The twins drag Ling down the dark corridors. The pink one, holding Ling's left arm, barely keeping herself from giggling. He sister, on the other hand, is equally attempting to conceal her anxiety.
"Ya don't have to," says Ling, "If ya don't want to." With purple's confused grunt, Ling continues, "I know my daughter put ya up to this."
"What? No," says the anxious twin, "I'm honored to be here tonight."
"Pinky," says Ling, turning her head, "What're we going to do tonight?"
"You're going to eat me," says the giggly twin in a raw raspy voice, then she growls, "then I'm going to eat you."
"Beauty," says Ling, turning back, "See, your sister's got a good time planned."
"I'm not going to leave this to her alone," says the lighter voiced twin, as a maid spots the trio and darts off.
"But sister, Natya will be-"
"Not there."
"Do ya two have a pair of doors to be guarding?" asks Ling, her tail wiggling its way out from her robe, "Pinky, if I asked your sister what ya would say your name is, what would she say?"
"What are you talking about?" asks the purple one, as her sister attempts to decode the question.
"Naleemi," she says, "She would call me my name." She giggles. "Sister, what would the doctor say if-"
"We're not playing this game," interrupts her sister, "and to save you time, Dr., I am Nataki."
"Nice to meet ya, Nataki," says Ling. "Glad ya can answer honestly. Now, how many are waiting for us?"
"None," says Nataki, "It's j-"
Ling slaps Nataki's butt with her tail. "Who's Natya, Naleemi?"
"She's my girlfriend," giggles Naleemi, "She's so smart. She's always planning."
"She's always scheming," mutters Nataki.
"Where's she from?"
"The North Pole!" shouts Naleemi as the twins drag Ling around a corner. "Sister's friend, Emera is from up north too."
"Solar elves?"
"Nyata is," says Naleemi, as the group reaches their destination, "Emera is a northern tree elf."
"The proper names are the horakty and the osisi," chides Nataki, opening the door into a dark bedroom. A pair of elven figures are barely visible within.
"I told you before," says a tanned elf clad in a yellow outfit otherwise identical to the twins (unlike they're bun, her hair is cut like a long bob), "if I killed your loser boyfriend, I'd be rubbing your filthy nose in it. I tell you all about how pathetically he died." She twirls a bladed tonfa. "But I didn't and I know you're only blaming me because your jealous that I'm with a princess while you hold your tongue, waiting for-"
"Jealous of a snake like you?" yells a green-clad elf of far darker complexion, her hair braided to her knees. "Princess Nataki is my friend. Friendship, have you heard of it? Is that concept too alien to you. Exploiting Naleemi is going to-"
"Friendship? Friendship, again?"
"Lmaoth, help me," mutters Nataki, as Naleemi clears her throat.
"G'day" says Ling, "Nyata and Emera, I presume."
With dinner and the stories over, Empress Jevoi rings a phantom bell. "Let us retire then," she says, "As promised, I have agents ready to accompany you to bed, Mum."
Ling feels arms grab onto hers: lithe arms, yet a firm grasp; two people, nearly identical. Ling turns to see one then then the other.
They are a pair of vrow, but subtle traits in the eyes, brow, and ears hint at orc descent. They have a slight green tint to their violet skin,long raven hair, and shimmering yellow eyes. Both are clad in leotards with long gloves and boots and masks covering their mouths. One is in purple, the other pink.
"G'day," says Ling, "Didn't think ya were real."
"I made a promise," says Jevoi. She gestures to the ladies. "You know what to do."
"G'night, Dalini," says Ling as they haul her away, "Got some wizarding to do."
"G'night, Nana," yells Dalini, lifting her face off of her plate. "Have fun with your friends." She resumes sucking the plate clean.
After Ling has been removed from the room, Jevoi sighs. "This was a terrible mistake."
"It's not going to work," says Angustias.
"No," says Jevoi, alert again, "I mean the cake." She points to Dalini jittering about, now trying to eat the plate.
Ling forces the passage stone back into place. The smears of viscera weigh upon her mind. "Thanks for... something, ya b*****d."
J: Why would you be upset about him dying. L: Because nobody had to die. I didn't want him dead. I wanted the witches to give up; they hadn't killed anyone yet. They could have ...cleaned the forest? Something to make amends. J: Seems like it worked out just fine.
Ling hurries down the corridor. "Yo, Outie," she yells, "Where're the kids?"
"Same."
As Ling approaches the portal, a red stone, with several indentations, the size of her head is launched from it into her claws.
Ling twists and turns it, inspecting it's odd shape. "Thanks, mate," she says, sliding it into her cloak, "Now, about those kids."
Out of the portal pops seven kids: two smallgoblins (the boy with spiky growths), two kobolds (one is red, the other white), a teen dwarf (with a poorly shaved beard), an elf (with hair of gold), and an orc (fingers covered in burn scars).
"Ripper, the lot's all here," says Ling, before clearing her throat, "We're getting out of this cave, back to town, stop by Gizzard King, and get ya all home. How's that sound?"
"Gizzard King!" yell Hanzy and Grater the smallgoblins, throwing their hands up, "Thank you, Jevoi's Mom."
"I don't..." mumbles the orc presumably known as Matches, "I don't have a home."
"Then I'll find ya one," says Ling, leaning down to eye level. "No worries, got it?"
Loxi (elf) whispers to Genette (dwarf) and nudges her forward.
"Dr. Ling," Genette begins awkwardly, "I- I don't want to go."
Ling almost begins speaking, but looks across the other kids first.
"They know."
"Okay," Ling whispers to herself. After everything thus far, this should be easy. "I can't make ya go back, Genette, but I don't know what ...uh?" Ling realizes she doesn't even know where that sentence was supposed to be going.
"I want to work for Uncle J."
"Who?" Ling conjures chairs for everyone.
"And why should I allow that?" Ling stares at the portal.
"Besides you," says Genette, sitting down "He's the only adult willing to listen." She sighs. "And I know you only did because you knew no one else would. You never told me that I'm bad or weird for how I feel."
"I'm not going to lie," says Ling, awkwardly laying forward in her backward chair, "Even knowing some others that went thr- are th- ya know what I mean." Ling rubs her head in frustration. "But just 'cause I was the first doesn't mean I'm the only one who'll treat ya the way ya deserve to be, the way everyone deserves to be. See, when I first moved to Rankedge, no one could understand me; I was that fast-talking wizard from Ozzel -er, Ozzelia. And back in Ozzelia, I was that weird lizard from the surface."
Ling takes a moment to look at the kids; while the teens understand, the younger ones are a bit confused.
"No worries, though," says Ling, "Because I always found people who didn't see me that way. Always found mates that treat me right, and that's why I try to pay that forward."
J: Yet you mock me for "walking like an elf." L: 'Cause it reminds me of the drongo I used to be, thinking looking like a mammal would make them see me as a person. It didn't work, like I told those kids back then.
"I don't know if me saying this is helping ya," says Ling. She takes her wig off and puts it into her cloak, "But it's honestly helping me."
"So why don't you trust Uncle J?" asks Genette, "Why judge him like that too?"
Ling thinks for a second and, finding no answer that would sound out of place coming from Mr. Geneson or the late sheriff about her, concedes. "I'll have faith in your faith, but if Uncle J acts up, ya call Aunt Ling."
"Can we join too?" asks Rosen the red kobold.
"Yeah, I think our boss here's... you know," says Graupel, pointing down.
"I guess there's your coven," laughs Ling, "Now, le-"
"Wait," says Genette, leaning forward suddenly, "You said you knew others like me? Who do you know? Why didn't you say that earlier?"
"I didn't know if that'd help," shrugs Ling, "One's a bloke in a billib- swamp, a ways away. Another's a vrow sheila that... may not be a great role model. Then th-"
"Well, maybe I need a bad role model," says Genette with a smirk.
"Ya cheeky little..." Ling tassles Genette's hair, then gets serious. "Why'd ya come out here anyway?"
"I thought my aunt Gudrun would let me stay with her," says Genette, mood falling again, "But her crazy girlfriend dumped me in that portal."
"Aunt Gudrun?" Ling maintains a calm facade. "Anyone else know about her?"
"Mom hates her," says Genette, pulling on her scratchy almost-non-existent beard, "She says we can't let anyone else know about her."
Ling continues to stay calm in front of kids. "I'll let the deputy know."
Loxi interjects. "Deputy? The guards are here?"
Ling nods. "Yeah, hopefully she'll deal with your dad," says Ling to Genette, "I'm still thinking of what to say if he comes knocking."
"Just tell him the truth," says Loxi, wagging her finger, "He's not going to ask about Genette."
Ling laughs, "Just like your aunt..." She whispers to the dwarf, "She's a keeper, girl."
The teen dwarf sputters and fails to come up with coherent series of words.
Ling smiles, "Find mates that'll treat ya right; that's all I'm saying."
Loxi smiles at Genette, who blushes and fidgets awkwardly.
"Are we still going to Gizzard King?" yells Grater.
J: What was the point of this story, Mum? That I should feel bad about killing that lousy sheriff? "Prejudice is bad;" I already know that. L: What message could a yarn about an awful person in power not always bring that way have for an empress? Ya really think I care about that creep that used ya to blackmail me into her bed? J&L: ... J: Mum... L: Let's stop here.
L: The first rule of magic duels is don't get into magic duels. The second is to remain calm; if ya lose your s***e, ya soon won't have s***e left to lose.
The first to move is Tanglepork. Dodging an opportune swipe of Ioana's claws as she runs away, she reloads her gun. She quickly turns and fires, but her nerves betray her and the bullet barely misses the lycan's head.
Ioana's fierce gaze remains locked on her prey as she commands the air to twist around her. It becomes like a miniature tornado as she chases after the gnome.
Gudrun locks eyes with the minotaur. "Obey me," she says, her eyes alight.
L: The third rule of magic duels is to know what your opponent can do and prepare to counter it.
"Not this time, b***h," says Honeycrisp, shaking off the force trying to insert itself into his mind.
Gudrun pulls out a silver wand. "Fine."
Honeycrisp focuses and magic courses through his body, accelerating him. Sparks dance upon his horns.
L: Corollary: Know what your opponent knows ya can do and don't do it.
