Latest Posts by theravenflies - Page 5

Compulsive Liars: a Really Bad Tutorial Okay, so I’ve decided to write a little tutorial on compulsive lying, because what I’ve seen for Janus can sometimes be a little… lacking. Not giving flack to any writers, just giving out some information. I’m definitely not an expert, just telling some of my own experiences. (Here is a really good link to a website about compulsive lying, if you want a credible resource!) I’m not going to talk about pathological liars on here because I know next to nothing about them, so if that’s what you’re looking for…sorry.

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Oh Im a compulsive liar and it just never really occured to me that there are other compulsive liars? Like I knew logically that there are- but I just felt like I was different because I was lying about little things, not cheating on someone or something. Idk lol. I liked your post about it

Oh, well I’m happy my post helped you, kind traveler!! And if you wanna know something, compulsive liars are pretty much defined on how they lie about unimportant things! If someone lies for months about cheating on someone, that’s a pressure to lie—there’s a punishment if they don’t lie. But compulsive liars lie even when there is not punishment or reward for lying! Anyways, I’m glad that my tutorial/rant/confessional helped you!

Just a not so friendly reminder that if you

- Think compulsive liars are completely in control of their lies - That they are abusive and manipulative - That they can just stop lying

Unfollow me now. Compulsive lying is often developed from childhood abuse/neglect/trauma and i cant do anything to stop it. All of my lies are always harmless shit and i dont even know why i lie about them. I just finished telling a lie about what i ate for lunch. Who the fuck cares what i ate for lunch, but i lied and couldnt stop myself. So just fuck off if you think i can control this shit.

Because apparently this needs saying because I haven’t been direct enough about it. Friendly reminder that I’m against harassment, suicide baiting, doxxing, and everything like that. If you think telling people to kill themselves is acceptable, this blog is not for you, I don’t like you and I don’t feel safe around you. My suicidal ass sees that, and no matter the reason, I see someone who thinks suicide is a joke, at best, and at worst, someone who enjoys hurting people.

You are never just hurting the ‘bad’ person that you think has it coming, you’re hurting people who might otherwise agree with you, you’re hurting people who are suicidal, and you’re hurting people who’ve lost someone to suicide.

So again, if you do this crap, do us both a favor and show yourself the door.

Friendly reminder that I'm against harassment, suicide baiting, doxxing, and everything like that. If you think telling people to kill themselves is acceptable, this blog is not for you, I don't like you and I don't feel safe around you. My suicidal ass sees that, and no matter the reason, I see someone who thinks suicide is a joke, at best, and at worst, someone who enjoys hurting people.

You are never just hurting the 'bad' person that you think has it coming, you're hurting people who might otherwise agree with you, you're hurting people who are suicidal, and you're hurting people who've lost someone to suicide.

So again, if you do this crap, do us both a favor and show yourself the door.

---

Side note: If you're a therapist, psychiatrist, counselor, or otherwise apart of the mental health care system, please don't message me offering to talk, help, or give me resources. The system you work in caused me a lot of trauma and I want absolutely nothing to do with any of it, all messaging me will accomplish is stressing me out and pissing me off.

Pro tip for my disabled and chronically ill friends in college: if you have to put a work order in and it is related any bit at all to your disability, write, very clearly in the "describe what needs to get done" section, "This issue is a health hazard," followed by a description of how the issue relates to your disability/chronic illness.

They are required to put it as a high-priority issue and fix it ASAP. Required BY LAW. Yes, I said it. They are legally required to fix these things, both under OSHA regulations and the ADA.

Play the disability card. I'm begging you. DISABLED IS NOT A BAD WORD. But don't abuse it. This is a fine line here.

Example: I'm heat and noise sensitive. My HVAC unit started breaking down and rattling loudly. That would be an example of a health hazard. A broken light could be a health hazard to someone with vision issues. I can only speak for myself here. But y'all have the right to speak up and advocate to yourself.

Neurodivergent people, this applies to you too. You're one of us (one of us! one of us! one of us!). Don't let the exclusionists gatekeep this information from you.

Don't tell me you're tired too!

I have ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis) also known as chronic fatigue syndrome. People seem to think that it's just that I'm a bit tired and i often get comments like "I'm tired too" or "i think I've got a bit of that".

