Breakup - Blog Posts

We said I love you like it was a obligation not a declaration

Love was a law enforced out of a sense of duty

3 words, sometimes 2, said at the end of phone calls and before closing our eyes

Maybe it could've been more than a rule...

But giving our hearts was a liability neither was willing to risk

So sue me for ending the legal monotony in the political game of being "the love of your life"

you'll run through every good woman like you ran the knife into my back.

𝐁𝐄𝐆 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐒

↳ 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁 || “can you do a fic where Bayverse Raph and his S/O get into a huge fight, he says something to hurt her feelings and tells her he doesn’t love her anymore, he rips up their pictures together and as he does he sees the promise she got him, for his birthday. He realizes what he’s done, and later that night he appears on her widow with roses, and chocolates where he begs for forgiveness.”

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 || 1K+

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 || fighting, swearing, yelling, angst, (happy ending don’t worry)

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 || raphael x female reader

𝗶 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗼𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗱, 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱, 𝗼𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘇𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘄𝗮𝘆

You don't even remember how it started, it seemed like all of a sudden a perfect day went up in flames. the bickering became arguing, and the arguing turned into yelling. It wasn't like you weren't use to Raphael's temper, he was the hot head of his brothers and normally, you could deal with it and calm him down but this time, it just wasn't working and he was getting even more worked up by the minute.

"Raph, baby. I'm sorry okay, I just wanted you to make a little time for me once and awhile, it's like we never see eachother." You tried to explain.

"Yeah well, maybe I have better things to do than watch chick flicks with you, while eating candy y/n. Like.... i don't know, protecting the damn city!" He yelled back at you.

   "Look I understand that, but come one you don't have to be so mean about it, it's like your trying to hurt me." You told him. He rubbed a hand over his, sighing he walked away from you, walking over to his bed and sitting down.

"You know what y/n.... It's gotten to the point where, I don't even know if this is worth it." Raphael said.

"I agree, yelling and fighting isn't gonna get us anywhere." You replied.

    "No y/n... I mean that is this relationship even worth it, I can't believe I'm saying this but I don't love you anymore." Raphael explained.

     It was that sentence that made you break, you had always been able to stay calm when you fought but, this was the tipping point. You couldn't believe this was happening, after all the time you spent loving him, making him feel better when he thought he wasn't enough for you, and now he had the nerve to say all that was for nothing, that he was simply no longer in love with you.

       "Y- You don't love me anymore?" You ask, with tears in your eyes threatening to fall that any second.

Almost as if he had realized what he said, she whipped his head to look at you, seeing the tears in your eyes made him feel horrible, but he was still angry with how the mission went.

“It’s complicated.” He tried to recover.

“No it’s not Raph! Do you still love me or not?” You said in an exhausted tone.

“I- I don’t know okay.” He sighed.

“Well that’s not good enough, so I think that we should break up.” You said, the tears finally falling as you left the lair.

After you left Raphael sat there in shock, those words could've possibly come out of his mouth, of course he loved you. How could he have possibly said otherwise,

He felt a new giant wave of anger come over him, he looked over towards the desk in his room, seeing the pictures of the two of you made the anger and regret stronger, he grabbed the pictures and started throwing them at the wall.

Just as he was about to throw the last picture, the reflection of his promise ring in the light caught his attention, it was a ring you had given him on your year anniversary, promising him that you would always love him. No matter what he looked like, how long you were apart, you would always be together. You had even written a date on the inside of it, at first Raph didn't understand what it was, it wasn't the day you met or even when you started dating, it was around the middle but not either of those important dates.

He didn't get it until you told him that it was the day that you finally realized you were in love with him, and how on that day you promised to always love him and, be whatever he needed and wanted you to be in his life. Whether it was a best friend, a sister/brother or hopefully a relationship, you would be that for him so he would be happy. He had cried tears of pure happiness that day, he really had found the most perfect woman in the world, he couldn't believe someone like you had fallen for someone like him.

He couldn't lose you, he just couldn't. He had only said he didn't love you to protect you, he figured if you left him you wouldn't be targeted by his enemies, but being without you wasn't an option for him. So he made a plan, when it was dark out he'd go get you chocolates, the teddy bear you had been eyeing for the last month, and some flowers to apologize.