Ling raises a wall of ribs, splitting a third of the room away, isolating the lycan and the deputy from the rest of them. The massive ribs connecting ceiling to floor have gaps too small for most of the room's occupants. "This way, Porky," commands Ling, as she positions herself by the passage to the portal room.
J: How many wall of bones spells do there really need to be?
"Ling," whines Zingiber, "You're supposed to be fighting me." She releases a blast of glittery fire into Ling's face, but the gex licks her eyes clean.
Tanglepork takes a liking to the idea of people not seeing things and turns invisible, then attempts to sneak around Ioana to reach the bone wall. Her steps are calculated to match the rhythm of the other fighters.
Ioana sniffs about and detonates a burst of fire where she believes the gnome to be hiding, but by some gnomish trickery (possibly breakdancing), the deputy remains unharmed.
Gudrun fires a purple beam from her wand, but Honeycrisp defects it with his horn. "S***e," she says, calmly. Foreseeing the sheriff's next move, she conjures a shield in front of her.
Honeycrisp charges forward, his horns smash open the shield. While his target is unharmed by that, the hook to her face makes quite the impact, knocking free a tooth, which explodes. The shrapnel then defies physics and embed themselves in the dwarf's neck.
Ling conjures a facsimile of a dryad -a type of tree nymph- that wraps her arms around the elf. "Hey there, cutie," says the dryad with a wink.
L: Preventing your opponent from casting at all is the strongest option. A lot of magic requires somantics.
Zingiber forces an arm free. "Getting off on this, Dr. Ling?" She gestures wildly. "Then check this!"
Unfortunately for Zingiber, her spell fails for multiple reasons: Tanglepork is out of the area, Honeycrisp (bull) and the dryad (plant) don't have the targeted anatomy, and Ling, because of her experiences in Wizard School, always begins the day with protective spells like Genital Mirror Shield. Thus, the caster herself is the only affected person.
Zingiber clutches her guts as her Ovarian Explosion nearly rips apart her insides. "Mistake."
J: Who even crafted that? Why make that?
"Serves ya right," shouts Ling.
Invisible, Tanglepork sneaks up to the ribs while quietly reloading her weapon and squeezes through. Aiming back through, she takes another shot breaking her disguise. The bullet, buffeted by the wind, glances the lycan's shoulder. "Oh, come on," the deputy grumbles.
If Ioana were the beast she looked like, she'd just run up to the ribs and try to smash through, but the witch is smarter than that. The bones form a fence she can cast through and, with the wind making her a difficult target, she's free to do so. She condenses a suffocating cloud around the gnome. "You can't escape," she growls.
"Help me," demands Gudrun to Zingiber, taking a defensive step away. She locks eyes with Ling and a mental bomb causes her to recoil in pain.
J: How many counters do you have? L: One more than I think I'll need.
"Time to put you b***hes in your place," says Honeycrisp.
"Can you shut your f**king mouth for five b****y minutes!" yells Ling.
"Great idea!" Honeycrisp forms a zone of silence around himself and lunges headfirst into Gudrun, impaling her on his horns and lifting her off the ground.
L: A lot of magic requires incantations too.
Now unable to hear, the false dryad looks to Ling for instruction. Ling gestures for her to keep Zingiber in that area close to the sheriff. Ling then condenses the cloud around the deputy into a shield of water.
Zingiber punches and knees the dryad, bashing onto bark-coated flesh. Breaking free, she scrambles out of the inaudible zone.
Tanglepork peers around the shield (reloading) and focuses on that first bullet, the one that's still in the back of the lycan's skull. The tiny piece of lead becomes hotter, burning its way into the witch's brain.
Screeching with pain, Ioana draws in through the floor as much spiritual energy as she can. The sheriff cannot avoid having part of his soul drained and the dryad wilts, while Tanglepork's fidgeting about causes her to be less effected and Ling avoids it entirely by hopping onto the wall, taking note that Zingiber is casually unaffected.
Gudrun thrashes about, desperately trying to free herself from the horns. Her punches and kicks are not enough, however.
A bright light flashes the room as Honeycrisp channels electricity through his horns and Gudrun's body. He then charges at Zingiber slapping her across the room with her dwarven cohort's charred, but still living body.
L: Anything is a weapon. Everything is a weapon.
Ling takes a moment to think. Two of these witches should be dead now; why aren't they? It must be that contract. She commands the weakened dryad to grab the elf again (which she does). Ling yells, "Porky, we need to leave."
Zingiber once again forces her arms free to aim another spell and then shoves the dryad away. The sheriff collapses as his muscles detach themselves from his bones. Ling recognizes her own spell, Tendon Tearer.
As Tanglepork continues to burn a hole through Ioana's head, she yells to Ling, "How?" She takes another shot from the other side of the shield, sinking a bullet into the lycan's chest. "Eat that!"
Ioana retreats to the entrance door, as if daring her enemies to try to get through her. She stomps on the ground, causing the already misshapen cubes of the room to twist around becoming a series of crude pyramids. Now even just standing here is an issue.
Gudrun pries her body off of the sheriff's horns and pathetically crawls away. Her bleeding, burnt body struggling to cross the threshold of sound due to the floor's sudden shift.
Honeycrisp sends a message via vibration directly through the floor and wall to Ling's ear bones. While she doesn't know the exact meaning, it isn't hard to guess the intent.
J: Why would you keep saving him? L: Because it's the right thing to do. A: Meat shield.
Ling restores the sheriff's ability to move -his muscles reattaching themselves- and orders the dryad to muzzle the elf; the dryad's solution is to shove her hand into Zingiber's mouth.
Zingiber bites the hand and pulls a brown jewel out of her robe. She stabs it into the dryad's ear and detonates it. The dryad's mostly headless body dissipates.
Tanglepork pulls a glass bottle out of her pocket and lodges it into the barrel of her gun. The special bottle is launched by the force of her shot and explodes on impact with the lycan, whose whirling winds erupt into flame. "Give up already!"
Ioana quickly draws the moisture in the air (and the water shield) onto her person, suffocating the fire. Realizing her wind had burned away, she conjures a shield to deflect further gunfire.
Gudrun crawls further from the sheriff and attempts to scramble his brain, but cannot tell what effect she actually has.
Honeycrisp leaps with intent to crush the elf, but his vision is blurred and wobbly like a drunkard, and he smashes his fist centimeters away from her head. She weaves around the following blows.
Ling continues to rack her brain. She kicks off a burst of mental energy, accelerating her thoughts. Zingiber mentioned several construction-related spells and this lair is blatantly artificial, that entity needs mortals to interact with this world, and the witches seemed to have thought that sacrificing children into the portal was the point. ...Maybe they built the portal? So, having them harm it would break the contract?
"Porky, this way," she yells as she forms an arrow of light pointing to herself in front of Honeycrisp, "Pull back!" Ling hopes that the witches will follow after them.
While Honeycrisp is distracted, Zingiber sees an opportunity. The sheriff's horns are covered in her friend's blood. Reaching up and grabbing them, the elf drives the blood like knives into his skin and rips his face off.
A: I like this woman. Obviously became a demon.
"You f**king b***h!" Tanglepork's rage cannot penetrate the muted bubble the elf remains in, but her bullet can, barely grazing Zingiber's nose.
"Time to end this," says Ioana, teleporting right behind the deputy. A swipe of her claw slices open the gnome's backside.
"Help me," calls out Gudrun, putting pressure on her bleeding wounds. She tries to lock eyes with the deputy, but the gnome is too wrought with emotion.
Bleeding profusely, Honeycrisp slams his fists into the elf's guts, sparks passing through her organs with each strike.
"Can't get near the k**bhead," Ling grumbles. She calls upon the sheriff's flesh to mend itself, stealing pieces of Zingiber's hands in the process.
Zingiber dodges another swing as she rolls out of the silent bubble and does a wild swinging display spraying her own blood about into floating runes that drive themselves into the sheriff. On contact, the pieces of herself stuck in his face explode, taking his head with them.
Screaming with rage and grief, Tanglepork races toward Ling across the crooked, spiky floor and tries to shoot the blood-dancing elf. The bullet comes nowhere close.
Ioana chases after and commands pieces of the stone floor to erupt as a cage around the gnome, but the agile deputy leaps to freedom.
"Stop," demands Gudrun, but the deputy refuses.
L: But the most important rule of a magic duel is:
"We're getting the kids," yells Ling, ostensibly to Tanglepork, "And then we're getting the f**k out of here." She conjures a massive potato to block the lycan's path.
"No, you're not," yells Zingiber forming further runes. With a great forceful push, the corpse of the sheriff is launched at the doctor, who dives out of the way. The body tumbles into the corridor and explodes, collapsing the tunnel.
L: Never forget why you're fighting.
"Zingiber, you fool!" yells Ioana, but it is too late.
From the liquid metal in Ioana's brain and the burnt, ruptured organs in Gudrun's body, the two die with no fanfare.
"What?" Zingiber staggers forward in confusion, the blood-loss killing her slowly. "That's not fair."
Tanglepork stops running. Ling and she carefully walk toward Zingiber. "You killed my boss," says Tanglepork, out of breath.
"Whatever," says Zingiber, focusing on Ling, "Going to kill me, Ling? Plenty of ways to make me suffer. You could sta-"
"I'm talking to you," says the deputy.
"I don't want y-"
The deputy helps Zingiber paint the ceiling a delightful new shade of pink.
"Bl'ell, Porky," mutters Ling, "You didn't-"
"It's over." Tanglepork sits down.
Ling turns to the collapsed passage. "I'll get the kids..." She looks around at the bloody mess that was once three witches. "...And ya... deal with this?"
The lycan, Ioana, stands in her nightgown wearing a simple jacket, Ling's wig in hand. "What is going on down here?"
"Oi, my hair." Ling holds up her hands in front of her, inviting Ioana to throw it her way. "Thanks for that."
"Deputy, where are the others?" asks the sheriff, "Also, my knife?"
"I'm the only one, sir," says Tanglepork, saluting, "And it's in the pond, sir."
"Then why didn't you grab it?"
"The fair lady will only give it to its owner: you."
"A man's got to do everything around here."
