You Don’t Talk Too Much. You Aren’t Too Loud. You Aren’t Too Needy. You Aren’t Too Sensitive.

you're not a monster. you're you. you're flawed, yes, but you're also incredibly alive. just human. real. capable of great things, capable of change and growth, too. don't define yourself by the inner critic lashing out at you. you're not your worst moments.

Something really not talked about with trauma disorders is the paranoia.

Being scared and jumping to conclusions when people stand a little too close to you, not believing people’s compliments and thinking they have hidden motives, not believing when people tell you they like/love you, thinking that strangers you see on the street want to hurt you, etc.

you mean something to people you've never even spoken to. when i see my elderly neighbor on her balcony i go "oh it's grandma" and i'm so happy to see her every time, when i pass a couple holding hands i think 'what a cute couple that is', when i hear a child laugh on the train it makes me smile and hope that life continues to make them laugh! it is just as likely that you are being showered in appreciation, well wishes and blessings everywhere you go

you have to admit there are some joys in life that can only be felt due to hardship. a common example is steaming hot showers. it takes a cold day, or a sickness, for someone to experience the joy of a hot shower. you can’t enjoy it in the heat. then there’s the joy of a fulfilling sleep, often achieved through a tiring day. and there’s the joy of a reunion, achieved through separation. and there are many more examples. sometimes difficulty carries a special range of joys and that’s something to be thankful about.

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

that comment about how you should not borrow grief from the future has saved me multiple times from spiraling into an inescapable state of anxiety. like every time i find myself thinking about how something in the future could go wrong i remember that comment and i think to myself: well i never know, it might get better. it might not even happen the way i think it will and if it does happen and it is sad and bad ill be sad about it then, when it happens. and it’s somehow soo freeing

T.H. White, in his 1958 retelling of the Arthurian legend in Once and Future King

Just say the weird thing!!! you will attract a crazy girl who wants to be your best friend.