Latest Posts by moonsquaremars - Page 6
Why can’t I fix him?
Why is my love not enough? He had feelings for me. That is unarguable. his borderline personality disorder must have kicked in. maybe he was scared, felt unloveable. scared i would abandon him. so he self sabotaged cuz that was the safer bet for him.
but didn’t he see how understanding i was? how much i wanted to take care of him? didn’t he see the stars in my eyes, the expression of pure happiness just lying next to him?
maybe he got greedy. maybe he didn’t want to be tied down. saw how happy i made him, and figured he could do better. get more. have more sex with others. maybe i made him feel too attractive and desirable.
his hypocrisy. watching my grindr usage. sending me snarky remarks on a burner account. replying “who else” when i told him i loved him. i would have pushed every one to the side for him. i mean that. whenever i used the same tricks he used on me, it became an issue.
& he never said i love you back. started calling me codependent. he’s probably right there, but it takes two to tango.
the fact he has a history of this. dating violence. always preying on skinny young twinks with “daddy issues”. who doesn’t have daddy issues. it’s really not fair to reduce love and sexual attraction to that. it is what it is. not one person has a perfect relationship with both their parents. what is the use in trying to distort the pure love and happiness he provided me.
you told me you didn’t ask for another chance. you didn’t ask for me to give you the benefit of the doubt. harsh, true. am i a fool for giving it to you?
i won’t be a fool for letting you get away with this. the people of your past may not have held you accountable with the law. but i will. im not letting you push me around. break my phone and my heart, and walk away feeling like top dog who can do and have whatever he wants.
you had me big guy. and i had you. those seven weeks feel like a dream that i never want to wake up from. we could have built a life. i wanted so desperately to build a life with you.
you asked how i would kill you when we were joking around about that stuff. i said i wouldn’t, because i wanted to live with you. live.
that answer surprised even me. im dark, twisted. have a cruel sense of humor at times. but i don’t act on those thoughts. i can resist those impulses. i don’t want that for my life. i guess you’re not the same in that regard.
i believe everyone is a good person. turns out people aren’t as simple as that. there is part of you that is good. but that part hid away, and someone new is now in your body. i don’t know if it’s from your drug use, or bpd. i don’t know what it is.
it really doesn’t matter to me anymore, since we’ll never ever be together anymore. and that is what im mad about most. the fact you’re probably one of the most handsome men i’ve ever seen. the list goes on the ways you turned me on.
we were such a good match. but now it’s over. and you ruined all chances of there being something more. and that’s what makes me want to hate you. i wish i could hate you.
my error was thinking you wanted better for yourself. my error was assuming we had similar goals and outlooks on life. in many ways we did. and the fact you were such an asshole kinda turned me on. but you’re vicious and cruel, even to someone who loves you.
i don’t know what went wrong to make you this way. i wish i knew. i wish i could change it. i wish i could go back in time, and prevent whatever happened to make you this way.
you were my dream. and now you’re my nightmare. and i hate the idea that now i’m gonna have to spend my life with somebody else. if i survive you. and that we didn’t get enough time together.
mars in scorpio will take you to hell and back, that’s for sure.
my mom is a scorpio, and i have a lot of pluto aspects, so i guess it adds up. i’m a wittle cancer. and a lunatic 12th houser.
have dated two men with mars in scorpio. each one scorched me. power dynamics within the relationship. definitely invigorating, but lead to an intense end.
Sanja Milenkovic (Serbian, b. 1983)
The first element, 2020
Acrylic on canvas
what in the actual fuck.
i thought i had met the one. no, for real this time. i say that every time i meet a guy. i swear.
my chart
his
he was chubby, just my type, and we did the same drugs. grew up in the same part of town. he had a house and a job. bingo.
i ask if he knows his moon sign, he responds that he doesn’t know what it’s currently in. i had to ask him to repeat himself because of how disbelief i was in. i coulda melted there on the floor.
later he shows me his printed out natal chart and i examine it on his bed.
unfortunately i do our synastry chart and he only had one key aspect. most of my exes usually have more than one. first red flag, i ignore.
keep telling myself maybe he only has one because he’s the one key for me. even though the key aspect was a bad one.
