Cheating Tw - Blog Posts

renfarber​:

Ren smiled as her face was peppered with kisses, the fear abating for now. All she felt was safe and warm and happy, and she traced her fingers along his arm, as if to remind herself he was really here. “Good morning,” she whispered, “Just making sure you didn’t sneak off in the night,” she smirked, as though she hadn’t actually been afraid of that. She repositioned herself a bit, a sleepy little hum escaping her as her leg wrapped around his and she gave him a soft kiss. “I called in to work. I need a day to recover.”

-

“Morning,” he replied with a lower tember, a crack rolling in his throat. His body so tired that even if vocal cords were spent. He peeked at her, her angelic face shining right at him in the light shining through the curtains. He fought hard to keep his gaze steady as he stopped kissing her face. He hadn’t intended to wake up now, but she was awake and smirking up at him. He’d gather all strength to see the way she was looking at him now. It made him feel like the sun. He propped himself up to hover over her with more stability. “I can’t sneak off while inside you.” He said with a knowing smirk of his own which ended up growing into a unabashed smile. "You need a day to recover?” He questioned as he returned her kiss. He pulled away wanting to hear her repeat it. Leo looked down at himself with a little nod, giving his lower half silent praise to affect her mobility skills. “Does that mean round twelve then? Or is it thirteen?” He asked so smug and proud of himself as he skated his fingertips on her bare arm. 

closed starter for: @blakemadden​ where: at Blake’s apartment  when: around six in the evening

Leo knew he had to keep last night a secret. He didn’t know why or how, it was just so blatantly obvious to him that he couldn’t tell a soul about what he had done. It was another tally mark to list of things he should feel shameful about. But the thing is, Leo felt like last night was the right thing to do. Every moment of it was perfectly placed. But now as he stood in the apartment of his baby mama while still donning his wedding ring, with his mind completely wrapped around Ren’s body... maybe there was some guilt he should immit. But he couldn’t find any, not while Blake was happy with Beau which was still much to Leo’s dismay. He didn’t like that his daughter had another man in her life that wasn’t him, but there wasn’t anything he could do. Realizing that he had been staring at the same spot on the ground this whole time, he decided to perk up with a question, “So have you had sex yet?” He blurted out.

renfarber​:

who: @le0davis​ where: ren’s apartment, early morning

They’d still been awake when the sun rose this morning. Ren had no idea how long ago that was now. Just after Leo had fallen asleep, she’d texted her boss to say she wasn’t coming in today, and then she’d joined him, sharing her pillow as they slept together - literally, this time. The sun was peeking in now, through the gaps in the curtains, making the remnants of sweat glimmer on their skin. She could feel his breath on her forehead. She wanted to stay here forever. Even if a tiny voice in the back of her head kept telling her that he’d leave, now that he’d got what he wanted from her.

-

“Serenity,” he murmured, his eyes barely opening up a squint before shutting again. His eyelids were heavy from the lack of sleep. He had really exhausted himself. Every single one of his muscles had tensed and relaxed repeatedly throughout the duration of their night together. He couldn’t believe the night to be true even as he was laying on her bed with her scent engulfing him with her skin upon his. He opened his eyes fighting against the fatigue to glance down and see that her eyes were already open. He shut his own again but in favor of losing a sense in order to focus on the way her skin felt on his lips as he kissed her forehead a couple of times. “Why are you up? What time is it?” He asked inbetween peppering kisses.

renfarber​:

She couldn’t help it - she was moved by some otherworldly force that was probably just the ghost of who she’d been nine years ago; some version of herself that existed now as nothing more than a feeling in her gut made her reach out to take Leo’s hand. She was barely aware of her thumbs on his palm as she listened to him speak, but that made sense; it was a motion she’d done so many times when they were together that she could literally do it in her sleep. Whenever he felt tense, she’d reach for him in some small way, like this, and he would unravel just a bit.

He looked up at her, eyes locked on hers, and he told her he wasn’t a good guy. As though that was supposed to be news to her. As though that might put some wall up between them, like she might run from whatever monster he considered himself to be. But she’d always known him - for a thousand lifetimes - and she wasn’t about to run now. 

“Okay, so you’re a fuck-up,” she smirked, with a soft shrug of her shoulders, “so am I. We always have been. You fucked around and you hurt people but you got a daughter out of it. And all of my mistakes resulted in Max. It doesn’t make up for any of the pain we’ve caused, but… good things come from bad things all the time.”

It was only then that she noticed she was holding his hand. She didn’t let go.

“…I punished myself for about eight years for what I did to you. I didn’t think I deserved happiness so I kicked it in the face whenever it came too close. I only stopped because I got pregnant and my focus shifted, and I just… I don’t want you to waste your life like that. I don’t want you to punish yourself. I want… I don’t know what would make you happy, but I think you should go after it. I think you should let it in.”

-

Unlike Ren, Leo was completely aware of her fingertips touching his skin. His hand even threatened to shake as her hold on him had became more confident and firmer. It was like he had completely forgotten what he was upset about or if he was even upset at all. He even set his glass down without taking a sip he had meant to take. His entire mind became wrapped around the fact that she was touching him. How did she manage to do this to him? Create peace in a mind that was plagued with demons? Even her words had made him feel better. Mira and Max were the best things to ever come out of their unique paths. Even if unexpected, Leo couldn’t see it any differently now.

But Leo was confused by her advice. Because instead of advice that would keep him from going with his reckless instincts; they were encouraging them. And with that justification, he was let loose. “I know what would make me happy right now, and I want to go after it.” He said so sure of what he wanted and who he wanted to let in. He swallowed nervously, and his eyes stole a glance at her full pink lips, “It’s you - and your kiss.” He confessed, his eyes determined to hold her gaze as he said this. His free hand abandoned his chilled glass in favor of cupping the side of her neck and his thumb caressed her jawline. His hand in hers hand shifted so their fingers became intertwined. At that same moment, he had leaned in closing that silly amount of space Ren had wanted between them. He didn’t waste another second to fully press his lips upon hers. His eyes instantly closed as he relished in their softness, an explicit sound emitted from the back of his throat. The truth they were alone tonight hung in the air. No children or another person would be able to part them for hours. The kiss could become so much more. And of course, he had the desire of it being much more than a kiss. It made him part his lips to suck on her bottom one to ask for entrance so he could fully taste her. The hand on her neck became more possessive, clutching with the want to bring her closer.

renfarber​:

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. There was no why. There was no reason. She’d had nine years to think of it (and many nights therein during which she thought of nothing else), and a couple of therapists thrown in, and all she’d learned was that she’d been scared. Of love, of being loved, of failure, of success… she’d just been terrified and overwhelmed by of all of it. 

