Distance Yourself From The People That You Don't Want To Become

SELF VALIDATION

First things first, if you validate your existence on externalities, you will never truly be happy. While it’s important to have values and to act on them, it shouldn’t be your main source of happiness. 

E.g. parent validation, academic validation, and male validation. So, here are some tips to validate yourself. 

VALUE YOUR OPINION. You should have the ability to make decisions and identify yourself solely on your opinion. Trust, giving people that ability to shape your decisions and curate your identity, allows them to dictate your worth. 

SELF LOVE OVER OTHERS. Ensure you are doing everything in your power to treat yourself lovingly. Even if it means sacrificing a few things in life. E.g. going to sleep early instead of cramming for a test. 

BE RESILIENT. When I say that, I don’t mean ‘don't let anything affect you’ but rather, build yourself up to the point that when someone/something knocks you down, you can bounce back easily. 

BECOME SELF AWARE. Know your strengths, and weaknesses, and be mindful of the truth. Be genuine when it comes to this because self-awareness helps us with becoming more in touch with our inner selves.

AVOID NEGATIVE SELF TALK. This can cause us to rely on others to hear good things about ourselves. Instead, say affirmations in the mirror.

STOP PEOPLE PLEASING. There’s a difference between genuinely being nice, and being a doormat. You shouldn’t have to bend over backwards for others, and they give absolutely nothing back. Invest that time and effort into yourself.

SOMEONE’S GAIN IS NOT YOUR LOSS. This is a mindset shift that will change the game. You have to stop seeing successful, wealthy, pretty or intelligent people as threatening your skills or talents. There is enough success for everyone.

DETACH FROM OTHERS. Friends, family, males, etc. Stop letting how other people treat you, dictate your mood for the rest of the day. The only factor your mood should depend on is you. What you do, say, and act is the only factor. 

KNOCK OTHERS FROM YOUR PEDESTAL. The only person that should be on top of your pedestal, is you. By doing this, you create an inferiority complex for someone else and give them superiority. 

OTHER’S OPINIONS ARE MOMENTARY. They will always move on with their day and see what needs to be done. They do not care about you as much as you think. So, do not even try to give them the time of day. 

BUILD BOUNDARIES. With others and yourself. Both are equally important because you value yourself enough not to do something you’ll regret. 

how to follow your dreams ˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊

𝜗𝜚⋆ 1. try to get in touch with your dreams. what do you dream about in your life? what future makes you feel alive exited inspired and energized?

𝜗𝜚⋆ 2. read blogs books or stories about other people who are following their hearts or living your dreams. try to get ideas and inspiration from them.

𝜗𝜚⋆ 3. talk to people who will support you and encourage you not to give up.

𝜗𝜚⋆ 4. determine what is important to you and what may hinder you on the path to your dream. for example the opinions of others fear of ridicule or failure the need to earn money and be financially secure. do they matter more and will they stop you from achieving your goals especially when there are obstacles scattered along your path?

𝜗𝜚⋆ 5. start taking steps and making changes in your life. as long as you just imagine scenarios your life will remain the same. you need to plan and take action to change reality.

𝜗𝜚⋆ 6. if something doesn’t work then this is not a reason to give up but this is also not a reason to continue in the same spirit. you need to reconsider your strategy and understand why it isn't working for you. then come up with a new plan and try again.

𝜗𝜚⋆ 7. believe in yourself - and continue to strive for your dreams. what's truly worth will require effort and commitment on your part.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

leveling up to your dreamgirl version of yourself 2022 ♡

upgrading by recognizing your self worth!

- value and self worth go hand in hand with each other.

a wise woman once said “if you want to know what your self worth is like look at all the things you are tolerating in your life right now, this will show you what you think your value is, what your worth is and how you are undervaluing yourself.”

when you don’t know your value you will sell yourself short. ask yourself this question right now, where does your self worth come from and will your self worth change because of that if it were to disappear?

- your self worth should not be external, so it should not come from the opinion of others. the moment you allow that to happen what other people say about you becomes your reality. your self worth also shouldn’t be measured by your accomplishments or the things you are able to do. your self worth is not your physical appearance, how many followers you have, or how much money you make. you were worthy the day you were born, your self worth comes from your spirit it comes from connections to yourself. your self worth will show in the way you interact with people, the way you talk to yourself, and the way you treat yourself and other people. so make sure you are constantly reminding yourself just how amazing and precious you are.