"Shove it, mate," says Ling, adjusting her wig, "First is the witches. We con-"
"Oh, new guests!" shouts Zingiber, twitching with excitement, Gudrun right behind her.
"Which one do ya want, Doctor?" asks Gudrun, "Ya've earned it."
"The bl'ell are ya spouting now?" yells Ling.
"Wait, who's what?" sputters Tanglepork.
"Deputy, get the men," says Honeycrisp, his nostrils flaring, "I'll handle this brainjacking b***h."
"Ya took control of him?" asks Gudrun.
"Are you throwing us under the cart?" asks Zingiber.
"Officer," whispers Ioana to Tanglepork without looking away from the witches, "I think we need to get out of here."
"What are ya trying to pull, Gudrun?" Ling adjusts her cloak.
"Porky." "Deputy." "Officer." "Gnome." "Little thing." The voices blended together, contradictory commands overlapping pulling the gnome's attention apart in a dizzying cacophony.
"Oh," says Ioana, stumbling forward, "Why?"
Tanglepork's gunhand trembles as she stares into the hole in the back of Ioana's head. "Do you think I'm stupid?"
"Yes," growls Ioana, turning to face her attacker, her face contorting savagely, "I do."
"Why did you do that, idiot?" barks Honeycrisp, "You really trying to kill an eldritch witch with a gun?"
"Bl'ell, everyone wait," says Ling, "I talked to your boss, witches. The kids are alive; we can work this out."
All attention turns to the doctor.
"Why would you trust it?" asks Honeycrisp, "The thing's helping these-"
"It said... something that meant it was talking to the kids," says Ling, nervously, "Or, at least, knew them."
"Is this about the brat you're selling drugs to?"
"I'm not selling drugs."
"Right," says Honeycrisp, "Giving drugs to."
"Not the time, Sheriff."
J: Why didn't you ever just use that surgery spell you crafted on her? L: Because she didn't want it? J: ...Valid.
Zingiber interrupts. "Oh, if they're still alive, we can kill them ourselves!"
"The screaming was nice," says Gudrun, fondly, "We can make a whole choir this time."
"Hate to waste that meat," mutters Ioana.
"What is wrong with ya?" yells Ling, "I'm trying to get ya c**ts out of this!"
"If you think I'm letting these c**ts go," yells Honeycrisp, "You'd best be ready to share a grave with 'em!"
"Ugh, so glad my son doesn't talk like this," mutters Gudrun as the doctor and the sheriff resume cussing each other out. She turns to her elven cohort. "Ioana's got the gnome, I'll take Captain Bulls***e, and-"
"Dr. Ling will feed me my own a**e," says Zingiber with a chipper enthusiasm more appropriate for boarding a carnival ride.
"Or ya could try winning," says Gudrun, exasperated.
"Love the confidence, and I will try," says Zingiber, "But she's going to destroy me, just like she did earlier."
The deputy is unfortunately not forgotten in this mess. The lycan looms over her. What they have to say transcends language, visible by a glance: Ioana expresses an intent to eat and Tanglepork expresses a need to change her pants.
And thus, the fight begins.
"Listen fast," says Ling to the still dazed minotaur, "The kids are alive, there's one witch coming, and the second's getting the third. I've infily'ed their coven and ya're brainwashed. Play along."
Sheriff Honeycrisp has several questions. Unfortunately for him, Zingiber footsteps were slowly growing louder. He lies back into the junk pile, feigning unconsciousness.
"Water for the lady." Zingiber presents a chalice to Ling as if it contained wine or nectar.
"Thanks, mate." Ling chugs it immediately.
"Ready to see my work?" Zingiber sways with glee. "My latest I call Marrow Radiance."
"Can ya make him do stuff?" Ling puts the empty cup down.
"Oh," says Zingiber, deflating, "Like what?"
"I was just wondering if ya knew mind s***e."
"That's Gudrun's thing."
"So, she had him blame someone in town, then?"
Zingiber giggles, "Sort of. She let him just pick someone who'd fit."
"Really now." Ling resists the negative urges rising in the back of her mind. 'Think of the kids, Ling,' she thinks to herself.
"Sheriff, walk to the main room," Zingiber commands, "Any ideas, Dr.?"
Honeycrisp rises and stumbles his way out, quietly grumbling all the while.
As the ladies follow him, Ling asks, "I thought coven's shared magic. Are ya all studying extra things?"
"Yeah, the coven stuff is mostly utility: reshaping land, portals, material conversion."
"Sounds like your boss wants a construction crew," says Ling, carefully navigating the misshaped hall, "Any idea why?"
Zingiber shrugs. It wasn't going to be that easy.
"Can ya make the sheriff do cartwheels?"
"Yeah, but why?" asks Zingiber, "I can do soooo much worse."
"Gotta start small, mate," says Ling as they enter the main room again. "If ya do your big evil s***e now, how do ya top it?"
"Point taken," sings Zingiber, "Alright, moo-man, do s-"
"Zinj, I need to talk to ya," says Gudrun, standing by another door. She scowls at Ling. "In private." She looks to the sheriff. "Watch the doctor," she commands.
"Sure, what's up?" Zingiber dances across the room and follows her coven-mate into the darkness.
"Cartwheels, really?" angrily whispers Honeycrisp.
"Ya want her to pull your skeleton out your a**e?" whispers back Ling, "That one's a loon."
"All you b***hes are loons," says Honeycrisp, "Chaotic w***es the lot of you."
"Ya got a f**king problem, mate?"
"Yeah, c**ts like you!" shouts the sheriff.
"Of course, they do, b*****d," shouts back Ling, "They wouldn't hate ya if ya'd stop being a sack of s***e!"
"You diseased s**t!" Honeycrisp steps forward, his figure towering Ling. "Just here to bang the kidnappers."
"B****y f**kwit!" Ling stands as tall as can, glaring into his eyes. "Just mad ya've been saved by a woman; ya hate us so much."
"You barely count as a woman, p***y-sucking lizard."
"Says the cuckold farm animal!"
"What is this language?" asks Ioana, who had slipped into the room unseen.
"Wow," mutters the diminutive deputy behind her.
After getting their clothes, Ling once again plots a course.
"Question, mate," says Ling, following Zingiber into the junk-filled chamber, "Heard some kids have been coming out this way. They with you?"
"Oh," Zingiber squeaks slightly and giggles, "Yeah, those kobolds have been a huge help. Huge help." She laughs quietly, but, as Ling can no longer deny, evilly.
The comatose bull still stands in silent indignity, yet still towers over the elf and gex.
"I've been practicing a few spells on this dummy," says Zingiber, "But Gudrun still needs him for her plans, so I can only do weak reversible s**t to him, like Torsion spells."
Ling laughs. "Ah, reminds me of school," she says, secretly casting a spell, "B*****ds spamming that spell so much, that the whole place had Genital Shield Mirror up at all times."
L: Morality classes really should mandatory at wizard schools, to introduce the concept at least.
"You must have SO many stories about spells," says Zingiber, getting too close for Ling's sense of safety, "Especially about the o̶̢̡͇͇͚̣̮̖͍̠̗̱̍͋͑̔̿̉̿̌̀̎̕͜r̶̛͈̜̭͉͍͚̃̋͐̆͛̐͗̈́̎̏̕c̸̢̨̞̹͈̙̠͉̋́̀͝ ̴̗̱͈̙͉̪̝̳̣̝͕̩̮͉̫̖͒̽͊̓̓̅͊̆͌͜w̴̛̝̟̤͊̏͐́̌̓̄̑͒̒͗͗͗̃̚͜͝ả̶͔̣͖̘̳̫̜͓͕͒̇̉̇̕̕͘͝r̶̢̧̢̛̜͇̯̖̘̘͉̗͗̅̎́͑̈̋̌͆̅͛̕̕͝."
L: Aargh. J: What's wrong? About the what? L: Don't remember...
A sudden pounding pulses through Ling's brain like SONAR through unlucky fish. She grips her head and hisses.
"What's wrong?" The elf takes a step back. "Do you need something?"
"Water," says Ling, scraping her claws along her head-scales, "Get me water."
"On it!" sings Zingiber, "Be right ba-ack." She prances down the corridor.
Ling immediately turns her attention to the sheriff, fighting to clear her thoughts. "Alright, cavebull, time to unf**k your brain." Harnessing her knowledge of physical brains, Ling attempts to counter the hex holding Honeycrisp. Grabbing his head, she channels a torrent of magic through it. The process puts her own mind back at ease.
The light returns to Honeycrisp's eyes. They dart about his head in confusion before settling on Ling. "Get your w***e hands off me," he growls, pushing Ling away.
"Ya're welcome, ya b*****d." Regret surges forth like an open wound.
Having defeated the witches in honorable combat, Ling now has the chance to explore their lair.
Wasting no time, Ling crawls from the bedchamber back to the main room and enters the next corridor clockwise. These tunnels are as unsafe to navigate as the rooms are: misaligned walls, ceiling overhangs, random steps in the floor.
In the chamber Ling chose arbitrarily, she discovers a yellow-furred minotaur clad in leather armor lying amongst piles of random junk.
"Sheriff Honeycrisp?" asks Ling, "What the- How long have ya been down here?" Ling approaches and shakes the bull.
The sheriff is neither dead nor asleep, but trapped in magical stasis. As he would become an issue in-and-of himself, Ling decides to simply make a note of him.
L: Sleeping bruty would have to wait.
Silently scurrying, Ling looks for another passage. After discovering the kitchen, toilet, and a braintree arboretum, Ling stumbles upon a portal chamber. The dark spiraling tentacled maw shines an unnatural light onto the ceiling.
Ling steps back out of the room, contemplating on both how to confront the coven and how much faith this elder god can afford.
J: And you trusted that? L: It was right; Hanzy was the only boy missing. I was still holding out hope that it was all a misunderstanding and no one was actually evil.
"What're ya prowling around for?" asks a tired Gudrun cloaked only in darkness, causing Ling to jump.
"Water," says Ling, recovering, "Forgot my water."
"Why'd ya come here?" asks Gudrun, low-key irritation growing in her voice.
An idea forms in Ling's mind. "Something called me," she says softly, walking ever closer to the dwarf, "Dark, dangerous." She stops right in Gudrun's face, "Deep." She licks the dwarf's ear. "Do ya feel it down here?"