“We were so young, Leo. And everyone was telling us that we couldn’t possibly be as sure about each other as we said we were. But I was sure. Even looking back now, I don’t see myself as some stupid kid who didn’t know what love was. I knew what it was, because we had it. It was real, and that was scary. I’ve never seen love work out well for anyone, so I guess I just… fucked it up. I wish I hadn’t.”

She winced slightly at his last words, as though physically struck by them, and was quiet for a moment. “I didn’t… decide to hurt you, that was never what I wanted. I know that I did, though, and I haven’t forgiven myself, so I can’t expect you to forgive me either. But… even if you hate me, we need to try to get along, right?”

-

He was completely enthralled by hearing the story of them from her perspective. Again an insight he never expected to have. She spoke of their love like some tangible and strong element. He had felt the same way. He was so sure of their love because he had been raised without it. Nothing had ever felt so potent or as sweet as his first taste of love with Serenity. He tried. Leo actively tried to fall in love like that again. He looked for the little things that made up Ren in other people. Vihana was actually someone he hadn’t expected. She was beautiful, kind, and took care of him. It was easy and simple because he never really was himself. Even now, she had no idea who he was. 

He groaned with a roll of his eyes. It wasn’t directed towards her. It was energy that he needed to push out. The whole situation they were in now compared to where they were years or even months ago was nothing like he had ever fantasized. He didn’t have the right to be tired of the ride that dipped and derailed from his choices. But he was. There was never a break unless he had numbed himself with his vices. He brought his elbows up on the table, he held his hands together and proceeded to tap his forehead on them. “Serenity,” he said, his eyes closed as he rested on his hands. “I don’t hate you. I can’t ever hate you. I just hate what you did. But I can’t exactly talk now, can I?” He questioned, lifting his head up to look at her once again. “I didn’t exactly get into the situation I am in now by being a good guy.” He said with the glint of calmed chaos in his dark eyes. He didn’t where his mood was going. The alcohol made his veins sting and his attention jump around. Though the weight of his problems just kept trying to follow behind him. He grabbed his glass again to get rid of it. “I’ll play nice if you will.” He said swirling the remaining contents in his glass.

renfarber​:

She could physically feel his eyes on her, so that two feet away still felt impossibly close. It was the way he’d looked at her for a thousand lifetimes, and she would never get used to the way it burned her skin. She wondered if he felt it too, as her eyes traveled over the face she’d long since memorized.

There was so much they needed to talk about, but everything they said felt like throwing knives. Even if one didn’t land a blow, all they were doing was giving each other ammunition. She knew the latter was true about the words on the tip of her tongue. His ego would soak them up like so much whiskey, but she filled both of their empty glasses and then spoke them anyway.

“I haven’t been with anyone since you. Not… not seriously, I mean. There have been hookups, obviously, and flings, I guess, but… nothing more than that. Blake noticed it, years ago, and asked me why, so I told her about… my first love. And how I’d never felt anything so intensely in my life, and how overwhelming it was for me then. And how I purposely fucked it up because it scared me so much.” She avoided his eyes, absentmindedly (nervously) tapping her glass. 

“I didn’t tell her your name, which was obviously a mistake in hindsight, but… I did tell her you had the only key to my lock,” she said, letting out a small humorless laugh, taking a sip of her drink. “Just in case you wondered how much she knows.”

-

He didn’t know if he should be relieved that she had just ended their little spat by pouring whiskey. either way he hadn’t felt so present in a moment than he’s ever had than when he was with her. always an electric current in the air, whether it was a spark or flaming fire. he took his heavy bottom glass back to his lips for a sip when she had spoke again. the topic change at hand made him take another long sip before she had him hanging on every word. it was like being let into her diary. he found himself surprised that she hadn’t taken a chance on anyone else, and that he was being labeled as her first love. serenity was his and only, despite what he believed he claimed on his wedding day. Though another sentence that left her lips made him more perplexed. 

“Is that why you did it…?” His voice trailing off as his head couldn’t help but recall the past. He remembered the night she told him. But every word or explanation had she given him had just went one ear and out the other. He didn’t want to hear it, and he had thanked that defense mechanism many times. One of his many toxic traits was believing that being stubborn was a great thing. It was always easier for the orphan to walk through life with his guard. Had he heard this reasoning then, he wouldn’t be as receptive as he was now. Though the booze might have helped. “You were too scared to...” he paused looking at the counter again as he figured how to word the reasoning she had given him. “...love me?” He said lifting his head and eyes back to her. He still wasn’t even too sure if that was the right wording. “So you decided to hurt me in the worst way possible to end it?” These words flowed out without any malice. Just the string of these specific words trailing one another made it seem harsh. Leo’s face was soft as he tried to analyze it in a way that only a broken man could do. That there was something the matter with him. He reached his hand out to wrap around the glass once more.

closed starter: @blakemadden​ where: on the beach on coney island

“That should fucking do it.” Leo huffed and dusted off as much dry sand as he could on his shorts. He surveyed the beach umbrella once more, triple checking the angle of it against the sun. There was no way his daughter was going to overheat on his watch. He turned to see his... his mind tried to search for a word to describe Blake and who she was to him. Baby mama just seemed to be tainted with negativity. And Blake deserved a pedestal for what she had given him. His mind settled on his daughter and the mother of his child as he squinted at the two of them. “Almost done.” He said pressing a kiss on Mira’s forehead as she was in Blake’s arms. Then Leo moved to lay out a large waterproof mat before spreading out a sheet upon it. Once he was done, he theatrically laid down, immediately enjoying the fruit of his labor. 

renfarber​:

She’d asked. She shouldn’t be so shocked, because she’d asked if he’d gotten rid of it. But she didn’t actually think he would have done so. It made sense; of course it did. Ren had shattered their relationship, right at the moment it was at its most perfect. They’d been deliriously happy, they were making plans for the future, they were obsessed with each other, and unwaveringly in love. So of course he’d been blindsided, and heartbroken, and furious. Of course he’d thrown away the key.