You had been crying since you left the lair, it was roughly 9pm and you had finally calmed yourself down, choosing to sit in the living room of your apartment wrapped in a big fuzzy blanket, cuddling yourself on the couch. It didn't feel right, his body normally held you when you were upset, kept you snuggled to his body and kept you warm.

The show playing on tv was just background noise, you were pretty much zoned out to everything going on, until you heard tapping on your balcony window, turning you see Raphael bending down on his knees with a box in his hands, as well as some flowers and what looked like a stuffed sloth.

    Getting off the couch you moved over to the balcony door, when you open the door he squeezed through the door and, once he was in the door the apologies began.

“Y/n I’m so sorry, what I said earlier… it wasn’t true ok, I do love you and I’ve always loved.” He said.

“Raph, what you said reallt hurt me. I get that your sorry but, why would you say that to begin with.” You said tearing up again.

“Look I was scared okay, the boys and I went on a mission and, I realized how dangerous our lives are. I thought that if I said what I said you’d leave and, be away from the danger but, I can’t live without you because I do love you.” He said grabbing your hands, looking down at you.

“I can see why you did it but, you should’ve come to me and we could’ve talked about this love.” You told him softly, gently stroking over his fingers that held onto yours.

“I know I should’ve, I know I messed up but I need you.” He said desperately, an idea had popped into your head in that moment.

“Well, if you need me so much than beg me to take you back.” You told him smirking.

“What?” He asked chuckling, assuming that you were joking.

“I want you to get on your knees, and beg me to take you back, then I’ll forgive you for hurting me.” You told him.

He looked at you with bewilderment before, he chuckled and got down on his knees. “Y/n, pretty please with a cherry on top will you take me back, my life is empty without you and I love you too much to let you go, so please take me back.” He begged.

You stood there, moving your hand under your chin pretending to think it over. “I guess I’ll take you back, since you sounded so desperate.” You said dramatically.

He laughed scooping you up, and pressing kisses all over you face making you giggle as well, you gently put your hand on his cheek before kissing him softly on the lips.

“Hey?…” you ask, making him focus on you.

“What is it sweetheart?” He responds back to you.

“Why don’t you show me up what you brought me.” You say, pointing to the couch where he dropped the gifts he got you with a smile, making him shake his head at you and laugh.

“Your eyes are far too pretty to be wet by those who didn’t realize what they had.”

- a.m. {they don’t deserve you}

any trace of you is burned into the back of my mind with the pen i used to write our love story

A.R. {all six hundred and thirty pages}

haunted

your ghost

still leaves kisses

on my cheek to

make sure

i never

forget you

a.r.

star-crossed lovers series, pt.2

-kalika

star-crossed lovers series, pt.3

-kalika

star-crossed lovers series, pt.4

-kalika

The Last Straw - Short Story

It’s been months since I’ve seen them—three months and nine days, to be exact. That last, monumental fight echoes through my mind as I sit, waiting, in our favorite cafe. It was a mutual decision to take this break, I remind myself. We just needed time to cool off from the fight and better ourselves before we tackled the whole “serious relationship” thing again. The idle chatter of the other customers, the clanking and hissing of the coffee machines, and the muted pop music emanating from the speakers on the wall do nothing to dull my nerves.

I glance at the clock above the door and, noting that they’re definitely late now, check my phone as well. No messages. My stomach clenches as I turn my attention back to the door. I shouldn’t be surprised by their tardiness, considering they've never been particularly concerned about timeliness.

The door swings open again and in they finally walk. In our months apart, nothing has changed in their appearance and, despite my anxiety, that warm feeling only they can create spreads through my chest.

“Can I get my usual? With almond milk this time, though. I’m on a diet.” Their voice cuts through the cafe as they order their drink. The barista nods, sets up their order, and charges them. They scan the cafe and, spotting me, saunter over to our table.

“Long time, no see, huh?” They greet me, giving me a relaxed smile. Without waiting for a response, they add, “I love what you did with your hair. I told you that color would look great on you.”

“Thank you! You were right, I really like it.” I comb my fingers through my hair as I speak, proud of this change I’d managed to make. “It’s faded a bit-”

“You should’ve cut it shorter,” they cut in, their smile giving way to a speculative frown. “That length makes your face look fat.” Their tone is remarkably light as they say it but it still makes my stomach drop. Of course I didn’t get it right.

Before I can come up with some sort of response, the barista calls out their order. The table shakes gently as I tap my foot against its leg and watch them retreat to the counter. It was just a comment about my hair; we can still salvage this.