I am NOT "just tired"

Most people fail to understand the differences between fatigue, chronic fatigue and chronic fatigue syndrome (ME), so I'll explain:

Fatigue is extreme tiredness caused by mental or physical exertion or illness.

Chronic fatigue is extreme fatigue that doesn't go away with rest and last for a long period of time usually due to a chronic illness. While not an illness in itself it is a symptom of many chronic illnesses.

Chronic fatigue syndrome (ME) is a chronic multisystemic neroimmune disease (meaning it affects a lot of stuff and lasts a long time). While chronic fatigue is the most well known symptom it is not the only one. ME/CFS can cause a wide variety of problems including but not limited to, sleeping issues, cognitive functions, muscle and joint pains, headaches and migraines, soar throat and glands, flu-like symptoms, dizziness and feeling sick, breathlessness, hypersensitivity and heart issues such as palpitations. ME/CFS can last anything between months, years, decades or even life. No matter how much you rest it doesn't go away. There is no cure and no effective treatment. It is NOT just tiredness!

I AM NOT JUST TIRED!

I have soul crushing chronic fatigue that you probably can't even imagine and it plagues every moment of my existence. I am in constant pain. My clothes hurt my skin, the light hurts to look at, the sounds make my migraines worse. It hurts to move, if i so much as breathe it feels like I'm being stabbed a thousand times. My brain no longer works correctly, i have brain fog all the time. I can't sleep no matter how badly i need it and when i do it's filled with nightmares and i wake up at 3 in the morning crying from the pain. Even if i had the best sleep of all time i would still wake up the same, more sick than i previously thought possible.

So I'll say it again,

I AM NOT JUST TIRED!

“ew thick water gross and weird” ITS NOT FUCKING FOR YOU!!!!! “ew why buy pre-cut vegetables when you can cut your own” ITS NOT FUCKING FOR YOU!!!!!! “I don’t need a device to help me put my socks on I’m not lazy” ITS NOT FUCKING FOR YOU !!!!!!!!! “Why drink liquid meals when you can cook them” ITS!!!!! NOT!!!!!! FOR!!!!!! YOU!!!!!!!!

abled people really act like if your illness or disability isn’t terminal then you’re not allowed to complain about it or grieve the life you thought you’d have and it’s so fucked up

the way people can stay on their feet for as long as several HOURS truly baffles me, like i can't even sit up for that long without getting exhausted!

years later House is still as relevant as he ever was

I know.

I know why your autistic child screams in public.

I know why they "do weird things".

I know why they repeat you.

I know why they repeat a word over and over.

I know why they dont like that food.

I know why they dont like hugs.

I know why they repeat themselves a lot.

I know why they are who they are. But you wont listen to me to help your child. Your child could thrive if you listened.

And why do I know all this? Because I'm an autistic adult.

A list of pyromania symptoms one might experience.

Not a guide to diagnosis.

- the urge to ignite flames.

You most likely will feel the urge to start fires in some way, be it activating a lighter repeatedly or creating bigger flames by burning things. The urge can feel like an itch in the brain, a stretch in your fingers or just the sudden need to grab a lighter or fire source. It can be very intense at times, making it hard to resist the impulsion to do so.

- the urge to touch flames

Some experience the impulse to attempt touching fire. From putting your fingertips to a candle or lighter flame to putting your hand on a campfire or bonfire. This of course is a pretty dangerous and possibly self harming urge to have but the majority of the time the intent isn't to harm but simply to feel the warmth and sting of holding fire.

- satisfaction in fire

Many feel relief, relaxed or even euphoric once they've started fire. For many, fire is a sort of stimuli almost nothing else can give them. Watching a small flame dance or watching fire eat away ant kindling can be enough to satisfy the crave in their brain for that stimuli, however for some that still won't be enough, thus why the most commonly known pyromaniacs tend to be people who create much bigger fires than anything.

- stress or depression

More often than not you may feel mood swings due to the lack of stimuli your brain craves from fire. Going without it for long can cause some sort of distress that manifests differently for everyone and can become more intense the longer you are letting your brain crave to give in to the impulses. For some this comes as a depressive episode, high stress levels, anxiety episodes, paranoia and so on, often influenced by any possible conditions one might have in addition to pyromania or simply influenced by their environment. This can cause someone to lash out, isolate and shut down or even lead to them creating a bigger fire to relieve all that distress.