But making sense didn’t make it hurt less. She didn’t want to reason with herself about it, about how it shouldn’t feel like a knife to her heart to see the empty space where the key to her lock had been. Or how the pain and anger in his eyes now shouldn’t break her heart just as much as it had nine years ago. It just did. 

In one swallow, she downed the rest of her drink, setting the empty glass on the table between them with an unceremonious thud. 

“Fine,” she said, staring quietly for a moment, watching him tug his sleeve back down, covering the empty patch of skin where his love for her used to be. She had a question on the tip of her tongue, and for a while it stayed there, stubbornly refusing to be spoken. But the alcohol was loosening it, and she said it anyway, as she poured herself another drink. “…Why did you kiss me?”

-

He watched the way she absorbed the information. But really what was she to expect? Leo couldn’t stand to look down at his own arm because the tattoo was reminded of her absence in his life and his arms. He even missed the stupid way their matching tattoos would meet when holding hands. He had to get rid of it. Those kind memories had morphed into ones where she had made the choice to entangle herself with someone else. It made him sick either way. It had to go. 

Leo swallowed before taking in a deep meaningful breath. Her question had knocked the air out of him, and cleared his head from the pain he had became friends with. The only thing filling his senses now was her. Her scent. Her face. And the way she tasted when he kissed her last. He brought his drink to his mouth to suppress it, but it was too late, the alcohol tasted painfully sweet like she did. He downed it, easily, and like her - he placed the glass down with a thud. 

His dark gaze moved along her features like a caress, but his face stayed neutral. “Because.” He said as if that were a complete answer or sentence. He didn’t want to tell her the truth. It would just be pathetic. He was done with feeling like some love sick fool, especially over her. He had been pining for so long - nearly a decade. This hurt was the part of him that helped him grow into someone so heartless, arrogant, and careless with love... all because he couldn’t experience it with her. 

renfarber​:

He was right, of course. She didn’t want to talk about any of this, but she wanted to talk about Leo’s wife like she wanted a hole in her head. She’d only brought the woman up to see what reaction she’d get, and the confused brow and almost callous laugh told her enough. He had no love for the woman whose ring he still wore. Maybe that should have made things better, or easier, but it didn’t.

“Well…” she said, still wanting to put up some kind of guard, to keep some kind of distance, “I would ask how you met Blake, but I heard all about the charming man she made a wedding cake for.” She didn’t know why she sounded so bitter; it wasn’t her he’d cheated on. “And she’s heard all about the man I loved a decade ago. The one with the key to my lock,” she said, gesturing at the padlock tattoo amongst the medley of others on her forearm. “How’d you explain that to your wife? Or have you gotten rid of it by now?”

-

Leo sighed quite audibly when Ren brought up Blake. There it was. One of the many things Leo would have to elaborate on tonight, that’s if she wanted him to. But the way she continued on, had led him to believe that this was some way to bombarde him with all the wrong things he’s done. A great defense, and it was working. No one had genuinely lifted up a mirror to his face, and he did not like it.

Leo abandoned his drink and leaned back in the chair. His dark eyes moved down to his forearms. He didn’t say anything to her, he only began unbuttoning the sleeve to his dress shirt. He pulled the sleeve to show her his tattoo. Or rather what was left of it. Thanks to a stinging, burning laser, it looked as if he had the faintest discoloration along the length of a tattoo. It could have easily been lost in the green tone of his veins and be mistaken for a birthmark. Leo kept his eyes on the clean skin, and spoke with an even tone. “Why would I keep the key to someone who broke my heart?” His voice sharpening against the word, remembering the infliction she caused him. Her brought his eyes back to her face. Pain written all over his face before he straighten his expression again. He began to tug his sleeve back down and spoke. “Now, are we done pointing fingers?”

renfarber​:

She hadn’t realized how nervous she’d been until she saw him smile. This apartment was her, all over, just the essence of who she was splashed all over the walls. It was her, and it was Max, and so it mattered to Ren if Leo liked it. If he liked them. She didn’t know how to feel about that mattering to her, so… she just pushed it down with all the other feelings she had right now. They could come back out after some whiskey untangled them.

She dragged a chair over to the counter so she could reach the top shelf of the cabinet. She wasn’t entirely sure why she kept the liquor up here - it wasn’t as though Max could get into it at seven months old - but it was always good to make things like that hard to reach. For emergencies only. And this definitely counted. On her way down, Leo handed her one of Max’s toys, and she smirked. “Thank you.”

“Max is with my mom,” she said, getting ice out of the freezer. “I should text her, actually. She should probably keep him overnight.” Her eyes flicked up to him, knowing how he’d take that. She held up a finger. “Because we’re drinking. And we need to talk without a crying baby. You stay two feet away from me,” she smirked. She shouldn’t be joking about this, not when he had a wife, not when he had a baby with her best friend… it just… came so easily. 

She poured two drinks and passed one over, sitting at the table and sending a quick text to her mom. Seconds later, her phone beeped, and she rolled her eyes, texting again and then turning off her phone. 

“Mom says hi,” she smirked. Gloria had always loved Leo. Even now, after Ren had cried on her shoulder about the mess they were in. It was disloyal, honestly. But Ren supposed it was only fair, since she didn’t hate Leo either. She sighed, pulling her braids over one shoulder, and looking at Leo. “So… how’d you meet your wife?”

-

Leo’s brows immediately quirked up at Ren’s words, taking them just as suggestively as she assumed he would. He couldn’t help but break into a small laughter at the finger she had held up. He held his hands up and sat at the table at the furthest one from where she was currently. “Two feet it is.” He agreed though he did find it funny how she needed the physical distance from him. Like he had a pull. Though he felt the same way about her lips. 

He watched as she poured the drinks. His eyes admiring the caramel hue a bit too closely. It had been a minute since he was able to indulge. It was getting a lot harder to sneak away. His hand couldn’t help but tap on the counter till the drink was passed over to him. From there he had taken a well measured first sip while she was distracted with her phone.

“Tell Gloria, I said hey,” he smiled that shit eating grin that was just a permanent reaction to when his ego was stroked. Though that grin had immediately left his lips at the mention of his wife. His forehead wrinkled as he pulled his brows together, he laughed once before replying, “You don’t wanna talk about that.” He said openly refusing to answer. “We have other things to talk about.” He said quite solemnly as he brought his drink to his lips. 

