Bipolar - Blog Posts

I am falling.

So, what do I do on my free days?

I wake up late, search for a cup of coffee,

Make myself a plate easy breakfast and then

It’s a day of selfcare.

I think of the books to read and shows to watch

I lay down on the grass and look at the sky.

I paint my nails and I curl my hair

Then bunch them and use a ribbon to tie.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I can see

See a void but then it disappears

Then I think of having some tea

So, I put the pan up and sit on the chair

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting

The water boils over

I feel all drunk

Even when I am sober

I am sitting and sitting and sitting

I can see the sun rise and set and rise and set

The clock tics toks tics toks tics toks and tics

And I lie on my bed and lie to my self

The void in me is rising and burning and singing

The void is hungry so, its eating

Eating me and the soul and the light

Selfcare maybe is lying in bed

Feel a little dead

But I just stay and stay and stay

Then there is the night and then the day

And then something clicks

I thinks the void is full, it had its share

It is going back in and there is this light

This light, a crack on the wall

I find myself standing tall

I look at the clock oh its been just four hours

But then my cell phone beeps

‘hey there you’ve been missing from the outside world for a week’

My eyes readjust, my mouth is dry

I reach for water, there is a pan with burnt tea leaves

There is a cup of coffee half drunk

I look into the mirror, there is ribbon tangled in my hair

Well I guess this is the end of a day of selfcare

and believe me, I can feel it in the air

I am falling again.

As someone who was raised by a single mother who has bipolar disorder and was diagnosed at an early age with RAD, I greatly see myself in Ragnarok's Laurits.

It’s like walking through a field of flowers

wearing a white flowy dress and you’re happy

you’re picking flowers and it’s a joy so immense

nobody can stop you, you’re free but then

you hit a wall, the flowers in your hands are not there

they’re replaced by rubbish, and then you look back

and it’s no longer the field of flowers.. it’s a mess

a mess that you have no choice but to fix

so you do, you walk back

and start piecing it all together and you’re sad

you’re guilty because you created such chaos

you beat yourself up about it as you see everything;

the people you hurt, the mistakes you made,

the good ideas that were actually bad ideas

then once it’s clean you’re excited.. it’s the field again

and you’re running through it again and it’s scary

because you never know where the wall is

when you’ll be stuck looking at the mess again

but you still enjoy it, you still love the flowers..

MSI

< Bipolar Disorder In My Words >

From what I’ve read and observed, bipolar symptoms exist on a spectrum. Using these charts inspired by @levianta’s graphics about autism, you can visualize the extremity of every symptom you experience. As an example, here is a chart visualizing how i personally experience hypomania:

mental illness is supposed to be mental wtf is this aching pit in my chest

I swear to god stop diagnosing yourselves with mental illnesses from tiktok videos ect. If i see one more put a finger down... you have [x] video. Like why do people want mental illnesses or disorders so bad? When it's not a trend anymore and you've told everyone you have it i bet you wont find it as fun

Reminder to myself: Some days will be beautiful.. and some days will be miserable.

My OC, Star!!!

Some info about her(TEH LORE):

Since she's my past-fursona (WHYY), her age is the same as mine!

She has bipolar disorder, and here she is in a manic and depressive phases!!! (I have never did and will never romanticize any mental disorder, I just created her with it because I wanted some diversity in my OCs)

She was originally my fursona (help), but now she's a human! So, I guess I can call her my persona now??? Idkk