Https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=ziosha7bZYs#

12.12.18

Im not sure why life has been so crazy and out of hand lately. aside from all the bullshit tho my mom did tell me i was becoming a man for the first time in my life. that was cool. But after all the shit ive been through this past week i gotta be stronger. I gotta focus more. People are counting on me this time, i can feel it. Just the simple fact that these people trust me with their future just tells me i gotta go my hardest. this year is different. 2019. i feel stronger, taller, more grounded in who i am. people still judge me from the outside, my quiet side. the side that doesn’t really talk to anyone because im uncomfortable. the part of me no one understands, the part of me that people believe is the only part of me. i just want to make better music. i need to create again. i need my crew. i love them niggas. i still feel lonely. currently having an oreo fetish please forgive me. i feel temptation creeping close. not that i can act on it anyways, but its there. i still know im not ready for the lifestyle i want to live. and i only say this because i dont want my significant other to suffer on my behalf. am i wrong? am i selfish? should i take time to figure out myself and what i want? i want her, thats no doubt. but will i get everything i need from her? idk. i cant help but feel this feeling in my heart. i just dont know what its telling me. what am i doing? im starting to see how great i am. legendary. its a lot of responsibility and thats why i gotta be on my shit. for my team, for my guys, my family, the people that wont leave my side no matter how much i fuck up. i do this for y’all, for us. its all love. i hope everyone is patient with me, give me a chance. maybe chances. im not perfect but being looked at like im perfect is stressful. any mistake i make people hold it and dont let go. its a gift and a curse. life so far. nigga honestly im just trying to go home. i need to build my foundation again. i need a clean fresh start if that makes sense. i haven’t seen my mom in over a year. im scared what everyone is going to look like. fuck you JC why’d you put that thought in my head. is my family scared to see me and vice versa? it doesn’t matter. i love them. i love everyone who supports me. the fact youre even trying to read my thoughts is a surprise. how long should i keep this blog a secret? well its a not a secret my name is so easy to find lol. i still think about you everyday X. i hope youre in heaven i love you with my whole heart bro. im not sure why i have to carry your legacy but i will. idk how you took care of all these kids but ill do my best. your “children” as you called them lol. damn i miss you. everything i do i do for you. and God of course but that goes without saying. i will carry on what you started idc if i didn’t know you. you left something with me, i felt it ever since you were gone. youre still the yin to my yang bro. idk why i feel so close to you but i got your back forever. forever. Bad Vibes Forever. i love how our group names are so similar. Rare Vibes Only + Bad Vibes Only. Fuck bro. i love you with all my heart my nigga. how am i gonna keep moving without you? seriously. i love you, i wish it was me rather than you. i just hope you can and god can guide me. i dont ever tell anybody how i feel about you. they dont understand its too close, too personal. you were a genius bro. i love you. i respect you. i wish we became friends. you were really a hero to these kids bro. 2019 is ours. just dont let me get lazy or unmotivated please.

today i saw two birds chase and hunt a tiny all white butterfly (or moth) until one of the birds caught and ate the butterfly. i was sad for a moment but then i just thought well i guess life goes. there are technically tons of these white butterflies; at least i see them a lot. and i did try to stop the birds slightly but it didn’t work.

i’m finally looking up symbolisms and meanings of what i witnessed and it seems like a symbolism for embracing change? but it was two birds and that seems to always symbolize love in some form and symbolize balance as a whole concept.

this seems to align with my current events and my journey of self. but i feel like there’s more to this if anyone has insight.

so much love and respect for Prince. still learning more about him but he definitely inspires me just from interviews alone.

Sober

by The 199x.

SOBER OUT NOW!

i ain’t mad tho.

1.2.19

It is a new year, im not really sure how im feeling cause im kind of drunk right now, but im just chilling, waiting, i feel this year is going tp be very special, this year isn’t even about me ive come to realize and accept that i have to do everything in my power to make sure that my guys make it. they are my mission i dont care exactly what happens to me but i just want my team, my guys to do everything they want, everything they dreamed of. i feel like ive been trusted and they put their future in my hands and ill do everything in my power to make sure they can do what they want, they are too talented too good, they honestly  are too good to have to settle for any of this shit, id hate myself if they didn’t achieve everything they dreamed of. i love them with all of my friends, they parents even trust and love me, at least to an extent so i have to make sure they win, i have too. thats my goal this year to make sure my team is winning and is content with their lives and what they want. i really loe them got damn theses niggas are talented like honestly. they gotta make it, even if its before i do. ill do whatever i can for these guys i just hope they trust me but ill prove myself i hope they see it. but anyways as for mw. this is the year i know it, i feel it, ive been waiting for this, nothing will come in between us or my mindset for this year, FGod has built me up and made me so strong, even mentally. i love these guys honestly. damn i cant stop thinking about them. i care for these dudes too much Jaylen you got this i believe in you the most out of everyone you know? you are the key to greatness. you will play a huge impact in all of our lives. remember when we were at theBig E and this random girl asked who you were? and she swore on everything you were famous? ill never forget that day bro, thats how i knew you were everything. you are me bro, just a mini version and i love you bro please never stop. we can do this together, separate, it doesn’t matter YOU can do it. YOU can really do it, youre mindset is beautiful you will be the greatest to ever do this shit no joke. Dayvi, i love you bro. you are the chosen one, Hod chose you bro, why you playing with your gifts? if i could just get you to take me serious bro, younger special why are you playing around with this music shit. i know you know how good you are soooo please bro just let me help you its all i care about. i want to protect you from all these distractions and fuck shit you got going on, but i cant. i know that. but im here for you through all this shit bro. just trust me please we can really do this shit, we just have to do it together. i need you on board you play such a huge part come on bro, help me out here. i love you tho. CURRENCY WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU BRO, WE NEED YOU TO BE GREAT THIS SHIT ISNT GOING TO HAPPEN WITHOUT YOU WE NEED YOUR IDEAS YOUR MIND YOUR GENIUS, COME BACK PLEASE. this is the year we follow God i need all of us to be on the same page. i want this year to be about us, we got this y’all just trust me. please. i cant beg enough. X i love you, youre on my mind everyday. i never met you, never knew you but its crazy how connected ive felt to you since you left us but i know you gave me your energy. i love you born love you, idk what you did to me or put in my spirit but i will carry on and live out your legacy. this year is our year i promise i know it. theres so much to reflect on and consider and think about. failure is not an option. what am i going to do if i cant everyone on the same page? this is our future, i see why God put me ahead shit is wild. but i accept this responsibility im not tripping about it anymore. i know a lot of lives are put into my hands but it depends on how i am personally. and im okay i swear i just need people to help keep me on track. where are my core supporters the people that actually love me and want to see me succeed. My success is your success. so please people help me. whoever is down for me? anybody? Brb.

i really make beats effortlessly shit is actually amazing to me 🤎

There is purpose in being torn apart 💘

Uranus in my 8th house got me thinking ima die younger than i would like to lately 🥲

i used to feel this heavy about 10 years ago idk what’s going on now.

i guess i’ll leave this here if it does happen 😞🤎