Gudrun attempts to respond, but emotions and exhaustion cut off all attempts. She sputters, red in the face. Fortunately for her, it is at this exact moment that Zingiber prances into the scene.
"What are you two up to?" she sings, "Ready for round two?"
J: Do you really have to talk about this in front of Dalini. L: She's not listening to this story anyway. Not since ya put that huge cake in front of her. D: CAKE CAKE CAKE NOM CAAAKE L: Great parenting, by the way.
"Always, but I've got a question: what are ya beauties doing down here?" Ling says backing away from Gudrun. "Most witches I know stay clear of the Underdank."
"We're working with someone special," says Zingiber, "He's kind of a pain, though. He speaks in riddles and code. He'll say not to do things when he clearly wants us to do them. The eldritch are silly like that."
Ling nods along. "When's your mate showing up?"
"I guess I can message her; she'll want to meet ya." Gudrun heads back to the bedchamber. "Zinj, ya watch her."
"Absolutely!" shouts Zingiber, "I can show her all my cool murder and torture spells." The elf dances about, like a schoolgirl or an electrified worm.
"Ripper," mutters Ling, her hope bitterly dying.
As Ling approaches the metal windmill, the ground under it groans and shifts. A chunk of land rises up, revealing a crude staircase.
"If anyone is still alive up there," demands a young woman's voice from the dark, climbing upward, "Identify yourself."
"A passing wizard," says Ling, "Who's asking?"
"I am the Gr- hold on, give me a second," says the voice, hurrying up the stairs. As she reaches the surface, she announces, "I am the Great Witch Zingiber, Herald of Calamity."
Zingiber is a tan elven woman, barely a few centuries old, with fluffy red hair. She wears an extremely dark red cloak. Her ruby earrings are so large that the bend her long pointy ears (as they are hooked into the tips). She posed dramatically when she emerged and sneaks a look with one eye to see what reaction she garnered.
"By the Gods," says Zingiber, dropping the pose into one of exaggerated shock, "You're Dr. Ling, creator of Tendon Tearer! It's such an honour!"
L: It was a nice feeling being identified for magic for once. Wish it had been my food magic...
"Ripper, my rep precedes," says Ling, "Sorry 'bout ya're spell minefield, but I couldn't give ya a bell."
"Don't worry about that," says Zingiber. She turn around and waves for Ling to follow, "Come in, please." She giddily kicks about before squealing and charging in.
Into the darkness, Ling descends. Her orb's shine guides her until a distant glimmer sparks into view. This staircase must reach into the Underdank. If that's the case, then the sheriff was half-right.
The room at the bottom is bare, lit by the single smokeless torch hanging on the wall. A large metal door stands in the far wall inscribed with runes.
"Apple crumble and filch," says Zingiber to which the door opens. "Let me show you around."
The cavern was carved in an uneven yet cubic way, a chaotic and artificial mess. The dark stone lit by yet more smokeless torches and splattered with dried blood. An arrangement of mini mesas form a set of table and chairs with small cushions set upon them.
L: The room was a tripping hazard deathtrap. One wrong step and there's a pointy corner in your face.
"This is our main room- oh, I NEED to introduce you to the rest of the coven!" Zingiber turns down a corridor and yells, "Gudrun! You'll never guess who's here!"
"This better be good, or they better be dead," grumbles a distinctly dwarven voice from down the way.
Stepping into the room in an extremely dark green variant of Zingiber's witchy robe is a brooding pale middle-aged dwarven woman. Her hair, beard, and overdone eye shadow are as black as the stairwell Ling just crawled down. Both her long hair and beard run through simple sapphire bands.
"Why'd ya let a stranger into our lair?" asks Gudrun, "What part of secret is escaping yer erratic brain?"
"But this is Dr. Ling," whines Zingiber, "The genius that created all those body horror spells I've been practicing. She's my inspiration."
"So, ya're the lovely partner to this little psycho?" asks Ling, "Where's the third?"
L: Not a fan of being labeled a body horror wizard.
J: Then stop making new body horror spells.
L: Those are my "stop trying to kill me" spells; ya have to keep making new ones or your enemies will learn how to counter ya. Anyhow, I knew I had to distract these two to search the place.
"Elsewhere," says Gudrun, "How'd ya guess?"
"All covens have at least three witches," says Ling, "But I guess I can be your third 'til morning." Ling licks her eyeballs.
Zingiber squeals again, but Gudrun seems hesitant.
"One of my idols wants my body," she says to no one specifically. She swiftly spots Gudrun's face and falls to her knees before her. "Please, please, please, please-please, pleeeeeeeeease. We HAVE to."
Gudrun shakes her head, "We shouldn't. Not without her."
"Well, if she wants to be an equal part of this relationship then maybe she should be living with us instead of leaving us alone."
"Fair," says Gudrun, "Alright, lizard, hope ya're better than my ex-hub."
"I'll get the honey and the chaaaains!" says Zingiber darting off.
"Wait," says Ling, casting a spell on the elf. The confirmation sign appears over her head. "Carry on." She turns to the dwarf, "So, ya and this one, huh?"
"Ma always said not to stick yer tongue in crazy," says Gudrun, "But what Ma don't know won't kill her."
"Strewth."
Ling looks upon the runic circle and scans the area. As she expected, the big trap is filled with various smaller traps, some more cleverly hidden than others.
"Bl'ell," says Ling, "Only one way to deal with this."
Ling conjures a herd of false deer. She directs the biologically accurate meat puppets to charge through the field while she hides a magic shield-tree. The traps and curses detonate with explosions of various flavors of energy. Flaming chunks of meat fly into the air.
When the cacophony ends, Ling peers out onto a wizardly warzone. Stone and ice statues stand over struggling half-sunken beasts, all coated in viscera amid the burnt field and corrosive pools. Several deer suffer from various disfigurations: extra limbs and openings (like Ling's own spell "Unwanted Orifices"), inside out (Sir Kenra's "Bodily Inversion"), and a torrent of diseases - both natural and magical.
"Guess I have a fan," mutters Ling.
A: You created that spell? Wouldn't have expected you to craft such a horrifying transfiguration. L: It only lasts a few seconds. J: Enough time to cause mental damage, sensory discordance, and intense physical pain. L: Yeah, that's how suddenly gaining and losing fully functioning body parts works.
The meat and deer dissipate, causing the crumbling of the now hollow statues. Holes remain where they had been trapped.
Ling still keeps her attention focused for more hazards as she approaches the broken windmill, carefully stepping around the lingering hazards.
"What's this about witches?" asks Ling, "Got a lot of questions, really."
The svelte man stares at Ling, but she does not turn away. He does not blink, but she can't either.
"I'd rather not stare in a mirror all night, b*****d, says Ling, "Just write it down if you have to."
D: You weren't scared? L: Why would I? I've fought worse. Outsiders, ghost. His mindwarp aura was bodgie as sh-
The svelte man twitches and bends one arm the wrong way around to retrieve a set of parchments from his back. He awkwardly swings arm back around to present it to Ling.
L: Bloke just couldn't talk. Still don't know what he was.
The first crude drawing depicts three beings in pointy hats - one of whom is a furry creature of some kind- standing under a purple swirl that shines a light upon them. The second shows a goblin being lifted into the spiral. The third shows one of the pointy hats throwing a sword into a lake.
A: Ioana? L: Couldn't tell from his sucky drawing.
"Strewth, that's b****y clear," says Ling, "So what's your role, tall, dark, and spooky?"
The next picture is of the svelte man climbing/falling out of the spiral. Then one of several different small crying beings surrounded by eyes and teeth in the spiral. Finally, the svelte man being hit with beams from the pointy hats.
J: And you believed him? L: Enough to believe in witches.
"So, where are they?" asks Ling.
The svelte man twitches and jerks his body behind a tree.
"Ya could just draw me a f*****g map!" yells Ling as she scans the area for him. "Or just point!" She spots him leaning behind another. "Really going to make me chase ya?"
Ling follows the svelte man as he zigs and zags across the woods until he reaches a clearing with a small broken metal windmill barely standing in its center.
Ling detects the magic runes hidden in the dirt. This place is trapped to Hell and back. As the svelte man disappears again, the silence remains; nature itself is afraid of this place.
L: Laker and Faceboy could've been lying, but I'd only find the good oil probing these witches. J: And probe them, I'm sure you did.
L: What Ioana said was suspicious; so after she and Tanglepork fell asleep, I took a look 'round.
While setting off magic detection like a radar, Ling creeps through the house. She scrutinizes every trinket and trophy that crosses her sight. The house is too small to hide anything, but, alas, her search finds naught.
Stepping outside, the cold night air greets her bare head. It is an annoying reminder that she left it in the bedroom, too risky to fetch now.
Ling circles the cabin, checking the walls. However, the building is quite normal. While a part of Ling is relieved, another is frustrated. This dead end was a waste of the children's precious time.
Suddenly, the woods grew quiet. The wind stops, the bugs fall still. A presence, Ling feels; someone lurks amongst the trees.
"Yo," Ling calls out to the unknown. She quickly walks in its direction. "Wait, mate."
The presence does not wait.
When Ling reaches where she felt it, there is only a piece of parchment stuck to a tree. It says: Beware the Witches.
"What witches, mate?" asks Ling, "Gonna need a better b****y clue than that."
D: What are witches? J: It depends on the time. It was originally a political term used to oppress: an accusation of subservience to evil power. L: Then some claimed it as a rebellious term and some drongos thought 'evil power' sounded cool. A: And then evil powers thought more mortal servants sounded cool. J: Then other powers decided to do it too. L: So now it means a mortal who gets magic from some boss. J: Or feminist alchemists. A: Morality of any party involved: undefined. D: ...So, bad? L: Yes, this time bad.
Again, Ling could feel something deeper in the woods. She opens a door in space to its location.
The entity, a well-dressed, elvenoid over twice Ling's height with lanky limbs to match, stands hunched over affixing another paper to a tree. Its head twists around bearing Ling's own face.
"G'ev'ning," says Ling, "Nice to meet ya."
