Crush - Blog Posts
having a big fat crush while also being an overly anxious introvert should be classified as cruel and unusual punishment.
The vibe my crush brings to the function ♥︎
I don't have a cool or interesting post today. Highschool sucks. I have no one. I'm so incredibly lonely it's not even funny. I got my heart broken for the 2nd time by the same person. It feels like the one millionth time. My heart aches. My eyes want to cry, but nothing will come out. The thing is, it's not his fault either. Maybe I just deserve it. Everything. I'm sorry self. I told you I would be better. But the crying won't stop. I'm sorry. When will this go away? When can I feel like me again? I don't even know who I am anymore. This isn't for attention. This is for myself. I tried comforting me, but instead, I'm falling apart.
This is my theme for today;
"She's going to sit alone. Right at that same table where she built it all. Her happiness, her courage, her perseverance, but most importantly, where she met all of her friends. Now it's all crumbling down to her fingertips. She closes her eyes and tries to dream herself away into a reality where all of that still exsists, but she can't. It's all blank without the real thing... Without the real them. Complete nothingness. She can't even remember their voices. Everything is fading away from her. And everytime, she blames herself for something that she couldn't control. They've all left now; her friends. The girl lifts her head and stares at them. They're all happy. They all prance around, discussing random topics she used to talk about with them all of the time. She even sees her crush holding hands with her best friend. They don't even notice her. All of them go sit at their new table, completely forgetting about what once was. She weakly smiled as tears fell down her cheeks. Her heart ached for them. For someone. But she had no one. She put her head back down and waited for an escape. She pulled her sketchbook and poetry journal closer to her. They may only be objects, but they are all she has now. She pours her heart out crying. She couldn't hold it in any longer. Her fears were reality, and she somehow had to stay strong in this. But how could she stay strong when she wasn't going to be remembered by any of them? Was it all pointless to make memories in the first place? She just wanted to disappear. She then heard whispers all around her. It sounded like her friends, but that couldn't be. She lifted her head up and rubbed her eyes. A boy with a pretend smile and a sympathetic gaze pulled me into a hug.
"You're going to be okay, we're all going to be okay. I promise."
She cried into his chest until they all gathered around her and tackled her into a group hug.
Her friends.
They were here.
"I'm sorry for the mess I've created," She shyly whispered, "haven't you forgotten me, yet? I would've."
"How could we forget about you?" A raven haired boy asked, "We've been right here the whole time."
- Dreaming of Wolves//Vent
(I just... Sobbed while writing this.)
THERES THIS GIRL IVE BEEN CRUSHING ON AND I JUST FOUND OUT I HAVE A CHANCE AND MY FRIEND IS GONNA HELP ME TALK TO HER
He let me drive his car with him in it I felt like such a big girl
Crush Crush
I think I have a crush with someone in my highschool, today I followed him on ig, but he didn't follow me back
¿maybe because he doesn't interested in me? ¿or he hates me?
gonna cry
btw I drew this girl today
But I wonder would things be different if i had said yes. Would i not feel as empty inside as i do now?.. would i be happy?
Mabye we can just go back to the way things were. Before I messed it all up. Probably not.
I had my chance
i blew it.
When I met you I thought you were the coolest person ever. Nobody really interacted with me back then so I was excited.. Every time you messaged me I got excited... as if a swarm of butterflies just flew into me. At first I didn't know what this feeling was...
I had my chance
I should have taken it
But then i just felt sad, did they befriend me out of pity?.. As always i assumed that it was and proceed to ruin things once more.. Months later I got you a gift, you asked the question and I stupidly said no.
I had my chance.
I blew it.
“the thing about liking someone, is that anybody else can like them too.
and it kinda sucks when you know you’re only an option.”
A.M. {and even more when it's not you}
“it's happening again.
my eyes are searching the room for you, without even meaning to.
the twinge in my heart when a day passes and i didn't get to hear your voice.
i feel it creeping up my neck, when our eyes lock and neither of us dares to look away.
the ache i get at the end of the day when i regret not having the guts to talk to you.
it's happening again,
but how will it end this time?”
A.M. {it's just a crush, it's just a crush, it's just a crush}
“I have fallen in love too fast for this to be anything but fate.”
A.M. {as always}
“Oh, but you don’t know. You don’t know what your ocean eyes and innocent smile could do to a girl like me; A girl who overthinks every little thing.”
A.M. {hope}
“You aren't even mine, but I still love you like you are.”
A.M. {unrequitedly}
“I will never fall in love with him,” my mind vows.
And then my heart murmured, “My dear, when will you realize you already have?”
A.M. {you can’t fool your own heart}
“i'm growing real tired of pretending i'm not in love with you.”
A.M. {can you see me?}
“it wasn’t until you smiled that my stomach twitched with a feeling i knew all too well, and suddenly all i could think was, “oh crap.””
- A.M. {why did it have to be you?}
“how do you expect me to remember how to breathe when you’re looking at me like that?”
- A.M. {you}
i want to feel the tingles of electricity shoot up my arm when you touch my hand; a simple act, that holds so much meaning. i want to feel the flutter my heart makes in its cage, as my name rolls off your tongue; the way you make it sound as if it’s the most beautiful word. i want my head to spin as the world around us begins to fade away, the moment your lips gently press onto mine; each passionate kiss carved into my memory. i want the love that causes a shiver throughout my body at the mere thought of you; the one that will soon make me fall apart without you. but, here i am, sitting alone in a crowded room, wondering if i’ll ever experience a type of love as ultimately consuming as that.
A.R. {the type you read about in novels}
I miss you
I really did.
I miss you from my fantasy,the you who live in my thoughts and dreams
The you who are mine,who love me too
Even if it’s just fantasiez
I want to tell you that I love you and have you,but it is just all in my head
Wallpaper with my queen Amy
~ Julia💫
EW I HAVE A CRUSH??? ON A MAN???? ughhhh i hate when that happens. pls send help.
No seriously. He is all I've been thinking about.
Good read on how sometimes something becomes too real too fast…..I need! To learn! To stop running from it!
And here I am. Falling in love all over again. Will it hurt, the way it did before? Will my heart race as much as the first time? Which of the ‘what ifs’ will come true this time, or should I even bother? Should I feel excited? Scared? Only time will tell.
I hope this time the result changes
I know it will be the death of me. Again. My heart will die a second time when he tells me.
Why is it always me who gets the heartbreak?