Ultxian - Riya

Coming from a country with very heavily censored literature and media, and therefore has to resort to media from other regions for some form of representation and validity, I have to say it’s genuinely upsetting how some non-Chinese danmei/bl show fans are reacting to the news about censorship.

If your entire conversation about censorship in C media is centered around your inability to read your favorite book or your favorite donghua ship not holding hands for as long as you want, then honestly you are an entitled person who should consider keeping your opinions to yourself. By making this conversation about games, danmei and donghua and/or live action adaptations of those novel you are opting to shift focus from queer kids who actually live in China, now losing a form of representation and maybe being pushed further back into the closet or even lgbtq+ activists whose projects might lose traction and resources due to the heavy censorship.

You can be upset about your games, books and shows, this is not saying that it’s a bad thing. But to make a nation wide attempt at silencing queer voices about a couple of web novels and TV shows is to completely undermine the true scale of censorship laws and the effect it will have on the country’s queer community.

love is stored in the hand. love is stored in the hands that hold each other. it is stored in the hands that create art. it is stored in the hands that have the power to harm but don’t. it is stored in the hands that are warm and the hands that are cool. it is stored in the hands that do things for others just because they can. love is stored in your hands which express the desires of your heart.

anyways here’s pretty wwx cause we all need it in our lives lets be honest

thank you @jiang-yanlii and @miannmian the inspiration. y'all truly are my muses /p <3

so. wangxian yuuri!!! on ice au?

so Wei Ying is an up and coming ice skater from China who idolises the beloved prodigy skater of China, Lan Wangji. he first fell in love with ice skating when he was watching a recording of Lan Zhan's juniors performance with his best friend Nie Huaisang.

he immediately started consuming everything ice skating and Huaisang helps him as he too shares a love of the ice. he even gets himself a bunny when he sees a cute little bunny when he sees that Wangji got a bunny named Bichen. he names his beloved bunny Suibian.

he gets ballet training from his beloved godmother Baoshan Sanren who encourages him to ice skate competitively because she sees his passion when very few others do. so he decides to compete after a lot of deliberation. Madam Yu isn't happy about this but considering that everyone else supports him, she decides to shut up for once (I'll tone down the abusive tendencies for my own sanity).

as the years go by, he definitely becomes a pretty big name in the skating world. while he does have an outgoing personality and image, he still has a hard time performing thanks to episodes and often gets low technical scores. he goes to Detroit at eighteen to pursue better training opportunities. (it was Baoshan Sanren who had to tell Wuxian in somewhat harsh but loving words that he should go and pursue better opportunities outside of Yunmeng.)

so he trains with our coach OC and Wen Qing and Wen Ning, his roommates who let him stay at their place. after seeing Wuxian underperform way too many times, his coach talks to him and encourages him to get therapy which ends up helping him with PTSD and anxiety a lot.

fast forward to the Sochi Grand Prix Final. Wei Ying is incredibly excited because it's his day. he's finally made it to the Grand Prix and it might be the day he beats his idol and catch his attention. he's performed pretty well at his short program so he has a good chance of winning even if the famous Lan Zhan is competing. then comes the phone call. when his jiejie calls him with the news of Suibian's death, he finds himself unable to concentrate and on the verge of an anxiety attack. his coach has to calm him down and despite of his coach telling him to withdraw since he's not in a condition to perform well, he insists repeatedly on skating anyway. of course, he crashes and burns.

a few months later, he comes back to his hometown after five years with the intention of retirement. Madam Yu was right, I just wasted all of that money and time when I could have been here for my family, he thinks. his godmother Baoshan Sanren is there to pick him up and deliver him to the Jiangs safely at the train station and he gets quite a mouthful for not informing everyone about his plans. his jiejie and didi are both supportive in their own different ways and he gets to meet Jiang Cheng and Huaisang's adopted triplets for the first time. he firstly talks to Suibian and mostly mopes around and helps around the house whenever he can. when he finally gets the courage to get back on the ice, he performs his favourite routine of Lan Zhan for Huaisang. unknown to them, the kids had recorded the whole thing and put it on the internet and it spreads on to every social media possible (actually knowing Huaisang, he probably put his kids up to it.)

