Latest Posts by khazdmazerb - Page 8

Mommy, sorry, Mommy🤤🤤🤤🤤

Princess Dís, second in line to the throne of Durin and heir to the fallen kingdoms of Erebor and Khazad-dûm.

A conversation I had in the workshop today:

Me: *attempting to break into a storage cupboard with a pair of broken felting needles* does anyone know how to get into this thing

A girl from the year above me: I used to just tear it open.. but they changed the lock

Me: ah, so this is your doing

My classmate: I have a knife

Me: nah, I need the scissors that are in here to cut some leath- A KNIFE?

My classmate: *proceeds to present me with the small collection of weaponry in her satchel bag*

I don’t think I will survive Sansûkh you guys, the end of chapter three has be sobbing my fucking eyes out like a baby.

I had to put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from laughing while in line for a coffee, this is horrid

I am currently procrastinating on a hour round trip across the city to buy some gemstones to make a completely useless comb that will display a rose only when displayed at a very specific angle only by my hands and if anyone else touches it it will be ruined pretty much instantly.

Also this guy potentially has some beef with my dad over the price of some stones he bought so I really hope he doesn’t secretly hate me 👍🏻

I’m supposed to me doing my school work but I really wanted to join in the fun.

They've made a dwarf out of him! What would his papa say?

Can you tell Dwalin was waiting for this moment?

Inspired by my own work related meeting last week. (You laugh at Dwalin's hands and I swear to Mahal I'll cry)

Okay since you guys think you’re funny(and you are) we had a tie before Beorn's and Erebor so this is the tie breaker

Reminder that this is for part two of Avenge the Living.

If you haven’t read it, please do I just fixed some types so it should be easier on the eyes (which reminds me I’m still looking for beta readers)

How do I get less shit at art?

Hi, this is my son.

Kalaroth, son of Hemdoroth

He’s a second generation jeweler in Erebor (look I write what I know okay?) He moved to the lonely mountain shortly after the reclamation with his parents.

Info:

Dad- Hemdoroth (jeweler)

Ma- Tosi (Metal refiner)

Siblings- Hemi (Older sister- also a jeweler)

Friends - Hob Fairhill (hobbit- news runner/messager of the court + apprentice scribe)

Enjoys: Not being in Erebor 😰, hunting, archery, harassing Hob into wrestling with him, fruit bread.

Dislikes: Working early in the morning. The concept of being stuck inside the mountain his whole life not having one single adventure.

WHY IS EVERYONE VOTING FOR EREBOR!??? YOU ALL JUST WANT TO SEE ME SUFFERING MAKING UP SOME INSANE REASON DONT YOU?

I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS YOU GUYS

Okay quick poll for Avenge the Living chapter 2.

Where is Bilbo?

So Thorin and Bilbo tied the knot but Thorin never totally got over his dragon sickness and thus I present to you, a illustration I gave up on half way though of King-Consort under the mountain, Bilbo, Son of Belladonna.

Bilbo looks very pretty but very tired and haunted in his royal portrait. The consorts crown is definitely too heavy for his wee head. But Thorin likes his little consort in expensive and shiny things 😭

(I might rework/finish it later)

Hey is there anyone that would like to be a beta reader for me? I know a few people seem to like my stories and I have dyslexia so some corrections as well as feed back before posting would be awesome 😭

Lord of the rings or a night out with friends

Going for a walk

Meeting some friends and hang out

Having a fight

Realizes some of the gang is missing

Can’t chase everyone at once so go to find the people that are more likely to be in trouble

Searching for them all over the place, worried they left with a bad crowd

Find them up a tree

Friends you weren’t looking for are now in someone else’s house. And also one of them got bitten by a spider apparently

Sometimes I think about when I was a brand new baby my parents snuck me into a screening on LOTRs inside my mums jacket and one of my first baby memories is fucking Moria 💀

Okay quick poll for Avenge the Living chapter 2.

Where is Bilbo?

*wheezing*

My compliments to the chef 🤤

The King Under the Mountain

These results are thus far disheartening, my dear followers please don’t let the elves win, lend me your votes

The real treasure was the Bofurs we made along the way

bofur you’re standing where

Is anyone else’s dad trying to make them evil?

Seriously. 🤨

Hey so what if Bilbo fully just drove Sting up through Azogs chest on the Karak and that was the end of it?

I love time travel AUs so much so let me just…

Avenge the living.

Tw: graphic depictions of battle (very graphic)

Bilbo watched in horror as Thorin was flung across the outcrop like a rag doll, hitting the flat rock like a body on a sacrificial stone, at best he had the wind knocked out of him, at worst he’d have a broken back.

Last time this had all happened he’s managed to walk away but Bilbo honestly couldn’t remember if he had fallen like that before. He cringed and steeled himself.

In the black speech Azog summoned a minion almost his own size to behead Thorin.

Last time it had all been flailing, desperate chaos, this time Bilbo sucked in a deep breath and sprinting, sword forward and close to his side until the final moment where he thrust Sting up and in, somewhere between the orcs floating rib, he yanked upwards on the handle of the blade and heard the putrid popping and sloshing as he rended the side of his blade though the orcs central mass, all it could do was look shocked for two seconds before collapsing dead on top of the king. Bilbo hadn’t turned his sword to catch in the orcs ribs and easily pulled it free. It stunk of the guts it had just shorn through and Bilbo tried not to wretch, he didn’t have time, in two more seconds the company would decent and this would be Bilbos only chance.

He had to kill the white orc. Tonight.

