Iriee Zamblé (Dutch 1995)

I've had the suspicion since this evening that someone was here with me. My immediate instinct is my ex boyfriend Andrew, who died a few years ago. His birthday is a week away.

The light began to subtely get brighter and then dimmer, very slow and softly. Later the front door just randomly blows open, but I look at the screen door and notice it isn't moving from the wind. That one is still, coulda just been the wind.

But I put a lightbulb in J's bedroom downstairs, and am here doing homework. The light keeps flickering. I always pay attention when a light flickers. Always. Sometimes I'm able to shrug it off. Sometimes lights do just flickr.

The light keeps flickering at certain times. I know what he's saying, despite me trying to ignore it. I picked up the phone to call the guy I'm currently dating. I press his name to call, get a flickr, so I hang up. I sit there for a couple minutes, then pick up my phone to call him again. I press his name, light immediately flickrs. I hang up.

Frustrated, I try calling a third time. He doesn't even answer. A few seconds later, the light flickers. "I told you so" Comes to my mind.

I start to ignore the light. There's not a consistent amount of time in between flickers. I start to get frustrated cuz I don't know what it means.

I'm doing my laundry and light hasn't been doing anything. Then as soon as I pick up E's mom's sweater, the light flickers. "Got ya" He says that time. I can't avoid the fact that it flickered at the moment I touched the most sentimental article of clothing, the one that was most important to me, while doing my laundry.

I go upstairs and do some homework. I come back down and light is fine. I get on my computer and I take a photo on photobooth. Light flickers immediately after the shutter stops. I'm like ok, I get it. I'm being vain. But I go to take another one like a minute later, and as soon as the shutter stops, light flickrs.

It's flickered a million times as I write this. I can't write every detail, but it keeps flickering at the precise moment. It flickers at other times too, like just now. I can't tell if it is a warning, or a message of hope, or what. He's probably telling me I'm off the wagon.

I just remembered I forgot the most important detail lol. I start to record a video after the two flickrs after I take a photo on photobooth. The video stops recording, on its own, at the 1:11 mark. My hands were not near the trackpad. They know what I pay attention to. I should probably just start to listen.

This, in conjunction with the most recent tarot card reading I was called to receive, leads me to the conclusion that it is over with 8th house sun.

I was so pissed after that reading. The first two tarot readings I got occured in a similar fashion. I was drawn in to the first one, then the second one. I had been wanting another for a week or two, but the time didn't feel right. Then one night, I felt pulled into a tiktok live. I was like I'm over this, exited out. But then a few minutes later, same tiktok live shows up again. I'm like fine. The dude is saying a lot of things that align with me.

The reading didn't tell me what I wanted to hear. He said the cycle had been closed, it was over. 8th house sun had moved on. He said I was still holding onto something that was preventing me from moving on, and he was right. I've been pushing it off for very very long. I don't want to give it up, but I think it's well past time.

My Languages

Part 2

Danish. 

I can’t really say what attiréd me to Dansk. Was it the movie, the Prince and Me, with the fabulous Julia Stiles? One could say that. If you look at life as purely materialistic, and nothing more. But to be quite frank, that movie didn’t make that big of an impression on me, other than the fact that it was my only real exposure to Denmark growing up. I didn’t know any Danes. In Kentucky, where I was raised, there’s not a sizeable scandinavian community. There really is nothing tangibly physical that I could say caused me to become so enamoured with Denmark, Danish, and the nordic region at large. I can’t even quite conceptualize when it began, either. I just recall thinking about all the languages I wanted to learn, and somehow Danish became a priority. 

The spiritual side of me suspects I had a great past life there. Have you ever had a country (or person) you’ve met, and just kind of love or hated for no particular reason? Well, you probably have past life energy there, so the theory goes. So that must be it. Or maybe it’s just all of the aquarius in my natal chart. Scandinavia seems so aquarius. Technologically advanced, intelligent, prosperous. They weren’t always that way, but the region’s history is so rich and fascinating. I feel like I could live in Denmark, Norway, Finland, the Faroe Islands, for a thousand lifetimes. It’s a pity I don’t have any connection to them, yet. 

On the subject of synchronicity, where things just kinda unexpectedly happen but all make sense. Like the fact that my friend’s dad brought up alchemy randomly (I rarely hear about alchemy) then a couple hours later someone else randomly brings it up. Two in one day. It’s kinda like that.

Well, I could go two paths here. Stay on synchronicity, or go back to middle school when my infatuation with Denmark arose. My routine, while living with grandma, was to wake up in the morning, go to the living room. She would make us cinnamon toast, and I would watch TV. When I was younger, I’d then go out and play with neighborhood friends. But this was middle school, and we had drifted apart. I habitually would just browse the computer, while I comfortably sat in the living room, feeling cozy and warm in juxtaposition to the cold, gloomy, winter weather outside. Reading about Danish culture, and specifically the alcoholism, made me feel so warm and /excited/. Just reading aout Denmark and how people would get hammered and throw up on the city streets, riding their bikes. Gee. I was like, this is amazing! I wanna live there. Maybe that’s where my alcoholism started?

