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Baby Girl

How can I break this umbilical cord,

And continue living?

I can play this game of

Who can stay up the longest

And win

You’re hiccuping to show maturity

I know you're not drunk

What a man you are

Baby girl is in college

Baby girl has a drivers license You don't want baby girl thinking that the car is hers

You don't want baby girl to have control or freedom

Unless it's with your permission or knowledge

I can't pick out classes

Without you sticking your nose all around

And I'm tired of your boogers all over my life

This is the curse of being the baby of the family

The

Girl

I need to leave

But I cannot

If I did I would not survive on my own

I'm exhausted of getting stared at

As if I were an exhibit at a museum

I can either be hung up like artwork

And die on the inside, a long a drawn out death

Or let go of my breath and live differently

Something has to change

Because this isn't working

With your two sides

You use so much energy and anger

Towards trying to find out what baby girl is up to

And you're pissed that you cant just communicate with anyone,

In order for you to have an idea

Of what baby girl is doing

I cannot survive this way

Much longer

I do not enjoy feeling like a prisoner in the house I live in

Hiding in my room

Playing the game

Of who can stay up the latest

I'm drained of organizing my schedule

In accordance with someone else's

I want to cut

This umbilical cord

That keeps me imprisoned like a ball and chain

I Am Sick, But How?

It won’t stop running I won’t stop chasing Instead I find myself pacing Awful is when you can’t think All of my friends are off and on sick As we get better, we’ll come back to butt kick Mom, let me do what I want Monsters are in my veins My eyes, they make bloodshot and they strain Sniffles are evil Super fun when they stop Stay silent and listen, you'll be able to hear me drop I refuse to go to the doctor Inventive is what you become In my world, my guitar I’ll strum Comparing myself to others, I need to stop Constantly, I find a new tissue in my hand Cramping, I force myself to stand Knuckle, with me monster! Knife to my life Kazoo in hand, no I’ll learn the fife! Blurred glasses Burning nose Bring a fire hose Ugly monster Utterly terrifying is how I look Useful is the medicine I took The sneezes that make your, Throat kill The fever chill How am I going to survive tomorrow? How am I going to get through school? How do you know when you’re being a fool? Orderly is everyone else Out of service is how I feel Ordinary is not how I peel What to do? Which friend to blame? Who stole my burning flame?

Lachrymorose

Seconds away from crying

This Hoover Dam of an eyelid is doing a good job

But it’s seconds away from breaking

All these tears dammed up inside could make Lake Lachrymose,

Leeches, Aunt Josephine and all

That was until she took the fall...

Tears on a cliff

Stacked up on a penny

About to spill over the thin edge

My hot tears

Have the potential

To set this place on fire

I know that

If I were to let them tumble down

They would burn my flesh with streams of lava

Droplets from the sun

Rain from Venus

This salt water is boiling within

Like tears from Rappaccini’s daughter

I am on my own

For I am poison

But I refuse to let them fall

Like pieces of hell

Raining from the ceiling

When I’m Happy

When I'm happy

Happiness won’t seem like a foreign word

And there will be tons of space

To run free at a great pace

I won’t feel like I'm constantly getting criticized

For just being me

No longer shall my work,

Be torn up by jerks

I won’t feel snappy

And the lines won’t be blurred

I won’t feel condemned to hide myself behind them

As a flower never give away your stem

There will be boundaries

Because people don’t think I deserve them

Because I'm not of age

And never will be because I'm just baby sage

I stopped dreaming

When I got tired of society feeding on my dreams

And twisting them into something I didn’t want

So I just played off nonchalant

But maybe one day

I’ll find myself…

Petting a german shepherd

While listening to Def Leppard deafeningly loud

And fall asleep with a tired smile

One that I wore all day

I’ll be able to get lost in a dream

And come up with even crazier schemes

Situation Impossible

Just wishing and hoping ain't gonna do nothing

It’ll just make it worse

But I do it anyway because I'm cursed

  Desire equals suffering

So don’t wait and hope

Before you open your big mouth you might as well fill it with soap

  If I desire not to desire anything that’s a desire

I love you but I can't fully have you

What am I supposed to do?

  I can't win with fire

The things I wish I could tell

I want you to just know why I may not be so well

  When should I stop having just a spark of hope?

It's 1 in the morning

And I'm mourning

  I'm beginning to realize that enough is enough, no more of this nope!