The shady little lady suddenly grew twice as large. Her outfit pulls apart as she returns to her natural size, exposing scaly limbs and belly. The dark cloak is barely a cape now. The gex licks her own eyes. "G'day, mate," she says, "This do?"
Dr. Ling puts her claw on the fake lycan, whose image fades away, leaving only a blonde gnome guardswoman behind.
"Sorry for wearing your daughter's face, Ma'am," says Tanglepork, "But we had to make sure the trail was safe."
"Why wouldn't it be?" Ioana squints her eyes.
"Chil-"
"Claims of a strange svelte man lurking out here," says Ling, "Leaving messages about."
"Oh, him," says Ioana, opening her door wide, thus allowing to see her fully. An elderly lycan, her fur is greying in numerous places. She is clad in a thick pastel floral-print nightgown. "Come in, dears."
They do.
The old cabin is decorated in many old furs, hunting trophies, and small bookcases. It is divided into three rooms a simple kitchen, a comfy bedroom, and the main room with a rocking chair and a stool by a fireplace.
The elderly lycan sits in the rocking chair as Ling closes the door behind her. "Come, sit," she says.
Tanglepork sits on the stool, while Ling manifests a bone chair.
"Now, what's this about that night creeper?" asks Ioana, "What has he done?"
"We're not certain yet," says Tanglepork, "But we suspect him of the kidnapping, or worse, of several children."
"Ya wouldn't have seen any kids of late, right?" asks Ling.
"No, only my little Loomy," says Ioana, rocking, "Last week exactly."
"How long has Note-boy been out here?" asks Ling.
"And what's he look like?" asks Tanglepork.
"Less than a week," says Ioana, "He's a tall elvenoid — twice an elf, in fact — in a fancy suit, like from the old cities, but his face: it's wrong." She rubs her paws on her face. "He looks like you- er, like whoever is looking at him."
Ling leans to the side and asks, "So ya've spoken to someone who's seen him too?"
Ioana face droops. "Y-yes, a few neighbors."
"Can you tell us where these neighbors live?" asks Tanglepork, "The woods are pre~tty~ big."
"Of course, I can, dears," says Ioana, eyeing them with a sigh, "But it's so lonely being so far out here. Could you stay a while longer?"
J: Mum, tell me you didn't. L: Does it really surprise ya...
"I assume ya've checked with the few dwarves in town already?" asks Ling, pulling a pair of chairs out of the ground.
"Yeah," says Tanglepork, "None of them were hiring kobold kids for anything." She sits down. "So, it doesn't help."
"It does," says Ling, "At minimum, this dwarf comes near town every couple days. Likely lives nearby."
"That could still mean anything," says Tanglepork, annoyed, "Woodsman, hunter, bandit, merchant."
"So who'd hire a pair of schoolgirls?" asks Ling, "And for what?"
"Why are you so focused on this one?"
"If we know where this dwarf is, then we have a direction to start looking," says Ling, rubbing her temples, "Those two are the only clue ya've given me."
"We can't even confirm if this dwarf is real, Ling," says the deputy, shaking her head, "We've narrowed it down to only one possibility: the kids walked out of town. No magic residue, no un-alibi-ed adults, no signs of violence, nothing."
A: What's the point of this? If the wolf was killing kids, just say that. L: Who said she did? J: The story of us meeting on an eldritch cruise started with me doing a drug deal in the woods; give her a chance to set this up right.
"So why'ren't ya searching the bush then," asks Ling, "Why is the most secure exit being blamed? Something magical obvy happened to those kids, we just need to find where."
"We've already asked all of the parents," says Tanglepork as she sets her notes aside, "And none of the other kids are saying anything either. The only thing we could do is search blindly."
The two sit in silence for a moment.
"What if the culprit came to us?" asks Ling. As Tanglepork's eyebrow raises, Ling asks, "Any other kids leave town on the regular?"
"Tanglepork flips through her notes. "There's a little lycan who visits her grandmother every week," she says, "But we've told her parents not to let her while we're investigating."
J: Why would the sheriff bother if you're being blamed? L: Because if she went missing in the woods, that would mean... J: Understood, not the Underdank. Town would force the sheriff's hand. L: Town would've the sheriff's head.
"Does Nana Lycan know?"
"...no..."
"Then I've an idea."
Deputy Tanglepork steps inside, but hesitates. "Is that safe?" she asks of the glowing crystals lighting the room.
"Yeah," says Ling, "Ya want to stay outside?" Ling gestures and a bubble forms around the pair, both in and out of her house.
"What is this?" The deputy looks about in awe of the shimmering shield and the distorted view of the world outside.
"Privacy bubble: people can't see or hear through it."
"That sounds threatening," says Tanglepork, "And probably illegal."
"Not yet it isn't," says Ling, sticking her hand out and in the bubble, "But I get it. Fortunately, my own invention; haven't taught a soul." She returns her focus to the deputy. "Now, why ya here?"
J: She really called that one. L: Strewth, I'm impressed ya figured it out on your own.
"I need to know who's entered and exited the Underdank."
"I gave those file to the sheriff," says Ling, irritation rising in her voice, "I just said that."
"There are children missing, Ling," says Tanglepork, looking her dead in the eye. "The sheriff is blaming you."
"Sprogs on walkabout and that c**t's playing blamsies?" growls Ling, "What are your leads? Macca's way or Splish-Splash?"
"Can you... repeat that?" asks Tanglepork.
Ling takes a deep breath, "If the sheriff's not looking for the kids, then I will. So, what are your other leads? Could they have gone past Old McDonald's farm or Splish-Splash River? Whose tykes are missing, too?"
"You wanna help?" says Tanglepork, taking out a notepad, "Okay, yes, it's six kids, maybe seven."
"Maybe seven?"
"Sheriff's not counting Matches."
"Who's that?"
"Homeless orphan, lurked around the other side of town for about half a month. May be unrelated."
Ling sighs. "Next time ya know someone who might be starving, send them my way."
"Will do." The deputy begins reading her notes. "First, we have Hanzy and Grater, Toothfist's kids; last seen leaving school last week. Never made it home."
"Goblins," says Ling, "That's why it's taken this long to notice. Hanzy's the one with the weird spiky growths."
"Second, Graupel and Rosen Rotweiss, twin kobolds, allegedly assisting 'a dwarf' every couple days, disappeared earlier this week."
"Any I.D. on this 'dwarf'?"
"Not yet. Vague enough to be in any direction too... including the Underdank."
Ling shakes her head; it's not worth commenting on.
"Third, Gene Geneson Jr., parents claim he ran away a few days ago."
"Genette? Yeah, I can take a swing at why she'd do that."
Tanglepork checks her notes, "She?"
"Not your business," waves Ling, "Shouldn't have said it. Regardless, possibly our 'dwarf.'"
"Uh, finally, Loxi Goldberry, mayor's niece, went out looking for Gene yesterday."
J: Oh, Loxi... A: Who is she? J: Nothing, no one really. L: Jevoi's first crush. She was in tatters when Loxi and Genette started dating. J: I was not! D: I thought it was Gank. J: That is also false.
"There we go," says Ling, "The reason the sheriff's acting now. Have anything from the kids? Hair or nails?"
"I know what your thinking," says Tanglepork, pulling a pink hairbrush out of her bag; it is covered in blonde elven hair, "We already tried this."
"That's curious," says Ling, snatching the brush, "But let me try first."
Ling focuses on the girl's discarded hair and sends a pulse of magic through the world. There is no reaction from anything.
"Told you," says Tanglepork.
"This is a big clue," says Ling. Noticing the deputy's confusion, she continues, "If the location pulse isn't detecting her, it means something, or someone, is actively blocking it."
"Or she's not on this plane of reality."
"Both directions worth looking into," says Ling, handing the brush back, "Anything for the other kids, just to be certain?"
L: We checked; no signal for any of them, not even Matches.
L: Less than a year after the worm incident, I's in my lab working. Jevoi was off playing with Gank, when I had a visitor.
In the lab-cum-store sits twenty potted pepper plants across four tables with protective domes. Each table has the same arrangement of five different types pepper. Between each set, stands a different colored glowing crystal; between the tables, a cross wall containing safely coated lead plates.
Dr. Ling sits at her counter with a red pepper cut open on a tray, seeds carefully extracted in a pile. Her writing notes for each plant's current condition and exposure schedule next to it.
"After three weeks, the peppers appear to be unchanged externally under the red light," she mutters to herself, "But the seeds have grown in size. Taste testing will need to be redone."
She sighs, for she is unable to taste a difference in these supposedly hot peppers. The capsaicinoids have no effect on her, nor her current assistants, but to the mammals it was intended to repel, its flavor is valued highly. If the taste is too different, or worse, unpalatable, her work will never be accepted; it's already hard enough to assure most people that her food is safe. Sure, goblins will eat anything, but elves and dwarves? They have standards, traditions. No matter what affects she's had politically, she still had to fight for every plant, for every scrap of funding. Three steps forward, two steps back, until she dies. A never-ending-
The sudden rapping on her door awakens Ling from her thoughts. The stress is getting to her again. She walks to the door, preparing how she'll react. Is this for passage or medicine? 'Or maybe love?' hopes Ling. She opens the door slowly. "Who's it?"
Standing outside Ling's house is a uniformed gnome woman. The curly haired cutie is someone Ling vaguely recognizes, "Good eve~ning~, Dr. Ling," she says.
"Tanglepork?" Ling asks, "I already gave your boss my files. Did ya come just to come?" She licks one eye in her approximation of a wink.
"That's Deputy Tanglepork, now," says the gnome, gesturing to her badge. "I need to ask you a few questions; it's serious. May I?"
"Come on in, Porky," says Ling, "Need a break from plants."
The dining hall is a grand display: many lengthy tables, elaborate chandeliers, fancy crystal 'candles', and cushioned chairs. Jevoi sits at the head of the table with Angustias on her right. Dalini sits on the left with an unimpressed Ling beside her.
Ling looks down the table into the empty room. "Where's the rest of them?" she asked.
"We're eating earlier than usual," says Jevoi, "I don't want to overwhelm Dalini."
"Don't want to be seen with me," accuses Ling, "Or want my eyes on ya?"
Before Jevoi can respond, a chime rings out and four covered plates float to the table.
