Expectations - Blog Posts

00:54

14 oct

It’s all on me

The Air that cloaks me is so still. I’m out past midnight and im scared. In a run down government funded hospital with floors that remind me of myself- so deeply dented and dirty that there exists nothing to cleanse it.

The low hum that the vending machine sings is accompanied with random outburst of the intercom calling for a doctor. This is a place of pain, a medium in which sickness and dread gather.

She tired to take her life. So soon, is all that I thought. Although she is physically alright, there is this distant pain that stings me- what if I had not answered the phone.

I hate to say it but she has proven them right, she is weak. But I only hate myself for thinking such and dread the fact that such thought occurred about my beloved.

I thought I would be able to catch up on sleep, but here I am seated on a steel cold bench waiting for the patient and her companion to come out. I don’t even know what they are doing to her. But I do hope she is not in pain.

Am I selfish for wanting her to stay? Yes…

But then again I think if she truly wanted to leave she would have by now. Her calling me gathered the fact that she still has hope, without hope she would be past that point.

But oh man, am I tired. Since she has not lived up to the expectations now I must. This is not words that have been directly communicated but rather suggested and installed throughout my youth.

I don’t feel much, I usually don’t when traumatic events happen, and it truly scares me. Why is that I am unable to process my emotions on that moment. It is only much later that they flood my mind and slash my skin.

Aren’t we too young to live up to expectations of the society We are just some teens who are lost and are in desperate need of support Is it too much to ask to stay, or believe in us Is only written part or what society wants is accepted What about the hidden talents which are yet to discover What about the value of Life of us Aren’t we too young to face this criticism

Samiha Narnaware

Mai kyu kisi ko bahut jaldi hi apna maan leta hu ...??

Why tf i expect anything from anyone....?

Expectativas no cumplidas - Expectations

50 x 35 cm. 

Acuarela sobre papel.

2017

Honestly if any of my school teachers raises the bar anymore I'm gonna dislocate my arms.

How Not to be Disappointed by Other People

How many times do I have to tell you, Vic? Never expecting someone abundantly!

It’s not literally their fault, unless they promise for nothing. Here here I tell you to do better:

1. Make your points clear to avoid misunderstanding and unnecessary assumption from both parties.

2. Giving trust is not a crime. Some people deserve trust but some of them could ruin it. So, keep checking to assure they’re in a right track, but do not be aggressive. They need a space too.

3. Forgiving is ok, yet if they break more than once, you’d better think do they deserve the second chances.

3. Separate personal and professional matters.

4. The world does not revolve around you, put yourself in their shoes.

5. Any situation could happen in a blink of your eye, so keep calm. Then, anticipate what you can control.

I'm a jealous friend. Like I only want few friends but close to me. I don't care if they aren't intelligent or smart or rich or all that. I just want kind, loving and caring friends. And I'd kill myself for them a million times over and over again. But I failed to find friends who'd do the same for me. I do think that expecting them to put in the same efforts or value the friendship as much as you do, is unfair. But why do I feel insecure about friendships whenever I see them with others laughing and smiling. Am I not good enough? Am I not as cool as them? I swear a small part of me dies everytime I see one of my friends with someone else just having fun. I know that that's wrong and unfair. The funny thing is I am always there for my friends be it a breakup, an accident or an illness, but I push them away whenever I'm suffering and I keep expecting them to show up and take care of me and then ultimately get disappointed and heartbroken. I know I'm stupid. I can't let anyone take care of me, even when I can't take care of me. What an Irony.

Finally Halloween season has arrived.

For me

What would you do if you wake up tommorow morning and realize that you are not that person anymore. That you have changed overnight. How would you react when you realize that you dont remember anything at all what happened. What would you do if you suddenly found yourself in a time span much much ahead of where you last were.

I dont know either. But somehow, somewhere I feel that I am lost. Lost in my own life. My own vicious cycle of finding myself. Being good to myself. Being the person whom I am expected to be. Whom I expect to be.

I am tired of deciding things in life after analyzing whether I am becoming what they always doubted that I would become. I am tired of the realization that I have lost track of myself.

I want to live for me. Decide for me. And do or dont do things because I want to or dont want to. I dont want to stop doing something just because maybe that is what I am becoming. I am tired of justifying everything I do. I am tired of fulfilling the expectations of others. I am tired of not becoming and sick of living for others.

I want to be me and live for me decide for me and understand me justify me feel happy for me guilty towards me and me me and me no one else.

These days, beauty is packaged and sold.

That box there is this weirdly specific hair

colour whose name

sounds like a desperate student’s last ditch

efforts to meet the word count

That shampoo is a scent that sounds like an

overenthusiastic writer’s sensory description

That t-shirt is designed to make you look slim

Mirrors are our enemies

Make-up our allies

and we gobble it up,

Burying our identities in

Consumer debt and social expectations.