“Excuse me, but I need a straw.” Again, their voice cuts through the cafe, this time dripping with that familiar annoyance of being inconvenienced.

“Oh, I’m sorry, someone must’ve just taken the last one,” the barista replies quickly, her voice squeaking at the threat of a true confrontation. “Give me just a second-”

“Is it really that hard to do your job?” They demand before the barista can even step away from the counter. “No wonder you all make such little money at these jobs. You idiots can’t even keep the straws stocked.” Without waiting for the barista’s response, they storm back to the table.

Silence settles over the cafe for a moment as the others watch their return to our table. They take their seat, pointedly pop the lid off of their cup, and take a sip. The flavor must meet their standards since they don’t speak up to the barista again.

They quietly study me over their coffee before asking, “How have you been? Haven’t fallen in love with someone new while I’ve been gone, have you?” Their tone almost feels joking but their fingers clench around their cup of coffee, white from the pressure.

“I’ve been fine,” I offer, carefully watching for any sort of new reaction as I speak. “I made a lot more progress with my novel, so I’ll be-”

“Did you meet anyone new?” They interrupt, their tone as sharp as the pinning stare they give me.

“No, I didn’t meet anyone new.” I match their tone as best I can, hoping it at least somewhat conveys my intention to not let them walk over me again. “I’ve been looking into querying-”

“Good,” they reply, leaning back in their chair and setting their coffee on the table. “I met someone pretty cool at a bar a little while back. They actually live in the other wing of your apartment complex. I barely even recognized it was the same building, they decorated it so nice. Your place doesn’t have to look like such a dump, you know. A few nice rugs, some original art, and boom, no one would be able to tell it was practically falling apart.”

I listen quietly, considering their comments as I sip my coffee. They ramble on, talking about their new job, their joy from seeing me again despite my ugly hair, and their plans to travel to the east coast. They’re in the middle of telling me about the pie they made earlier this week when I finally speak up again.

“Do you even care?” I ask. My leg bounces under the table, the only outward sign of my anxiety that I’ll allow. They raise their eyebrow at me, a smirk forming on their lips.

“Do I care? About what?” They question back. “About you? Yes. About my new job? Also, yes, even though it pisses me off sometimes. I care about a lot of things.”

“You don’t even-”

“I think the question here is whether or not you care about me.” They plow on, leaning forward and planting a firm hand on the table. “You disappeared for three months and didn’t contact me at all. We took this break for you and you took your merry time, torturing me with your silence. Your parents even said you’d told them not to talk to me.”

“I think that’s enough,” I say and, even though it comes out quieter than I intend, they stop talking immediately. They stare at me in shocked silence as I continue. “I thought we could make this work, but I’m done.” I get up from the table, retrieving my coffee as they process what I’ve just said.

“You can’t just break up with me,” they finally say, their eyes narrowing at me as they rise from their seat. “You think you’ll get on without me? Who else do you have-”

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t contact me again,” I say, keeping my voice even as theirs rises. “Goodbye.” I turn and make my way to the barista’s counter, drop an extra tip in their jar, and leave the cafe.

This is a piece I wrote for a creative writing course I took recently. I don’t have any current plans to continue it but I thought it’d be nice to share it with you all! I hope you guys like it!

»Look,« I say, »There's Venus, the evening star, named after the godess of love and beauty, because in the night everything can be pretty.«

You don't answer, you don't even look up from the ground where you've been pulling out blades of grass.

»See,« I say, after some time of you staring at the ground and me staring at the sky, »There's Ursa Major, a polar bear to guide us on our way.«

This time you let out a little »hmmp« sound, but you continue your activity of strewing grass over your legs.

»From there,« I say, after I've waited for you to say something, anything, »You can find Ursa Minor, with the North star to protect us.«

Now you sigh very silently, maybe you're tired or bored.

»Over there,« I say, pointing into the sky, »Is Orion, the hunter, to bring clarity to our journey.«

You hum under your breath, examining a leave with more interest than you've ever showed me.

»And this,« I say, one last attempt to talk to you, »Is Sirius, the brightest star in the sky, resident in Canis Major, to help us-«

Before I can end my sentence, you get up from the ground brushing the grass from your trousers, and all I can do is watch your silhouette against the night sky, as you wander away from me.