"Eh, what's this display for?" asks Ling, "Why not some bloke?"
Jevoi pauses, as if realizing something, but disregards it.
The group uncover their food: Angustias has massive steak, Jevoi and Dalini have fruit salads with snails, and Ling has a large insect.
"Dire roach!" says Ling, "Ripper, the lobster of land." She breaks off a leg and begins sucking the meat out.
Dalini begins scooping fruit into her mouth by hand.
"Use a spoon, please," says Jevoi, pointing to the by Dalini's bowl, "It's rude to use your hands like that, Dalini."
"Okay," says Dalini, picking up the spoon and carefully trying to pick up the pieces.
"The fork may be more useful," says Angustias, cutting up the meat before her.
As Dalini stabs a strawberry, she asks, "So how did you meet?"
Jevoi swallows a bite of food and coughs. "That's- that's a bit of a story."
"We got time, Jevoi," says Ling, cracking open the roach's carapace, "And we got a third witness here too."
Gank briefly flickers behind Jevoi with a malicious grin, as Jevoi sighs. "I suppose we shouldn't keep it a secret."
Jevoi emerges from the bathroom speaking, "Now, get ready; she's right outside this door." She looks out to Angustias and licks her own eye.
Angustias prepares herself as Dalini steps out with Jevoi. Dalini is wearing an adorable pink dress with a little ribbon tied around her neck.
Dalini stops when she sees the snake-butted demon. "Wuuuuh?"
"Hello, little one," says Angustias, attempting to smile in a way that doesn't look like she's plotting murder, "I am Queen Angustias Maria Lilith Kun, bride of Empress Kun Jevoi, and thus," she lies her serpent body down to get closer to Dalini, "Your mother... er, other mother."
Dalini stares at Angustias; it's an unreadable expression that the gex are quite good at. "What are you?" she asks, "You're really pretty."
Angustias attempts to laugh in a way that doesn't sound she's committing murder. "I'm a marilith, a divine warrior, and that makes you," she says, then scooping Dalini up, "My little soldier." She tickles the princess.
To the side, Jevoi eyes Ling, who sits quietly. Too quietly. She projects a message into Ling's mind, 'Nothing to say, Mum? Not ruining the moment?'
'Don't have to,' Ling projects back, 'That whirlwind of rage will f**k this up eventually.'
'What makes you think that?' projects Jevoi, as Angustias spins around with Dalini laughing in her arms.
'Demons change when they change,' projects Ling, 'She's still war incarnate.'
'Proof?' projects Jevoi, walking up to her wife and daughter. They join in a hug. 'Or superstitious hearsay?'
'Seen it myself,' projects Ling, fiddling with her orb again, 'Succubus learned to love people became an angel.'
"Nana Ning," says Dalini from between her moms, "Come here too."
Angustias sneaks a look of disgust to Jevoi, who shakes her head ever so slightly.
"Hold on, Da," says Ling, standing up, hat covering her eyes, "Aren't ya hungry? Your mum mentioned a chef."
"Right," says Jevoi, releasing the hold, "How about we prepare for dinner?"
"Quick, while she's not looking, try to kill me," says Ling.
"I'd love to," says Angustias, "Is this a game to you?"
"Not like your a threat to me." Ling shakes her head.
"What is that supposed to mean?" snarls Angustias.
"She won't kill me. Ya can't."
"Why did you stop running?" Angustias slides toward Ling.
Ling ignores her and sits on the bed. She pulls out her magic orb and flicks it. "I've been trying to save this world again, but ya idiots chasing me making that a helluva pain."
Angustias towers over Ling. "Then why not just walk in. We both know you could have."
Ling continues flicking the orb, scrolling the images on it. "Would either of ya have just let me in? If it weren't her idea?"
Angustias rages, unable to find words.
"Keep hissing, snake." Ling's eyes stay on the images in her orb, scrolling onward.
For a moment, Angustias' hand twitches, as if she intends to conjure her weapons once more, but she relents, glancing back to the bathroom door. "You will not drive my daughter from me."
"Yeah, I know how much that sucks," says Ling. Subtle laughter comes out of the other room, by pure coincidence.
"You're responsible for that yourself, gex," says Angustias, slithering away and positioning herself toward the door.
"No s***e, demon," says Ling, "Don't worry, ya'll have gobs of chances to f**k it up yourself."
"Do you not fear death?" asks Angustias, folding her arms.
"Hard to fear it," Ling continues scrolling though pictures, "When I know ex-act-ly where I'm going." She raises a hand and wiggles her claws. "Viva~ Los Vicios!" She laughs. "So, my daughter's trophy wife's not breaking my legs anytime soon."
Angustias grabs her own face. "What is taking them so long? IS SHE SEWING HER A DRESS?"
"We'll be right outside," says Jevoi to Dalini, "If you need me, just speak up." She exits the room and scowls at Ling.
"Sorry, I don't have fancy pipes," mocks Ling, "Apocalypse is happening."
"It's not about the toilet, Mum," snaps Jevoi, "You're a wizard; you have magic."
"Always thinking magic'll solve everything." Ling shakes her head. "Never thinking about the consequences."
"You don't think it's terrible conditions you were raising her in?" asks Jevoi.
Ling walks over to the little table and stares at the mock tea set. "Better conditions that Nana Ning had... minus the eternal freezing night. At least I've done a better job than Nana Ting."
"Ting?" Jevoi's caught off-guard. "You've never told me anything about Ting."
"How could I?" laughs Ling, "I never met her."
Suddenly, the door from the hall opens and six-armed elf-esque woman with a serpentine lower body slithers into the room. She's wearing a green sweater and, for the brief moment that she was entering the room, a smile. But then, she saw Ling. Now, the smile is gone; replaced with rage.
"YOU!?" yells the raven-haired demon, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? I"LL KILL YOU!" She conjures six swords and advances toward the wizard. "I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!"
Ling sighs in resignation. "Not expecting to be forgiven, demon."
Jevoi jumps in front of the swordswoman. "Calm down, Angustias, my queen."
"Why are you stopping me?" asks Angustias, her eyes still trained on the wizard, "Why did you bring her here?"
"You know why," says Jevoi, pushing the swords down, "I want her dead too, but do you want to explain to your daughter why Nana Ling had to die?" Jevoi grabs the bronzed amazon's face and forces their eyes to meet. "She doesn't even know you yet. Don't lose sight of what matters, my queen."
Angustias drops her weapons, which fade away, and picks up Jevoi in six-armed hug. "Of course, my empress." The demon's eye briefly twitches in pain and she makes a threatening gesture toward Ling with one hand.
"Mum!" yells Dalini from the bath, "What do I do now?"
Jevoi dismounts her wife and races to the door. She hops quickly in place, alternating legs. "Oh, I'm going to help my daughter get dressed for the first time!" she squeals before calmly walking the door.
"She's stoked about this mum s***e, isn't she?" asks Ling.
"Don't f*****g talk to me," says Angustias, trying to figure out how to pose her arms in loving, motherly way.
The empress steps forth from a magical gate into a circular room decorated simplistically in black and gold. The wizard entering behind her recognizes the design instantly. This chamber is glorified teleportation room... and yet her daughter brought her here through a gate.
"The rest of palace is protected from external spatially effects," says Jevoi, "No teleporting into the throne room, or such nonsense."
Jevoi leads Dalini, whose eyes are wide and wandering, and Ling, whose eyes are narrow and plotting, through the door. The guards in dark armor on the other side salute their empress as she leads her family down the hall.
"Was it really a good idea to bring me here?" asks Ling, scanning the structure of the palace: the trims, the scones, the door, anything and everything. "What an oppressive atmosphere," she mutters.
"We can settle our issues later, Mum," says Jevoi, marching confidently, "Dalini comes first."
"Wait, was it?" asks Dalini, hopping after, "Where are we going?"
"Hold on," says Jevoi, sweetly, before her voice turns serious as she singles out an elven maid in the hallway, "You, inform the queen of my return and of our daughter's arrival." As the maid, takes off. Jevoi yells, "And the head chef. Inform him as well!" She continues marching. "Mum, don't stare at the servants' legs."
"Was not," mutters Ling, "Why the cute little dresses?"
Jevoi leads the duo to a door and leans down to Dalini. "Now, I had to make several assumptions," she says, "So if there's anything you want changed, we can be replace it." She stands up and opens the door, "Because this is your room, and it should be what you want it to be."
The room was bigger than the entirety of Ling's old home/lab. Fluffy white and soft pink with a few pastels of other colors stand in sharp contrast to the dark, foreboding palace halls. The walls are painted with a cloud motif. A simply massive bed sits opposite the door. A pile of stuffed toys and dolls lie in the left corner by the bed and a bedside table in the right. On the table is a black and gold bell. A mostly bare bookshelf stands in center of the left wall. There are a pair of doors on the right wall; one open: a closet. In the center of the room, under a fancy light, is a small table and chairs, with a mock tea set upon it.
Dalini stares, overwhelmed, unable to speak.
Jevoi takes her hand and gently walks her into the room. She flashes a smug look over her shoulder at Ling.
"This is-s-s my roooom?" asks Dalini.
"That's right," says her mother, leading her to the closet that has several dresses hung inside, "All of this belongs to you. So pick one out and let's get you clean."
Dalini picks out the pink dress in the center, her expression still mixed between disbelief and ecstasy, "I LOVE IT SO MUCH!"
Jevoi stops her daughter from removing her current clothes. "Wait, you need to take a bath first." She gestures with her head to the other door.
Dalini runs over to it and throws it open. It leads to an immaculate bathroom.
"Now, can you take a bath by yourself?" asks Jevoi leading her to the tub, "Do you know how these work?" She points to the knobs by the faucet. When her daughter shakes her head, Jevoi shows her what each part does.
"What's the bowl-chair for?" asks Dalini, as the tub fills with water.
Jevoi takes a few seconds to ruminate the implications of that question and scowls at Ling standing at the doorway. "How have you become worse at this, Mum?"
"Wait," says Jevoi, standing, "Are you telling me that we only started hanging out because my mum was paying you?"
