The Love I Have For Them Is Infinite.

Having a boyfriend is literally free

u can count on me to do the wrong thing

had contractors come by and forgot i was wearing this shirt

telling your online friends "wait there i'm coming" is funny regardless of the distance that you are from them. if they're within driving distance it has the humor of being a real possibility and if they're overseas it's funny because how are you getting there. especially if it's a limited time event. one of my personal favorites is saying i'm walking in their general direction

popular ship with daily posts will kill the patient. he needs rarepair with 1 annual fan art to survive

"You should be at the club" Direct exposure to the club would kill me instantly

"You should be at bar trivia night" This I cannot deny

You meet god and she's mostly dead fish. You ask her why and she says most of the world is dead fish, and she's made herself to appeal to the most common denominator, the everyman funnyman comedy show that runs for eleven seasons but with the entire universe in mind. You ask her how much of the dead fish is your fault, she says it's far less than you'd think, in the grand scheme of things. You ask her if you matter at all. If you can do anything. She shrugs her rotting shoulders and says mattering is a made-up concept, like life, but sure, you can matter if you want to, on some scale. She has many scales. She doesn't know what you mean by 'anything', but you can do everything you can. You ask her if it's enough. She says there's no base requirement for deserving to exist. She's smoking a joint and the smoke filtering out of her gills gathers and forms gas giants and red dwarfs. You ask her if there's any hidden secrets of the universe you should know and she says it's not a secret if she tells, plus it's fun to let you figure it out yourself. You ask her if any of your questions were right questions and she says you worry about being right so much it might keep you from fucking around, which is as close to meaning of life as she ever bothered to make. You don't ask but she says she loves your hair, also your whole being, also your planet. She says she figured out what love is yesterday and is trying it out, which explains the ten thousand rainbows and sudden influx in rains of fish. She offers you a drag of her joint and you wake up half past midnight behind a chain restaurant clutching a smoked salmon. The new stars are winking like they're in on some joke and you're sure if you try hard enough you'll remember what it is.

idk man i think it's more complicated than that *gets beaten to death*

as a cis-passing guy i dared to ask the question "how femme can i be be before my coworkers get uncomfortable" and the answer is apparently. a single gold dangling earring