Well I suppose maybe that was just it. I just saw a movie about a Danish prince, then stumbled upon random internet information and the rest is history. Well, not quite. After I had a deeply profound conversion to Mormonism, I ran away from home to Utah. I met a homeless man there in temple square, and I of course was heaily mormon and set on the church being true and not open to other spiritual thought, but obviously still exposed to it. Well this homeless man and I were talking, and he told me about some experience he had where he was speaking in tongues and the people he was with said that he was speaking Old Danish. Well what are the odds that I run away from home, strike up a conversation with this random homeless man, and he mentions having a spiritual experience where he spoke a language only a few million people know out of billions. Maybe it’s not that unique, maybe he was speaking gibberish, and some returned missionary with decent exposure to northern european germanic languages got the impression he was making Old Danish noises. I don’t quite recall the details, but I will entertain the skeptics. 

Regardless, maybe we had a past life connection. I haven’t seen or talked to that homeless man since, but I always think about that when I think about Denmark now. And I have been able to study Danish. It’s one of my favorite things to do. I wish I had more time and more use for it. I could say rød grød med fløde for hours. I could die in Copenhagen a happy man. A happy, drunk, alcoholic man, with all of my hygge and the cosmopolitan amenities europe has to offer. 

Alas, I really do have no use for the language. No one shares my passion, and I have other things to worry about. It will always pique my interest though when Denmark or scandinavia is mentioned. Maybe one day I’ll get to at least visit the country, maybe that will give me some kind of closure. I will end by reflecting on one of the happier nights of my most recent life. It was a chilly night, I was dating Craig, a man much older than I who I wasn’t particularly attracted to in the romantic sense (was I?), but he made me feel comfortable. So comfortable, and loved. He fell asleep on the couch like usual, and I stayed up watching the tele. This time I was down the rabit hole of watching youtube videos about scandinavian history. I pranced around the house while he slept, eating these oriental flavored pretzel things from costco that were quite good, and just felt so in awe and in love with life. Soaking up the atmosphere and that warm cozy feeling that comes with being under the same roof of someone you love and trust on a moonlit, frosty night. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. And now I recall a similar feeling, with my high school boyfriend Andrew. It was a similar relationship. I had little romantic and sexual interest, but like Craig, Andrew was quite pushy and kind of coerced me into the relationship. And I got comfortable. We had spent the evening walking down Frankfort avenue, eating sushi at my favorite restaurant, Osaka, then stopped in a mom and pop catholic bookstore. They impressed me with their language selection, which is always the first section I go to in any library or bookstore. There was a book on Dutch and Finnish that I was torn between, but I ended up getting the some decades old Teach Yourself Finnish book. I ended the night up in his attic bedroom in his charming old home. I popped some hydrocodones, and as he slept I taught myself Finnish while the warmth of the opiates spread throughout my body. I was happy. Genuinely.

Analysis of Ethel Cain's Natal Chart

Bonjour everybody,.

I've gotten a recent fascination, maybe even obsession, with Ethel Cain. She is probably the first musician that I've really felt like /gets me/. Like her songs, her lyrics, her vibes. Like it truly speaks to my soul. I actually discovered her from a youtube video suggested to me from the algorithm, but it wasn't even one of her songs. It was just a video of her talking about divinity and music and stuff and I just listened to it one afternoon and picked up strange, familiar resonances. Soon I'd listen to her music and fall in love with her. I feel like she gets it. She gets where I come from, growing up working class in the South.

I got the idea to do an analysis of her natal chart. I've been studying astrology for almost ten years now, so I'm just gonna spitball my observances for y'alls entertainment and consideration.

Alors, c'est parti.

Ok, so immediate impressions, we should start with her sun moon and rising, which are Aries Sun 5th house, Aquarius Moon 3rd house, with a scorpio rising. A 5th house sun makes sense to me, as well as all the other planetary energy here. The 5th house is the house of creative expression, leisure, children, recreation, and just like how one expresses their own ego and swagger through art or whatever. Think Leo. The fact she's a famous musician would make sense. She's expressing herself through her music. I think the Aries energy here probably made it come rather naturally to her. Fire signs just are themselves unapologetically in a way that I, a water/earth sign, admire. The Scorpio ascendant also makes sense to me. Y'all Ethel fans know a b**** scary. She's my little scorpio slytherin princess tbh. We love her for that. That's so scorpio. Intense, but refreshing. Another thing that sticks out to me is the North Node in Virgo 10th House. The north node is your life's destiny point, and the tenth house is the house of one's career, public image, and public life. It's like she was destined to be a public figure. Another part that sticks out to me is the fact that it is in Virgo. We all know a heavy theme in Ethel's music is growing up with a rigid, conservative religion. I feel like Virgo is a rather rigid, stiff sign. I have my moon in that sign so I would know ;) Having energy in the sixth house, or the house of virgo, also supports this. To speak on her moon, I don't have too many impressions other than maybe her moon being in the third house, the house of communication, would explain why she is so well spoken. She seems to articulate and express herself very well. Moon being in the sign of aquarius, which is a very far reaching sign, cast a wide net etc etc, would explain why she rose to fame so quickly with the Internet. The internet is a very aquarius thing.