What’s something your muse has done, in canon or in a thread, that just makes you Love ThemTM?

God, I hate that I love him because he's so fucking annoying. He's the type muse that'd whisper in your ear what he wants to do. And there are so many questionable things that's done. But I can't help but love how charming he is? Like if he's sincere about anything, it's how he genuinely means every ounce of affection he gives away. Even if the quantity of that affection is again - questionable - even if he means it. He's just my lonely emo boy, and I just want him to feel loved without looking for it everywhere but himself.

averydawson​:

Avery playfully rolled her eyes at his words. But her eyes went wide when she saw him bolt for the bathroom. She knew exactly what was happening. She heard the cup falling, knowing he spilled and that his head was in the toilet. “okay.” she said quietly, getting a new cup of water then follow him to the bathroom. She swallowed hard and walked in. “You good?” she  asked, kneeling beside him and rubbing his back. “Let it all out.” she added. “Here drink this, you need to finish it. Please.” she advised. Thankfully, she had mouth wash for him to use. 

-

Leo quickly reached up to flush the toilet when he heard her come in. Whether it was a pride thing or out of courtesy, he didn’t know. No one had seen him this low. He had done such a good job of hiding the effects his depency had on him from everyone close to him. He had done such a good job from hiding himself. And with the biggest secret he’s ever had looming over his head, he couldn’t drink the guilt away. no, not this time. tonight was proof there wasn’t enough alcohol to wash away this indiscretion. it pained him to even think about it that way.  leo coughed and took the water from Avery, his half lidded eyes not showing much. “when I left here the other night... it was because my friend was having a baby... my baby..” he said in weak montoned way. he was becoming coldly sober. he took a sip of the water before dragging his eyes to Avery’s face. “I have a baby with someone who’s not my wife.” 

closed starter: @blakemadden​ where: blake and reece’s apartment

Leonardo Anthony Davis has had the craziest week of his life, and it wasn’t yet through. This was not an event that he would soon forget like a drunken night at the dive bar on the ninth. No, this event will stick to him for life. It’s taken the foundations of the earth beneath him and what once felt like cement was now sand. He was in this forever. He was now a father.  A part of him will now survive in this world with or without him. 

“One pappardelle with arrabiata and burrata for Leo.” His order being read outloud to him for clarification went in one ear and out the other. He looked at the woman blankly, his head still lost in the thought that he was about to go see the mother of his child and his child while his wife was at work. “Are you okay?” The blonde woman asked. Leo shook his head and then did that charming thing where he smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, I spaced out for a second. But yes, I’m Leo and that is my order.” He watched as the woman’s attitude towards him warmed up and she handed him the bag with his order. “You have a good night, Leo.” She said with more than polite smile. Leo smiled back and nodded a silent thanks before leaving The Soleil. 

But once back on his walk to Blake and Reece’s apartment, his thoughts came back again. This time they were centered around Serenity. He hadn’t seen her since Mira was welcomed into the world. Ah, then there was Mira, his little miracle--she’s the reason why nothing has been said because once Leo and Blake were in a room with her all they could do was dote on her. Crazy to think the new mom and dad hadn’t had a real conversation for days. But all that had to change. He took a breath before knocking on the door with his free hand. 

averydawson​:

She poked her head out to make sure none of her neighbors came out to see what the noise was before shutting and locking the door. turning her attention back to the man on her couch, she took a deep breath and walked back over to him. “Alright Leo, what brings you to my place at this hour, wasted?” she asked, sitting beside him. “finish that because you’re not leaving until you’re sober.” she lightly demanded. She’d be a terrible friend to send him back out in this state and for him to show up like this, something serious must’ve happened. It wasn’t everyday he was like this, not even on a night out at the bar.

-

“I think...” he began to say all while bringing the cup to his noggin to tap his temple with that hand. At first, Leo knew exactly what he was gonna say. He was going to spill everything out to one of his best friends. Everything that had happened the minute he left her place. But the fear of revealing who exactly he was had crept up again, making him close up again. Which allowed another head to begin thinking for him.  “...I came here to finish what we started.” He rose his brows with a glint in his eye. He was making such a bold claim for someone who was seeing a motion blur with every movement that was made.

text; leo ⇄ xav

xav: im sitting down

xav: wait let me take a drink first

xav: okay im ready

leo: there's no way to ease into this so I'm just gonna come out and say it

...

leo: I'm a dad

leo: I have a daughter with Blake

text; leo ⇄ danny

danny: Little offended I wasn't invited to the funeral but ok

danny: What'd u do now 🤨

leo: something I wouldn't recommend you do in this life

leo: do you remember me talking about this hot baker?

closed starter: @averydawson​ where: the dive bar on the 9th

Leo was perched on a stool with his forearms relaxed upon the countertop. He looked at peace as he scanned the many bottles of liquor displayed on the high shelves behind the bar. It was impossible to look at him and know that he had woken up in a full sweat that morning. He had looked just as fresh and attractive as always, but on the inside, his stomach was twisting and churning. His mind kept reliving flashes of a nightmare that he prayed would never be his reality. The pang of seeing how hurt his wife’s eyes had looked in the dream, had made him point up high to a caramel colored tequila. “The añejo on the top left, chilled, please.” He said to the bartender who always paid him to mind here at the dive bar on the 9th. He took a breath and swiveled in the stool to get himself to relax as he waited for his drink. As he did so, he caught sight of a familiar face that was twisted up just enough to say, “Actually, you better make that two.” He said loudly for the bartender to hear as he kept his gaze on Avery. “What happened to you?” He questioned when she was close enough now to hear him.

renfarber​:

Her heart was hammering already, even before he whispered her name. He said it like a magic spell, like a whispered wish, like a… prayer. In those four small syllables she heard him asking for the world. And despite herself, she knew she’d give it to him.

She wasn’t surprised that he’d kissed her - she knew his heart well enough to have heard him ask - but she was surprised to find herself kissing him back. Pulling him close. She realized now that she’d been wanting to touch him all night, settling for fixing his hair and eating his food, when what she’d really wanted was this.

This.

She kissed him with a passion she hadn’t remembered she was capable of, but it came back to her easily now. Everything came back now. The body she’d long since memorized. This feeling, like lightning. And the knowledge of how completely and absolutely they’d always been able to overthrow each other.

