Latest Posts by sugarandnails - Page 3

Fall Down, Get Back Up

I had my life seemingly together

But then the air turned into leather

With every breath my chest grew heavier and tighter

My head started to feel lighter

Get back up

Don’t give up

Propel

Out of Hell

Sometimes I fall down

And I forget that it doesn’t mean that I will lose my crown

I will rise

And get the prize

I have to get back out there

To breathe the mountain air

Bang Bang

My heart is made of gold

And it's oh so heavy it hurts

With every bang, bang Today

My broken is showing I don't think

I was supposed to be here It's like this isn't my life

I belong in a different one My life is at an advanced placement level

While my brain is at special education level

I'm too sensitive

And too weak They were right

About me after all Bang, Bang

Fast and Worried

Bouncing and flying

Is this a dream?

Maybe I'm superman just learning to fly

Melt into the speed with no regrets

I live for a little bit of danger

While my legs stick to the seat with sweat

Will this ghetto metal hold up?

Rattle, rattle, creek, creek

Will we crash into a rock or hard place,

And make things worse,

By wedging ourselves further in?

Further in

Could be further out

Dark voices are scary

But not when you join in

My music only goes so loud

I write myself into silliness

It's not worth it

Not at this cost,

Of weightlessness

Soaring through the darkness

In a rough way

Not knowing what’s next

It feels like morning is so far away

But I like the quiet of the night

And how all the sane people are sleeping

Burnout

Watts and volts

Nutts and bolts

Do not sit right

With a loss of appetite

Sitting on the pinnacle

And being cynical

Detatched

And mismatched

I feel meek

By drowning with just a slow leak

Just a drop can turn into a flood

Leaving me buried in mud

Everything is out of my league

When I'm drowning in fatigue

Too much asleep

To even weep

I had a shot

But then I forgot

Stillness

Is the only way to cure this illness

In other words, I am having trouble finding the door

Because I don’t want to work on Maggie’s farm anymore

How Things Change

How things change

In a place

Throughout time

I'm uneasy and need to pace

The picket fence

Lost a head

To a softball

The picket fence

Lost a bottom

To a chewing dog

The same picket fence

Has the gate wide open

But no worn grass

The picket fence

Bends and sags

Under weathered, weakness

The picket fence

Has a grapevine

But now it looks dead and sad

The snow,

Back in the day

Would be trampled down by two

The snow

Old as it happens to be

Is untouched

How things change

As they age

And yet

I'm still the same page

I’m Diseased

I’m diseased of adults

Assuming the worst from me

When it is just me

Then they give me a hard time

For nothing

I’m diseased of being a millennial

And adults assuming

That I’m lazy

And addicted to my phone

When it’s just me who just so happens to be different

I’m tired of feeling

Like I’m worthless

And no one will ever

Truly

Fall in love with just me and I them

I’m diseased

Of teachers

Thinking they are better

Because of a degree

At the moment I’m just 1,000 degrees of rage

I don’t want to go to school

I don’t want this factory process

Of being separated

Embarrassed

And torn apart

I’m diseased of being a product

And not a person

The only thing I’ve learned from school

Is that if you don’t want to be bent around

Then keep your mouth shut

I’m diseased with adults

Smoldering my fire

My passion

My,

Will to live and carry on…

Things You Should Never Think, Or Make Me Do

Number one, never make me prove you wrong in the way that I don’t need you

Number two, never make me wear a red dress with Bugs Bunny characters on it

Number three, don’t force me to conform to your idea of being a girl

Number four, don’t think that I won’t taste it, trust me, my taste buds will find a way

Number five, don’t make me rewrite something, because there’s a chance that I thought it was a masterpiece in the way that you thought that it was shit

Number six, don’t think that I am frightened

Number seven, don’t think about me, because you'll never understand, and I hope you never will

Number eight, don’t force me to do it your way, because, if I did it differently, that would obviously just be preposterous!

Number nine, don’t think that you can just stare at me like a creep, making me uncomfortable to ever wear cute summer dresses

Number ten, don’t make me feel the need to apologize for just being me!

