Aftg Kevin - Blog Posts
Did anyone ever write a fic about like, Neil dies there but Kevin never tells the foxes who he was bc he knows it's too late
And now Kevin is the only person that ever got to know both Neil josten and Nathaniel wesninsk, he is the only one who knows how deep Neil's secrets vent and for the rest of his life he will carry it with him ?
I feel like we as a society don't acknowledge often enough that Neil was convinced and waiting on his death for months and no one around him knew until he told Kevin
Neil was 18 at the time
When he ended his protection pact with Andrew so Andrew wouldn't get caught in the crossfire iirc he was freshly 19
We joke about him ignoring the countdown texts but he knew exactly what they meant and he was so tired of running fighting and collateral he saw no other options
Like do you realize how horrifc that is
I know we make fun of Kevin and Neil’s habit of thinking only of exy right after something traumatic happens (Seth's death, Neil's focus on his racket after Andrew’s attack, the bloody happy birthday jr.). But I think some people overlook that it's a trauma response and a very well written one at that. It's a form of disassociation that, on the outside, looks very dismissive, disconnected, or irrelevant from what's actually happening. Both of them turn to exy because it's mentally a safe place for them, and focusing on it is their brain's way of feeling a little in control of the situation.
In the All for the game universe the sanrio Pochacco character would play exy, and for merchandise wear an exy uniform along with his other sports
Kevin is one of my favorite characters ever and I'm super happy with this design!
How often does Kevin get confused about his own thoughts?
He rushes through painful memories, hiding from the present, accepting the pain of the past as necessary, as worth it, as the only familiar way out and escape. Deceiving yourself, loved ones around you, your true feelings and desires, hiding in the shadow of the victim.
Nostalgia begins to take up more time of life — thoughts, views, unspeakable phrases, melodies, prospects. Overwhelming consciousness every time Kevin frozes in moral estrain, comparing pain in his legs and hands to childhood. Painfully unfair, but native.
The childhood of every person is an integral part of the personality. Kevin's essence is the name on the tombstone, broken bones, screams in the bedrooms, lack of sunlight, lack of life, knowledge of the price of oxygen in the lungs.
Where he came, having overcome a lot. What he's been through and where he's now. What a long way Kevin and the people around have overcome to find themselves again in this unchanging moment of longing. Stupid, stupid.
Living in the present will never seem as exciting and valuable as the reflection of the past in scars. Like insane goals, through pain and exhaustion, obsession with the future, being invariably in the past.
Kevin doesn't know how to love the present. The value of the moment seems too intimate, too rosy to believe — to realize your entire existence. Too much.
Throwing from memories of past mistakes to the debilitating feeling of a white sheet, the need for a new sensational headline, the change of ink — never allow you to attach importance to the present.
Each landscape photo with crumpled corners, familiar melodies, movies and even phrases is associated with special particles of memory, often burdened with fear and pain, but deceptively felt happy.
Kevin's memory every time betrays him worse than anyone else. In moments of bitter weakness, in exhausting fatigue and defeats, the past always misleads the guy, replacing memories, mixing feelings, making him feel sorry and hate every hidden word, every thing that was abandoned, dreaming of returning and correcting every second.
Strict words through time seem like a sick concern. Cruelty, screams - the required attention.
Kevin can't stand loving his pain. He hates to need to desecrate his dignity, to want to return to nightmares to feel like a disaster again, so that feelings are hidden again, there is no pity in the eyes and there is a low reason to be unworthy.
Kevin wants to be needed, but the only salvation that can become a buoy in the endless ocean is his own dead past.
Sudden tag: I respect Thea or why the Kevin/Thea relationship actually works in my opinion.
I know that many people don't like or even hate Thea, but I think Nora was being as fair as possible when she made Kevin's object of attraction an older, "independent", possibly selfish, and not in need of monogamy woman.
Muldani, like most of the characters in the trilogy, has screwed up in many ways, but there is so much negativity about her attitude towards the ongoing violence in the Evermore, although the same Kevin was one of the participants in this nightmare.
Literally each of the ravens is a traumatized person who tried to survive in the conditions available to him. And the conditions there were brutal.
Many can justify the actions of Rico (and I'm not saying this in a negative way, but as one of the main antagonists with his own motive), who was engaged in voyeurism and was the one who encouraged Kevin to sleep with Thea.
At the same time, she received a lot of hatred because of the misunderstood “fourteen” in Nora’s twitter or tumbler answers and her free spirit in relationships (reading carefully, Kevin became interested in her already as a university student).
It's just, you know, it's Kevin? Always under control, forever codependent. And then Thea appears - a strict girl, with a “rough playing style”, which later interests him.
Day certainly needs love and tenderness (and therapy), no less than Thea, but their open relationship, their “innocent little notes”, the thrown words “a little practice will make you better” - this is their way of avoidance, a way of not limiting their feelings to boundaries, in where they spent their childhood and youth.
I do think Thea and Kevin's relationship is sick, but this is the only time I believe it can work.
Two people who have gone through the same traumatic experience are automatically a complex coexistence.
But they know their purpose and realize where they stand in each other’s lives. Yes, there is no verbal concept of “love” between them, which can be observed even in the dialogues between Andrew and Neil. Nevertheless, they simply know each other’s feelings, believe and carefully cherish the moments they are together.