Gank floats up to Jevoi, mimes the act of putting an arm over her shoulders, and laughs, "Ya think I was your friend immediately after I knocked ya out?" As Jevoi's face falls, Ganks continues, "I think ya know exactly when we became friends."
A little laugh comes out of Jevoi. "I think I do."
"Ripper," says Ling, "Now ya can leave."
"Do you think I'm going to leave just because we told a few stories?" asks Jevoi, stepping toward Ling.
"Do ya think I'm letting her leave just 'cause we did?" asks Ling, remaining on her chair.
"Family drama," mutters Gank, "I'm out." The ghost fades back into Jevoi's body.
"Why can't we go, Nana Ling?" asks Dalini, "I want to know what's going on."
Ling grimaces, then sighs. "I suppose," she says, looking at Jevoi, "That's really the only way forward."
"Great," says Jevoi, opening a magic gate beside her, "Come along then. You're going to love this, Dalini; I have so much to show you." She looks at Ling, who is slowly standing, and says, "And you too, Mum. Much to show you."
Dalini hops over to the door and Ling stumbles toward it. The wizard takes one last look at the ruins of her old home before following her family through the portal.
Outside of the tower, Ling begins praying, "I humbly call upon ya, OH GREAT DAGEXTAN!" The others chant the name behind her. "Bless this land to feed this world, guard this land from those beyond death, and," Ling points at the wormsworn, "Accept this offering!"
"Return to Samsara, ya wiggly b*****ds," yells Ling.
"We are so lucky that worked," says Oighrig, finally landing, "Your divine connections have saved us all."
"No worries," says Ling, "'Sides, ya'll did most of the work."
"I would never have thought to use the corpses themselves as the runes, Your Darkness," says Oighrig, "A most impressive display."
"Thank you," Melandria says with a bow.
"That's nice," says Ling walking into the tower, "But I got to check on my kid. Gash, you're still responsible."
Before Ling can get to far, Melandria's shadow hand stops her. "I know a faster way," she says. She pulls the group into the shadows and to just outside Gank's room.
Gash opens the door without knocking. Inside the room, Jevoi lies asleep on Gank's bed, with the charda sitting on the floor reading her tome. She shushes the adults as they enter.
"See, nothing to worry about," whispers Gash.
"Ya're lucky," whispers Ling, "Ya got a responsy kid here." She walks up to the bed. "Good on'ya, kid," she says to Gank, before picking up Jevoi, "And time to get ya back to bed."
L: I'd take it back, but... G: It's funny, now.
"Can I hold her?" asks Melandria, "No, I'm sorry. Ignore me."
"Go ahead, Mel," says Ling holding Jevoi up for the Shadow Queen to grab, "Sorry, I was... acting like that down there."
Melandria gently scoops Jevoi from her mother's arms and rocks her slowly. "You've nothing to apologize for Ling. The circumstances were... difficult."
"Struth, that was a stressful five minutes," says Ling, "Just glad she's okay. I was ready to end one of ya."
J: You did not say that. L: Yeah, I did. G: Was there, can confirm: she did. J: Your memory's wrong. G: Ghosts have perfect memory; I can't forget even if I try. L: I'm a wizard; I don't forget anything I don't want to.
"Mom, stop," says Gank, swatting one claw at Gish who is rubbing her head.
"Gank, was it?" asks Ling, "How'd you like a little job?"
G: One of the worst decisions of your life, right? L: Not even top ten.
The three geckos remain sitting around the old brick house. The empress on her conjured throne, her daughter on the conjured stool, and her mother, the wizard, on her molded dirt chair.
"So, what happened next?" asks Dalini, "What did Gank do?"
Ling tips the brim of her violet wizard hat up to eye her daughter. "Yeah," she asks in a mock tone, "Who can continue the yarn?"
Jevoi rolls her eyes, "Oh, that would be-"
"ME!" yells a specter bursting out of Jevoi's body. The ghost of a four-armed lizard woman leaps into Dalini's face.
"A GHOST!" shrieks Dalini, running out of the room, crying.
"Gank!" yells Jevoi, "You said you were going to do something cool."
"That was cool," says Gank, floating back to Jevoi, "Look."
The adults peer over to Dalini hiding behind the doorframe. The young gecko is shivering in her tattered brown dress.
"No, Gank," says Jevoi, "What would have been cool was you saying, 'Hey,' from the doorway or while sitting next to her. Walking up from the wrong angle. We've been over this."
"I saw an opportunity and I took it," says Gank, crossing all of her arms smugly.
"Gank?" asks Dalini, slowly sneaking back to the group, "You're her friend?" Dalini looks the ghastly charda up and down. "Are you dead? ...Are you my other mother?"
"Yes. Yes," Gank says with a nod, "And NO." Firm head shake. "Your mom's already told you where she is. D'ya forget?"
"Why were you in my mum?" ask Dalini.
"That's where she lives now," says Ling. She waves to Gank, "How's unlife in my daughter treating ya? Speaking of, how's the missus feel 'bout it? Sharing her wife's a**e?"
"This is not an appropriate topic," says Jevoi, raising her hands in offense, "For several reasons, Mum."
"Same old, same old, Doc. Ling," says Gank, "And that's not a problem since-"
"STOP!" says Jevoi, clamping Gank's ghost mouth shut, "We're not talking about this!" She points at Ling. "You are the worst."
"So, what happened when you beat up my mum?" asks Dalini, now on the stool again.
"Yes, continue the story," says Jevoi, sitting down, "Please, anything else, right now."
Outside of the tower, the spellcasters continue to hold off the undead tide.
"Don't you have anything more offensive, Ling?" asks Oighrig, still floating, still maintaining a barrier above, and now gesturing to have her storm spider rain acid spiders onto the mass.
L: What she was attempting to do was have her acid react to the basic bile of some of the worms, but basic worm bile was pretty rare.
"Sorry," says Ling, sarcasm dripping from the word, "I was told to prepare for an ecological disaster, NOT AN UNDEAD ABOMY!"
Melandria winces, "I mean, it's both of those things..."
"Would have been great to know before I brought my daughter down here," yells Ling, conjuring a giant lemon inside of the wormsworn, "Thought it was just going to be some sick plants or the mold flood came back, but no, it's zombie wormageddon." The lemon explodes. "And then ya've got the nerve to talk about my mum."
"What is wrong with your daughter wanting to know her grandmother?" asks Melandria, her shadow arms fling several worms on the ground into the air.
"My mum's a f******g assassin, Mel," says Ling. She slaps the earth and the worms attempting to burrow under the teeth wall turn to solid stone. "She has killed a s***eton of people. Why do think she moved from the surface?"
"Is this really the right time for this?" ask Oighrig, as she and her storm spider launch bolts of lightning into the airborne worms.
"The sun'll go cold before I let my daughter go down that path!" says Ling.
L: Didn't mean that literally, but good work making it true, Jevoi. Guess I can't stop ya from living your dream now. J: At this point, assassin is a step down, but thanks so much for your permission, Mum.
"I am almost out of things to throw at this," says Oighrig, conjuring a web to trap more worms attempting to burrow.
"Mel, don't ya have another Dark Hole?" asks Ling, conjuring a phantom chef that slices, dices, and juliennes several worms.
"I'm running on empty now, too, Ling," says Melandria, her shadow arms skewering worms onto adamantine spears, "Killing the previous ones took too much out of me."
"How many of these things have you fought today!?"
"This is the fifth," says Oighrig, continuing to order her storm spider's blitz.
"Why did ya wait this late to call me?"
"I thought we could handle this," says Melandria, her shadow arms grabbing and tearing the worms open, "I wasn't expecting it to be this incessant."
"I'ma kick your sexy a**e, Mel!" yells Ling, "If it's not dead the third time ya kill it, it's not staying dead!" Gravity reverses for a group of worms and they are brought helplessly up to the phantom chef's cutting zone. "I'm going to make ya watch me destroy Oighrig."
"What did I do?" asks Oighrig, almost taking her eyes off her spider.
"No, positively!" says Ling, "Ya're doing lovely! Keep not-f*****g-up!"
"Boss, we've got the salt!" says Gish and Gash, hauling a large bag on a makeshift trolley.
"Gash, I'ma kick your a**e, too!" says Ling, pulling a book out of pouch, "I gave you one b****y job, you b******d!" She has the book turn itself to the right page. "F**k it, Gish, help your idiot brother make a salt circle around the entire cave."
"The entire cave?" asks Gish, "You cannot be serious."
"Ya heard me!" says Ling, inducing a relative increase in speed to the group, "We need to sanctify this entire place."
The mass of undead giant worms continues to grow. Bile pours out, sliding down their sides and pooling on the ground.
Melandria raises her hand to the abomination and yells, "BEGONE!" Suddenly, half of the mass is ripped into a black void. The remainder force their way free.
L: She called that spell 'Dark Hole'.
"So cool," says Jevoi. She turns to the Shadow Queen, "Sorceresses are so cool!"
"Child, it is not safe here," says Melandria, "Please, go back inside."
Jevoi grabs onto Melandria's dress, "Tell me how to do that!"
"I promise to later."
Above them a translucent barrier forms blocking bile being launched at the group. Oighrig yells at the worms.
J: I didn't speak Vrow, but I assume she was cursing at them.
"That's what Nana Ning said, too," pouts Jevoi, "Mum won't let her teach me."
"If you work hard," says Melandria, disintegrating a line of worms, "You'll be able to be whatever you want."
"Mel, stop," yells Ling, "Don't encourage her." Ling gestures and the ravaged crops begin wrapping around the worms on the ground.
Melandria is so confused that she cannot respond.
"We're not talking about my mum now," says Ling, blasting a bolt of magic that transforms one worm into a still writhing giant carrot; it's companions immediately begin eating it alive.
J: You never let Ning teach me anything. L: Think hard, Jevoi, why'd that be. J: I only saw her twice before she died, Mum. L: Is that why ya're obsessed with her? D: Can we get back to the story? L: Right. Also, that spell's 'Veggification'.
"Boss!" A pair of armored tallgoblins step out from the tower with weapons drawn, "Give us your order!"
"Gish," yells Ling, raising a wall of large blunt teeth covered in smaller sharper teeth to hold off the tide of zombie worms dropping off the damaged mass, "Where's your salt? Get me all of it! Gash, watch my kid!" Melandria's shadow arms raise out of the gaps and begin forcibly grinding the worms against the teeth.
