I Still Bite My Lips When I Am Stressed, And No Habit Of Mine Has Ever Died. I Pick It Up And I Carry

:(

Nikolay Punin, from a diary entry featured in The Diaries of Nikolay Punin: 1904 - 1953

its horrible when a person dies but its even worse when their art dies

and i fall in love with people who never fucking existed

the taste of her mouth lit me up like a flame, and as her hands shook in excitement and not unwelcomeness i succumb to her hands guiding my own to her face

i trace your scars, like stretch marks, like scratches

the very things you are insecure about i love, despite your doubt

and if love is an action id commit it like a crime to keep you

i trace your face like an outline, acting as if i wont forget it

i trace your sides like an act of desperation, acting as if i want more than what you give me

i trace your hands, and give you my right when it aches, knowing you prefer to hold that one

ultimately where humanity fails is where man succumbs to greed more than he does to love

-journal entry from Nov. 3rd, 2024

ataraxia is serene and blissful but tell me why i exist in a calmness that discomforts me

the treasures of my life i prioritize as a pupil of a dead party god or dionysus, id love to live in nothing but sex, wine, parties, getting high, falling in love, writing nonsense stories and telling lies, fight for my own right for enjoyment, lose my mind and maybe find it tomorrow

i live in silence as a pupil of a living solitude god if theres even one at all

what the fuck bro

had contractors come by and forgot i was wearing this shirt

i suffer from addictions, it seems when something fascinates me it's all i can think about or do. i take too much pleasure in playing chess, and get too upset when i lose. i take too much time into my instruments, and lose myself in them in the ways i should not. and also as simple as coffee, i cannot go a day without a cup.

i suppose i am at least glad you fascinate me, and you allow me to let me be addicted. but god am i terrified for the withdrawals because i treat you like a drug.