- lacking control

When struggling with an impulse based disorder like pyromania, you may experience a lack of control over your impulse, starting fire and lighting things without thought and being quick to give in to urges. For some this lack of control can be small, they are able to resist the impulses better than others, but for some this lack of control is large and they struggle intensely with the urge to start flames.

- feeling drawn

Many feel obsessed over or lured to fire and flames, an almost intense affinity of some kind for all things related to fire.

- purposeful sparks

Most fires pyromaniacs set are on purpose and if you have pyromania you likely experienced setting more than one or two fires on purpose.

- excitement

Plenty feel a rush of some kind just before starting a fire, almost a thrill in the anticipation or excitement at the idea of the act. Some feel this as glee towards the relief fire gives them. Very rarely is this ever sexual, if it were it would be pyrophilia, a different condition.

- hoarding

Some collect fire related materials like matches and lighters or candles due to their fascination for fire and always feeling the impulse to start one. Some may carry a lighter at all times just to watch the flame in small moments when the urge starts bothering them during the day. It's not uncommon to find a lot of candles or different lighters in there home in varieties, often a range of used, empty or new lighters. Some even keep all their lighters instead of throwing them away after they've emptied.

Unfortunately there is still a lot of research yet to be done about pyromania, it's causes and it's symptoms as it is not a very common disorder to have. Some even call it rare.

This does not mean that very little is currently known, plenty is known about the disorder so far and I intend on sharing as much as I can and making the knowledge as publicly available for free as possible, but there is quite a bit still yet to know.

I'm sure there are symptoms I missed for example.

While I have the disorder myself I am not a professional, nor in the medical field, and so there is much I myself may miss.

While I'm not an expert, I am open to answering questions and discussing as much as possible.

@clusterrune @delightfulweepingwillows @hewasanamericangirl

Man, I’m going to have to put something like ‘lifters don’t interact’ on klepto things going forward, aren’t I? Like it really sucks, but they make actual!kleptos look shittier than we already are and I don’t want people to think the two are the same thing.

i hope people don’t confused kleptomania with shoplifting. people with kleptomania tend to steal things that don’t have much use to them- shop lifters steal things like bags and clothing items.

when I was a kid, I use to steal pens from my classmates and keeping them at home, not using them at all. i once stole a girl in my classes pocket notebook, which i kept in my junk drawer and didn’t even look at. i felt bad after stealing these things. and I never planned to, it just happened.

so for all those shop lifters that brag about what they stole on tumblr, shame on you. i have seen some of those shop lifters say, “oh, I have kleptomania and I can’t help it”, you don’t have kleptomania.

there’s no place for people like us is there? are there any actual pyros & kleptos on here? i want to have a community for us that isnt just ~aesthetics~

i want us to actually have something. a community. so if you’re a pyro or a klepto thats interested in having relatable posts, vents, memes, and much more than just aesthetics, than maybe we can make one.

message me or reblog this post with a comment if you’re interested

Does anyone here have any experience with Intermittent Explosive Disorder, or know anyone who does? 😕

"Brain damage" only sounds like a harsh and offensive way to describe brain injuries because people constantly use it as an insult. It's a totally neutral descriptor of what it is. I have brain damage. My brain is damaged. It's not ableist to call it that, it's ableist to call people you don't like brain damaged because you think it's an inherently bad thing to be.

give love to people with traumatic brain injury, acquired brain injury, stroke, neurological condition, worsening mental health, trauma, PTSD and all other brain based conditions that make you feel conflicted about your identity. About whether or not you’re the ‘same person’ you were before your injury or illness. People constant evolve and change but can be more difficult when changes more sudden, pronounced, and noticed by others. I hope you are doing well and are able to find some peace, support and love.

Reminder from someone with actual literal brain damage from a brain injury to stop fucking using "brain damage" and "brain injuries" as a means of describing someone whose opinions you don't like or deem as stupid.

It's ableist and offensive as fuck, and for some reason a lot of leftist people think it's okay to use. I've seen posts replying to right wing racists calling them "brain damaged if you believe this" and "do you have a brain injury? do you not understand X?". Just now I saw a beautiful post about fat people throughout history that was absolutely ruined by opening with "How do we break it to boomers with actual brain damage and nostalgic brainrot..." before continuing to say that fat people existed throughout history.