— y.c.

I’m so tired...

too much expectations and responsibilities...

I too have a limit...

Wistfulness.

Isn't it like so ironical, how we hurt someone at first without any intention to, just because we want to live better. But then, their absence deters your life from the "live better" path. All you can do is look at them from a distance, while they're laughing, making the jokes they once made with you, smiling that absolutely beloved smile, the same smile that falters when you come closer. How could you say that you don't love them? When you're out here, looking at every unconscious action of theirs: head shakes, leaning backwards slightly, posture, jumping down, walking in a particular pattern, absolutely absolutely honey-melted smiles (which no longer belong to you). You long for all that comfort, all those smiles, all that happiness to be directed at you again, because tell me, it did leave a gaping hole right in the center of your heart when they finally went away, didn't it? A void which I suppose cannot be filled with anything except their love all over again, but you cover it. With the little of conscience you have left, how could you long for them? You were the one who hurt them in the first place, then how could you, in all your selfishness, look at them so wistfully. You don't deserve it, do you? You don't deserve the pureness and sweet bliss of their soul again, even with its faults and twistedness. Why do you so desperately want to redo everything, do it differently, do it softly WHEN you said that your choice was "thought of", to do it the way you did, with no possible explanation; is it because you want the life you had before, or do you want them back? You wonder if it's the whispers of those around you leading you into this spiral, or your own guilt and love, but it doesn't change the fact that you've fallen, you supposed "angel". You were never a saintess, you are so much worse and with time, when you look in the mirror again, all you can see is what you were running from: A twisted, yearnful, yet so so hurt woman, who's irrevocably lonely. Always, always, ALWAYS.

Expectations.

Sometimes, you can’t help but expect things out of others. Others that you let in and have gotten close to you. Others that you’ve decided to trust in and rely on. Others that you wanted to give a chance to.

So what happens when those expectations aren’t met?

You’re left with disappointment, sadness, feelings that you hate to admit to.

If that’s the case, why do we still have expectations?

To love is to expect,

What is love, if it doesn't make the worn out winter willow , pray for summer?

anyways it’s a Tragedy that no one draws Hayley Kiyoko with neon lights

We live between

bad choices

and worse ones,

and we choose the bad,

hoping that at least

we shall survive.

Mere survival is what

alot of us sometimes

sleeplessly

struggle for.

Compiling Mirthday feels like walking through a forest of thoughts, deciding which trees to let grow and which to prune. This book is my heart in prose and poetry—a map of solitude’s hidden trails. SOLITUDE AND LONELINESS, TIME AND CHANGE, INDETITY AND EXPECTATIONS, THE ABSURDITY OF LIFE, MENTAL HEALTH AND SOCIETY EXPECTATIONS all loom in atleast all the pieces i have so far collected .

feel free to be a part of this experience here and its free mate.

https://www.patreon.com/lifepath25

The mothers

only pray

to get

Lawyers

Doctors

Presidents

and

Engineers

then

the world

stares on,

finding it hard 

to give us all our daily havocs,

for the rest 

of our lives.

Some are whores

and 

gigolos 

so you

marry them at

your own

risk

that when you

find them

extramarital

you know that

this was it,

the destiny thing.

Birds flying out of there nests, the sun unwrapping itself for the day some geniuses are being born and some are breathing there last. In the same chaos the fearful are sneaking into the world as if they can do a thing or two in it. Others fearfully in defeat escape it, they have lived it all not as they wanted but as fear mapped it out for them.

Birds flying out of there nests, the sun unwrapping itself for the day some geniuses are being born and some are breathing there last. In the same chaos the fearful are sneaking into the world as if they can do a thing or two in it. Others fearfully in defeat escape it, they have lived it all not as they wanted but as fear mapped it out for them.

But as it happens in us squalors it’s worse in the high society clique. Selfishness, rape, murder, witchcraft and every kind of unthinkable behavior. Relate this to Africans who die with a delusion that there is equal rights and freedom in the west, they die with a naked kind of lie.

I want to let go of a couple of things like of the idea of being anything of meeting the expectations I expect others to have Yet all I reached is the nothingness I called the vision of perfection and couldn't hold onto anyway  

I think we sometimes forget that our parents are people too. We put them on a pedestal and in the process forget that our dads are not just fathers. We expect them to be perfect and always say the right thing but we often forget that they don't tell us about their past, they don't tell us about what they've been through. I sometimes forget that my dad isn't the youngest child, he was an older brother. He lost his sister to a disease that wasn't even that fatal. He couldnt be with her during her last moments and I bet he blames himself for not reaching there sooner because being a doctor, he could've even saved her. We should know about these things but our parents don't tell us, so we don't. We should know why our parents are the way that they are but maybe when we know what made them that way, maybe we'll understand them too.