Audhd - Blog Posts
Neurotypicals entering my room immediately take 1d10 psychic damage
A little fun fact about me is that back when I was a cringy ah 12yo I’d sometimes add really random tags that had absolutely no relation to the subject matter of my main post. Just for the shits and giggles.
And to annoy people and for attention ofc (can you tell I’m unemployed yet?)
Let’s see how many we can fit with this one (this is the only one I promise lol)
meeting with your fam for christmas so crazy cuz ure just reminded where u got ur autism genes from
Omg this makes so much sense.
Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of being perceived.
Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?
Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.
Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?
Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?
Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?
Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out
People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?
Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.
It's all a defence mechanism
Omg so relatable.
![[ID: A timeline labeled "Hyperfixation timeline". All of the font is Comic Sans. Each point of the timeline points to a box with an accompanying doodle.
The first point of the timeline is labeled "so much yapping and theorizing and connecting the dots and—", accompanied by an unhinged person at a corkboard. Their pupils are red and staring at the viewer. The label and line on the timeline is also red. The line on the timeline goes up sharply.
The second point of the timeline is labeled "I can't believe I did all of that. That was embarrassing.", accompanied by the person staring awkwardly at the viewer. The line on the timeline goes down sharply. The text and line are black.
The third point of the timeline is labeled "Oh god fuck I can feel it coming back", accompanied by the person holding their chest as if they were having a heart attack. The label is black, but the line is a dark red. The line creeps upwards again, but then goes back down.
The fourth point of the timeline is labeled "Haha that was actually just a bluff", accompanied by the person laughing. The line is flat. The text and line are black.
The fifth and final point of the timeline is labeled "hyperfixation demon", accompanied by the person looking upwards at the timeline in fear as the hyperfixation demon (drawn in red) lurks behind them. The label has an arrow pointing to the hyperfixation demon. The line and label are in red, with the line going up sharply again. /END ID]](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5b099ddd89fafa38e59d28d37447365b/10c045dec53faaaf-20/s500x750/ca5f22136f33011993266677f34c2d203e12b9a2.png)
What I mean when I do not control the hyperfixation.
the neurodivergent experience:
20% of the time: wowwieee!!! i love my passions and interests!!!!! they make me so happy i want to jump up and down!!!!! weee!!!!!!! :3333333333
80% of the time: this mind is a prison
Litterally me lmao
AuDHD is so funny sometimes like what do you mean my hyperfixations/special interests will last for years on end or possibly forever but they will cycle out every month or two with absolutely no transitional period or warning. like i will think about the same topic every day obsessively for 46 days in a row and on the 47th day with no visible cause adhd brain goes "ok! bored of that now" and autism brain goes "dw i got something queued up for ya" and i blast into full blown obsession on some other topic whose mental file folders haven't opened in 9 months. brain's out here treating hyperfixations like a crop rotation. once the dopamine runs out it cycles in another one but once something's in the rotation it never ever leaves. last summer we brought in one from when i was 11. it's so funny to me but frustrating too bc like. i cannot stress enough my inability to predict or control this. or how completely abrupt and random it can be
me when the disability disables me: oh what the fuck? this sucks. what the hell man!
23.03.25 - weekly studying summary
submitted essay assignment
watched one lecture
read one chapter
set up dsa support software on laptop
forum post for module
duolingo french march badge
song: feminine rage by peggy
pretty happy with this week, given how busy work has been. still working on my desk set up - I'm thinking fairy lights or leds under the shelf, and something better for file organisation.
you'll be vibing, in a good place mentally and then a friend will do or say something and then suddenly you're 11 years old again and you're wondering why your friend didn't invite you to her birthday party and you're crying to your mom wondering why none of you're friends seem to like you very much and you pray that you could be different (i.e. normal) but the night just greets you with like your friend, with silence
Me: *existing*
The universe: but what if you did that but with a massive pain and a massive burden on you at all times
Me: what
You have just defined me…welp
I think it needs to become common knowledge that "inability to read social cues" can show up as overcompensating.
You don't know how much misbehaviour is allowed, so you become the perfect child who never tests rules.
You don't know if someone is irritated with you, so you'll be extra generous and self-effacing.
You don't know how much is expected of you at work so you'll kill yourself in a minimum-wage job and not notice that nobody else is working like this.
"Hardworking and quiet" should be as much of an autism red flag as "ignores rules and doesn't know when to stop talking". Or why don't we just start using words to communicate so i can stop tracking everybody's eyebrow twitches, that would be great.