I don't see you often in the following months, and now youre looking at the sky, now that I can't see it through the ground.

ok but can you write jj x reader (not apart of the bau)

cheating

breakup

angst

no happy ending

please and thank you 😊

Sorry for the late response! Enjoy!

Two Years Down the Drain

Summary: JJ cheats on Y/N, and Y/N could never forgive her.

It had been two years. Two years of Sunday morning coffees in bed. Two years of glances across crowded rooms that made Y/N feel like the only one in JJ’s world. Two years of loyalty, of faith.

And it had taken JJ one night to destroy it.


One night. One mistake. One betrayal.

Y/N sat curled into the far corner of her couch, her body numb and rigid under an old throw blanket. The TV hummed low in the background, some sitcom laugh track playing distantly, a hollow noise filling the silence Penelope Garcia had left behind when she went to grab more ice cream.

Penelope had been there the second Y/N called, voice shaking so hard she could barely get the words out.


JJ. Will. Caught. In bed.

And Penelope, beautiful, fierce, loyal Penelope, hadn't even hesitated. She left work in the middle of a database sweep to be there. She’d burst into the apartment, arms wide open, outrage bleeding into her every movement.

"I swear to the Goddess above," Penelope had hissed earlier that night, kneeling in front of Y/N on the carpet, "if you even think about forgiving her, I'll personally knock some sense into you, my love bug."


Her mascara had run with angry tears. "You are-“ she shook Y/N lightly by the shoulders, “-the best, most loyal partner. You deserved better. You still deserve better."

Y/N had barely been able to nod, her voice crushed to ash in her throat. Now, it was nearing 11pm, and she hadn’t moved. Not when Penelope left to pick up more snacks. Not when her phone buzzed over and over with JJ’s name. Not when the soft knock echoed against her front door. She barely even blinked when the knock turned into frantic pounding.


Not until the door clicked open. Y/N turned her head slowly, heart stuttering painfully. There JJ stood.
Disheveled, desperate. Her face wet with tears, her hands trembling, clutching the hem of her sweater like it was the only thing grounding her.

"Y/N, please," JJ gasped, stepping inside despite the lack of invitation. Her voice cracked , broke open , like something rotten finally spilling out.


Y/N didn’t say a word. She just watched. Watched this woman, this stranger, try to piece together a shattered thing like it hadn’t been deliberate. JJ dropped to her knees in front of her. "I'll do anything," she whispered brokenly. "Let me make it up to you."


Her hands, those traitorous hands, reached up, smoothing along Y/N’s thighs over the blanket. Soft. Familiar. Unwelcome. Y/N flinched back before she could stop herself, a full-body shudder crawling up her spine.

But JJ leaned closer anyway, desperate. Her hands slipped beneath the blanket, skin on skin, and she kissed Y/N's knee, slowly trailing her mouth up, up…

And all Y/N could think about…


was Will.

JJ’s mouth, the same mouth that kissed Will's body. JJ’s hands, the same hands that roamed Will’s chest, tangled in his hair. JJ’s body, the same body that let someone else claim it. The same body that cried out for someone else. Nausea clawed at Y/N's stomach. Tears blurred her vision.

"No," Y/N rasped, her voice finally breaking through the dam of hurt. She shoved JJ back, hard enough that JJ stumbled onto her heels. JJ’s face crumpled, devastated. But Y/N wasn’t moved. Not this time.

"You don't get to touch me," Y/N whispered, her voice shaking but strong. "Not after you let him." JJ’s mouth opened and closed, speechless. Tears streaked her cheeks. She looked so small, so pathetic, sitting there on the floor. "I loved you," Y/N said, chest heaving.


"You were my everything, Jennifer. And you threw it away for… for what? A cheap fuck in a bar bathroom?"

JJ winced, the words hitting like gunfire. "I can’t un-see it," Y/N whispered. "I can’t un-feel it."

The door banged open again, Penelope, standing there with two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s in her arms.
She took one look at the scene, JJ on her knees, Y/N trembling with rage and heartbreak, and her face hardened. "You need to leave," Penelope said coldly to JJ, stepping protectively in front of Y/N.


"I mean it, Jayje. Leave her alone. You’ve done enough."

JJ's body sagged under the weight of it. For the first time, she realised no apology could erase what she’d done. Without another word, she dragged herself to her feet, avoiding both their gazes, and stumbled out the door. Penelope dropped the ice cream on the coffee table and collapsed beside Y/N, pulling her into her arms.