he’s a cancer sun like me. my lilith is also in cancer and supposedly that means you attract the darker aspects of that sign. that would line up. his moon is in gemini, mine is in virgo. kinda at odds there. he constantly wanted to argue. like to the point where it didn’t make sense. like pulling arguments out of thin air and kept running out of ideas.
all his personal planets are in cancer. mine are in gemini. his moon is in libra 7th house, my uranus is in 7th house. i have a tattoo of uranus glyph on my ring finger because it’s my favorite planet for what it represents in astrology. supposedly moon in 7th makes needy for like constant social interaction and having people around. also adds up. he has a lot of friends, and he’d use that to hurt me.
he had pluto in 11th house. i have mars, mercury, and venus there. i really feel like he livened me up. helped me see a light and grow comfortable in my skin and environment. pluto is power and i definitely felt empowered.
my sun is in 12th house, his was in 8th. compatible houses. we talked about spirits and the occult. he told me he had seen a demon one time. it made me fall for him harder. i have a vacant 8th house so it really piqued my interest. i thought it was cute, sexy. an 8th house sun.
he had outer planets in the 12th house, and a bunch in his 1st and 2nd. i have a vacant 1st house. not my favorite house to be honest. could explain why he’s such a dick and ok with hurting others. i feel like first house is a self centered house.
2nd house, i have my moon there. another placement that makes sense. i thought i could make a home with him. i loved his home. i wanted to learn everything about him and spend years with him. i looked at him and saw a husband.
but it got so sour so fast. he wouldn’t let up. it makes me think he was sabotaging it, us. for reasons unknown. maybe he’s just a bpd narcissist and there’s no sense to make. maybe it’s cuz his ex died and his mother is also deceased. i have no clue. maybe it’s just because he’s a big ol bottom.
but i really thought he was the one. i hate that so much of his chart made sense, but i’ve felt like this before about someone. it really hurts having to constantly let go.
we also had north node and chiron conjunct. i thought that was interesting because not a lot of people have that placement ? or maybe they do ? but his were located in gemini in the 7th house. mine are located in libra in the 3rd house. isn’t that so ironic? it’s like it’s mirrored.
he was also born in 1984 which was so sexy to me because george orwell. but he is kinda small minded and i feel diminished my shine in some ways. im just so upset. this doesn’t make any sense to me.
if you’ve read this and have any observations or insight, i’d love to hear it.
In Search of Destiny (1998) - Viktor Kryzhanivsky
my prince of kentucky, made me feel so -lucky
from within him a dark light, first alleviated my plight. // a call from a ghost, taunted me the most.
parasites of confusion, try to take host //
yet i still want to stay, simply can’t keep away. see the smile in his eye, you’ll understand why. //
anger& stone, an empty car ride alone. with shattered pieces, can love still be known? i don’t want to accept, that our feelings are outgrown
can’t be my home, if he prefers to roam. but i keep coming back, he is my crack
in awe & terror, possible margins of error.blind me in ways, fog up my gaze. the tears that fall, pain me for days.
still i am here, and yes, it feels queer. his invitation on a whim, i lay next to him my feet, cold. they clammer, it’s dim
roses have their thorns, messages from the unborn. i eat the sweet bread, see visions of the dead. sacrament. new hope. a reason to tread
though not gone yet, please don’t let me bet. i’ll always remember, the first moments we met
broken & hollow fleeting internet follows // my red bedroom walls, these urges to wallow //
uncertainty abound, is all i’ve really found
love somehow remains
& is the direction i’ll follow
VENUS OPP PLUTO
catch an opp
i still carry the scars from your love
when you made me feel like
i was in heaven
above
now we’ve plunged to the depths of hell
and i have enough tears
to fill a well
well
well
well
what do we have you’re making me want to sing in song
i don’t know how my heart will go on
but is what we have
dead and gone?
i thought you were the one
you broke my heart
terminator
commence
execution
tokyo driftin
Sun Sextile Moon Thoughts
Said to be one of the most benefic aspects in a natal chart, when I read that sun sextile moon natives have a “rather easy” life, I laughed. While the rest of the interpretations are quite flattering, such as being popular, your will and emotional nature in balance most of the time… the downside is that we’re too lazy, or too satisfied with how things are that we can be complacent. After all, you need some friction like in a square or opposition to inspire some action. If you aren’t unhappy with how things are, why change them to be better?
