Stop Doing Coke With These Jokes And Come Smoke Crackula With Dracula

my favorite customer service slip ups

I only have three days left to get my deposit 😭

I pull the pin and throw the grenade straight up. Then I throw the pin straight up, and it slides right back into the grenade in midair, disarming it. When the grenade lands, it bonks me in the skull, killing me.

Once I finish killing this guy the cycle of violence will be over, trust me guys

i wish ads felt pain when you skipped them

“unhand me” is so good. and always appropriate to say. like literally unhand me

me: if I become the evil overlord I will never harm my minions

[5 years later]

highly throwable imp: hoohoohee

me: hmm

they used to spray me wuith cold water when i tried eating my favorite meal the Lovely potted plant

[first day as a hostage negotiator]

bank robber: these rich fucks ruined me life! I want ten million dollars and a helicopter

me: bitch me too. I'm switching sides