - Eli

buying peaches is so stressful because you have to consume them so quickly…it’s like the moment the cashier types in that number the alpha peach turns to its brothers in the bags and says “alright listen up boys, it’s time to remember your training. i want to see immense bruising by sundown. i want to see you near inedible by sunrise. remember it is better to die a free man than to be eaten.” you gotta wolf down all of your peaches at the check out counter while the trader joe’s employees eagerly look at the Peach Consumption Countdown Clock and cheer you on. these peaches have sensors on them that can tell when they come into contact with human hands so they can begin their self-destruct sequence like you’re in a spy movie and the peach just relayed a message to you about the whereabouts of jimmy hoffa’s decayed remains

10,000 reblogs and I will translate the script of Bee Movie into a language that I will invent solely for this purpose

all pedophiles should die and theres literally no downside to them all dropping dead

The silence in a room while taking a quiz: ----

My stomach: rawr

fuck

I can't I laughed so much

My friends: oh my god. Anorexia? Yeah I understand you. I went anorexic for a couple of days😔

Me:

Friendly reminder that mental illness fucks with your head and that your thoughts and feelings are not facts. Feeling alone does not equal that you actually are alone. Feeling worthless does not equal that you’re actually worthless. Feeling unlovable does not equal that you’re actually unlovable. Feeling hopeless does not equal that there’s no hope. So please don’t treat the negative feelings and beliefs caused by your mental illness as facts. Question them. Challenge them. Remind yourself that not everything you think and feel actually corresponds with the facts of the situation.

bts eating grapes is family friendly right anyway I gained 4 pounds over this fucking binge filled extended weekend I say I'm going to get back into the groove tomorrow but I have no motivation so I'll probably just gain more weight lolz