Still, it’s been a few years since I read about my sun sextile moon aspect, and I think it is as great as it sounds. But it can also be a bit of a curse. One thing to note that is interesting to me, is that my dad, best friend Patrick and my ex boyfriend Craig all have sun trine moon. That aspect is supposedly even more benefic than the sextile, because the energies are LESS comfortable, but still very harmonious. I spent many a year thinking I did not know one single other person with a sun sextile moon in their chart, until I revisited my younger sister’s chart and saw it right there staring at me. So ok. My little sister has the same aspect, and a lot of people close to me have trines. Not sure what that means, if anything, but pretty cool. My good friend Chelsea has a sun square moon, which when I read about this aspect, as well as the opposition, I imagined like, very troubled unhappy people. I felt sorry for them. But when I found out Chelsea had a square, and had lived with / known her for a while, I realized that my impression of the square wasn’t necessarily true. Chelsea is awesome, (Taurus sun Leo moon) and while her Leo moon definitely shows and overpowers at times, her Taurus sun gives her impeccable taste and she is a lovely homemaker!!! So even though sextile and trines are technically the “good” “harmonious” aspects, just knowing Chelsea tells me that sun square moon isn’t all that bad and definitely isn’t the end of the world.
BUT as a sun sextile moon native, I guess I am reluctantly inclined to say there may be some truth to it. Growing up I was generally pretty popular in school and classes. Less so on the sports field but I certainly didn’t lack for friends or a social life. But one thing that stuck out to me was when my step dad said I could have my girlfriend over when I was in middle school. He told me he knew he could trust me with her in the house because I was too laid back to like pressure her or yadda yadda. This sounds weirder as I’m typing it than how it felt when it happened. Basically, he just said I’m laid back as a person. Whether that was just an innuendo that he and my mom already knew I was gay, only the Lord knows, however this stuck with me.
我会说很多东西
je peux dire beaucoup de choses.
Reblog with your go to response to “Oh you speak <language>? Say something!”
buachaill tíre Rí Ceilteach Rwy'n dy garu di
⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺₊⋆
ASTRO OBERVAciones
merc in gemini gives someone wit.
merc in 11th can indicate being good in foreign languages
cancers have a little walk they do. like they kinda scuffle, move slow. cancers give themselves away to me by their walk.
cancers also have a distinct mouth. it’s like their teeth and how protrudes out a little.
scorpio operates on an intense vibration. other signs will recognize the tension and may take offense. but that’s not always the intention. it makes one better tolerate the bullshit.
aries will say what everyone is thinking. even if it’s not polite. but it’s just pure expression, innocent almost.
gemini will say something just to make you mad. but will say something teasingly to show you’re above it.
leos can be surprisingly cold.
sagittarius to me has a noble spirit. esteem, honor and reputation. adventurous, exploration. but also want to have a good time and is not afraid to dive into the party.
sagittarius features are long, tall cheeks.
the most recognizable part of a sagittarius is their jovial and grandiose attitude towards things. it’s contagious. famous.
many presidents have had sun in 10th house.
stelliums run in the family / people who are close to you.
mars might give more to physical attributes than we’ve been lead to believe o.0
houses 1-6 are more small town / rural farm
houses 7-12 are more big city cosmopolitan
libra brings the divine to earth
virgo is the seeds that are sewn
the body we carry
sun in 12th feels like a repellent. like an energetic barrier is between you and how you relate to others. imposed space. lone wolf. like when you put the same sides of a magnet together, but with other ppl.
STAND YOUR GROUND
EVEN IF YOU shake & tremble
nimble nimble
jack be nimble
OH MY GOD
DO I HAVE
A PIMPLE
sauce it up
do too much
ain’t enough
ain’t enough
*stormy weather by the kooks*
Erik von Ploennies started painting in 2004, after visiting the Guggenheim Museum in New York. He says that it was because of the impression made on him by Vassili Kandinsky (“Painting with white border”).
Erik is a graduate in electrical engineering and has no artistic training… He is originally from California, but moved to Brooklyn, New York in 2007.
Although he is self-taught, Ploennies quickly stood out for his originality.
https://deconstructing-aesthetic-forms.weebly.com/erik…
Willem De Kooning, Black Friday.
Iriee Zamblé (Dutch 1995)
LOVERS ROCK (2023)
oil on canvas (240 x 150 cm)