Let’s Start A Riot

Unpenetratable silence

Every movement amplified

But it's just because it's quiet

Can we silently start a riot? It's quiet enough to hear a pin drop 

You can hear people breathe

But that's because it's quiet

Can we please start a riot? Every move of this pencil sounds like it hurts

Trillions of graphite atoms screaming

My imagination goes crazy when it's too quiet

For my sanity, someone start a riot Or at least start talking

Tapping your foot would do

To stop the awkward quiet

Get us out of here so lead a riot When I'm alone, battling on my own

I want to listen to music for the illusion,

That it is not quiet

So I don't start a riot Music and words keep me sane

When I can no longer go,

Into the anxiety provoking quiet

Music and poetry are my silent riot

Tired

Tired

No thoughts Tired

Empty headed I need a rest

Since I'm a little different form the rest Fucked with fatigue

Exercised by life to exhaustion Not happy

Sad with the sluggishness

Drained by my dreams

Pooped out of perky, proper posture Weary with work

Worn out and weak without winning The bags under my eyes

Are filled with rocks I've got lead legs

And iron eyelids

You’ve Got Me Running These Loops

You’ve got me running these loops girl

Yeah running these loops

You’ve got me looking for a hole or an oops

Like magician’s rings

You like finding cracks in my writings on the wall

But you don’t lie to me and tell me that everything will be okay

Even if I'm screaming mayday

You are my Peter Gabriel sledgehammer,

As you skillfully knock down walls

With your golden retriever attitude

That possibly brightens my mood

Sometimes I feel your obnoxious positive vibe

But what you don’t know…

Is that I'd kill the king for your laugh

It seems like a fair trade for a mental photograph

That could soon be lost

Your smile lightens up the room

You make me feel like I can do anything with you by my side

You make me feel like I shouldn’t have any reasons to hide,

From you at least

I'm not afraid of all the king’s horses and all the king’s men

You believe that I could take them because I'm strong

And I know that we don’t have long

And I'm used to people coming and going

I've had years and years to get used to that,

The arms that I could die for

Could disappear and make it pour

That’s why you have to enjoy things now

While they last

And maybe that’s all she wrote for us

But we just have to trust

That our paths were only meant to be crossed

And maybe its better that we made an x out of each other

I won’t forget how you made me feel

As you tried to help me to heal

With your Potter spells, you powerful witch!

Screaming About Nothing

Lately everybody has been screaming about nothing

While I have been thinking about something

I write too much

And say too little

But maybe my words were just meant for paper

Lately it feels like my only friends

Are my colorful pens

Lately it seems like relationships are just dead ends

That die as fast as well spent weekends

I hang on like a loose tooth

That doesn’t believe that the tooth fairy afterlife is the truth

I feel like I stick around like an old cold

That’s got a gnarly hold

And I tell myself to

Put down the needle

Put down the thread

And stop sowing this tangled web

But I've got spiders in my hair

Arachnids are everywhere

I'm cursed

But I will wait

Until you become my prey

Someday

Start New

There comes a time when you should knock the walls down

And start new, just in a reckless attempt to lose the frown

I can’t let go of the unhappy pictures on the wall

I had no choice but to slouch as everyone stood tall

Gravity loves me too much

I can’t let go of the addiction of your love

If only you didn’t have to be beyond and above

You gave me such a hope that will only lead me to failure

I need to just knock it down but I'm not ready

But living with rotting moldy wood could be deadly

There comes a time when you can’t keep replacing the beams

Of your self esteem

Questions

I hate this life

This life

Of other people trying

Trying to know everything about me

I don’t just get interrogated once, but twice too many times

I cant handle all these questions, questions, QUESTIONS!