Because, unlike with anyone else, with each other, they’d willingly given their power up, placing it in the other’s hands.

She could feel that happening now, and that’s what finally woke her. She couldn’t do this. She wasn’t the girl she’d been. She needed to keep her power now, because she had someone at home who needed her to have it. And Leo did, too.

She pulled away, maybe too slowly, and shook her head as she caught her breath.

“I have to… leave…” she whispered.

-

It shouldn’t have surprised but it did… the familiar nip and pressure that was her kiss was his again. she tasted just as sweet as he remembered. he couldn’t believe it. it made him even more responsive, more present to take all that she had bestowed upon him. When she reached out to him, he did too, holding her face to bring her closer. He had completely lost all thoughts that didn’t surround her.

a pathetic exhale left his throat when her mouth left his. his mind instantly crying out for more. More of what was once his. He pulled away as slowly as she did. His eyes fluttered open to look at the beautiful flush on her cheeks and lips. Hearing her whisper had knocked him out of haven that was created between their mouths.

“Don’t leave, stay… please.” his eyes heavy on hers, wide with longing. he swallowed, trying not to let his pride keep him from saying how he really felt. He wanted her, and he wanted to tell her this. He wanted to confess his love and win her all over again. But reality and fear cooked its’ way back to the forefront of his mind. She had left him before in a situation that was far worse than spilled popcorn. She had left him with scars that he was forced to cope with. Still, somehow, the notion of her leaving and him not seeing her again was far worse. “I don’t know when I’ll see you again.” His voice was coated in vulnerability as her kiss had brought all his emotions to the surface.

renfarber​:

He said he remembered the night better than she did, and she smiled, but shook her head. There was no way that was true. There was no way he remembered the exact placement of the mustard stain on his uniform, or the scent of honey-roasted duck when they whispered close to the kitchens, or the Frank Sinatra song that was playing as his hand brushed hers when they hid behind the bar, or the one unruly curl that would have fallen into his eyes if it had been long enough - just like it had tonight. There were so many differences between that man and this one, but the feeling in her gut was the same. That she had always known him. And that she always would.

But he did remember. A thousand lifetimes, she’d said. It sounded ridiculous, she knew, but it sounded right, too. She’d known from the start that whatever happened between them, there was something there that wouldn’t die, or even lessen in its intensity, and she was even more sure of that now. It’s what had always, always scared the living shit out of her. But then, just as now, he’d made a joke and calmed her down without even knowing he needed to. 

“You know, anybody else, and I would have rolled my eyes at a line like that,” she laughed. “But like I said, nothing you ever say could surprise me. You’re just you. And I just… know you.” She leaned in, too, then (to whatever remained of the space to lean into), and lowered her own voice, just reveling in getting to whisper with him again. “And in any case, I’m pretty certain you got me naked in every single one of those lifetimes,” she smirked.

-

Leo smiled as she laughed, their meet cute was precious to him. He thanked his stars that he was fortunate enough to have met her a thousand times in their past lives. See, Leo was just as starry eyed and eccentric as she. 

Leo’s suave demeanor softened, as she said she knew him. She did. But she knew him before he evolved into the mess he was today. He desperately wished he was still that guy. The way she looked at him made him feel like he was, and in this moment, he wanted to stay there under her gaze forever. Be the one she knew and she once cared about. “Serenity...” he murmured her full name like a prayer, and in a way her name alone was one for him. He hoped she’d answer it. He closed the space between their faces, and looked at her before pressing his lips against hers in a blink of an eye. He had meant to be soft, careful, but it was like ten years of chained up affection came flooding through his veins. His kiss a mixture of both tender and fervent. He was too far gone to realize his clutch on the popcorn had weakened and fell off his lap and onto the floor. 

renfarber​:

Oh, this was dangerous. He shouldn’t be looking at her like this. And she shouldn’t be looking at him like this. They were grown ass adults now, and they should know better, and they had responsibilities, and they’d broken up for a reason, because she’d done something horrible, and then he’d said some horrible things, and enough time had passed now that there shouldn’t be any feelings left of any kind, but… there were. She could tell from his eyes that there were. And anyway, Ren had always rather liked danger.

He smiled at the mention of her mother, and he joked about her ridiculous old friends, and she laughed at his dumb jokes and his smug smile and his popcorn-throwing, and what had felt dangerous a moment ago, now felt familiar and safe. Safe enough that she felt comfortable reaching up to fix some stray curls that had fallen over Leo’s eyes.

“Do you remember the night we met?” she smirked. She wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t, honestly. They were at work, and it was a particularly slow night, and nothing of interest really happened except for Ren meeting the only man she’d ever fall in love with. They’d spent the whole shift talking and laughing (and getting yelled at for talking and laughing), and sneaking booze from behind the bar. “I told you I felt like I’d known you in another life. And that nothing you could say would ever surprise me because of it. …I was a fucking weirdo back then,” she laughed, “but I still kind of believe that.”

-

The way she looked at him was almost becoming unbearable. Did she realize that she was looking at him the way she use to? Was he giving her the same adoring look that he had reserved for her all those years ago? Would the desire to stop wanting to reach towards her subside? How could he even approach her in such a way when she knew she was married and very clearly had honored that sanction far more than he did? No matter the answers, he had to behave, he had to. 

 Leo didn’t flinch or back away when Ren’s hand came to his obstructed view. He actually kind of welcomed not seeing her so clearly. It offered a bit of a shield, but she had brushed his shaggy curls away, giving him a sharp view of her stunning features once again. He’d never get over just how ethereal she appeared. And just like that, the urge to just move closer, grab her face and just kiss her took hold of him again. But thankfully she had given him another distraction.

