Latest Posts by ferntasie - Page 10
After all, continuing further would be a *grave* offense.
Why are undertakers always so tired?
Because they’re always taking graveyard shifts!
Coming up with all these puns is like running a busy funeral home: quite the undertaking!
Why are undertakers always so tired?
Because they’re always taking graveyard shifts!
Why does an undertaker make a good gossip?
They really know get the dirt on someone!
Why are undertakers always so tired?
Because they’re always taking graveyard shifts!
An undertaker's favorite foods are gravey, dirt pudding, and Tombstone pizza
Why are undertakers always so tired?
Because they’re always taking graveyard shifts!
How do undertakers get paid?
In crypt-o-currency!
Why are undertakers always so tired?
Because they’re always taking graveyard shifts!
What's an undertaker's favorite element on the periodic table?
Barium!
Why are undertakers always so tired?
Because they’re always taking graveyard shifts!
you deserve someone who'll gently stroke your fur and scratch behind your ears while you recite a couple thousand word essay you wrote in your head about a video game you played or something & it makes them go "haha, that's really interesting" every once in a while
What if some parents always wanted to be esports champions so they played League of Legends with their kid and the kid played as the woman with the fists and the parents made the kid do all the work for the team?
That would be called living "Vi, carry us"-ly.
🥁
This joke doesn't work anymore because they're called artificial X'eners now.
What do they put in diet sodas for birds?
Artificial tweeteners!
Can't let British people have air conditioning because first they'd call it something twee like "the climate fixer" and then in 20 years they'll call it "the climb" or "the climmy"
I feel this but from the receiving end. I like to be Things.
if i didnt stim by kneading things with my toes where would i be in life
The transfem urge to work at one of those restaurants with the skimpy uniforms and show off my new figure
🆚
The autistic horror of realizing this would mean small-talking with strangers for hours at a time
Wish there were a tech firm with a dress code like that instead. My friend proposes to call it "Comphooters"
the greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from an all you can eat pizza buffet
me: lol rihanna costume inspiration is cindy-lou-who meets the grinch ¯\(°_o)/¯
@ferntasie - more like she hunted down the grinch (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧
me: so...the costume is cindy-lou-who wearing a genuine grinch pelt??! ヘ（。□°）ヘ
...ngl i was honestly disappointed she didn't appear in the half-time show wearing this outfit (ಠ_ಠ)
*hits blunt made from a rolled-up botany paper*
The ultimate androgynous name is "Corylus Maxima". You can nickname them not only "Cory" and "Max", but also "Hazel" and "Filbert".
Minute™ rice takes more than 60 seconds to cook. False advertising!
Unless...
It's not pronounced "MIN-it" rice, it's "my-NOOT" rice!
Y'know, because grains of rice are really small.