And Then Goodbye

Sos Is No Longer

I don’t want to be a rock

And I no longer want to be an island

I don’t want to be superman anymore

I also don’t want to be saved

Because it never works out,

When someone else is wearing the cape

I'm the one who rides this roller coaster

That is truly,

Made for only one

I must learn to accept

What I never have

Because I can’t live my life in a false reality

People say that I'm smart

Yet I fail more than the average person

People say that I'm strong

Yet I hurt more than the average person

And for honesty, I write because I'm so sensitive

And I'm tired of climbing mountains With new people

Sos

Is no longer

A silent thing I scream

I want to sink

Into this cold water

And drown in my life

I keep finding myself

Stuck on the same ship,

The ship of Theseus

I Am Slipping

I am slipping

Out of reach

And it’s freeing

But depression

Is slipping

Through the cracks

In my voice

My non binary

Voice of being

Gaily befuddled

I found myself

Laying on the floor

Staring at the ceiling

And that’s how I have conference meetings with depression

I want to

Be okay

With the present

But hold on a moment

I need to take

A call

A conference one

I want to feel real

Again

And I don’t know the next time I will  

I want to take a tired walk

To the kitchen

And smash a few

Plates

And fall

Into

A ghost’s arms

I cant always be my own hero

Super girl is only so good

I just might have to call up gut girl

Because she can at least stomach me at my worst

I feel behind in life

And its so hard

To not compare myself to others

Because maybe my life

Isn’t a highway

Like other people’s lives are

I’d much prefer to enjoy the view and stare at natural beauty

I don’t get

The constant rush

That society puts on us

Maybe that’s why I like to lay on the floor

And stare blankly at the ceiling

But then my thoughts start rolling like thunder

And the cycling begins…

Brother

Dear brother,

Where did you go?

You used to wave at me when I was in the hallway

You used to wave at me when you sat in the gym because I had no friends

But you were there on the bleachers reading

I still wonder in amazement; how did you get your teacher to let you do that?

You used to save me from a teacher who needed to retire

You used to save me before bus 19 left so I'd get on the right one

Do you remember when you'd make me laugh by pretending you were in the circus?

You'd walk on old alcohol barrels,

That were once red, now pink and faded by the sun

Then you went off to college and started a new chapter

I'm sorry I put grass in the pool,

When you told me to stop

I'm sorry I threw a plastic beach basket at your face,

And caused you to get a nose bleed

I'm sorry I screamed at you while I was drawing a picture

You are really good at pushing my big red button that specifically says DO NOT PUSH!

Why must you be a programmer that finds my buttons and knows how to easily access my control panel?

I'm sorry I didn't and couldn’t give you the space you wanted to reach the planets

I'm sorry I kicked and screamed at your closed door

I just wanted to build a snowman

And have fun

I missed you then and I miss you now

Oh Brother, what shall I do?

You know that pathetic hug I gave you?

That's because sometimes I think you don't care about me

I sometimes think when you're in San Francisco California you never think of me

Of how we'd joke we'd run away to Californ-i-a

Two Types of Fallen

Have I fallen out of love?

I hope not

Love is what I for so long have sought

Have we gotten out of the honey moon part of a relationship?

Maybe I should have stayed in doors with penny, used napkin and chip Or is it my depression and you trying to get over Alex?

I'm not giving up on our love yet

Will Wednesday solve our problems, when we have set?

What you don't know and might not understand is that it is normal for me to disappear

I will always come back, never fear Hopefully you'll be there

My heart beats like a drum

Sometimes I go numb

I wish that you could understand more

I don't complain to you because I don't want to be a bore When I become numb

Your love will be the first thing I'll feel

For now I must deal

I refuse to let you go

I love you, I want you to know No I'm not just saying that

Let's not forget that us and our double dates are a band

Let's not forget what it feels like to be poor but own all of earth's land

With my music

I won't totally lose it.  

K-12

All I have learned how to do is study

And memorize

And cram

With a heavy head, how am I expected to take to the skies?

I know nothing about survival

Unless grabbing the newest textbook counts

I know that it doesn’t

I guess they have failed to brainwash me completely

But I do know how to wake up and eat

Then study

Go to sleep

And repeat

Never fully knowing what the outside world is like

Never slipping out of reach

Never learning the things that will actually help me

Always shoving me down

Never letting me wonder what if

Never showing me why

But commanding me this way

And that

That’s for the authority

And the sentence

That I committed no crime for

It was quite unneeded

Trying to get me to conform

By using peer pressure

Then when its useful for you to say the opposite,

You say that we shouldn’t follow others and do as you say

Making me feel so, so little

While telling me to be an adult

Then telling me that I’m not an adult

And when I am one I will never be ready

I can't believe I am finally free

From this tortuous prison

That I used to feel embarrassed to be a part of k-12

But now I am done with k-12

So bye motherfuckers

I ain’t coming back

And I ain’t gonna be looking back

Because most of the faculty, staff, administration, and board members made me feel like shit

Believe it or not

But

School was made for kids

So stop trying to take over and ruin our lives

Streetlight Spotlight

The time that I don't mind the spotlight,

Is at night,

Under a streetlight

Streetlight loneliness,

It isn't as bad as it sounds

I'm free to dance and spin,

With the fireflies

I don't know if they are staying around for the funny show...