He looked at the cute smirk upon her face as he took her question. The night they met. Arguably one of the best nights of his twenties. He would never tell her, but he even knew what phase the moon was in the sky that night; a crescent moon. He also regrettably even knew what the special was that night; a honey roasted duck. Which now he realized was probably the reason for the slow night. He kept his gaze on her as he recalled the rest of the details, the more important ones. Like how when their eyes first met, he became a stoic fool, melting into a stranger’s eyes. But then how quickly he had warmed up to her because of her charming demeanor, one that he matched up with his own. He definitely chose humour to captivate her, and he was smitten with her honesty no matter how eccentric it was. As he listened to her recalling their conversation about other lifetimes, his face had softened and there was smile shining from his eyes as well as his lips. “I think I remember it a lot better.” He gloated, of course, needing a spotlight on him being right once again. He leaned in closely, his elbow completely taking her arm rest as he did so. “Because you said, you felt like you’ve known me in a thousand other lifetimes.” The glint in his eyes still shown as he reminded her of that detail, the lighting of the movie’s glow helped ignite it brighter. “I asked if I were rich and successful in any of them and you said yes. And then like a lameass trying to shoot my shot, I asked if I got to see you naked in any of them.” His voice lowered an octave as if to keep that part intimately between them than it already was. Leo’s gaze, however, dropped down to the exposed skin at her collarbone before he forced it back up. His clutch on the popcorn bucket was unfortunately becoming obvious with the crinkling of the cardboard. 

renfarber​:

It happened when we were so young, he said. He said it so easily, as though he’d moved on ages ago… and maybe he had. Maybe he hadn’t been as completely destroyed by it all as she had. He clearly at least had the ability (and desire) to fall in love again, which was more than Ren could say. …Not that she’d say any of that out loud.

She didn’t want to think about it, but she couldn’t help wondering what his wife was like. What was Leo’s type now? Was she anything like Ren, or was she the complete opposite? It wouldn’t make any difference to know, but she couldn’t help being curious anyway.

But then he spoke of her, and there was something in his voice that Ren recognized. Something similar to what had been there the rare occasions he’d spoken of his childhood - she could almost see the walls going up around his heart, as the charming smile faltered slightly. He was lonely. She didn’t know why that surprised her - she knew from her own parents that married people could be just as lonely as anyone else.

“Well. Absence makes the heart grow fonder… right?” she asked, not entirely certain if she was still asking about his wife.

Just like that, the grin was back, and she was laughing again, shaking her head. “Jesus, all this time and you’re still a little shit, huh?” she smirked. “Yeah, I know you told me. That was the first thing my mom said when I told her about it, she said ‘Leo tried to warn you, child’. Fuckin’ menaces, both of you. Always ganging up on me. …But yeah, Tori was always a hot mess, which was funny until I had this one party… she drank half a bottle of vodka, invited everyone she knew to my apartment, vomited on my bed and fell asleep on the floor. So…”

-

Leo, a decade ago wouldn’t have been so nonchalant and calm about discussing their breakup. There were still parts of his twenty something mind that wanted to tell Ren how she had broken him, and the ways he had to learn to cope. But this was neither the time or place. Not when he could hide in here with it being just them without the weight of their past and he wanted to keep it that way. Plus, he didn’t know if this was the first or last time their paths would cross.

“Yeah…fonder,” His eyes flickered to her face, “…right.” The absence of her caused him to grow fonder. And as he agreed, he found he wasn’t thinking about his wife but thinking of Ren. Ten years apart didn’t dull his longing for her. Hell, as he sat there in the dark with her, his mind couldn’t help but think of closing the inches between their bodies. He had chosen to look at her hands inbetween looking at her face and it took him clutching onto the popcorn bucket to behave himself.

  Leo let out of a disapproving click of tongue and shook his head at her question. “I don’t think it’s possible to grow out of being a little shit.” He smirked back, but then smiled so boastfully as he learned that her mother had agreed with him. He had missed her mother and her friends. He remember how much it sucked to lose those connections as well. He had accepted them as his makeshift family then. But upon learning about what the last card dealt from Tori was, caused Leo’s face to move almost cartoon like. His forehead creased from lifted brows and a parted mouth as he pictured the scene Ren had walked into. He couldn’t help but try to say something funny to hopefully see her smirk or laugh again. “I don’t know that kinda sounds like a good time, if you’re Tori.” He quirked his brow at her then tossed a kernel of popcorn in the air and catching it. he chewed, looking ever so smug. it was the first time in a while, that he had such charming banter such as this. he could get use to it all over again. 

renfarber​:

Something in the way he was looking at her was making her head spin. No matter how much she tried to stay in the present here, and no matter how many times both of them mentioned how much time had passed, he was still looking at her the same way he used to. And her heart was still skipping a beat the same way it used to. And she hated that she couldn’t stop it - even if she didn’t hate the feeling, at all. 

Just as she was beginning to fall into her all-too-familiar pit of guilt over cheating on him, he winked and grinned, and she rolled her eyes and laughed, and whatever year it was, they were there together. He was way too fucking charming for his own fucking good, and he knew it. She’d never put up with that shit from anyone else, but… it was Leo. So. She stole some of his popcorn, arm brushing against his, and stopped fighting it - at least for now. 

Reality would hit them eventually, but it could wait until the lights came back on. 

“I doubt you’d want to hear an actual explanation… even if I had a good one,” she said, watching as the monochrome movie light flickered on his face. She wondered whether to tell him that cheating on him had been the only real regret she’s ever had in her otherwise free-spirited life. But she was sure he knew. And anyway, what he said next confused her into momentary silence. 

It’s silly to expect that kind of commitment, he said, and she raised an eyebrow at him. “This, from the man in the legally binding committed relationship,” she said. She hadn’t really wanted to bring it up again, preferring to live in the past, in the dark… but part of her knew that if she didn’t say it out loud, they could easily slip a little too far backwards. 

He said that she didn’t need anyone, and even if it wasn’t entirely true, she loved that he still saw her that way. She’d always prided herself on her independence, choosing who got to be around her because she wanted them there, not because she needed anything from them. It had turned out not to be quite that simple, in the end, but she still liked it, as a concept. 

“It’s good to have constants, though, isn’t it? I’ve got a good support system, like my mom and my best friend. …A new best friend though, I got rid of Tori. She turned out to be a total asshole, just like you always said she was,” she smirked. “It’s probably kind of nice, though, to have a person who’s always there for you, and who you’re always there for. Is it?”

-

Leo had purposefully adjusted himself in his seat to face towards her rather than the film. He had done the same with the popcorn, offering it to her as well as offering all of his attention. “You don’t have to explain. It happened and we were so young.” He said, trying to avoid finding that wound and licking it. It had hurt. It him so bad losing that ounce of integrity when it came to trust. He hardly had it to begin with. But above it  all, it hurt losing her. Looking at her now, it panged a bit to see how much he had missed in her life and how much he missed her in his own life. Serenity had been the only one to reach him to his core, and he kept it that way since. Even though he was now married. 