Brain damage does not make you racist. A brain injury doesn't make you ignorant, or fatphobic, or unaware of history and politics. Stop fucking using my disability as a catch all to describe people you think are shitty. Y'all use it like it's a replacement for how people used to use the R-slur, which shows you learned absolutely nothing about why the R-slur was wrong to use and decided to throw in other disabilities instead. Fuck off and stop doing it.

(And don't do it with other disabilities either, because I know y'all do.)

I know a lot of people with brain injuries. They're smart, and funny, and compassionate. They learn about the world and care about social issues and wish they could go to protests if their disability won't allow them to. Are there right wing people with brain injuries? Sure, absolutely. But they are not right wing because they have a brain injury, and using any disability as an insult is still fucking ableist.

Tldr - stop using brain damage and brain injury as an insult. It's ableist and incredibly offensive.

Love, your local brain injured/brain damaged pal

As someone who is somewhat of a “veteran” of the online ND community, I’m disappointed in the lack of positivity and love for lesser known diverse cognitive conditions, and the opposing abundance of posts about “cures” or outdated criteria or treatments for those conditions. So, without further ado, I want to say hello to anyone with any of the disorders I’m listing, and give them the love and support that hardly anyone else in our community has… Shoutout to:

People with Down syndrome

People with Fragile X

People with William’s syndrome

People with dyslexia

People with dyspraxia

People with dyscalculia

People with dysgraphia

People with Prader-Willi syndrome

People with PANS or PANDAS

People with aphasia

People with a TBI (traumatic brain injury)

People with chronic/early onset mental illnesses

People with cerebral palsy

People with FASD or were otherwise disabled via other substances in utero

And many, many more I may have forgotten to list (but still support and love, I will add more to my list)

You are all beautiful and wonderful, and you all deserve so more love, appreciation, acceptance and support. You are just as neurodiverse as the rest of us, and your voices deserve to be heard and amplified.

I love you all ❤️

I see you disabled people who don't know your family medical history because your family members couldn't/wouldn't/weren't allowed to go to the doctor and never got diagnosed, or don't know your family.

I see you disabled people who didn't know you were disabled growing up, physically or mentally, maybe because your parents didn't have insurance and couldn't afford it/wouldn't take you seriously/didn't think it was a problem because they had it/doctors couldn't figure it out.

I see you disabled people who have bouts of an issue that you grew up with, that are/were infrequent enough that you never really thought about it and dealt with it on your own, and when you have one in front of people who weren't medically neglected, you wonder why they look so horrified as you describe it.

I see you disabled people who didn't/haven't had any amount of care or accommodation for their disability since it started, because you couldn't get diagnosed.

I see you disabled people who grew up thinking everyone had the same problem as you and that it was normal and so you accepted it, because you didn't understand how the human body worked and had no real frame of reference nor the language to ask for help, or the people around you saw it and just ignored it.

I see you disabled people only now understanding that what you experience is abnormal, and that there are things that can be done to help it, make it easier, or at least help you understand yourself better.

I see you disabled people that will never be able to get diagnosed or get the help you need, whether from being poor, lacking insurance, or any number of reasons.

This shit is hard, and there are people who will never quite understand your struggles. It doesn't seem to get talked about as much, but I wish it was. Please know I love you, and you aren't alone.

Is there anyone else who doesn't remember the "before my TBI" time? Like, you were super young (I was eighteen months) when the TBI happened, and there was never really a "before" for you, this has just always been your reality?

AuDHD means that someone has both ADHD and autism

pixie have question, for whoever know this word .. what is "audhd " ?

I love you level 1 autistics

I love you level 2 autistics

I love you level 3 autistics

I love you autistics who can talk verbally

I love you autistics you use AAC or other aids like sign language

I love you autistics with no professional diagnosis

I love you early diagnosed autistics

I love you late diagnosed autistics

I love you queer/trans autistics

I love you autistics who don't look autistic

I love you autistics who do look autistic

I love you autistics with co-morbid conditions (intellectual disabilities, ADHD, ARFID, etc.)