I think about you a bunch

I probably never even cross your mind from time to time ever much

  You are only somewhat removed

Now it's 1:08

And you are what I now hate

  Out of my life my safe person always moves

I need someone like you

I can't really tell you but I wish and hope that you knew

  I feel like puking I don’t want to be seen

Needing you so much I'm sick

This sickness cannot be fixed with vicks

  1:13

By the minute I'm getting older

You are warm and I don’t think I can get much colder

  Wishing waiting and hoping

In this situation it is impossible

I'm so sick I need the hospital

  I don’t know what I'm thinking, I have to find a new way of coping

1:21

Thinking about you I should be done

Abstract

Can you take my anger? And pass me the settledness? I think I need a coat hanger for my anger To hang it up

I keep my dreams in the closet And my hopes in a drawer When I grow up I can take them out And wear them higher I keep my fears Under the bed They live with the monsters, Who keep my fears from getting misplaced I keep my misery in the basement Where I hope it’ll get lost But I see it every time I do laundry One time I tried to hang it out to dry I keep stupidity in the attic With the light on Often times I have bright ideas I keep passion on the floor It's too much for me to handle, When I keep depression Strung around my fingers Which keeps me from forgetting That I left jealousy Brewing and boiling on the stove A poignant smell that makes I keep happiness On pieces of yellowed paper Which are stuck up on the fridge with magnets The messy drawings of not caring mock me as I pull pity out to eat for a midnight snack

Yellow Lines

Staring into the yellow lines

Trying to go with the flow

I cannot bring myself to look up at the pines

Delirious depression in this mechanical car is a light load Sitting next to one of my discombobulating demons

Unable to run or fight it

Inside I am scream'n

This makes me want to fuck shit Staring at the two yellow lines, I think...

About last year when I climbed the walls

I should take leaps for the fun of the falls

Onto the sun warmed tar I desire to sink Thinking about two people who give me hope

That is for whatever is next to come

I feel the slope,

That leads into my own personal slum

Two lines, two women who are fierce

How far will I get with the uneven yellows?

Bright yellow does pierce

Stuck like a baby in the backseat type of mellow What to do when I turn the stone of 18?

My enemy has me trapped and constantly, greedily coming back

I have to hold the slack

What do I even know? One thing is for certain

I will keep moving forwards

Hopefully I'll stick with my words

I will go wherever the yellow snakes take me, in order to see the man behind the curtain

Shadow Girl

Broken,

No one knows

No one cares

No one can see my depressed shadow

But that shadow is mine and it’s the other half of me

It is taking over

My hallow, dark inside, body makes a shadow

Please stop walking on my shadow and thinking nothing of it

You think stomping on it is funny

But you don’t realize that, that is me

I want to put a cast on my broken shadow but I can’t because it moves with me and is always behind me

You fall for the fake smiles and laughs in the front but you forget to look in the back

If anyone really did love me they would look in the back and try to control it

They would try their best to stop and conquer it

The sun only brings out my shadow more

I hate the sun

I like rainy dark days

I like the feeling but I hate it at the same time

Big Loud People

Big loud people

Who can’t go a second without talking

Crowding my introverted type of brain

I'm a small person

Who needs to recharge from hectic chaos

Then they yelled out that they were leaving

And a sigh of relief went out the door as they left

They backed out of the driveway as if the house was blowing its nose

And the house breathed in a silence

A comforting silence

A refreshing spring breeze

That blew the curtains and the weight off my chest

After a while the silent stillness

Brought in the ghosts

That were guided in by the light white curtains shimmying around

Opposites

5:55 at still not, alone

The sun is coming up

And I’ll see it down again

As the day gets brighter

The darker my day gets

If I'm walking uphill

That does not mean I am not going downhill

And if I'm in the eye of the hurricane,

That does not mean from the storm I am free

The higher I get, the lower I sink

The more I wait for the perfect moment

The faster it will pass because I am a small, white, rodent

A rodent so quiet it forgot to squeak

A shrugging girl so quiet she forgot to speak

Tempting, as it may be, I'm too tired to argue with your opinion

Scenery flashing by as I try to run on my legs of rubber molasses

Frustration drips down my face and my body

When I run from my problems I am running right into their tangled arms

Living away from them, they get bigger

Living with them, I go crazy claustrophobic

I want stars; I want the moon’s blood

I do not want to be lonely but I want to be alone