This all the damn time!
you're hungry.
you know you're hungry.
you're not hungry enough to do anything about it.
you decide to wait until you're hungry enough to do something.
you're finally hungry enough but feel sick because you've waited for so long.
you wonder why you keep doing this to yourself.
you repeat the cycle the very next day.
ED/fat fetish blogs DNI.
underrated stim: mouthing along to the words of a song as if you are having an argument with someone. works very well with i will survive, for example
you gotta get into character with the facial expressions and hand gestures. my bedroom wall is sick of me. anyway.
hey I'm sorry I stopped in the middle of that sentence my brain decided to flush its cache and I totally forgot what this conversation was
Omg omg omg. It all makes so much more sense when you realise it's not social anxiety but a fear of bring perceived.
Why do you feel more comfortable with a long coat and a mask as opposed to summer clothes?
Why do you DESPISE taking pictures? Especially if it's someone else and not you taking them.
Why do you feel like you have to stop doing whatever it was you were doing when someone passes by?
Why don't you want to tell anyone how leisurely you go about your day, taking a nap, going for a snack, sitting on your phone playing games etc. because you know they will comment on it and even though it's not negative or mockery it's still feels like you've been perceived?
Why can't you make eye contact? Why can you do it only if the other person is looking away but the second when they look at you you stop listening and when you're the one speaking you can't bear to look at them because you know their eyes are on you and they are perceiving you?
Why don't you want to dress excessively or wear nicer clothes? Because you will stand out
People mistake you for shy because you don't speak often, but it's really the fear of drawing attention to yourself more than it is the things you actually say, isn't it?
Why do you hate overpopulated areas even when no one is speaking? BUT you still feel more comfortable when more than one person is in the room (but not too many!) so that the burden of being perceived is directed on someone else and you can safely lay back just observing the scene.
It's all a defence mechanism
If you ask me an open ended question about a topic that I know anything about, you're going to get a detailed info dump.
However if you ask me an open ended question about myself or the things I tend to enjoy, you will get a panicked blank stare and an uncomfortable silence.
If you want to know things about me, you must ask very specific, carefully worded questions. Like you're negotiating a contract with the Fae.
born to be a mist that descends upon a river in the early morning, as the warmth of the shimmering water evaporates into the crisp fracture of dawn, floating above the churning surface to haunt the riverbank
… forced to be “employed”
—
lightbluefog
yeah so if i disappear randomly you know why!
https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/rfk-jr-autism-study-medical-records/
and all that just to be called lazy like no. i am NOT enjoying this. if i could just get up and do the thing i WOULD but i CANT
adhd executive dysfunction sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like
YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME
no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all
(to everyone who reblogged, donate and share @olagaza's initiative!)
THISSS like hello not all autistic people are the same, not all autistic people despise being touched 🤷♀️ i fear thats common sense. my love language is physical touch btw 🤭
Shout-out to the autistics who crave hugs. Shout-out to the autistics whose love language is touch.
And shout-out to the autistics who were denied a timely diagnosis because a misinformed professional thought you were "too affectionate" to be autistic.
You aren't any less autistic because of how you show affection. And you aren't nearly as rare as pop culture and outdated research would imply.
LITERALLY LMAO its always the middle of the night where im so awake and im like "omg i can do EVERYTHING at once" and I do...but during the day im like "brush teeth too hard :( wanna sleep" even if ive slept 10 hours 💀
ADHD at night: I could write a book. I could get my Master’s Degree. I could go to the club and come home with 12 new friends. I could get a job at that club and meet the mother of my children. I could cure every disease and use my wealth to bring world peace.
ADHD during the day: Fold laundry too hard :( Come back next week
it's called adhd paralysis hope this helps
not being productive or relaxing but a secret third thing
not enough people talk about how bad it feels to be so hyperfixated on something that you cannot physically focus on any schoolwork or studying that you start to fail classes, etc but you're so hyperfixated your body genuinely cannot focus on anything else :,)
the feeling when everyone has made every accommodation they can for me but i'm still making no progress is the worst because i can't blame the world anymore, the problem is just me
how much anxiety is normal before it stops being audhd and becomes an actual anxiety disorder
They should just call the "for you" tab "hyperfixations" and the "your tags" tab "special interests".
"evil infodumping where you just tell lies" except its me explaining the lore of media like my oc is canon