at first, Wei Ying freaks out and avoids social media for days. but then, one day after coming back from the rink he sees a very familiar rabbit in the hutch he'd built for Suibian. when Yanli confirms his suspicions by talking about the nice gentleman from your posters who just arrived, he freaks out and runs to the hot springs area. he barges in on Lan Zhan bathing and there's an awkward second, before Wangji says through gritted teeth, "Get. Out."

and that's all I have for now :))

women in S.T.E.M (smuggling, treason, embezzlement, murder)

my advice to the kids is that they should fight people on the playground while they can still get away with it without legal consequences

 i like doing small things when it makes the other person happy

The Unapologetic Self as the Truest form of Self

as much as wei wuxian lacks any sense of self preservation and just like the bare minimum level of self worth required to value himself and his own safety/comfort I don't think he actually like. hates himself. at least not in the traditional sense

I often see him characterized in fanon as constantly and very Bluntly being like "oh I'm a bad bad man who doesn't deserve any love or affection" even tho that... doesn't really match his character? like the man obviously has self worth problems and values his life and comfort below literally everybody elses, often to a harmful and deadly degree, and the way he treats and thinks of himself is clearly by no means healthy, but I certainly don't think it manifests in the way people like to depict it where wei wuxian actively has these desperately tragic self depreciating thoughts that literally Spell Out his lack of self worth to himself

he spends So much time and effort really driving home the whole "I'm just an arrogant shameless genius" act and being in complete denial of any negative emotions he has that it would be incredibly out of character for wei wuxian to sit around thinking "oh I'm so terrible and I don't deserve love or kindness because I'm such an awful awful man" much less to Say That Outloud To A Loved One

wei wuxian KNOWS that he's talented. he KNOWS that he's a prodigy and a genius and near unmatched in his skill and, even after his resurrection when he's a little less arrogant and a little more humble, he certainly is not afraid to say as much to other people or to show off. he doesn't doubt his abilities or his charm or his cleverness, it's not even that he doesn't value them, he simply doesn't put Worth to any of it. he doesn't see himself as undeserving of love and kindness and affection, just Less deserving. anything else in the world is more deserving, above him and his desires and his comfort and his safety. he doesn't hate himself, doesn't even dislike himself, he simply doesn't care for himself

even when he accepts harsh punishment too quick and without protest, it's not a form of blatant self hatred or self harm, it's a manifestation of his feelings of not being worth the effort of being spared. it probably even comes from a place of valuing himself "Too Much". because wei wuxian is very talented and very smart and he is the very best at everything he does, so if somebody he places any value or trust in decides to punish him, well, then he really must have done something terrible ("at least I could be killed by you - that would be worth it" and all that) he simply has no affection or tenderness to give himself. that is not synonymous with hatred or even with apathy

wei wuxians lack of self worth does not manifest in self depreciating thoughts or monologues about how nobody can or should love him, because for as much as wei wuxian talks, he is a man of action

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will provoke wen chao and accept a beating and a night in a cell with grace if it keeps others safe. everyone else at the wen indoctrination camp remaining unharmed is worth one night of his blood and tears

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he is so very prepared to let madam yu cut off his hand, so very prepared learn to use a sword with his left, if it will spare yunmeng. everything he loves and wants to protect is worth more than a hand, no matter how unfair that punishment may be

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will give jiang cheng his core. because jiang chengs happiness is worth more than everything he has dedicated his life to, everything he has spent countless hours becoming the very best at. to see jiang cheng smile again, to see jiang yanli stop worrying and simply be able to rest again, that is worth far more to him than anything a golden core could offer

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will let the world believe he has been cast from his family to spare them. wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will not tell wen qing he is injured, because his blood is not worth her worry

wei wuxian does not hate himself, but when the wen remnants die for him, when jiang yanli perishes by his hand, however indirect, well. those losses and those crimes are far too heavy and far too abhorrent for his life to be worth anything in the wake of them

and wei wuxian does not hate himself, but he will let the world believe for a second time that he is a liar and a villain and a monster if that will spare even just lan wangjis name. wei wuxians reputation is worth far less to him than lan wangjis

wei wuxian does not hate himself, of course wei wuxian does not hate himself. he loves himself, actually. it's just that wei wuxian does not love himself back, and he certainly loves everybody else far more