:(

its horrible when a person dies but its even worse when their art dies

and i fall in love with people who never fucking existed

ataraxia is serene and blissful but tell me why i exist in a calmness that discomforts me

the taste of her mouth lit me up like a flame, and as her hands shook in excitement and not unwelcomeness i succumb to her hands guiding my own to her face

i consumed you the way i consume media, i dont know if i loved you enough for the cannibalism metaphor

i still bite my lips when i am stressed, and no habit of mine has ever died. i pick it up and i carry it around, another weight that weighs nothing on how i live only how im seen. my nails are always short and i still havent found my nail clippers, why cant i stop-not a question.

i still get excited when i hear my phone knowing its not you

I need to be so close to her I can't feel her but am her. We merge like greek mythology referencing soulmates, my hands trace up her neck to the back of her head and I hold her chin like she belongs to me. We kiss. I no longer think and no longer am.

he stares at me like im adored and i know his eyes arent even for meeting my own, i should not look at him like he can be mine, and i should not already be his

im a fascinated misanthropist, i treat everyone like a little science experiement

god how i crave whatever the hell franz kafka had going on with melina

i suffer from addictions, it seems when something fascinates me it's all i can think about or do. i take too much pleasure in playing chess, and get too upset when i lose. i take too much time into my instruments, and lose myself in them in the ways i should not. and also as simple as coffee, i cannot go a day without a cup.

i suppose i am at least glad you fascinate me, and you allow me to let me be addicted. but god am i terrified for the withdrawals because i treat you like a drug.