I love you autistics with 'scary' mental disorders (dissociative disorders, personality disorders, schizospec, etc)

I love you autistics with high empathy

I love you autistics with low empathy

I love you physically disabled autistics

I love you autistics! <3

The r slur is a nasty, nasty word and I do not understand how so many otherwise progressive people hurl it around like confetti. A lot of yall have zero solidarity with those who are intellectually disabled. You are not ""reclaiming"" it when you use it to insult someone. Be real, you just wanna use it cuz it gives you a little surge of catharsis whenever you are Big Mad. Fuck you.

had an interaction a few days ago that i’m still thinking about. I was talking to two students about the Day of Silence protest coming up that friday, and both of them seemed interested but needed more information. Both of these students were disabled with relatively high support needs for communication, processing, and learning. At least one was intellectually disabled.

I explained the basic premise of Day of Silence, and one of the students asked me to repeat myself, explain again. I did this several times, and she was engaged with me, even if she wasn’t processing yet she clearly wanted to know more and was interested in what i was saying. Her para-educator then came over and said it wasn’t worth trying to explain anything to her because she wouldn’t understand.

The para-educator’s intentions were good, she wanted to save me time and believed i may not have known this student was disabled. But to say that, in front of the student, as though she couldn’t hear the comment, is rude at best and downright hostile at worst. Furthermore, to be in a position in which you are the one in charge of helping this person navigate the world, and to believe they only deserve information that you think they can digest, is such an awful way to view someone you are supposed to help. This student was asking me questions, she was listening, and honestly - who cares if in the end she didn’t understand? just because we don’t end up understanding something doesn’t mean we can’t engage with it.

Intellectually disabled individuals and disabled individuals in general are not infants, they’re not incapable of learning or connecting with others. Yes, they may need extra help, and yes, some topics may be too complex for them to tackle, but let the individual decide that for themselves.

TLDR: The person who was supposed to be helping an intellectually disabled student navigate the world decided for that student what they could understand. In doing so, she projected her beliefs about the students abilities and overshadowed the student’s ability to define her own boundaries. Intellectually disabled people deserve the autonomy to decide for themselves what they want to engage with at a given time, not told they are too dumb to understand.

"Nonverbal people are communicating, they can use AAC devices!!! The only reason a nonverbal person can't communicate functionally is because the people around them are not trying hard enough!!!"

(Sometimes this statement in some situations is true, but I am talking about when it is not true)

Have you tried using symbol based AAC? Do you know what any AAC apps are called? Do you know there is different types of AAC? Have you even actually looked at the home page of a high tech AAC device?

For someone without impaired communication, I think it would probably take about 1-2 months if not more to fully learn their way around a high tech AAC page set.

Now imagine an illiterate person, a person who has severe fine motor delays, a person who does not understand what people are trying to get them to do when given an AAC device, a person who doesn't understand any language at all, a person who doesn't understand what AAC is or even the concept of communication in the first place, a person with little interest in communication.

Can you imagine that person, handed an AAC device? Do you seriously think they will suddenly starts expressing their thoughts in great detail?

Have you ever talked to someone who used to fit the criteria of being profoundly autistic or someone who's profoundly autistic caregiver? Have you listened to how many hours of therapy a week they have for their communication? Sometimes five hours a week and sometimes even more. Do you know that? Do you know how hard some peoples caregivers try? How much they wish their child could be able to communicate functionally?

How much money they spend on AAC apps? Do you even know how much an AAC device costs? A SGD? Thousands.

Stop calling caregivers lazy when they say their child can't functionally communicate their needs. You have no idea how hard they are trying.

A lot of people like to think that people with intellectual disabilities shouldn’t know about adult topics. Or that all of us aren’t able to consent, or that we shouldnt be allowed to be involved with adult topics, events, situations.

So here’s your reminder that yes, people with intellectual disabilities can consent. We can drink alcohol. We can talk about adult topics. We can do all these things.

I would also like to remind people that even though some of us can do these things, there are also some of us with intellectual disabilities who can’t. And that’s ok.

just a reminder that insulting the way people speak because it’s “weird” (i.e. too fast, too slow, too monotone, too animated, slurred, etc) is ableist. many of us with intellectual disabilities, developmental disorders, autism, traumatic brain injuries, physical disabilities, and other conditions speak “weird” because of our conditions.

i see posts all the time like “POV you’re talking to that person who talks like they’re in an anime” or “people who speak monotone are so creepy, they’re like robots” or “people who slur their speech gross me out”. it’s ableist and dehumanizing. insulting the way “certain people” speak may seem harmless on the surface but under the surface those “certain people” are almost always disabled, and these traits are just traits of our disabilities.