Boundaries - Blog Posts
How to ask someone to be your QPP
I’ve gotten a couple of communications about this, so I thought I’d try answering it directly here.
Much like how to ask someone to be in a romantic relationship, asking someone to be in a qpr (queerplatonic relationship) can be very personal and individualized.
A good place to start is by bringing up the concept of a qpr and discussing it with the person. They might know exactly what it is, or they might not know anything about it, or they might’ve heard of it but not know what it means to you (and honestly, what it means to you is going to be the most important).
When you’re talking about it, you can kind of gauge their reaction and see how they handle it. If they’re dismissive or uninterested, then you know it might not be safe or helpful to try to ask them to be in a qpr with you. If they’re respectful and want to know more, then it’s a great gateway to further discussion.
You might talk about popular depictions of qpr’s, or what you, personally, would want in a qpr, or the challenges and joys of being in multiple qpr’s or in a qpr and a romantic relationship, etc.
I’d recommend giving that some time to sit and kind of… settle in.
Then, if it has gone well so far, you can start a separate conversation about asking that person if they’d like to try building a qpr with you.
I think the phrasing here can be really important. Since some people define qpr’s as almost like romance-less and sex-less marriages, it could be considered a pretty serious thing to ask someone to be your qpr, almost like a platonic proposal. They might not be ready for that.
You could consider framing it more like “deepening the friendship” or even “try building a qpr” (as I phrased it above), which focuses more on the process and less on the final result.
This is a great time to strive for excellent communication, and talk about things like whether you’re on the same page about multiple qpr’s, or what you think/feel about how to handle if one or both you has romantic relationships, too. At some point, you’ll want to talk through your respective thoughts on things like the role of physical affection in your relationship, including whatever boundaries you have (or want to have). These kinds of conversations aren’t always easy, but they’re really important for healthy relationships of all kinds.
Followers, if you’ve asked someone to be your qpp, how did you do it? What are some helpful ways to approach this?
An introduction by yours truly, Ash
Attempt 3000 of having a Tumblr I like.
I'm Ash, I am 20 year old. Disabled and queer. Chronically online and ill.
🎶🎵 I''ve got the best of both words 🎵🎶
Auto-diag is valid by the way, there's enough information to auto-diagonise yourself with some stuff, and you are the only expert on your life. Ask for help if you need it though
Some people need to chill.
I have two side blogs : @lonebabyone (agere), @onesburyinghole (vent)
DMs open and asks too, for anything.
This blog is primarily to have a space to express myself on subjects i like. More details under the cut.
I enjoy most humanitarians subjects, like psychology, sociology, history, philosophy, politics (because for anarchy i need to know about it urgh). I'm anticapitalist, i do enjoy some stuff produced by it tho (i mean look in which platform i am), antigovernment (authorities and stuff ew). I am for communities and for helping thy neighnoor, at least i'm trying. I'm just a human trying to live in this world and help others when i can. I'm also chronically online and ill so take that as you will.
I will tell you one time if i see you don't respect my boundaries, you will be blocked.
Anyways, I also love some stuff and here some of them if you want to know:
Witch Hat Atelier
Epic the musical
I don't want to be a magical girl
Gravity falls
Formula 1
Rise of the guardians
Amphibia
The owl House
Hazbin hotel
Helluva boss
Spiderman and adjacents
Batfam
Flash
Five Nights at Freddy's
Teen Wolf
Arcane
Ao3
Fandoms in general
Percy Jackson
How to train your dragon
Hunger Games
9-1-1
Winnie the Pooh
Winx
...
The Music Freaks
Bluey
This list is inconclusive and doesn't really have an order.
An introduction by yours truly, Ash
Attempt 3000 of having a Tumblr I like.
I'm Ash, I am 20 year old. Disabled and queer. Chronically online and ill.
🎶🎵 I''ve got the best of both words 🎵🎶
Auto-diag is valid by the way, there's enough information to auto-diagonise yourself with some stuff, and you are the only expert on your life. Ask for help if you need it though
Some people need to chill.
I have two side blogs : @lonebabyone (agere), @onesburyinghole (vent)
DMs open and asks too, for anything.
This blog is primarily to have a space to express myself on subjects i like. More details under the cut.
I enjoy most humanitarians subjects, like psychology, sociology, history, philosophy, politics (because for anarchy i need to know about it urgh). I'm anticapitalist, i do enjoy some stuff produced by it tho (i mean look in which platform i am), antigovernment (authorities and stuff ew). I am for communities and for helping thy neighnoor, at least i'm trying. I'm just a human trying to live in this world and help others when i can. I'm also chronically online and ill so take that as you will.
I will tell you one time if i see you don't respect my boundaries, you will be blocked.