That echo too loudly in my brain

Because I know that they will get analyzed,

In every way possible

Along with

All of my actions

I brought this upon myself

By answer one or two questions

Can you just let me

Make my own decisions and choices

Without having to be a part of it

I'm an adult now and yet

You still treat me like a baby,

That has no knowledge at all

And because of you I can't concentrate

On success

And that’s why you're being so difficult with me

Because you don’t want me to turn out

Like you

But you're making success harder

Than it really needs to be

And your sweet voice

Doesn’t help

It doesn’t make anything better

And you can't persuade me with it

Big Loud People

Big loud people

Who can’t go a second without talking

Crowding my introverted type of brain

I'm a small person

Who needs to recharge from hectic chaos

Then they yelled out that they were leaving

And a sigh of relief went out the door as they left

They backed out of the driveway as if the house was blowing its nose

And the house breathed in a silence

A comforting silence

A refreshing spring breeze

That blew the curtains and the weight off my chest

After a while the silent stillness

Brought in the ghosts

That were guided in by the light white curtains shimmying around

Suicide Of Talking

When it seems as if all I do is say the wrong words

It just seems like the world would be better off without my voice

A violent soft voice

A little voice meant to destroy

If only it could destroy

Social anxiety,

Selective mutism,

And the awkwardness

Created by me

In other words…it’s hopelessly my fault

My words have a tinge of blue

That slips under the radar

Because word suicide

Doesn’t happen all at once

It starts out as my mind nagging me

That I could have chosen better words

And then it escalates to my mind haunting me

Like a television

That turns on with the help of a ghost

The suicide happens

When I start to believe

That it hurts less

To say less

Instead of saying something I will regret

Shoulder ache

Shoulder ache

Stomach ache

I'm drowning in a lake

I am not

What you thought

And I never will be

Beautiful

In your world

And now you seem so fake

I'm going

Away now

Just to avoid the pain

Come

Back

Limited Old times

Not

All

Is always okay

Please just talk

I will gawk

Please let us be alone

I'm not great

Do not hate

I know I come on strong

I know that

I’m awkward

But I know I love you

I will dance

In a trance

If you give me a chance

Wholeness

I feel comfortable right now

In this moment

I’m warm

I’m tired

I’m not freaking out

I feel like a little kid in this state of innocence

But this moment has just been ruined by my colon

In other words

I have to poop

Fucking mother nature

You must be laughing at me

But since tomorrow is my birthday

I suppose I should let you have a laugh

But please be careful

With your volcanoes

And your avalanches

But thank you for this moment

Full of my favorite things,

Music,

Warmth,

Fuzzy blanket,

Yarn,

Silly conversations with friends,

A head of ideas,

And lastly,

A feeling of completeness

Or wholeness

A New Start

I feel the warmth

Of the light at the end of the tunnel

I think this is the last

Of the darkness

Well at least for a while

So here's to a new start

Here's to a change

That will make my future self scream,

Plot twist!

Plot twist!

One so well written by the insanity of reality

That it catches god by surprise

A castle of freshly grown hope

A castle that I built out of the crap in my life

A new life of being alone

I must learn to stretch my wings once in a while

I must learn to stop

Beating myself up

I think

That i should be brave enough

To be me

Which is a simple task for some

I think that this is the last

Of the darkness for now

18

The age of adulthood

And as my birthday makes its arrival

I wish you would I am scared for the future

The one that doesn’t include you

Coming undone is my suture I don’t know how long I can dream

It seems like a waste of time

When I’m oh so close to breaking at the seams 0 to 18

So far it’s been mostly pain, anxiety and depression

I’m so sorry babe, that your face is turning green A simple question, yes or no?

I shall never dare to be rude and just simply ask

Either stay or go I’m not an adult yet

People do say that I’m really mature

But I don’t even have a set I’m scared but full of grit

And yet I sit

Never quit I don’t know why

But sometimes I wish I wasn’t born

And other times I wish to die I don’t know why

I almost forgot my birthday for once

Babe, you shouldn’t fly with that sty in your poor, blue, eye Swollen, bloodshot eyes

