Worst Part Of Trauma After Abusive Relationships Is That You Never See Relationships The Same Way Again.

oh babe.. u really thought u ate huh? that lil comment of yours reads like someone who's one skipped dose away from a public meltdown. "girl u can't even stand without feeling dizzy" coming from the human embodiment of a pill dispenser? ur brain's not wired, it's waterlogged.

'super lesbian' is such a serve in ur head i’m sure.. meanwhile the community's watching u like ur a walking cautionary tale. u don't look empowered. u look like a walking twitter thread on why queer ppl get side-eyed.

'in recovery'.. how inspiring. look at u.. doing the absolute bare minimum not to implode. slow clap. maybe if u stopped broadcasting ur fragility like it's a brand u'd get a sliver of respect. but nah, u cling to the wreckage like it’s all u have.

go ahead, post another paragraph pretending ur some domme deity while shaking in ur boots every time someone looks at u wrong. ur not intimidating. ur a wet paper bag of trauma and attention issues, held together by expired coping mechanisms.

be honest. u want someone to call u brave for surviving ur own mess. it's boring. ur boring. try again. 🥱

At least i do eat baby, unlike you, the ED didn't mess up with my brain chemistry to be so chronically online and think you can hurt somebody just by a hate anon.

Ahora decilo a la cara, perra llena de envidia, no te vayas a atraganta conmigo en tu boca, se ve que no te cabe la porción;)

i'm alive *sadly*

I start school again, today. It's 2am AND I'M NOT SLEEPING.

The president had a conference yesterday and he removed our mid-term break, every teen in my country is like:

we're sad, i'm sad.

Minecraft and cartoon network kept me alive.

I'm avoiding social contact since I fucked up my self-steem AGAIN.

And I started wondering what will happen if my girlfriend notices me acting weird, she did last time and:(. I don't want to have a mental breakdown and tell her I have an eating disorder. I don't want tu destroy everything again. I want to be okay but I can't even keep myself okay.

(Day 31??? of quarantine: april 14)

The dumbass is back

Hi, I have a 4.4.4 android so in the middle of 2019 tumblr got an update and i couldn't use the app anymore.

I came back in the quarantine just to see chinese learning things¿¿ I don't know.

I got the app because in my searching of an old version of netflix (i can't use new netflix updates too) i thought that I could use tumblr in an old version too so i'm back for now.

School

I hate school shjshdjdh.

I'm in holy week vacation right now, so i'm not having homework to do. But it was difficult to not stress out with a lot of work to do.

It's like- in the time we were going to school we used to learn something in about 3 days in classes like Social studies, spanish (i'm not supposed to call it like that, but because it is our first language we call it "communication and language"¿¿), etc. And they were sending work to do for THE NEXT DAY. I barely remember what I saw the last week. I do remember math, english and science because two were sending explanations for the homework and science,,, just awful, really, really long if we have in mind that it was for the next day.

Before we got in quarantine, they gave us our grades, and I got 69 in science lol (i'm gonna talk about that in another blog) my grades were pretty meh, english was the higher note, and I got an "i" (for insufficient) in attitude, because I had a mental breakdown in front of the principal. She said it was a "trantum", I couldn't breath, for real, I was choking because I was hiperventilating AND SHE WAS JUST YELLING. My mum came to pick me up but I didn't left the school, and everybody thinks it was my fault.

I'm anxious 'cause if quarantine lasts to a longer time, I'll not be able to know what to do about getting in another school I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT SCHOOL TO GO, i'm going to hang myself.

Sweetheart

I got a "girlfriend" and she's so sweet:(. We're not officially dating, but i've been waiting two years and she finally admitted that she likes me.

She's so sweet, she listens to me when i'm sad, and she wasn't angry when I was answering late her messages because of school. SHE EVEN ASKS ME TO TRY GO TO SLEEP, 'cause I can't sleep.

I love her so much, I can't even express it. But i'm so insecure, I don't want to make her feel insecure because of MY insecurities:(.

I can't sleep and that's why i'm in tumblr again.

It's currently 4:31am when i'm writing this, i can't sleep AGAIN. School fucked up my sleeping schedule (going to sleep at 9pm when I was going to school). This days i've been falling asleep between 1-3am. I don't know what happened this day but i'll be awake at least at 2pm.

Ah shit here we go again??

I spent 6 months eating like a pig and i'm thinking of purging AGAIN and I fucking hate it. I don't like it, but I feel so bad with my fucking fat body I don't know what to do i'm like-

And that's my update for now (day 25 of quarantine: april 8)

FUCK 10 FOR 5am I'M FUCKED

I'm-

I want to be covered in bruises and scars

I want to look like the most damaged person you’ve ever fucking seen

Miña maior fan e unha nena que ten un desorde alimenticio JAJAJ increíble

Me at the dinner of my first day of my vacations realizing that I can't fast because my parents and brothers are in vacations too:

/ / / / / / / / español/ / / / / / / /

Yo en la cena de mi primer día de vacaciones dandome cuenta de que no puedo hacer fast porque mis padres y hermanos también están de vacaciones:

Me: *Binges literally all day*

My ed:

hi it’s vik and here’s ur love letter ❤️ hey u, yeah u. i'm here to shower u with fake affection since u clearly need it more than i do. ur obsession with me is kinda cute but mostly pathetic. ur entire existence is a walking cringe compilation

Nena andate a dormir mejor, affection is the best !! Hope you get it soon, cause i surely do.

Falando de delirios, quero esa idea fóra da miña cabeciñaaaaaaaaa. Eu a amo moito moitísimo mmmmmmmiamoooooolllll

At least is my last try.

Hey, I'm here again¿ I'ven been sososo dead here I was in exams I had at leas 28373937 anxiety attacks:/ Y'all know what that means, right? BINGING:0000 I gained that three pounds I thought I lost last month I feel sooooo fucking bad, and it's not a joke, I thought about purging agAIN AND I DON'T PURGE SINCE JANUARY, I'M GOING FUCKING CRAZY ABOUT MY FUCKING WEIGHT. I tried, I swear I tried. I didn't notice when food became numbers, and I remember how time ago I read some tumblr post about whY DON'T TO RESTRICT FOODS AND ALL THAT SHIT THAT ALL ANA POST TELLS YOU and I said "nah, I'm not gonna be thaaat bad, right?" I feel bad, but I can't stop I'm empty. That's all, but next week or maybe tomorrow, depends on my mood. I'm gonna try to ristrict again, just to be calm. I'm sorry