Anyways, I also love some stuff and here some of them if you want to know:
Witch Hat Atelier
Epic the musical
I don't want to be a magical girl
Gravity falls
Formula 1
Rise of the guardians
Amphibia
The owl House
Hazbin hotel
Helluva boss
Spiderman and adjacents
Batfam
Flash
Five Nights at Freddy's
Teen Wolf
Arcane
Ao3
Fandoms in general
Percy Jackson
How to train your dragon
Hunger Games
9-1-1
Winnie the Pooh
Winx
...
The Music Freaks
Bluey
This list is inconclusive and doesn't really have an order.
APPARENTLY this is something I need to state because it isn’t something people understand. If someone says for _____ to not interact and you fall into that category, don’t interact with them! It IS invading boundaries. It doesn’t matter if you think those boundaries make sense, they’re that person’s boundaries.
You are allowed to be flawed. You are allowed to be vulnerable. You are allowed to be a complex individual with many layers beneath the surface. You are allowed to have opinions that don't agree with the status quo. You are allowed to live & take up space however you need to. You are allowed to speak your mind. You are allowed to keep your peace of mind protected. You are allowed to cultivate a definition of life you can agree with.
Hope in all it’s agony
The Blindside
2009 was the YEAR for Sandra Bullock movie-wise. All About Steve was hysterical and the immigration scene at the end of The Proposal was brilliant even thou the rest of the movie is a bit cliché but of course the main movie of that year was The Blind Side. While some controversy exists from real-life Michael Oar’s feeling that the book and film placed too much emphasis on the Touhy’s efforts and not enough understanding of his own (along with dumbing him down), this was still a great movie that portrayed fostering’s ups and downs both for families and children in the system, racism, adoption, family-values, Christian values, love and acceptance all in ways that didn’t come off cliché or too happily-ever-after even thou it was a real story and we got a seemingly unrealistic, but true ending.
The campiest part of this story is how Michael is able to bring his grades up in order to get into college. While true, it is a unique situation that reminds us not everything real in life comes of real in a story. But campy and true, this small part is the overall story of Michael Oher: keep trying, find your way in and ask for help. A good overall lesson for those who feel they have fallen behind or lost their way. But if I were to pick one thing to take away from this is the scene where “Big Mike” gets called Michael, because he doesn’t actually like to be called Big Mike. A short scene, just a few lines but with a big impact and understanding if you (like Leigh Anne) are willing to be open-minded and pay attention.
Lean on Pete
Lean on Pete is another story about family and loss and heartache but—oof--does it have a different feel. While during The Blind Side we see Michael Oher slowly rise up, Charley falls, falls and falls catching every heartbreak that can occur, and how life can slowly becoming crushing, especially when it seems someone has no one.
While overall the movie crushed me and its dark it is important to look at the idea of the film and for Charley was a focus on hope. He leaned on the horse Pete and by the end, we are left with the idea that things will be alright. Now, those I saw the film with had different opinions than I did about this, to them he really will be okay while I think he’ll survive but be severely traumatized, but maybe they’re right and we're supposed to believe regardless of all the missteps and bad fortune that things can turn around if we keep believing and striving for good and how if we don’t need those people to help us up, we should be those people to help others up
Are You On My Team?
I'm not great at playing offense
Let's get that out of the way
But it's nice to meet you
I don't hit home runs
But I know how to throw
Like an underdog
I am defensive when I'm not talking
It's the thing I can do
It's really just the illusion of control
Being offensive
Is a thing that I can't really seem to be able to do
I'm too nice
So I don't set boundaries
Or go around punching people in the face
Because some people probably deserve it
I'm more of a pitcher
Of complaints
Rather than a batter
So
Before you go I must ask,
Are you on my team?
can we, as a society, start to realize that having a phone does NOT mean you HAVE TO BE accsessible to anyone and everyone at ALL times??
My mom threw a fit at me for not answering my phone while i was at my friends place. Kinda hypocritical too, given how much she complains that “youth these days spend to much time on their phones”
My boss was very CLEARLY not satisfied that i only got back to his text hours after he sent it. My friend didnt speak to me for weeks once bc she thought we were having a FIGHT??? bc i didnt reply to her message on facebook? till the day after she sent it??
i HAVE a phone, that doesnt mean i HAVE TO BE availiable whenever ANYONE decides they want me to be???
what the fuck
can people stop assuming they are entiteled to my attention 24/7??
!!!!!!!! THIS !!!!!!!!
I'm 19 and I still feel like a kid even having relationships before and I feel that's incredibly WRONG how some guys behave with me even when they don't cross serious boundaries. I know my blog doesn't have many views and most of the things I post are never seen by anyone, but this is some serious stuff so I feel that is my duty to share. Unfortunally I had a few not so good experiences with teachers and older friends.
You are NOT MATURE for dating someone older
You are mature to recognise when a relationship won't be good for you