That have been accused of not working hard enough, after an all-nighter

Babe don’t believe the lies Happy birthday

To the one with the story of bad gut and disease

Baby please, you made it all this way

Sos Is No Longer

I don’t want to be a rock

And I no longer want to be an island

I don’t want to be superman anymore

I also don’t want to be saved

Because it never works out,

When someone else is wearing the cape

I'm the one who rides this roller coaster

That is truly,

Made for only one

I must learn to accept

What I never have

Because I can’t live my life in a false reality

People say that I'm smart

Yet I fail more than the average person

People say that I'm strong

Yet I hurt more than the average person

And for honesty, I write because I'm so sensitive

And I'm tired of climbing mountains With new people

Sos

Is no longer

A silent thing I scream

I want to sink

Into this cold water

And drown in my life

I keep finding myself

Stuck on the same ship,

The ship of Theseus

Not Good Enough

Hey, that's not good enough

Is anything ever good enough

For you?

Well I'm determined to stay tough

Anything I have with you is brutal

Why must you be brutal?

I'm never good enough

You throw people away if they happen to be the opposite of useful

Everyone has a heart

Do you have a heart?

Yours only beats

Oh where to start...

You said you would still love

Why do you pretend to love?

Pretending isn't what a heart does

I am the bothered, dead, dove

You have broken my innocent wings

Why do you inflict pain on my wings?

Then you cut me off with something hurtful

Let me show you what my misspent time with you brings

Then you bring me down

Why do you like to bring me down

Big bully?

You like to stand behind me when I'm in a hospital gown

Your creep is showing

Why do you let it show?

It's wrong

You'll never know

Hey, you have to be more helpful than that

Than that?

Than what?

Well maybe you've gotten too lazy and fat!

"You can contribute here you know"

Do you think that I don't know?

I am only giving you what you deserve

You always have been my foe

Thank goodness I was here because you wouldn't have answered

How do you know that I wouldn't have answered?

You don't know the future, stop assuming

I will never stop dancing because I am a dancer

Hey you, I never see you anymore

How come you don't see me anymore?

Huh. I couldn't imagine why

I'm glad I have finally closed that door

I'm glad I have finally managed to get your foot out of the door

I need to get some locks for the door

A chair just isn't good enough for me

Because you are a persistent, controlling Leo

You make me feel bad about stuff

Not just any ol' stuff

You make me feel handcuffed to a wall

That you come back to just to demean me

Would you be brave enough to do that?

Holding in your words, never would you think about that

I would do whatever I needed to do if I had to

Because I understand the meaning of the words, ya gotta do what ya gotta do

No Strings Attached

I've got a violin with no strings attached

This bow is flying like arrows do

Either war

Or cupid

Someone is bowing my heart

In every direction

And I can feel the passion

Leaping off the floor,

Like someone stepping on a nail

There is a lullaby needed

To pull at the strings that

Are attached to my heart

Knowing that, never

Can be a reality

I live behind these never strings

Like I'm living in a dungeon without

A king

To rescue me from

This violin

This tied bow

On the present

Of this rosen life

Hot Tears

Hot tears could set this place on fire

All these flame flame flames

Who aim aim aims

These flame flame flames

At me?

But even if this place burned down

It would lack lack lack,

You, come back come back come back

I lack lack lack

The part, of my heart that you took

I've become so hot that I'm blue

Into my life you came came came

Do you think this is a game game game

The way that you came came came

And left me

You left me with hope that has evaporated

You had hope hope hope

To keep this boat afloat float float

I want that beautiful hope hope hope

Sos

I know that I'm just wasting paper thinking that we shall meet again

Life just seems lame lame lame,

Without you, do you feel the same same same,

About this being lame lame lame

Amy?

The Reason Why I Fell

The reason why I'm about to fall

Is because I once stood tall

Just as quick and graceful as a fawn

You are gone

‘Twas all but a dream

You secretly made me beam

Even though I shuddered

And muttered

You were so patient like the paper I leak ink on

You are gone

Big sister

Now you're a big blister

That I will never fully comprehend

A message I might send

But I know I will slip away like sand

In your pretty young hands

I felt so safe

But now I feel the chafe

We had fun

What's done is done

‘Twas all but a silly nightmare

‘Twas just a tear,

In the page,

Of a script who’s fate was to drift off stage

And that was the reason why I fell

Into this well

At dark dawn

I am gone...