But I do think they want an encore

So I give them a content smile

Because if there's one thing that I've learned from theater,

It's to never forget to smile

Sometimes I jump from one spotlight to another,

And chase after the moths like a dog chasing a squirrel

And night after night I can feel winter making it's arrival in the air

But the spotlight looks just as warm as before,

With its yellow light

And I know that tonight

I shall let sleep consume me

While I'm sandwiched between my,

Warm blankets

Mistreated Millennials

What’s the point of living if I can’t be myself?

I'll be homeless and unhappy

And destructive

You'll continue to be sappy

You'll continue living your life complaining about everything

While I’ll keep my mouth shut because according to you, my problems don’t matter

Baby boomers being controlling yet again

Thinking I owe you when you made me into this bitter, broke, batter

I'm a millennial who lost hope

I'm seen as spoiled and lazy because I see that there’s no use

All I ask is that you don’t take the last thing I have to my ugly name

You get away with it and I'm so tired of the emotional abuse

I need to get old quick

So that I can take control of my life, my world, my planet, my states

I want to take care of this planet and make life better for future generations

You only cared about you; you’re going to go through Hell’s gates

I'm not going to have kids

Well at least not when you’re alive

You are more offensive than a confederate flag or a swastika

If you set eyes upon your gorgeous grandchildren they could break out in hives

I don’t want my offspring to have to see this society you’ve created

A world of tests and pressure

Setting us up against our own generation, giving us trust issues

I can’t wait for you to become extinct for a refresher

You won’t be able to barge in

Testing us to see just how much we can endure before we break at the bones

And when we break, you leave us alone to suffer with the deformities

When you hear our groans,

You convince yourself that we don’t have any problems that are worse,

Than yours

The millennial generation work themselves into insanity

While you insult us, pampered, careless, narcissistic, your words contaminate our pours

We are forced to wear those insults

We wear them like expensive designer clothes,

Because we don’t have any money

Baby boomers look for special millennials to overexpose

It's Working

Head spinning

Head winning

Heart cruising

Heart losing

Brain barely working

Brain thoughts lurking

Feet walking

Feet stalking

Knees yell

Knees swell

Shoulders weak

Shoulders seek

Forehead sweat

Better yet

Befuddled

Everything is muddled

Hands shake

Fingers break

I'm so dependent

I sure am happy I sent it

You make me loose

I am a really silly goose!

When you disappear I miss you

I don't have a clue

I trust this one

Half the battle with you has been won

How and why is what I ask

What if you are wearing a mask?

I'm stuck with a bad case of the what if's

Those two words leave me hanging off cliffs

I will let you slither into my shoe, you already know it's a slipper

You understand fart rippers

Head no longer twirling

Heart won, happily whirling

I Am Sick, But How?

It won’t stop running I won’t stop chasing Instead I find myself pacing Awful is when you can’t think All of my friends are off and on sick As we get better, we’ll come back to butt kick Mom, let me do what I want Monsters are in my veins My eyes, they make bloodshot and they strain Sniffles are evil Super fun when they stop Stay silent and listen, you'll be able to hear me drop I refuse to go to the doctor Inventive is what you become In my world, my guitar I’ll strum Comparing myself to others, I need to stop Constantly, I find a new tissue in my hand Cramping, I force myself to stand Knuckle, with me monster! Knife to my life Kazoo in hand, no I’ll learn the fife! Blurred glasses Burning nose Bring a fire hose Ugly monster Utterly terrifying is how I look Useful is the medicine I took The sneezes that make your, Throat kill The fever chill How am I going to survive tomorrow? How am I going to get through school? How do you know when you’re being a fool? Orderly is everyone else Out of service is how I feel Ordinary is not how I peel What to do? Which friend to blame? Who stole my burning flame?

You're On My Mind

I can’t sleep with the thought of you on weighing on my mind

I want to fast forward, you want to rewind

I hate how you were so kind

I want to see how this works out

You're too heavy and I'm not strong

My mind isn't where you belong

It just feels so wrong

I'm too scared to move you to my heart

It’s 6:28

I'm wishing you were at my gate

Most people consider this early but for me it’s late

I haven’t slept at all

Before I snuck out for some cold water

At skateboarding you almost taught her

When she falls, you better catch her

High school loves very infrequently last

Every night you keep me up

Never asking, “supp?”

No more cold water in the cup

I don’t look up to you

I'm not terribly trusting of this

You are something I don’t like to miss

Cold water gone, this love seems slightly amiss

The dog is barking, roosters crowing

I want sleep

I want my internet creep

But thoughts of you, I still keep

Will you love me?