"Yes, Ma'am!" says Gish, racing back into the tower as Oighrig conjures a massive storm cloud spider. It magnetizes several worms out of the mass and pulls them into its mouth, electrocuting them all the while.
"Why me?" asks Gash, launching a flaming boulder over the wall.
L: Dental Palisade, Conjure Storm Spider (not to be confused with Conjure Spider Storm), and... er, Big Flame Rock. J: Goblins tend to be straight forward.
"We need someone to protect the-" Melandria taps the side of her head, "Idea: take her to meet Gank. Then you can keep them both safe while we get this under control."
"Understood, Boss!" says Gash, sheathing his weapon, "With me," he says to Jevoi.
"Fiiiine," says the child.
Ling quickly throws on her robe and wizard hat. "Get your stuff, kid," she says, "We're going out."
Jevoi grumbles, but pulls a pink tunic out of the dresser which it was hanging out of.
"You're bringing her?" asks Melandria, "Into the Underdank?"
"It'll be fine," says Ling, "We're with ya." Out of the corner of her eye, she spies Jevoi picking up a knife from the counter. "Ya don't need that."
Jevoi mutters to herself and puts it back. Ling and Melandria reenter the main room and the group stand in a circle.
L: Is it really a circle with three people? J: Fine, we stood in a triangle.
Melandria's dark aura swallows the geckos and the group are shunted through the earth. In a manner of seconds, the group arrives in the parlor of Melandria's castle.
The trio stand in the teleportation circle in the center of the room. The walls display banners of Melandria's silhouette in various poses. A few black leather benches set along opposing walls with grand doors on the other pair.
A Vrow sorceress is waiting for the group. Her left arm is incorporeal and her left eye is a spark in a dark void. Her attire is immediately recognizable to Ling, nostalgic even.
"Oighrig," says Melandria, "Has it returned?"
"Thankfully not, Your Darkness," says Oighrig with a bow, "Ah, great wizard Ling, thank you for coming."
As Ling talks with Oighrig, Melandria turns her attention to the upset little gecko. "Are you alright? That wasn't scary was it."
"Are you another wizard?" asks Jevoi, bluntly.
"Not exactly," says Melandria, "I'm a sorceress."
"What's the differ-"
L: Wizards study magic; sorceresses are given it free. J: Sorceresses create magic; wizards copy it. L: Ya stole your power; ya didn't create s***e. J: Language, Mum!
"Well, if ya've already killed it," yells Ling, "Then why the house call?"
"Because it keeps coming back," says Oighrig, "And we still don't know what it even is." She contorts her phantom limb into a hydra. "It's a massive-"
Suddenly the earth quakes, the tower vibrates from the force outside.
"Good timing," says Ling, as she charges out the door and kicks it open. The stench of death is immediate and overwhelming.
"That is unnecessary, Ling," says Melandria, racing behind her with Oighrig and Jevoi on her rear.
The women look out to the writhing mass of worms pouring into the cave crushing the ravaged farmland. Each worm large enough to swallow a person whole. The infestation blocks out the crystal "stars" in the ceiling.
"How in f'ell!?" yells Ling, "Is that a b****y warsworn!?"
"Giant worm!" yells Jevoi, ecstatic.
Melandria, the Shadow Queen, oozes out of the darkness into the sleeping town of Rankedge. The sun, what the Inner Glowians call that weird rock floating in the center of the planet, shines its light on the lands to the east. No matter how many times she sees this inner world it still unnerves her; the bending of the land into such an unnatural state.
The goblin town has recovered since last she was here, but one building is largely unchanged: Dr. Ling's brutalist brick apothecary. The placards on the side identify it as the Wizard Lizard's Pharm.; they also direct people seeking the Lizard Wizard, Lang Cantor, to the other side of town, by the Gizzard King, a local restaurant.
Melandria, as beautifully dressed as ever, takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. While she waits, she looks about the empty roads, at the the simple stone huts that line this side of town. Her mind drifts into nostalgia, only to be pried back to reality by the sound of the door unlocking.
The door creaks open and a child peers out. The little gecko, almost a miniature Ling wearing a pink smock, stares at Melandria for a second, then says, "Mum's not home." She closes the door suddenly.
J: The end. D: What that's it? J: I'm kidding. There's more.
Melandria knocks on the door again. When the little one opens it again, the darkness grabs it and holds it open.
"Let's try this again," says Melandria, "I am the Shadow Queen and I am looking for Dr. Ling, who I assume is your mother."
"Yes," says the gecko puffing out her cheeks, "She's not here."
"Then, where is she?"
"Get out of my house."
Melandria conjures her magic orb, black like all her things, to her hand. She calls Ling and hears a faint buzzing come from within the house. "Did she leave her orb here?" asks Melandria, pushing her way into the building. "Ling, I need you."
The apothecary is in a sorry state. Contraptions of various types line walls, while a cluttered counter blocks the way into the backroom. The backdoor is actually several threads of beads. A small hammock hangs near a messy dresser in the corner.
"Get out of my house," says the gecko, "You, big titty w***e."
"Child," gasps Melandria, " Where did you learn that word? You shouldn't say things like that."
"Jevoi, what's that racket?" calls a groggy voice from the backroom.
"Ling, it is I," says Melandria, "The Shadow Queen."
"Bl'ell, Mel," says Ling, audibly rummaging around the other room, "Why didn't ya just call?"
"I did," says Melandria firmly, "Several times." She enters the backroom.
The super king sized bed takes up most of the room. It's blankets are crumpled to the side and the pillows are scattered. There are a ludicrous number of shelves along the walls, most of them supporting water bottles. So many water bottles. The rest of the shelves hold an assortment of wands, amulets, scrolls, and books. There is a second door in this room with a plush alligator sitting over it.
Ling is sitting naked on the side of her bed, flicking her magic orb. "What's the problem?" she asks without taking her eyes off it, "So I can prepare."
"Ecological disaster."
Ling follows Melandria through the dark and hollow castle. "So new idea: the sand outside is hot, so maybe we can try to create geothermal plants. I'll need to bring water, unless ya know of any sources down here."
Melandria shakes her head. "Just using magic. That's not dangerous, is it? Like the food?"
"Standard create water spells just convert vapor into liquid, safe to drink." Ling's eye light up. "A gate to the the Plane of Water! That's what we could use."
J: You were just filled with fantastic ideas, weren't you, Mum? L: Seems like it runs in the family.
As the two climb the stairs, Melandria asks, "Aren't elementals... extremely territorial?"
"Don't worry 'bout that," laughs Ling, "I know a girl." Ling straightens up. "The real probo is how the wildlife'll be affected. We'd need to raise natural defenses alongside anything we're growing." Ling thinks for a moment. "Thrashing worm-eaters might be a good deterrent."
"Giant worms do pass through this desert," Melandria nods. She leads Ling into a corridor. "We'll have to give this more thought. First, let's get everyone together."
Melandria knocks on a door. "Kirono, are you awake?" There is no answer. "Kirono, are you feeling well?"
L: Since I wasn't sure if Maraja had left already, I decided to use my wizardly cunning.
Ling stumbles into the door, pushing it open. "Oops, sorry, mate," she says, "I'm a clumsy b******d." Her eyes spy two figures lying in the bed. She recognizes one of them. "Good onya, Maraja!" she says too loudly, "I knew ya'd root her out."
"Who is that?" shouted the Shadow Queen, the darkness around her agitating, "Why is she in my house!?" Her fury awakening the duo.
L: I calmed her down and we sorted the details out for the plan later, but that's a yarn for another time. D: So Maraja and Kirono got together and you started a farm with a queen? J: Yes, yes, everyone lived happily ever after. The End. Now, how about I tell you a story, Dalini: a story about how I met the Shadow Queen. D: But what happened to the priestess and the tallgoblins. L: Kalyani went back home- J: And the tallgoblins are in my story.
"Never met a human before," says Ling, "Did ya come down here yourself?"
Melandria nods, still eating.
"Why'd ya do it? How'd ya do it?"
Melandria finishes the potato. "I needed to get away," she says, opening her arms wide, "As you can see, I'm a freak."
"I don't see it," says Ling, "I just see a woman tired of being treated like s***e. Not particularly uncommon."
"Darkness flows through me," says Melandria as the distant shadows over the room flare up, "I belong to the depths, unfettered by the physical world."
L: Or would that flare down?
J: Don't overthink it, Mum.
"Don't cut yourself on that edge, mate," says Ling, walking about to inspect the throne, "'Sides, ya're a queen; ya've got people that like ya."
"Three people," says Melandria, somberly, then her voice picks back up, "Maybe four?"
"Three?" Ling turns suddenly. "How are you a queen with only three subjects?"
"I'm not," says Melandria, "The Shadow Queen is just a cool title. I control literal darkness; I am the queen of shadows. No one lives in this underground sandpit."
Ling throws her arms into the air. "Brilliant," she says, "B****y brilliant." She begins walking toward the door.
"Wait," says Melandria, "I still want to know about this business idea you had."
Ling turns back to the not-actually-a-queen. "I'm researching how to grow food in the Underdank, but-"
Melandria's red eyes light up. "Then I would love to help!" She sways to the side and mutters to herself, "A chance to prove I'm not a monster."
"Ya're not a monster," says Ling, "Your body doesn't define ya."
"You don't know what they called me on the surface."
"And ya don't know what they called me at school."
D: What did they call you at school?
L: Ya don't need to know that.
"Still," says Melandria, racing over to Ling, "I won't take 'no' for an answer." She puffs out her chest. "My appearance is how I'm judged down here too; I had to work myself back up to monster. The orcs, the Vrow, I'm an object to them."
Ling nods. "I may not look it," she says, licking her eyes, "But I have a similar rep. 'DuMb LiZaRd BrAiN.'"
"Was that your school name?" Melandria opens the door into the foyer and leads out.
"I worked myself up to the bad one," smugly says Ling, following, "How'd ya think I got in here? Speaking of: ya've got two tallgoblins working for ya, so who's the third?"
"An extremely encouraging young woman," says Melandria with a smile, "Named Kirono."