Leo laughed at her mentioning the severity of commitment marriage was then he glanced down at that shiny ring around his finger. How long had he worn it till it stopped meaning anything to him? Would admitting he was an unfaithful husband give him a chance to turn back time for a night? Should he take that risk? “It is nice when I do get to see her.” He confessed, showing his current point of view of his marriage without being too detailed. “Constantly missing each other is probably not the constant you’re describing.” His loneliness finding its’ way out with his words. Being lonely and insatiable were the fundamentals to his catastrophic nature. No statement had ever been more true for the orphan. They were his demons then, and they were still his now. Still he managed to his head around what she mentioned about her best friend situation. He grinned because he loved hearing that he was right, of course. “Told you she was. How’d you figure that? And anything else in the span of the ten years we’ve been apart that I’ve been right about?” He gloated so openly, a smile on his face as he sunk into himself more comfortably in her presence. 

renfarber​:

The pangs of missing Max were hitting her again. She knew it was normal - this child had been a part of her for so long, of course it felt unnatural being away from him now - but her fierce independence had been part of her for much longer. She needed to find a balance between being a mother and being who she’d always been.

Her eyes turned to Leo’s when he said Max’s name, and she noticed then how close their faces were. This seemed so familiar, being alone in the dark with Leo, that for a second she forgot that any time had passed at all. Like he’d always been here, and she’d always been his, and everything that had happened between then and now had just been a dream. Like maybe this was who she’d always been.

Of course, then he said the word married, which did the trick of snapping her out of that. She sat back, clearing her throat, and put her phone back in her pocket. She hated her own heart for beating so quickly, and tried to turn her attention to the film. Which worked… for about thirty seconds.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out, “…for what I did to you. Did I ever tell you that?”

-

Leo had read her body language as an offense of what he had said. He pulled away and sat back in his seat, his jaw visibly flexing as he tried to figure out what he said wrong. It made him realize that perhaps complimenting her appearance was too forward. But even after all these years, she was far more beautiful than the first time he laid eyes on her. Leo bit his bottom lip, chewing once before speaking, “Uh… I mean you tried to.” He looked down at his lap as he tried to collect his thoughts on the past. Plenty of images of him shutting her out in anger and sadness flashed in his mind. “I wasn’t really receptive to your apology while I was thinking about how you could possibly wanna fuck anyone else than me.” Leo said looking back up at her with a mischievous grin. Then he winked to look as attractive as he could in that moment as if to prove his point.

After a beat, he brought his hands up in lighthearted defense as he laughed at his stupid and blunt way of bringing up their past. “It was a long time ago. I get it now. It’s silly to expect that kind of commitment, especially at that age.” His shoulders lifted once and he popped a kernel or two of popcorn into his mouth. “I mean, change is inevitable, I can’t expect anyone or anything to stay stagnant.” He swallowed before looking at her pointedly. “I mean especially you. You don’t need anyone.” His voice deepened at the end of his thought with darkened eyes. 

blakemadden​:

“I didn’t mean it like that…I just meant you have a wife. And a life. Outside of…me.” Blake felt bad because she’d never meant to make the man feel like he wasn’t important to her because he was. God more than he knew considering she was growing his child in her stomach right now, but the motherly urge to protect her unborn baby had instinctively overpowered everything else. Including telling him he was about to become a father. As the train slowed to a halt she could take her hand off the loop hanging above her head, using it to fiddle with the nails on her other hand. Looking down, a nervous tick.

It wasn’t until she heard his next words that the woman looked back up, wide eyed. Had Leo just confessed to … even though he was married. She’d considered herself nothing more than a mistress in his eyes but maybe she had been mistaken. Even the notion of getting it wrong had made her feel foolish. And guilty if she’d misjudged him that badly. “He’s not in the picture.” She blurted out as he tried to walk away, making a small step to follow him but finding her path blocked by someone else’s bag. “I don’t have a partner….”

-

Leo nodded, knowing she was right. But even though he was married, he couldn’t help himself but feel important enough in her life to matter. Especially since they had shared themselves so intimately. Had he been wrong? Should he had been more heartless if he were going to play the devil’s game?

“What?” he asked and pushed past a stranger in order to be in front of her once again. “You’re doing it all by yourself?” He asked, his voice filled with concern more than anything. He pushed past the voice shouting that it wasn’t his problem. But it was now, especially if she were alone. He cared about Blake even if he had kept her like a dirty little secret. He still cared about her and wanted to keep her around. and to decide to be a single mother was courageous in Leo’s eyes. His own mother, hell, his own parents couldn’t even do it for him. In the spur of a moment, Leo reached for Blake’s hands and held them in his own. “I’ll be here for you, whatever you need. I’ll do whatever I can.” He promised, looking back into her wide eyes.

krosxn​:

Katz just looked at him as his ex-husband was mentioned. “Maybe if enough people say it you’ll believe it on day.” Oliver and he were in a good place. They were supportive of each other. Katz would always love him. He’d always have a special place for him in his heart, but he had to do what was best for himself. Oliver wasn’t a good environment for his creative process. He didn’t sign up to take care of someone else like that and get nothing in return. For better or worse didn’t mean much when there was no better. “At least we’re more functional than you and your wife.”

-

Leo just laughed, but was a moment delayed. His senses were still weary, but he could certainly hear the ice in Katz’s words. “I’m still sensing some hostility there Kitty Katz.” He waved a palm gesturing to Katz’ invisible aura. Leo didn’t know too much detail of why his favorite pair of husbands had called it quits. He only knew that his trio had turned into three shattered relationships. Leo, however, didn’t like it one bit once his partner was brought up. His pulse racing faster with alcohol in his veins. “What the fuck is that suppose to mean, man?” Leo questioned, his voice no longer in a lighthearted slur, yet his body was unable to straighten up. “You shut your mouth, my marriage is fucking functional.”

text; leo ⇆ ana

Ana: I miss you, Leonardo. I wish I could talk more than I do, I'm thankful you understand why I can't. How've you been?

Leo: Haha, do I understand or am I just forced to accept it to have you?

Leo: I've been fine besides wanting to see you.

