Sadjapes - Japes

i pretend it doesn't bother me but it's tearing me apart.

“Never trust your tongue when your heart is bitter.”

— Samuel J. Hurwitt

Something for an old friend I'm not sure I'm still on good terms with.

I'm definitely not the same person I used to be. I'm so different I can't explain it.

Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me

“Just for the record darling, not all positive change feels positive in the beginning.”

— S.C. Lourie

if you *really* want to try and understand psychosis, I always offer the experience of dreaming.

Almost everyone on the planet dreams, and I find it to be a perfect comparison for psychosis... Anything can happen in a dream and you don't question it. This is your reality. If you're suddenly an astronaut, you don't typically question it. If there's suddenly a dragon, you don't typically question it. A monster can crawl out of the bushes or a stranger can appear in your house. Anyone can be someone they're not. Danger can come from anywhere. A pleasant dream can easily become a nightmare.

The only difference is that you wake up in the morning and it's over. And most people don't judge you for it. When you "wake up" from psychosis, there's often shame and people judge you.