Atsushi, Trying To Convince Chuuya To Join The Group: You Know... I Thought It'd Be Good To Have Someone

Dazai: When you see him, please don’t freak out ok?

Kunikida: I’m not going to freak out. Who ever you’re dating I’ll always be accepting of them. Even if they were working in the port mafia...

Dazai: Alright, you can come in!

*Chuuya walks in*

Kunikida: Mr. Nakahara, please get out of the way. I’m trying to see who is Dazai dating!

Chuuya: Thank you for inviting me to mackerel's wedding today, Kouyou.

Kouyou: Yeah no problem.

Chuuya: This is probably a stupid question, but who is Dazai marrying?

Kouyou: You. You’re the fiancé. This is your wedding with Dazai!

Chuuya: Wait, what?

Mori: There’s your officiant. This is your wedding ring. I suggest taking him somewhere far, far away for your honeymoon.

Kouyou: For a week! No, a month!

Hirotsu: Here’s some money, make it two!

Dazai, walking in: Oh! This is beautiful! Who’s having a wedding today?

Dazai: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant other and-

Chuuya: I wrote you a poem.

Dazai, already crying: You did???

Akutagawa: Mr. Dazai, truth or dare?

Dazai: Dare.

Chuuya: Why do you always choose dare?

Atsushi: Because he’s too scared to face the truth.

Chuuya: And what’s the truth?

Atsushi: That he’s waiting for someone to dare him to make out with you.

Dazai: I don't get paid enough to deal with Mori. He describes me as "also gay for girls."

Chuuya: Yuck.

Dazai, trying to impress Chuuya: I'm great in sex. I've lost count how many times I've done it.

Chuuya:

Chuuya: Masturbation does not count as having sex.

Chuuya: I find that I adore a person pleasantly more if they can speak a second language, especially French.

Dazai: Ma ciao!

Chuuya:

Dazai: I’m in love with you.

Chuuya, scoffing: Yeah, how many others have you said that to?

Dazai: Everyone.

Chuuya: …What?

Dazai: I told everyone I’m in love with you.

Dazai: *has music loud while dancing in the middle of the office*

Kunikida, turning down the volume: Get back to work, now Dazai!

Dazai: How dare you, Iago, Backstabber?

Kunikida: I'm surprised you've read Othello.

Dazai: What the hell's Othello? I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.

*married skk au where Chuuya is an ada member and he and Dazai brought their child to work*

Dazai: Chibi, we know where the serial killer is. Me and Kunikida will go arrest him. I need you to take the baby.

Chuuya: No, you need to take the baby. I have to go right now.

Dazai: So what do we do???

Chuuya: I guess we can call that creepy babysitter we interviewed this morning.

Dazai: Turned out that babysitter is the serial killer we are looking for.

Chuuya, yelling: Even better! Two birds, one stone. We bring him to you!

Dazai, yelling: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!