Here are some clippits I got from the internet. I hope y'all enjoyed reading my interpretation. If you're reading this Ethel, I love u <3 and it's my dream you use one of my poems for a song one day. Feel free to check me out on instagram, @kedwardcook

XOXO

I STILL MISS HIM

but at least these pictures made him text me back

怕 · 奇怪的感受 · 爱

absence + reflection

将来很大 · 机会也是很多生活总是有问题｡

u be aight

┬─┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)

My great grandma, Violet Leib. It runs in the family.

an advertisement you see on a high speed rail leaving tehran

Astrological Analysis of my new Relationship

Ok, so to the left is my natal chart, and to the right is the natal chart of the new guy I've been seeing. We met about six years ago at a bathhouse, and lost contact. We reunited this past September, and the ball got rolling.

We had really great sex, and we have a lot in common. We enjoy each other's company. Oddly, he reminds me of my friend who just committed suicide a few months ago. It's like the universe is still providing that energy for me now that my friend Brad is gone.

I'll call new guy Mr. Mouse. One of my nicknames for him is Millionaire Mouse, cuz he's a millionaire and he reminds me of a mouse lol. He's very kind and sweet, not pushy at all. Sometimes too sweet. But after what I've been through, that's not so bad.

Immediately while looking at his chart, it's interesting. It has a lot going on. It looks like a diamond. And all that checks out, cuz his life is anything but boring. I told him my chart is the shell, and his chart is the pearl that fits inside.

I'm still not over 8th house sun, but I'm not holding my breath for him any longer. We still talk occasionally, I still love him, but it looks like he is gonna have to take the back burner.

I really hesitated doing my synastry chart with Mr. Mouse, because I didn't want him to have more key aspects than 8th House Man. Part of me still believes I will end up with him, and I didn't want to entertain the idea of anyone else replacing him or having more key aspects than he has. 8th house has one key aspect, as does Mr. Mouse. Unfortunately, the key aspect for 8 isn't exactly a positive one, but Mouse's is. So both men who I have been torn between only have one key aspect in our synastry.

I'm not sure how to interpret this, because other partner's I've had have had more keys, but then again, my relationships with them didn't last anyway. It's possible these relationships won't last either. anyways.

The most interesting thing about Mr Mouse's chart is his 12th house moon. My sun is in the 12th house, as is my dad's. 12th house rules monestaries, and he grew up in a small town that is known for its catholic monestary. It makes sense I would end up there, living with him. I think it will be a very healthy change of pace for me. The city has gotten so toxic and overwhelming.

Another interesting thing is that he has Sun trine Moon natally. My dad has that aspect, my best friend patrick, and most of my ex boyfriends have had that placement for some reason. My sun sextiles my moon and my little sister has the same placement. It's said to make one really agreeable, balanced, and well liked.

Our north nodes are both in libra, and we both have a life path of 7. I used to be extremely ambitious, like capitalist, enterprising, all that stuff. So is he. He built his own company and is a CEO and 'an important person'. I had met rich people before, but dating him has exposed me to mega rich people.... It's been an experience.

To the left is our synastry chart, and to the right is our composite. For those who don't know, synastry is how our charts blend together, the composite chart is the chart for the relationship itself.

It appears his sun lands in my 6th house, which makes sense, cuz he's helping me heal and get solid ground. My sun touches his 9th house, which I guess adds up, cuz I feel like I'm expanding him intelectually. My moon in his 11th house makes total sense, bc of my 11th house stellium, and the fact that I speak french and mandarin is very fascinating and beneficial for him.

As for the composite, our sun is in aries.

this adds up. we've traveled a lot, and our relationship has been pretty fun so far. Oddly, our composite sun is in the 8th house, which is the natal sun of the guy I fell in love with this summer. so it seems the universe is saying something.

I'm definitely getting into my more spiritual, psychic, intuitive side. I saw both men in a dream, before I even met them. I talk in a post about the dream about 8th house man, but after all that bullshxt went down and I was so depressed in july, I had a premonition dream that saw Mr. Mouse.

In the dream, which felt like I was watching a movie in the theaters, was me walking around a very wealthy, well decorated home. I was in a room with no walls, and I was older, and a priest. I thought the dream was telling me that I would be old and wealthy, but then the priest part didn't make any sense. Why would I become a priest? Turns out Mr. Mouse went to seminary to be a catholic priest, and the house I saw was his mother's. The second floor doesn't have windows.

So I've seen both men in a dream. That doesn't help me too much with making a decision. Haha.

These are some of our synastry aspects. The key aspect is positive, and helped me gain clarity on why exactly we are together. We have an age gap, and I hate the way people look at us in public. But I'm also in love with summer boy and hoping he'll come around.

The sexual magnetism is very true. We have so much sex and we don't seem to grow tired of it, yet at least lol.