- now your value. your value has to meet what you are settling for in life, so if you know you are amazing and have high value why are you settling for less? do not let other people bully you into having lower standards.

- do not lower your standards to make other people comfortable, when you leave room to do so people will take that opportunity to value you at ANY price and that’s what we don’t want when we know just how much we are worth. a wise woman also once said “louis vuitton does not go on sale. fendi does not go on sale. prada does not go on sale. why? because it costs what it costs.”

- boundaries and standards also show your value to others, when people come into your life and see no boundaries and standards they will treat you how you treat yourself. boundaries keep you safe don’t be afraid to make them. standards will also keep you happy if you obtain them.

so there we have it lovelies i hope this post can aid you on your journey to see your full potential ♡

productive mornings ౨ৎ

Essentials for a cosy study day 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Tea, coffee, water. Drink more than you think you should; it will help you focus!! My recent obsession has been chai lattes. :)

Get ready even if you plan on staying home. Take a shower, do your hair make-up, and do whatever you would do on a regular day, too.

Cosy but cute fit. Something comfortable that still makes you feel pretty and good about yourself.

Set some goals. Whether this be a specific page number you want to reach, a set study time, etc etc., keep it achievable, tho!!

Play around with music and playlists when you lose focus. I always switch between studying in complete silence, classical music, lofi, and more gloomy playlists; this helps me stay focused for longer. :)

Take little breaks, stretch, have a snack, open a window, and catch up with your friends for a bit to avoid feeling burned out or overly exhausted.

Make your study space cosy, light a candle, get a blanket, adjust the lighting and temperature to your liking, and keep your desk organised.

Watch something cosy but motivating like Gilmore Girls if you're just organising your notes, school stuff, or simply studying lighter material to keep you entertained.

Here are some of my favourite study playlists 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

Back to school gloominess

Old Ivories (piano music)

Rory Gilmore Autumn

My Lofi Playlist

Soft studies

As always, please feel free to share your own suggestions and tips in the comments! <3

my insta: @ malusokay

love ya ･:*₊‧✩

mat workouts for when you don’t feel like standing

8 minute pelvic floor workout by eleni fit

10 minute full body by growwithjo

10 minute back workout by pamela reif

10 minute glute bridge burnout by pamela reif

10 minute core by madfit

10 minute full body by pamela reif

10 minute glute bridge burnout by madfit

10 minute abs and yoga by madfit

12 minute booty workout by move with nicole

15 minute full body slow strength by pamela reif

15 minute slow and on the floor workout by madfit

15 minute abs and booty by madfit

15 minute abs and yoga by madfit

17 minute pelvic floor workout by daisy keech

20 minute thigh workout by emi wong

20 minute slow and on the floor workout by madfit

20 minute full body victoria’s secret workout by mary braun

20 minute pilates core workout by eleni fit

20 minute abs by caroline girvan

20 minute lower body pilates by madeleine abeid

20 minute abs and booty by madfit

20 minute abs by madfit

24 minute full body sculpt by coach kel

25 minute barre and mat pilates by fitbymik

25 minute hourglass pilates by madeleine abeid

25 minute full body workout by emkfit

30 minute abs and thighs workout by emi wong

30 minute abs and booty by growwithjo

30 minute pilates by mizi

30 minute beginner pilates by move with nicole

30 minute pilates core workout by move with nicole

30 minute pilates for weight loss by moving mango pilates

30 minute full body pilates by move with nicole

30 minute full body pilates by move with nicole

30 minute full body pilates by move with nicole

30 minute full body pilates by move with nicole

30 minute abs by caroline girvan

30 minute hourglass pilates by madeleine abeid

30 minute beginner floor cardio by ps fit

30 minute abs by madfit

35 minute abs and booty pilates by move with nicole

35 minute full body pilates by move with nicole

35 minute full body pilates by move with nicole

40 minute full body workout by mizi

40 minute full body pilates by madeleine abeid

🌸 Wrapping Up Summer

The last few days of summer are filled summer reading, journaling, baking, antiquing, and going on short trips. Today, I'm headed to Texas for the weekend to attend a conference! I will update you guys on the trip!

Glow-up tips that actually work from your favourite beauty girly (me)

Hot girls don't gatekeep, so here are some of my favourite glow-up tips that actually work. <3

Skin

Find a skincare routine that works for you!! It took me years to find mine, but now my skin is literally perfect. <3 (let me know if you guys want a detailed skincare routine!!)