When the fighting began Bilbo was glad to see that for the remainder of his last life what small amount of practice he had kept up with a blade had done him good and sting felt all to right in his hands so when he came nose to nose with the great Worg matriarch that Azog rode upon, Bilbo suprised even himself when he thrust his sword up, piercing the monster from the chin up into her brain, the beast didn’t even howl, she just crumbled, Azogs eyes went wide as he toppled.

The rest of the company continued to dispatch the remaining orcs and Bilbo knew it would be only seconds until the great eagles arrived. It didn’t matter. He had lived his life before and if it ended now it would have been a fine life, full of love and adventure and he would be remembered well.. So while Azog was still freeing himself from under his dead mount Bilbo charged, silent as the grave, leaping onto the Worgs side and propelling himself straight for Azog in what must have looked like a tackle. But he had to intention of grappling the monster, instead he blade shot out again, lower then he would have liked, somewhere around the orcs kidneys, Bilbo assumed. It didn’t matter, he turned the blade vertically and shoved hard and up, until the gash he made in the orcs side was large enough for his hands to regrettably follow the blade in.

Oh course it couldn’t be so easy. Azog was a great and terrible warrior and he would not go down without taking someone with him, his prosthetic blade stabbed deep into Bilbos chest.

Everything seemed to grow quiet and slow, Bilbos heart was all he could hear as he starred down at Azog as blood bubbled out of the orcs mouth and Bilbo actually smiled. He wasn’t sure if he said it or thought it but “For Thorin” where the last words to cross the hobbits mind before it all went black.

Lost in that darkness he was sure he could hear people calling his name. Maybe it was the elves, rousing him for tea.. or maybe it was young Frodo, trying to get him to carry on with what ever story he dozed off half way through.

“Bilbo!”

“Burglar!”

No one in Rivendale or the Shire had ever called him.. Burglar.. so where was he?

How I think the different races of middle earth deal with mental health:

Tw: mental health, brief mention of suicide, brief mention of alcohol misuse

Please don’t read this if it will negatively effect you in any way.

It’s not that important, nothing i post is ever as important as ur mental health, I’ll see you in the next post :)

Hobbits:

Wouldn’t dare to talk about it for fear of scandal, when someone yeets themselves from the mortal coil everyone else says they drowned fishing or ate a bad mushroom. Really really bad vibes.

Humans and numenoreans:

Trying trying okay? ‘Talk to a friend or family member’, ‘have you tried going for a walk’ ‘make sure you eat lots of healthy colorful vegetables to keep the good humors up’

They don’t know what they’re doing but they definitely know that drinking about it is an answer, perhaps not the correct one, but definitely one of the answers of all time.

Elves:

They love being depressed. Everything is so god damn depressing about elves and they love it.

Seriously, if they could by melancholy flavored ice cream they would *

Dwarves:

(Note: please exclude a Mister Thorin Oakenshield from this description)

Actually generally pretty good about it, they live in the dark a lot of the time and as such don’t get enough sun and know that that is a very real cause of a bad head space, they have a lot of access to minerals and cold weather plants that work well to treat depression and a large enough work force that if you need a few days off to right yourself no one bats an eye.

Ents:

So bad at communicating that they scared the hoes.*

Goblins:

Couldn’t articulate their emotions if they were offered a gold coin the size of a shire door. *

Orcs/Orks:

Will complain to each other openly but lack any empathy to retain what others say to them so it’s just a sea of whinging and whining.

**I will also put a red asterisk next to everything that applies to Thorin because it’s funny and I’m mean **

Have you ever tried to pick up a feral kitten? I’ve seen what happens to peoples hands, arms and faces. I imagine it’s very similar to what would happen if you tried to pick this little shite up

He looks like a little kitty. 🤏

Elves eat snot crepes

Hobbits eat pancakes

Dwarves eat waffles

Humans eat egg toast.

The concept of transfem/transmasc solidarity implies the existence of inter trans warfare and I don’t know about you lot but I’m not fighting an army of 6’0 10/10s unless they have pointy ears.

Bagginshield tumblr, your son is back. Dwobbit Frodo loses his second round of pebble teeth and Bilbo has a brain aneurysm

I will never understand why everyone including myself keeps drawing Bilbo looking so ancient.

That is a twink.. or a mouse.. the jury is still out on that.

Bilbo: *staring hard between Thorin and Kili*

Bilbo: *realizing they have the exact same number of brain cells* oh no.. He’s stupid

Thorin: what?

Bilbo: What??

Bilbo: *faffing around with Sting accidentally cuts some of his hair*

thorin:

I want more fanfiction about Bilbo and Thorin finding each other in the after life so please enjoy this

So that was it then. Death. It came. Collected Bilbos tired body, enshrouded him like a blanket of black satin. When it arrived there was no stopping it.

It felt as if he were back in the shire, watching every candle in his hobbitly home slowly burn down to the holder.

Bilbos eyes were already closed when he passed, hoping Frodo wouldn’t be too heart broken when he was found in the mourning.

Then, suddenly, as if the light were replaced and that satiny darkness pulled back he was no longer in the land of the elves. He was in a home… his home.

Bilbo sat, surprisingly himself with his own strength, he looked down at his hands and saw they were not the ones he had come to recognize at the end of his life.

Then came a knock and the door and as much as Bilbo was confused and disoriented he couldn’t leave a guest standing at his door.

When it swung open there were a number of people he expected to find. Belladonna, Bungo, even Gandalf seemed like a possibility but standing in his doorway, haloed by warm spring sun… he saw Thorin Oakenshield, though Bilbo swore the Dwarf looked younger then he had in his most closely kept memories.

“Master Burglar” The King said, the corner of his mouth turned up in a smile “I wondered when you would show up”