And for the first time since the betrayal, Y/N sobbed.


Full-bodied, aching, gut-wrenching sobs. Penelope just held her, rocking her gently, whispering promises against her hair. "You’re going to survive this, sweet girl," Penelope swore fiercely. "You are going to find someone who would never, never, make you question how goddamn worthy you are."

And Y/N clung to her best friend, the only thing steady in a world that had fallen completely apart.

- - -

JJ didn’t stop. Not even after Penelope slammed the door in her face that night. Not after the dozens of ignored texts, the countless unanswered calls. Every few days, she showed up.


At the apartment.


At work.


At the gym Y/N used to drag her to.


Once, once, she even showed up at Y/N’s sister's house two towns over. Always with the same expression: broken. Pleading. Always with the same words: Please. Please forgive me. But Y/N didn’t have it in her.
Not anymore.

Instead, she buried herself in work. She picked up extra classes, took on after-school programs, volunteered for committee meetings she normally despised. Her planner was a battlefield of appointments and deadlines , anything to keep the memories from clawing at her in the quiet.

Because in the quiet?


She could still hear JJ’s voice, gasping, moaning, but not for her. In the quiet? She could still see JJ’s flushed face, turned towards Will, mouth parted in pleasure. A snapshot burned behind her eyelids. It made her want to scream until her throat bled. So she didn’t let herself have quiet anymore.

When she wasn’t teaching, she was out.


Late-night drinks with Garcia, both of them clinging to each other like they could stop the bleeding.

They laughed, too loud, too fake, at shitty bars, sipping watered-down margaritas until the sharpest edges dulled just a little.

They went dancing sometimes, Garcia dragging her onto the floor, spinning her around until Y/N could almost, almost, forget the shape of JJ's mouth around someone else's name.

She stopped going to places they used to share.


No more Saturday market.


No more little café on 5th.


No more late-night drives past the lake where they used to park and talk for hours.

Y/N erased JJ like scrubbing blood from white fabric, violently, desperately, but the stains were still there.


Faint, but permanent.

Not my work, but had to share

You just walked away like that.

And took all of my words with you.

I am left with an empty pen,

and an even emptier heart.

Where do I go from here?

Back to the misery that I came from,

or the uncertain darkness that lay ahead.

Maybe I'll rest here for a while.

Under the fading glow of the moon,

with the silence of the sky to keep me company.

It's not that I can't move on.

I just want to linger here a little more,

to trace my fingers through the blurring outlines of our fates.

Let the dying sun go in peace.

And soon enough I'll be gone from your name too.

Till then say yes to the whsipers I've sent with the wind.

Tell me that it was a good story.

And that you loved me once.

I miss you. I miss the feel of your hair through my fingers and the way you'd sigh and relax into my touch. I miss the random song quotes that are always somehow absolutely perfect for the situation. I miss when you'd laugh like a child. I miss calling you at midnight. I miss how your voice would soften up, just for me. I miss when you'd hug me, then hug me tighter. Like nothing in the world could take me away. Why'd you let me go away? I miss you. Whyd you say those hurtful things to me? Why do you never understand. I love you, and I know you love me. But why are we always mismatched puzzle pieces?

I hate that I'm hurting you. I hate the thought of you lying in someone else's lap. But I can't be there for you like I want to because it will rip me apart.

I don't want anyone else to touch me. Their fingers feel clammy on my skin. And when I see brown eyes in sunlight all I think about is you. How could I kiss someone with your name on my lips? That would be a crime. And yet I want someone to press my body against a wall and cover up your fingerprints with theirs and kiss me so hard I forget everything about kissing you and remember everything about myself. I want to remember how to move toward someone else's warmth. I want to learn how to love you from a distance. How to say "happy birthday." Not "get in your car and come back to me."

I want to see your new girl and be happy for you. I want you to get a new girl. I want you to let me go. Even though it hurts. I want you to be happy without me. Even though that's sort of a lie. I want you to come pick me up and take me home. I want you to mark me and call me yours and tuck me in and sleep on my chest with my fingers in your hair. I want you to sigh and relax into my touch.

But we are still mismatched puzzle pieces.