Don't pick your skin, the less you touch your face, the better.

I believe ice rollers are bs…

If you struggle with dark circles, don't try fixing them through skincare. Most likely, the problem comes from your diet or stress.

Dry brushing is a game-changer!!

Use lotion after every shower and apply a body spray before the lotion is fully absorbed into your skin. You'll smell amazing for DAYS.

Don't try homemade skincare if you already struggle with your skin. I learned it the hard way, lol…

WASH YOUR MAKEUP BRUSHES

Hair

The more heat you use, the more damage you'll have.

SILK PILLOWCASES

Never sleep with wet or damp hair.

Stop buying cheap shampoo and conditioner, also make sure to check the ingredients!!

Some ingredients to avoid: Sulfates, Parabens, Polyethene Glycols, Triclosan, Formaldehyde, Synthetic Fragrances and Colors, Dimethicone, Retinyl Palmitate.

I trim my hair every 3 months.

If you have damaged hair, invest in some Olaplex!! my favourites are N4c, N6 and N7. <3

Diet

green juice actually makes you feel better. I make mine at home and LOVE it :)

Balance is key!! I swear by the 80/20 rule.

Drink more water, even if you think you're drinking enough. DRINK MORE

Keto is BS <3

Focus on eating more protein. Usually, low-fat products have more protein, so I just try to buy those, lol.

I eat gluten-free, not by choice… But it did clear my acne, so…

Take supplements, get a blood test done, discuss it with a doctor and start taking whatever they recommend. GAME CHANGER.

EAT MORE VEGETABLES and fruits.

Lifestyle

Focus on being more active, walk more, workout, join a club or sport, dance, whatever works for you!!

I aim for 10K steps, I live in a big city, so I usually walk more than that but still.

Hobbies that don't include screen time. Trust me.

Find your personal style and ALWAYS dress up. <3

TREAT YOURSELF. Buy yourself flowers, and presents, go to your favourite restaurants, vacations!!

Read more. As a classics lover, I can't imagine a life without literature, but even if you don't like classics, any book is better than no book!!

Take more pictures. I've noticed that I have become a lot more present since I've started taking more pictures!! highly recommend :)

I hate to say this, but getting up earlier is lowkey kinda great... been doing it for a few weeks, and unfortunately, I do feel better... they were right...

Get a cat. :)

Mindset

Stop assuming that everyone hates you, they don't, trust me.

Journaling, manifesting, law of attraction, affirmations.

one of my favourite affirmations: "if I weren't capable, the opportunity wouldn't have come my way; I belong here." <3

Stop hanging out with people who drain your energy

stop consuming media that makes you feel bad.

What would the highest version of yourself do?

If you change your mindset, you will change your life.

Romanticise every aspect of your life. <3

As always, please feel free to share your own suggestions and glow-up tips in the comments! <3

✩‧₊*:・love ya ･:*₊‧✩

she wasn’t trying to win, she was trying to prove something | spencer hastings

everyone loves spencer hastings because she’s brilliant. because she’s intense. because she’s always ten steps ahead. but what no one talks about enough is how exhausting it is to live like that, to be the best, all the time, because it feels like if you’re not winning, you’re nothing.

you don’t just wake up one day addicted to achievement. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s the result of being told, either directly or indirectly, that love is something you earn. approval, security, pride... they’re all made into things you chase, not things you deserve by default. and for girls like spencer (and girls like us), the chase becomes your whole personality.

this post is for that version of you: the one who doesn’t know how to slow down. who feels guilty for resting. who is so busy proving she’s good enough that she doesn’t even know what she wants anymore, only that she has to win.

but glowettee girls don’t just burn out. we decode the burnout. and we build something better from the pieces.

✧ step one: admit that your ambition isn’t always healthy (and that’s okay)

spencer’s ambition was her superpower, but also her coping mechanism. it was how she kept her identity intact in a family that prioritized image over emotion. it was how she filled the silence when she didn’t feel seen. and that’s the thing no one tells you: you can be extremely high-functioning and still deeply emotionally neglected.

if you recognize yourself in that, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or dramatic. it means you learned to survive in a way that made you successful but not necessarily fulfilled. and that awareness? that’s your power now.

start asking yourself: › what part of my ambition is actually a response to fear? › am i working towards something real. or just running from feeling “not enough”? › if i stopped being productive for a while, would i still feel like i mattered?

this isn’t about throwing away your drive. it’s about reclaiming it. so that your success stops being a trauma response and starts becoming a conscious, joyful path.

