I've Never Dropped A Phone In My Life All These Screen Abrasions Are From Clawing At The Images And Articles

EEEEEYIKES!!! my odds of finding ""the eight pages"" are pretty ""slender"" if this ""man"" keeps following me around!!!

“It's just a small handful of ibuprofen, and it will help the words fade away."

and ive always said this!!

seeing straight men be disgusted by booktok smut recommenders has actually radicalized me to the side of booktok smut recommenders. girls your taste may be atrocious but i will never disparage you for exposing mainstream discourse to the concept of soaking through your underwear. spent my whole life listening to men talk about penises it’s about time they get jumpscared by women talking about pussy in crude detail on social media. go forth and goon my warriors

the high wizard in the tower beyond my hamlet is sending powerful psychic attacks my way, but he doesn’t know that i already endure them daily as a twitter user

One of us.

I think you’re kinda cool gir

this is an artistic rendition of my irrational fear of a head that attacks only under the cover of the very loud toilet flush in the scary top floor bathroom at the hospital and how i exited the bathroom when i decided to flush and run as opposed to my normal method of flushing and putting my back to a wall

thank god anything at all useful is being torn down and made illegal so that the computer can just be a box you turn on to watch ads for fake phone games

The post: They should invent a robot that feel pain so that we can make it feel pain forever and thus absolve humanity of sins like some sort of horrible mechanized Jesus

The comments: This happened to my buddy Brian once

Deep sea fish: Today I will eat a shrimp