Leo: Sorry that I'll never stop asking.

blakemadden​:

Blake wasn’t a hard person to scare and right now she was terrified by Leo, not to mention the look in his eyes. The grip on her arm faded into the background compared to that because he looked….so angry. Like it was down in the depth of his soul and it made the woman shrink back slightly even before he’d let go of her. When he finally did her bicep was throbbing from the force. Still for some reason she wasn’t willing to let him just back away from her even on this busy underground train, taking a careful step forward towards him now she had some autonomy in her limbs. “Why…why would you grab me like that? I’ve never done anything to you.” Her voice was just loud enough for Leo to be able to hear her even of the din of the train going through the tunnel, her eyes imploring. After all the man in front of her was the father of her child, whatever she’d just told him, and god knows what he might have done if she had admitted the truth. It made her think in the immediate aftermath that she had done the right thing by lying to him, even though by her very nature lying was something the woman never liked doing in the first place.

-

When Blake approached him again, he took a half step back as a precaution. It was clear that didn’t trust himself. “I know, I’m—” he shook his head, feeling the fear that his anger cloaked itself with. He looked at her and saw how her beautiful face was contorted with fear. “Please, forgive me, I couldn’t have had the child be mine.” He panted now, feeling his mouth grow drier in the humid train. His brown eyes wide and his hands were tighten with in fists and he wrestled with his emotions. “It would kill my wife. Despite how I’ve treated her— I — don’t want to hurt her.” He sucked in a breath and shook his head. “She can’t know who I am.” One of his fists met with his quad, in the beats of his words, emphasizing the desperation he felt.

blakemadden​:

Behind a table she’d be safe, that was what Blake was telling herself as she sat there waiting for Leo to arrive at the cafe. God knows what had possessed her to suggest the two of them meet up when she was visibly pregnant by this point, yet she had done it. Even in the oversized sweater she was currently wearing - if anything it’s size was making this worse.

Before she could bail entirely on the coffee altogether a familiar figure walked through the doors with his familiar brooding air about him. As if he was on some kind of mission which was a little scary, but it didn’t last long, and when the first thing he said was a compliment she smiled sweetly. Unable to get up to give him a hug hello it was the best she could do. “Thanks, so do you. Do you want to…” she only got half way through her sentence and it was like Leo had read her mind, sitting down before she could finish. Glancing at her phone she saw it only said 12:03pm. He was hardly late. “No, no not at all I just finished a cake a little earlier than I thought I would so I thought the walk down here would do me good instead of getting on the subway. It gets so stuffy down there I swear, it’s like the whole city has gotten hotter.” Or was it that she was more sensitive to heat. Probably the latter. He looked so handsome as he sat there in front of her. Chiseled. No wonder his wife hadn’t managed to stand in the way of her attraction to him for long despite thinking she was a pretty morally sound person. “I just thought that maybe we should like…clear the air. You know? In a friendship way.” Plus she wasn’t sure yet if she was going to tell him about the baby, likely not, so she could hardly cite that as the reason for inviting him here. “How have you been?” 

-

Leo brought his gaze back to her when she said the time. His own time read two minutes ahead. He had nodded, listening to why she appeared so comfortable in her seat. She had time to relax in the booth. But did she have to look so warm and inviting? The color in her cheeks reminded him of how she looked after he had-- his mind was suddenly taken back to reality as she spoke up again.

“In a friendship way?” He repeated with a small laugh, a twinge of bitterness at the end. “That sounds like a new way for us,” He observed dropping his gaze but his face stayed toward her. “But if that’s what you want, by all means.” He agreed, bringing his eyes back to her face. His elbows moved on to the table and his arms crossed in front of him. His chin rested on the back of his hand. A physical defense his body had created as he reminded of her rejection. He knew he had to let their affair devolve if he wanted to keep her in his life. After all, their entanglement had gone undetected by Leo’s wife, and that’s all he could hope for. Losing his physical intimacy with Blake was the price to pay for it. And wife learning the truth about him is never an option.

 Her question to how he’d been made him think of his latest paramour, Ana. He had started his affair with her shortly after Blake ended things. He kept his face straight and blinked, “Been busy...” He said, unsure if he should even share just whom had been keeping him active. He idly wondered if it was upset her that he had found another heart to pull the strings upon. Replacing her, so to speak. “...with classes, a lot of students are getting cast so, of course they need more of me.” He continued. 

tianaleiwilder​:

ANA HADN’T PLANNED TO LET HER CATFISHING SCHEME GO THIS LONG, IN FACT, SHE HADN’T PLANNED TO EVEN TALK TO THIS GUY FOR MORE THAN A COUPLE OF DAYS. But yet here she was, six months later and she was starting to fall. In love wasn’t really in her vocabulary, especially for this relationship - it was messy; Ana knew he was married - but yet she couldn’t help it. Her mind often raced thinking of him, and the conversations the two had was usually more conversation than Ana had on any given day. She knew it was the most meaningful anyways; talking to Leo had become part of her routine, and honestly also the best part of her day. 

Today had been a bit of a slower one. While she’d spent the majority of her day at work, there was no way she was going to tell Leo that. Not when her life was so uneventful, at least in her eyes. Most nights were spent either at the bar, a club, or watching Netflix and eating tubs of ice cream - murder mysteries were her favorite - and sometimes she would simply relax in a bathtub and listen to the playlist that was on constant playlist. The very one she was listening to now; the very one she created with Leo in mind. 

With her phone in her hand, earbuds blasting music even though she lived alone, she lifted her phone, allowing herself to pull up the message to Leo, a sure start to a good night. Dearest Leonardo, she sent, the message making her laugh as she pressed send, immediately typing another message. I’ll send you five kisses if you guess what song I’m listening to right now.

-

Leo set his drink back down once he saw and heard her message having sent. He sat up straighter taking in her words. He had waited impatiently for her today. Leo smiled seeing his full first name spelled out. He heard her voice saying it in such a teasing manner. He bit his lip as he looked off the screen to think of what song they had in common. His eyes moved around the bar, the empty space around him was evident but in his mind he was with her. Everywhere by Michelle Branch, he sent back, and watched to see if he was right. Because god, what he would do for five actual kisses from this woman that completely captivated him with words alone. Well, her photos did help, but it was mostly her mind he was attracted to. Did I get it right? He double texted, making sure he’d keep her attention now that he had it. The song began to play in the back of his mind, and the lyrics resonated with him like the first time it was brought up.