✧ step two: stop tying your worth to how well you’re doing

this is one of the hardest lessons for spencer-coded girls to learn. you’ve spent so long being “the smart one,” “the responsible one,” “the one who gets things done,” that the idea of being average... or even just not ahead, feels terrifying.

but the truth is, your value doesn’t fluctuate based on how impressive you are today. you are allowed to be exhausted. to take breaks. to not know what’s next. to be unsure and still deserving of kindness.

practical reframes that help:

› “i am not only worthy when i am productive.” › “it’s not my job to be exceptional every single day.” › “i do not have to earn rest, i’m already allowed to feel okay.” › “getting ahead means nothing if i don’t feel like myself at the end of it.”

your worth is not your grades, your resume, your discipline. your worth is how gently you treat yourself when things don’t go according to plan. and how brave you are for trying again, but this time, with love.

✧ step three: identify where the pressure is really coming from

one of spencer’s most iconic traits is her constant pressure to be better, to prove herself to her parents, to compete with melissa, to always be right. and a lot of girls pick up this energy without even realizing it.

so let’s break it down.

when you’re pushing yourself too hard, ask:

› who am i trying to impress right now? › what am i trying to prove, and to who? › would i still want this if no one else saw it?

sometimes the answer is “my parents.” sometimes it’s “my younger self who was bullied.” sometimes it’s “the girl who made me feel small in 10th grade.” whatever it is... naming it gives you control back. it turns a subconscious obsession into a choice.

glowettee tip: start tracking your academic or glow-up goals with intention journals. write down why you want each thing. if the answer is rooted in love, curiosity, or your dream life. it stays. if it’s rooted in shame or needing to prove yourself, you rewrite it.

✧ step four: build a version of success that doesn’t destroy you

ambition doesn’t have to hurt. it doesn’t have to cost your health, your sleep, or your identity. but to get to that place, you need to reimagine what success actually looks like.

spencer's biggest downfall was never that she worked hard, it was that she never let herself pause. she never believed she was enough without the accomplishments. so let’s fix that.

your version of success should include:

› slow mornings with your journal and a matcha › deep focus sessions that leave you proud, not drained › goals that light you up instead of haunting you › people who see you beyond your output › a sense of peace when you're doing “nothing”

you deserve a version of success that feels like coming home to yourself, not escaping who you are.

✧ step five: learn how to forgive yourself for not being ahead

this is the softest, hardest part. if you’ve ever stared at someone else's instagram story or grades or glow-up and felt that sinking feeling of “i’m so behind,” this part is for you.

glowettee girls don’t pretend they’re immune to comparison. we just reframe it.

spencer always felt like she was playing catch-up, even if it was to melissa, to her parents' expectations, or to some imaginary version of perfection. but she was always enough. the problem was never her ability. it was her belief.

if you’re feeling behind:

› remember you are living your own plotline, not anyone else’s › take inventory of how far you’ve come, even if it’s invisible to others › allow yourself to grieve the time you lost to stress, fear, or self-doubt › forgive yourself for surviving the only way you knew how, even if it meant overworking

being “ahead” means nothing if you don’t feel grounded in your body, your heart, your softness. you’re allowed to pause. you’re allowed to rest. and you’re still powerful even when you do nothing but exist.

♡ mindy’s personal tip:

i used to think that if i didn’t get everything right, i’d disappoint everyone, my family, my future self, the version of me that’s supposed to be a doctor-ceo-academic-goddess. but slowly, i realized the pressure was inside me. and that i could be ambitious and gentle at the same time.

now i schedule in breaks like i schedule study sessions. i romanticize rest like i romanticize hustle. and i remind myself every day: i am not just a girl chasing goals... i am a girl creating a life.

so are you.

xoxo mindy

⋆ this post was inspired by my free workbook on trauma-coded ambition, it's for the overachiever girls who can't rest without guilt. grab it here:

Gumroad

deprogramming your trauma-coded ambition — a workbook for overachiever girls

for the girls who were always “the smart one.”for the gifted kids who became burnout adults.for the ones who can’t stop striving, even when