Siento que moverme duele, cada segundo es una agonía. Duele mucho, me lastima el centro del corazón. La cabeza y las lágrimas lo acompañan. Siento que estoy muriendo por amor. Jamás sufri ni sufriré más que ahora. Soy fuerte, pero no sé cuánto resistiré. Se oye que se quiebra, escucho el golpeteo, escucho el dolor y la tristeza que me ahogan. Quisiera dormir. Si muero hoy, no le digan que fue de amor, no le digan que lo elegí a él y no a mí. Cuéntenle cuánto lo quise, porque a él lo amé como a nadie, porque a él le lloré un rio, porque a él lo deseé tanto que me torturaba. No sé qué pasará mañana. No sé si moriré o sobreviviré. ¿Acaso él me recordará si muero? ¿Me amará incluso ahora que estoy con él? Porque ¿qué es peor que vivir sabiendo que no te ama la única persona con la que te idealizaste y planeaste sueños? Nada. Sufrí, pero ningún dolor se compara al que me provoca su indiferencia. Indiferencia de que esté muriendo justo frente a sus ojos y no haga nada.

HELEN SHIVERS and JULIE JAMES in I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (1997)

I always said the same thing

when asked about relationships

and the reason why I was never in one.

I said it so much it felt a bit rehearsed

but it was true.

I did not need anyone to be happy,

I did not need anyone to come

and step into my world

only to mess it up.

And for so long I kept that up

I let no one in for anything else

but a simple friendship because I knew

that if they left it would be okay

but you came one day and overtime

became that one person;

The one that I never wanted to let go of,

because things with you were great

you came

and became part of my happiness.

Now I am finding it hard to let you go

but I know I will be okay

because I have rehearsed a new line

and it goes a bit like this,

“I learned what love was and I will be okay”

because although I still leave your space

in our bed open as if you would lay there again

I know you won’t and maybe,

just maybe things were meant to be that way

because

I learned what love was

And for that I will forever thank you.  

M.S.I

No one talks about leaving,

Realizing one day, a day you woke up feeling as if it was going to be any other day, that you no longer love the person the same. The small things you once loved that they put so much effort to go unnoticed. How is it that you woke up and realized you were okay living without them when one day you feared losing them. I think it hurts too, having to tell the person you never planned on being without that things are just not the same and when they ask why, what is there to say? "I woke up on a seemingly normal Wednesday and I realized that you no longer made me feel those puke-worthy butterflies. That I knew I would be okay without you." How do you put that feeling into words? I don't think I will ever be able to give you the answer you deserve and for that I'm Sorry...

I miss you more than I knew I would

and I hate it

because I promised myself

that I wouldn’t be that person,

the one who sits around

wondering how you are

and if you’re happy

but I couldn’t stop it and it sucks

because I wish I didn’t care.

I wish I felt nothing

but how can I feel nothing

for the person

who once made me feel everything.

MSI

I loved you, I always will,

and that’s the problem

because the sad reality is

that I’ll love you way more

than I will ever love myself..

MSI

<If Only>

What if I never forget you?

what if, all my life,

when I meet someone new,

I can never fall for them

because they aren’t you?

ANON

You made a tumblr man fr

It's painful because I love you 🥺

Let me drown in the cold wind of solitude A shiver of pleasant memory, I feel The heat of anger subsides Although the path is destructive and forlorn A breath is what I need Relief from the crushing helplessness Wind was numbing and parasitic

For a bright second sun shines But then the betrayal resurfaces I plummet into the seemingly never ending tunnel of despair Tumbling and falling but I try to hold on But the shadow is all I can see and I can’t outrun it Because it is attached to me

These cuts and wounds of joy are treasured souvenirs They remind me of my loss,my downfall Their presence pains me But I couldn’t afford parting I love it I hate it The bittersweet memory

I wear the ring you gave me on the opposite hand

I get tattoos without you

but your memory haunts the ink

piercing

dark

it was a life lesson learned

a decision changed

a future imagined but scribbled out

I don’t think it was worth it,

actually

and I don’t think

you have any idea

how much you took from me—

no one does.

to admit that

is to ask

a harder question:

is

there

anything

left for me?

twenty-eight laps around the sun later,

mercurially aligned,

I am

refusing to fall

apart this time—

at least,

not as if I haven’t walked this path before.

I know

I know

I can survive this one.

I can breathe

through

it— it’s

less than 12 months

from the day

you asked me to marry you

and it hurts so bad I can’t breathe

but I

am not going

to give up

or to kill myself over this

bullshit.

not your bullshit,

not again.