I Want To Go Home

Trapped in my room that is myself,

Due to avoidance

Of

Feeling like and impostor in the house I live in

I know that I don’t belong

But I have nowhere else to go

I want to go home

But home is nothing more than a concept,

That I imagine in only my dreams

It’s hard to go home

When,

I haven’t discovered where home is

This is why I want to travel the world

When I'm out of school

And when I have enough money

I want to find a home

In someone's arms

Or I could find a home in my life

There is more than one way home

There are plenty of different roads

That will lead to destiny

So I'm going to keep calling everything home

Until it feels right

And only then I shall settle down

So take my bloated belly home

Because this house isn't working with the people living in it

Let's go home

Streetlight Spotlight

The time that I don't mind the spotlight,

Is at night,

Under a streetlight

Streetlight loneliness,

It isn't as bad as it sounds

I'm free to dance and spin,

With the fireflies

I don't know if they are staying around for the funny show...

But I do think they want an encore

So I give them a content smile

Because if there's one thing that I've learned from theater,

It's to never forget to smile

Sometimes I jump from one spotlight to another,

And chase after the moths like a dog chasing a squirrel

And night after night I can feel winter making it's arrival in the air

But the spotlight looks just as warm as before,

With its yellow light

And I know that tonight

I shall let sleep consume me

While I'm sandwiched between my,

Warm blankets

What Are You Doing?

What do you do with the flooring that gets ripped out from underneath you?

How do you find everything that went out the window?

At the moment the breeze that was coming from all around was refreshing

Time was a weird state of being

At the time the sun went down it

Rang out the last drops of pink daylight on the clouds

Evenings are cold with you gone

You were an exceptional white flag

Out with the old, in with the new

Unfazed when my insecurities are soaked in the salty type of anger

Doing the action of pacing in the trench that I fell back into

Oozing with the blood of regret from standing,

In,

No mans land, with a,

Great gunshot wound in the heart

A Walk To The Park

Leaves and stones 

Leaves and stones

Leave me alone

Weeds and side walks

Weeds and side walks

I don't want to talk

Sky and trees

Sky and trees

Where are the bees?

Lines and tar

Lines and tar

I'm feeling less than par

Swings and slides

Swings and slides

Up and down like life's tides

Woods and lampposts

Woods and lampposts

I'm starting to turn back into a ghost

Coolness and bare branches

Coolness and bare branches

Trees losing leaves like I'm losing my chances...

The fire is lit

The fire is lit

And I can't help it

A Letter To My Anxiety

Hey anxiety,

You make me feel overwhelmed

With my increased heartbeat

You make me feel like I just cant, because it would be too much for me

Too much for me to handle

You make me feel like I would drown if I jumped into the deep end

But…

I have some good friends

And I have some good music

And even though you can make me scared,

I realize that I'm stronger than I know

And if I just ride the roller coaster I can feel accomplished later on

Clay

Sometimes, if I like you

I'll let you mold a part of me or, thin out my walls

Sometimes, I feel young, energetic and naïve

But sometimes the weather forecast, forecasts colder weather

And I start to feel a little lethargic,

A little tired,

Maybe a little cracked

And trapped in this mold

Sometimes I grow harder, colder and more fragile

And sometimes my eyes seem to have a glazed coating

Because there are some tools out there

However tools don't get under my skin

If anything they get under my nails

I've got ribs and knives

So don't mess with me

Sometimes I'm as closed off as a clam,

With a secret,

Hidden pearl

Obviously I'm pretty imperfect

And I've become tired of finding a reason for

Being bent out of shape and having sharp edges

Edgy is my style

Because this is art

And anything ugly should not be held against the piece

And sometimes I have to let it go

Or just let it slip

Out of the grogginess of my tired head

Even if it leaves a shattered mess on the floor

Destruction is an art too

Like how angry painters have been known to throw paint at canvases

Fire me up

And I hope I won’t explode

With the unspoken air in my lungs